#ameliashepherd

[missphaniqueeny]

Imperfect Dinner - chapter 12 (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/825847093-imperfect-dinner-chapter-12?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=ScarletSQueenS2 After Meredith got her job back, the sisters host one of their famous dinner parties. But of course, things are not going the way, everyone had expected.

[omeliashepherdhunt]

Stay With Me

Chapter One

I wake to muffled cries. A quick glance at Emmy’s monitor reveals it’s not coming from her. Our sweet baby girl has been sleeping through the night for the past month much to her brother’s relief as their bedrooms are adjacent. I briefly rub the sleep from my eyes and realize the distressed sounds is Owen. He’s laying on his stomach but I can see his frightened face contorted with anxiety. Beads of sweat from his forehead blend in with the tears that escape from his tightly shut eyes. I sit up and start to gently shake him awake, afraid of what he’s dreaming of. Owen doesn’t take too long to jolt awake and sit straight up in record timing. His blue eyes dart back and forth and he’s breathless. I reach out and stroke his face that is sticky from sweat.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.” I try my best to soothe him. It takes Owen a little bit to be able to form words.

“Bad dream. I’m fine. Go back to sleep please.”

I softly smile at him and squeeze his hand. His T-shirt clings to his body from how much he was sweating.

“I can’t go back to sleep until I know you’re okay so why don’t you tell me what all of that was about?”

“I can’t talk about it, Amelia. It’s scary and traumatic. I don’t want to go there, especially not with you. I couldn’t take it if you started to think of me the way others have.”

I raise my eyebrows, feeling taken back. There is only one thing he has remained tight lipped about — his time in the army.

“Owen, I’m your wife. The wife that has had her fair share of dark and scary things. I can’t help you through it if I don’t know what is torturing you in your sleep. You married a recovering addict and alcoholic with chronic mommy and daddy issues. I have no room to judge.”

Owen peered over at the clock on his nightstand. It’s just after two in the morning.

“It’s late and we have a baby that will be up in a few hours. I swear I’ll be okay. I’m going to jump in the shower and rinse off really quick. I feel disgusting.”

“Owen, please just tell me what it was about. I can handle whatever it is.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.

“Drop it for Christ’s sake. I don’t need to talk about it. I’m sorry for waking you up.”

My stomach started to form knots so I just gave his hand another squeeze.

“Okay, I’ll change the sheets then come check on you.”

I watched him walk away while my heart sank. His normal 5’11” self from now looked similar to my 5’3” frame purely from how mentally exhausted he looked.

—————————————————————————

It’s not often that I have such vivid flashbacks to my time served in the army, especially not about the explosion. I’m not sure how much time has passed when Amelia comes in and starts the water. I only notice her briefly, unable to tear my eyes away from my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes it’s hard to see why Amelia is attracted to me when I look like I do right now. There’s huge bags under my eyes, skin abnormally pale, and my hair is slicked against my head from the sweat. Another moment or two passes by the time I feel my wife’s petite arms envelope my abdomen.

“Bath water is ready. I know you said you wanted a shower but I wanted to join you. It’ll also help you to soak your tense muscles.”

I couldn’t keep a sheepish smile from escaping.

“Amelia, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you but I sure am glad I have you. I didn’t mean to be so curt with you earlier. It’s hard.”

Her small hands cupped my face and she pulled me in for a soft kiss which I happily reciprocated. Things didn’t seem to be so bad when she was by my side.

“I just want you to be okay. Leo, Emma, and I need you here both mentally and physically.”

I kissed her again and let my lips linger against hers.

“I’m right here. You and the kids can’t get rid of me that easy.”

She pulls me by the hand over to the tub and takes her own sleep shirt off while I peel my sweat drenched T-shirt and pajama pants off. She gets in first and ushers me to get in front her which is different for us. Usually she curls up in my arms but I’m happy to have her hold me for once. If only I could protect her from the horrors of my past.

—————————————————————————

Owen didn’t say much in the bathtub but it was still nice to just have him lay there with me. It’s not too often we get so much one on one time with each other because Leo or Emma needs one or both of us.

Once we were dried off and back in our freshly made bed, I pulled him to me and let him rest his head on my chest. His ginger curls still damp from the water smelt like his lemon and sandalwood soap.

“Owen, please remember you can tell me anything. I just want to know what scared you so much.”

He sighed heavily but tightened his arms around me.

“It’s not easy for me to talk about… I don’t want it to change what you think about me. It’s not a light story.”

“I figured as much. There isn’t anything you could tell me that would change what I think about you. I love you. You’re my husband and my smoking hot baby daddy.”

Owen let out a sarcastic chuckle which made me giggle. At least I could still get him to smile even when he’s not wanting to.

“I love you more… Now I’m going to tell you this one time and I really don’t want to elaborate on it… We were on a convoy and hit an IED. I wasn’t hurt too badly but everyone else was subsequently killed. Dan Mooney, who served with me as Colonel, initially lived but his injures were too severe and he succumbed to his injuries only after I had to say a Hail Mary with him and he forced me to take my hand off of the wound on his neck. He bled out right before I was rescued by a helicopter. Now I live my life with immense survivor’s guilt. When I nearly choked Cristina to death, that was because I was triggered merely by the blades on our ceiling fan. Callie Torres was actually the one that got me off of her. I haven’t forgiven myself for that.”

His entire body went rigid as he explained the details which just broke my heart. He had been through so much at Grey Sloan without everything that occurred during his time served.

“You know… whatever higher being out there wanted to keep you alive for a reason. Now look at your life. You’re married to a brilliant neurosurgeon, a father to a five year old son and six month old daughter, head of trauma surgery, and we own a beautiful house and both of our vehicles.”

“I know we’ve been very rich in that sense but it doesn’t make what happened to my platoon okay. My own mother didn’t know I was home from the army for the longest time… Who I was then is different from who I am now. The army changed me overnight.”

I softly kissed the top of his head and wished that I could protect him from the world much like we try to protect Leo and Emma.

“I love who you are now. Your journey makes you who you are. You’re not a bad man, Owen. It’s nothing you could’ve controlled. You weren’t driving and no one knew there would be an IED right in the path. You did what you could with the resources you had in the time that you had.”

Owen looked up at me with huge, watery eyes. I held him as close to me as I could. His facial expression reminded me of Leo’s when he’s in time out.

“Mia, there are times where the pain seems unfathomable. When I get flashbacks or have night terrors, everything feels so raw and recent. How am I supposed to be strong for you and the kids?”

“That’s the thing, my love. You don’t always have to be the strong one. I’ve had my fair share of hard things. We are equals. You’re strong when I can’t be so I can do the same for you.”

Owen’s shaky hand reached up to caress my cheek.

“You are a saint. Let’s try to get some sleep before Emmy needs to nurse again. Just feeling you in the bed helps me feel safe.”

Another kiss on Owen’s head then one on his lips stretched a sweet smile across his face. He looked exhausted but more content by the time he started to doze off. It was a quarter past three in the morning before he was asleep again though I couldn’t sleep. All I could think of was his trauma and what steps we needed to take to get him into some form of counseling. If I can do NA or AA meetings, he could see a PTSD expert.

[scorsoneamelia]

“I think I’m falling in love with you” + kaimelia <33334

Stressed. She was over the top stressed, balancing child care with Link, who refuses to make it easier for them. Who refuses to even look at her, his heart was broken as was hers but she stopped trying, stopped trying to explain the thoughts in her head. He has given up too. Lately, he had been switching his days on her last minute, is late to pick him up, or never seems to have his phone on him when something comes up.

Or he’ll page anybody else in neuro and he leaves the room when she enters.

This week was busy, the Parkinsons trial was making huge progress— it was successful. She had back to back surgeries when she was in Seattle, and on her off days she was flying to Minnesota. Finding childcare was difficult, most days Link was working, or, he was no where to be found.

He was a great father, never a doubt in mind, but his schedule never lined up with hers. Twice this week she had no one to watch Scout, and today was one of those days.

Scout was sat in his stroller, a bag slipping off of her shoulder and her face was bare. Hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed yet and she was rushing into the lab, her breath heavy.

“I’m here,” she muttered. Meredith’s eyes met hers, eyebrows raised. “I’m here.”

“With Scout?”

“Link wasn’t returning my calls,” she sighed. “Our schedules never seem to be lining up. Plus, Scout and I are overdue for some quality time.” She dropped her bags onto a counter, running a hand down her face.

“You look exhausted.” Meredith pointed out. “Have you slept?”

“Not a whole lot.” She said while leaning down in front of her son, placing a warm blanket on top of him. “Was at the hospital late last night. A trauma came in.”

“Well, I was just about to grab some lunch,” Meredith said. “Why don’t I take him for a bit?”

“You would be a life saviour, thank you.” She nodded, grabbing Scout’s belongings, throwing the bag over her shoulder before she was pushing the stroller out of the lab.

Sighing, she sat on one of the chairs, opening her books with all of her written notes. They were so close, so close to a breakthrough. David’s emergent surgery had delayed them, and although they wished they could have done it sooner, it just gave them more time to find new information. She was confident. They were all confident.

They might have cured Parkinsons disease.

The thought of curing a neurodegenerative disorder gave her a high, a high that she had been chasing her whole life. A type of high that she didn’t even feel after cutting into someones brain and removing a tumour, all of the risky and almost impossible surgeries that she had succeeded in, didn’t amount to the way she felt.

A hand was softly brushing her back, a styrofoam coffee cup being placed in front of her. “Coffee?” The voice came from Kai, who was sitting in the chair next to her. “I ran into Meredith, she told me you were exhausted.”

“Hm,” Amelia hummed, pulling the cup up to her lips. “You are the best, thank you.”

“Your son,” Kai spoke. “Scout?”

Amelia’s eyes met theirs, a smile playing at their lips. “You met him? I was hoping I’d be the one-“

“Kind of.” Kai interrupted. “He was asleep. You can properly introduce us later.”

“You never told me why the father isn’t around.” Kai was moving their chair closer to her. “You’re not married. So what happened?”

There was prolonged sigh, and Amelia’s fingers were running along the rim of the coffee cup. Her eyes never looked up. Kai could see her mind wandering, the way her teeth chewed on her bottom lip, something Kai noticed that Amelia had a habit in doing.

She inhaled a deep breath through her nose before exhaling through her mouth before her eyes were finally glancing up to met theirs. “I love Scout,” she started. Another sigh. “I love him more than I’ve ever loved anything.” Her eyes were diverting away again.

“But… the kids, the family, the big dream— it was never mine.” She sounded sad, like her voice was heavy. “It wasn’t his either— until Mer got sick and suddenly we went from having one kid to four, and,” Her voice was unsteady, an uncertainity in her voice — like she was nervous to say more.

“I’m an addict.” It was blunt but Kai didn’t push for more information.

“And during the pandemic, it was hard to attend meetings regularly on top of looking after three kids with a new born. It wasn’t the lifestyle I wanted and Link wanted more, he wanted the big family and the more I imagined that life, the more I felt myself slipping. I need to focus on myself and more kids, marriage, that would be something that would stop me from being able to take care of myself. Knowing all of this information, and despite me saying no, he still proposed. He still means a lot to me, but we want different things and I’m trying to find peace with that.”

Kai was quiet for a moment, like they were processing everything deeply and it was like Amelia could see the gears in their head turning. And before they could think of the right thing to say—- the best thing, Amelia started again.

“I used to want that life. There was a man I loved named Ryan and we were both addicts.” Her breath was shaky. Kai reached a hand forward to place on top of hers for comfort. Their hand was soft and warm. “We planned a life together. Two boys and two girls with the big wedding. But, he died and ever since then I have decided to focus on keeping myself sane, and the thought of marriage and children is out the window.”

Then, gently, they were wrapping their arms around her waist from behind while resting their chin on the top of her head. Amelia leaned back into their touch, their grip only tightening.

“Shepherd,” their voice was soft; comforting. “You don’t need to explain yourself to him. You said no. That’s a good enough answer and if he fails to understand that, that reflects on him and not you.” A kiss was pressed against her neck. A gentle kiss. They were always so delicate with her.

“I didn’t expect this huge explanation either.” A hand was brushing her hair out of the way. “I’m glad you could trust me.”

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” That sentence made her breath catch in her throat and her heartbeat quicken. It felt like her heart dropped to the pits of her stomach and her cheeks got hot. “You amaze me, Amelia. And this is one more thing to add to the list of reasons why I am.”

“Kai,” Amelia started.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to say it back. I just wanted you to know.”

[scorsoneamelia]

Prologue

a/n: hello! this is a short prologue to a multi-fic story. idk how many chapters/parts it’s going to have but here is a teaser for the book :) i know it doesn’t give you any info on what it is about BUT i’m super excited and hope y’all enjoy xoxo

She had textbooks pressed against her chest, her grip so tight her knuckles were white. Her hair was being pushed to the side, exposing her neck and lips were wetting her skin. Goosebumps rising on the surface of her neck, or maybe it was her whole body. But it made her head fall back and her eyes fall shut, a soft moan forcing itself out of her throat. “Kai,”

Hands reaching around her body to run up her torso, before meeting around her waist and giving a gentle squeeze on each side. “Kai— this is not appropriate-,” and Amelia was mad; enraged. Kai showing up here and pressing soft kisses to her neck, hands travelling around her body as if the last few months never happened; like Amelia’s blood wasn’t boiling.

“Shh,” Kai mumbled, lips brushing against her skin again, just below her ear and their whisper was so soft Amelia could feel their breath against her neck. “You said the class you were in was boring, sooo..” They said after, a kiss being placed between every word and their teeth were grazing against her ear.

The grip on her textbooks loosened. And they were falling to the floor before she was turning around to face them, her hands reaching for their shoulders and their back being roughly shoved into the metal lockers. Amelia’s hands reached up to grab their face, pulling them towards her and hungrily attaching her lips to theirs. Their fingers were curling around the belt loops of her black jeans and they were giving her hips a gentle tug, one hand reaching down to the centre of her legs. She wasn’t sure if she was slamming them against the lockers out of pure anger, or if it was because the urge to rip their clothes off was stronger than ever.

“God, Amelia—“ Their lips spoke against hers, their one hand giving her waist a tight squeeze.

“I told you never to speak to me again,” Amelia replied, her lips speaking against theirs but never pulling away.

“You know that’s impossible for you,” Kai spoke, their lips leaving hers and reaching for her hand. “You can’t stay away from me.”

[scorsiewrites]

Remember Me

this is sort of a farewell letter themed edit. sorry for the constant breakdown content xx

-

(play video)

-

Link’s pov:

“and i’d like to think if we never speak again, one day you’ll look back on me fondly as someone who didn’t fear the future when they pictured you by their side”

Amelia’s pov:

“i’d like to think you’ll remember me as somebody who loved you the best they could even if it wasn’t always what you wanted or needed”

Link’s pov:

“i’d like to think you’ll remember me as somebody you could’ve spent your life with”

Amelia’s pov:

“if only the timing had been right. if only we’ve worked for it... just a little bit harder.”

-

i’ll try to write a happy fic next! to make up for this :)

[scorsiewrites]

here’s a one-shot fic / edit for ya’ll

—

Memories

au plot: amelia and link got into an accident, amelia was left with serious head injury that resulted in amnesia.

—what would link do? will he let her go and move on or will he stay and remind her everyday about the life that they had, the memories that are now crushed like fine sand, waiting for the waves to wipe them away?

(play video)

[scorsiewrites]

Crashing Down

amelia and link operating on owen hunt after the accident

—

A: “no... he has kids. he has a wife. he has a family. he’s my family.”

L: “amelia... he’s been down 20minutes”

A: “some people come back from it, we can save him. link, he can’t die.”

L: “amelia...”

A: “how can i tell teddy that she lost him?”

L: “we’ll tell her together. amelia, you can let him go now. he’s gone.”

A: “no, i can’t. i can’t.”

link held her hands, the moment amelia stopped cpr, she broke down on her knees crying. as hard as she possibly could. everything flashed in front of her eyes.

derek. ryan. christopher. owen.

owen.

—

amelia took deep breaths before finding the courage and strength to walk up to teddy and break the devastating news.

A: “teddy..”

T: “i’ve been here before i know that look.”

amelia held back her tears.

A: “the damage was severe. his brain swelled even before i could do anything.”

T: “no... no... no.”

teddy’s emotions echoed in the room.

A: “teddy, i’m so sorry, if there’s anything, anything i can do.. tell me.”

T: “i wanna see him”

A: “they’re fixing him up. we’ll get you to him”

T: “after henry, the pain was immeasurable and i thought to myself, i don’t wanna be in this situation again or i won’t make it”

“i didn’t even have enough time to kiss him goodbye, amelia.”

after hearing those words, amelia’s head was filled with so many thoughts. she glanced at link and put herself in teddy’s shoes.

— what if god forbid something happened to either of us without telling each other what we truly feel? is this a sign that we have to sort things out before it’s too late?

[scorsiewrites]

draw amelia shepherd with me 🤎