#and confusing as hell

[watertribe-enya]

Bruford muttering about not caring about the pain made Jonathan notice how the ripple was affecting his opponent. And thus he almost gave his friends a heart attack by not reacting to the attack on him.

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Am I really on the aroace spectrum or am I just so deeply entrenched in and traumatized by purity culture and a history of intrusive thoughts that it has become an instinct, a reflex, to automatically reject and view with disgust and discomfort every inkling of attraction I feel towards other people

Like idk if this is a case of "two things can be true", but I can't tell which one is my true nature and which one is a conditioned response: the attraction or the repulsion

Do I mistake some other sort of feelings for attraction bc it's the norm or do I only think I'm not attracted to people bc I feel like I'm not allowed to be

Is the attraction intrusive or is it real? Is my response to it natural or a coping mechanism? Am I actually disgusted by the thought of having sex with someone or do I just think I'm supposed to be? And why the fuck does it make me upset to think I might have feelings for someone? Is it distressing because I inherently don't belong in a romantic relationship or because of negative past experiences and anxiety?

These are questions which plague my existence

(Just to be clear this is absolutely NOT an aroace invalidating post, it does not reflect my views on the aroace community at large, just my own personal struggle with figuring out my identity)

[squirrelsarecool]

I swear this current unit I'm dredging my way through has nothing whatsoever to do with my class, or, for that matter, my degree.

[nasty1nf1n1ty]

wow can you not