Dragon age Veilguard thoughts and spoilers (I liked it)
you know, in spite of everything Bioware and EA have done.
forgetting their own lore. cutting out entire Characters who would definitely have something to say in regards to everything thats happened. crunch. sacking character writers mid development. those same writers and devs having to fight tooth and nail to even give us the game we have in the first place.
I think Dragon age Veilguard is a win.
not for Bioware. but to the writers and devs who did everything they could to make they game as cohesive as they could, rounding off major plot points like the Titans, the Evanuris, The source of the blight and ending the blight. and making grounded, likable characters with decent backstories and character growth.
sure there is a lot of stuff they could have done better or done differently. but a round of applause for capping of a series while your bosses are total pricks and the fandom is a cesspool of in fighting and negativity.
my only regret is not making my Inquisitor my Fem Lavellen and having her be romanced to Solas before committing to 100 hours of game time, seriously, absolute win for the solasmancers. topped off with the analogy of Solas being the Maker and Lavellen his bride.
I expect a ton of deep dives and essays later. there were a ton of nods to Solas being the 'Maker' which I actually enjoyed. of course the myth would have spiralled from actual events.
the reveal with Varric, even though with hindsight is obvious, made me sob and I really enjoyed it. I even remember at the start of the game being pleasantly surprised and confused when he showed up in the bed at the Lighthouse. and when you look back at interactions its obvious. but sometimes you gotta love a good cliché reveal. Varric himself would love the idea I think.
yes a lot of stuff got missed, there were a lot of characters I would have liked to see. but for what it is. I think its a good game.
for me My Better Half is canon, Anders and Fenris and Hawke are in a village in Ferelden Hawke having joined them after Inquisition. After everything is settled in the north my Rook and Harding travel there in part to visit Hardings Mother but also to tell Varrics family what happened. and maybe settle in the same village. also even though Davrin died. I refuse to have Assan die with him, Rook adopts him.
my Rook, my son, will join the pile of Elf children in my horde.
masc voice 1 my beloved. he will have many dwelf children with Lace
“See that, boys?” Hawke said and let out an excited laugh.
“The evening sun, why?” Fenris asked with a dry voice. What’s so different about that?
“Yes... Almost a time to stop some burglars and robbers!” Hawke blurted out and squatted down.
“We should be ready, darlings”, Anders finally opened his mouth. “I don’t want Hawke to break his nose again.”
The Heroic trio of the Kirkwall
Love those silly boyfriends... Hawke’s like a goddamn Spiderman-
I guess I ended up with another part. Maybe I’ll turn it into a full fanfic for sure? I’m not sure...I guess I’ll see if this ends up continuing.
[Part 1]
The table wasn’t full of the usual banter or cheers. It was downright silent as everyone tried to take in the new information, on top of accepting it.
“That is amazing! Oh I hope you get to return home soon! Er, that is what you want is it not? It must be strange seeing us young again. Oh, how far in the future was it? Do i look any different?” Unless you’re Merrill, who was probably the fastest to accept Fenris’s current situation.
“I do…There are things I need to do back where I’m from. And I do not know what my presence here will effect. It’s probably safest if I avoid tampering with this world any more than how I already have. That includes revealing any unnecessary information,” Fenris explained, for what felt like the 10th time but each one said with a new variation to it. He looked at his empty drink. Maybe he should get more-No!
“How unnecessary are we talking?” Varric piped up in curiosity.
“As I said, I do not know the consequences that my actions can cause. Even if I tell you how to prevent some kind of disaster from happening, for all we know it will make things worse. Or my future will cease to exist and I may never return…I do not want to risk it.”
“Not even a little? Oh but I’m so fascinated! I wonder what we’re all doing in the future. I hope well. That would always be nice. Well is nice.”
“The point of this is have you all prepare for the Fenris-of-this-time when he returns. Until then, I rather lock myself away at the clinic for a few days until that happens.”
“Why the clinic, you have a mansion remember?” Aveline reminded.
“…Habits,” Fenris replied in a quieter tone, “It is…not safe to be alone.”
“You can stay at my estate,” Hawke offered only for Fenris to duck his gaze away from Hawke.
“No. My current condition is unpredictable as it is. I rather have someone able to take care of the body if I were to collapse or get ill.”
“I guess…if it’s okay with Anders…?” Hawke looked over to the mage who gave a shrug,
“That’s fine, he does have a point.”
Everything from pure glee to the upmost confusion spread across the faces of everyone at the table.
“Thank you, Anders.”
The grins only got wider and the confused eyebrows only raised even more.
A game didn’t happen that night to say that least. There was an unexplained tension in the air. They’d throw question after question at Fenris, but the warrior remained persistent in his stance, often giving away vague answers.
Fenris soon realized that it wasn’t about being believed or not, it was the dawning realization for everyone that they were speaking to a stranger. Fenris by name and body, but not the same they knew. He knew too much. He knew of everyone’s potentials, their future, and most dangerously of all: their secrets. Suddenly someone you’d trust with your life on the battlefield is now questionable if they’re even an ally anymore. Things can change after all, if Anders and Fenris’s friendlier nature said anything.
When everyone became mildly satisfied, it was time to call it a night. Aveline shuffled out first ue to work. Sebastian approached Fenris, only for the elf to evidently thense slightly at their proximity.
“If you need anything, I will always lend an ear.”
Fenris only nodded.
“I thank you.” Though the tone didn’t sound very thankful. When Sebastian took his leave, Fenris suddenly stood and approached the Dalish elf.
“Merrill, I would like to speak with you in private if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, but of course!” Merrill shot up from her seat in excitement.
“Why in private?” Isabela question, her tone neutral, but the question itself being a form of threat. Fenris only sighed in response.
“I’ll just speak to her over in the corner if that makes you happy,” Fenris pointed to the furthest corner of the room.
“It will.”
Those left couldn’t help by eye the pair curiously. Anders was taken out of his watching with a tap on his shoulder from Hawke, who moved himself next to him.
“You sure you’re okay with this?”
“With what? Having Fenris over?”
“Yeah…I mean, I guess I need to sleep on it but as of now I guess it’s true but…”
“But…?” Anders questioned as he watched Hawke tap the table to try and dig up words.
“I noticed he hasn’t been…very open with me in particular.”
“Oh Hawke! So you aren’t just all muscle!” Anders teased followed by a small laugh only to get a light push from Hawke,
“Hey, hey, I have moments! But in all seriousness, it’s not something he probably wants to answer if I ask-though I am mildly offended. Point being, just…be careful. Alright?”
“I’m always careful. Being an apostate and all.”
“Be more careful then.”
Anders resisted to roll his eyes, mainly seeing that Hawke seemed genuinely concerned.
“Alright, I will. For you.”
It seemed to have relieved the man, who let out a brief sigh. Anders turned his attention to the two elves still conversing quietly in the corner. Fenris looked down, as if disappointed in the news he received. Merrill immediately followed with a series of very loud apologies which prompted Fenris to calm her. Upon seeing the conversation has ended, everyone tried to casually busy themselves.
“So uh…how are you taking this?” Hawke started and scooted his seat back to Varric. Anders only looked away in embarrassment when his eyes met with Fenris. No point in hiding the fact he was staring at that point.
“Come on, Kitten, I’ll walk you home,” Isabela offered, in which Merrill happily accepted. The two women were barely out the door when Fenris stood beside Anders and waited for the man to give him attention again.
“We should go as well, Anders,” Fenris gestured towards the door and the mage nodded. Anders stood, waved to Hawke and Varric, and the two started towards Dark Town together.
The walk remained silent for a bit. A bit too quiet for Anders’s liking if anything.
“You don’t have to answer but…are you and Hawke fighting in the future…?”
Fenris sighed, as if he anticipated the question.
“No, we…I’m not sure if we’re really friends anymore.”
“What?” The word came out more like a surprised gasp.
“It was my decision,” Fenris continued, “I do not know how Hawke feels on whatever our relationship is.”
“Did Hawke do something?”
“…I suppose he did,” Fenris swallowed.
“And how bad was this thing…?”
Fenris looked over his shoulder.
“Probably not as bad as I’m making it sound. He’s still Hawke I suppose, if that eases you.”
Anders shrugged,
“I guess a little…”
The trip went back to silence for a while. There were so many questions to ask, but pressing Fenris, as patient as he is now, probably wasn’t the best choice of actions Anders could take. The last thing he wanted was them to revert to their usual ways. It was stressful as it was hurtful on some days.
“You are right, you have always been right, no matter what people say, and will say.”
Anders clenched his fists. He remembered those words as if he just heard them minutes ago. It was so clear in his head, and he clung to it, wanting to ingrain those words in his memories forever.
“Fenris?”
“Hmm?” was the reply, though Fenris kept looking ahead as they walked.
“I know I shouldn’t press much on the future, but can I ask…small things?”
“Small things…like what?”
“Like…um…do you still wield the same sword? What do I look like? Did you ever find love? Did I ever find love? Oh I guess that’s a bit too revealing. If we’re on okay terms, then do you get along with Justice?”
Fenris looked over his shoulder again with a slightly raised brow.
“I suppose I can answer some…” he eventually replied and looked ahead again, “I do not wield the same weapon. You look like you. I’m not answering about love or Justice.”
“Justice is pouting. Or…the closest thing to that.”
“Tell him my apologies.”
Anders only stared, unsure if that was sarcasm or not.
“He forgives you.”
Justice really did.
Anders took bigger steps and started walking beside Fenris.
“I can understand why you don’t talk about my love life, but why can’t I know yours? It’s not like I’ll share it with your past self! I promise!”
“Why the interest?”
“Because! You know…I guess I just wanted to know if things go well for you. As annoying as you can be, you always did deserve better. Being an escaped slave, being in one hell of a place right here in Kirkwall…you could use a break in life. You’ve also changed a lot and I wondered if it was for a person. That can really do a lot to someone. And I’m also very curious?”
Fenris folded his arms and looked to be hard in thought. Anders bit his lip. Maybe that was a bit too personal. Maybe Fenris did find someone and they’re dead! Maker, this was a bad idea…
“I suppose there is some manner of truth to it,” Fenris eventually replied, “I did have a ‘break’ in life as you call it. Not because of a love. I can’t say that I’ve found love exactly…but…well it’s simply complicated. I think…I feel something…but I have no right to be feeling such a thing for them.”
Anders practically let out another gasp.
“No right? Of course you have a right!” Leave it to Anders to get angry on another person’s behalf.
Fenris’s expression only grew sad, his ears slightly dipping downwards.
“In that case…I have no right to confess such a thing to them. It would only trouble them deeply.”
Fenris answered a question Anders had before he even got a chance to ask. Still, Anders only got more riled up about it.
“Trouble them deeply? Maker! Not because you’re an elf I ho-”
“It’s not that,” Fenris cut in with a shake of the head, “It’s…not something I can simplify.”
“Alright, alright. I...apologize, Fenris. I should not have asked more than I already have. Guess curiosity got the better of me. I do wonder though…you seem like you’re from far into the future. So…do you just remember this time very clearly? You don’t seem to ask any questions for us. I figured if you’re far, you might want a reminder of some sort.”
Fenris only shrugged slightly.
“I suppose there are things I want to ask…but I worry I’ll say the wrong thing. For example: earlier, when I asked you how many years since we went to the Deeproads. It was safer to say that because I was in your clinic and you knew my name. I assumed we must’ve met already and in turn, I have met Hawke. That was the only information I had to go off of. The worst answer to hear would be that we didn’t go at all. However, if I assumed something or remember the order of events wrong, and carelessly asked about something that didn’t happen yet, it could set things off course in the worst way imaginable.”
“Oh…I suppose that’s a really good point. Well, good thing it wasn’t me that was sent back in time!”
The pair arrived at the clinic doors. Anders promptly shut the door behind him after they entered.
“Well the night’s still young…it feels strange to go to bed earlier than usually. I should work on my manifesto!”
Anders didn’t move, but merely watched Fenris who only looked back at him in confusion that Anders didn’t act on his words right away.
“Erm…sorry, I think I was subconsciously waiting for some kind of groan. Heh, I’ll um…do that I guess…” Anders pointed at his desk and started removing his staff off his back to put down.
“You should stop in an hour or so. You need proper rest. I shall not disturb you while you work but I may come fetch you if you do not stop working at a decent hour.”
Anders put the staff down but gave Fenris a bewildered look.
“I…know you said I was right…but it still feels…weird. To hear you support me writing my manifesto I mean…”
Fenris also plopped down his weapon and leaned it against the staff.
“So long as it doesn’t interfere with your health.”
“I…guess…? What are you going to do then?”
Fenris looked around. He pointed at the stack of books on the desk.
“If you’re not using any books, I can practice my reading.”
“Practice your-I mean, uh, what are you looking for? I have books on plants, medicine, magic…but I have a couple of fairy tales and stuff for the kids that come in here.”
Fenris swallowed and tore his gaze. His hand ran up to the back of his neck as he struggled for the next words to say.
“The…fairy tales would be appreciated…I suppose you wouldn’t know at this time that I struggle to read.”
Anders shook his head.
“I…yeah, I had no idea…er, let me get that for you!”
Anders had to crawl under his desk and started flipping through a small pile. He pulled himself out and held out a thin blue book to the other.
“Let me know if you need help with anything.”
“I shall…also, while I am learning now, do not send my past self anything in writing. I would know far less than I do now.”
Anders made that mental note to himself for future reference. He watched Fenris go off to the cot (that he probably claimed as his). Anders made himself sit at his desk, and readied his quill, as if it was any other night. Except it wasn’t like any other night. Justice nagged at the back of his head, but even as Anders wrote a few words in, he would stop. His focus wasn’t there.
“If the elf supports us, then we mustn’t be distracted,” Justice warned. Seeing as that was hard to argue against, Anders groaned, but shoved all his curiosity down as far as he could.
Once one gets into their writing, the passage if time is barely noticeable. So when Fenris's voice was heard, Anders didn't want to know how much time passed. Either way it felt too short and there was still so much more to write.
"Anders, it's getting late." Fenris sounded closer now and Anders felt the warrior's presence behind him.
"I know...just...after this paragraph."
"Sentence."
"Paragraph! I swear it'll be just be a few more sentences."
Anders heard Fenris shuffle a bit behind him. He probably crossed his arms too, waiting and making sure Anders actually will stop when he promised.
"Very well."
Great. Maybe things were actually better when no one cared. At least he can write as much as he, sometimes Justice, wants.
Still, Anders felt a tingling warm sensation inside of him. Sure having two sides nagging him in opposite directions of how he should spend his time sucked a little, but Anders didn't expect to enjoy the fact that someone just wanted him to go to sleep because it's late. Hmm...maybe he should raise his standards...
Anders didn't even noticed he put a space between his last sentence and new one, but it didn't escape Fenris. The moment Anders placed a period down Fenris pulled the quill out of the mages hand.
"Hey!" Anders reached up, and Fenris put the quill behind his back.
"You're done for the night."
"Just a bit more!"
"You're done for the night," Fenris repeated with the same tone, "I will speak to Justice if I have to."
Anders only gave him another bewildered look. Actually that might be the most common expression Fenris saw from everyone since he woke up.
"Was that a joke? Or you really would...speak to Justice?"
"I do not jest about these things, Anders. Yes, I will speak to Justice if I must."
"I...see. Well..." Anders looked off to the side, listening to the spirit in his head before continuing. He didn't get to. Anders closed his eyes and began to stand. Fenris took a few steps back and watched the blue cracks appear. Anders opened his eyes and Fenris sucked in a breath as he stared into what seemed like pure light.
"You would speak with me yet you appear to fear me."
"Apologies. It's...been a while. I...just wish to say that I know your presence greatly helps Anders's body but he's still human. He needs rest and food as much as anyone else."
"A human body can take much when needed. Our cause is in need of someone like Anders."
"I understand that...but it's more effective when a body is well rested. Does Anders struggle on focusing? Or processing thoughts? It might not be a problem if he gets proper sleep. You may help with his physical health and stamina...but I worry you put strain on his mental health."
Justice didn't respond right away. Fenris only wondered if Justice spoke with Anders when like this.
"You say you come from the future?"
"Yes..."
"So you have greater knowledge. Why do you not share something that could be valuable to our cause?"
"I don't wish to do anything that can cause harm to Anders. He lives, and your cause is progressing, but Anders is...struggling. I don't want to risk anything that may end differently when it comes to his life. However...with how much you've pushed the limits of his mind and body, it's taking a toll. Anders can be just as productive, if not more, if he gets proper rest."
Justice stared off into the distance again. Fenris swallowed. It wasn't a conversation he particularly wanted Anders to hear.
"You make a fair argument. Very well. I will see if there is truth to your words. If not, we will return to what is most effective."
"Thank you, Justice."
When Justice retreated and Anders opened his eyes again, Fenris let out a breath of relief.
“You…really spoke with Justice. As in…just spoke. I kind of always imagined if you two were ever alone in the room together you’d be yelling ‘demon’ to Orlais and back!”
Fenris stiffened slightly.
“I…confess that I’m still not used to…Justice. However…certain circumstances has me, well, often interacting with someone very similar to him.”
“So…a spirit.”
“Sort of.”
“Sort of…” Anders repeated with a raised brow, “Well, I guess I won’t press you about it. Justice is…quiet. So um…thank you…for that. You sure you want to stay down here? It can get chilly at times. Though it hasn’t been so bad lately.”
“I think I can manage.”
“Just…let me know otherwise I guess. Erm, night.”
“Good night, Anders.”
With a nod, Anders shuffled away to the back of the clinic. He couldn’t bring himself to look over his shoulder to check on Fenris one last time. As he laid down, holding his mother’s pillow against his chest, his mind wandered. A part of him didn’t even want to sleep. What if this entire thing was a dream? Things were going a bit too well for him. Too good to be true…right? As much as he’s enjoyed the elf’s presence in such a short amount of time, Anders just waited for the bad news to come. It always felt like if he was having things too well, the world would just take the happiness away.
The man didn’t have much of a choice to prolong further thoughts as sleep swiftly took him.
When Anders woke, he pulled back the fabric he used as a ‘door’ to his room to take a peak. Fenris was already up, swinging his sword repeatedly but with precision. Training perhaps? Fenris was still here though. So maybe it wasn’t a dream after all? Anders exited his room, ready to start his morning routine.
“Morning, Fenris,” Anders tested the waters, just in case.
I was about to say where I got this idea from but I realize that the content I’m presenting would spoil the entire thing if I said where it’s from...yeah so if you recognize it you’ll know.
I’m putting this on tumblr b/c I don’t know if I’ll continue/write the whole thing. It might be related to the other universe I was writing for but I haven’t decided. I’ll edit in links for parts if I make another part.
Timeline: Probably somewhere in Act 2?
Ship: Pre-Fenders, kinda-eventual-fenders (if I add more)
Warning/Misc.: Magic-y sci-fi?, some angst, Disney-level-speed-of-falling-in-love? (might add more if needed)
EDIT: [Part 2]
“So you said he collapsed?” Anders questioned as he circled around the cot that Fenris laid upon, unconscious.
“Yes!”
“And there was absolutely no sign of discomfort or sickness when you got him or when going around gathering everyone?”
“No! It was seriously not long after we got Merrill when he collapsed. We were still in the Alienage and he was just being his grumpy self. There were no signs that I would’ve noticed? Guys?” Hawke looked to Merrill and Varric who mumbled the same thoughts in agreement. Anders sighed, waving a dimmed-lit hand briefly over the elf’s body.
“Well, he seems fine. I may have to ask him questions when he wakes but otherwise, I don’t think it’s anything to worry,” Anders tried to reassure, “No internal injuries as far as I can tell.”
“Are you SURE he’s not dead…or sick?” Hawke asked in worry.
“I’m sure he’s not dead, Hawke…” Anders replied dryly, “Potentially sick but I’m really not getting anything alarming here. Breathing’s normal, no sign of pain or injury...we’d just have to wait it out.”
Hawke groaned.
“Alright, I guess…I’ll be back later to check on you two then. Don’t kill each other though.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll haunt you if he gets to me first.”
Hawke mocked offense.
“What you’re saying it’s my fault that he decided to collapse?!”
“Of course, who else takes us on lovely walks to the Coast and a fun field trip to the Bone Pits all the time?” Anders smirked in his reply.
“Hey, it builds character!”
With a chuckle and letting Hawke get the last word, Anders shooed them out of the clinic so he can get back to work.
The day passed without emergencies or heavy casualties. When early evening arrived, Hawke eventually returned to check on the warrior (and to shove bread into Anders’s mouth while he was here) but Fenris wasn’t any more awake than before.
With nothing to distract him by the time evening hit, Anders closed the clinic, finished up organizing his supplies, and went to work on his manifesto. It was a surprisingly productive day. No Templars, no one making jabs at him for caring about mages and their rights, brewed a good dozen potions that’ll last into next week, and now he got to work on the manifesto!
“Is it sad that a productive day is so rare?” Anders thought to himself with a small pout.
Anders wasn’t sure how long he sat at his desk just scribbling about, but he was pulled out of his concentration from the sudden shout that sounded too much like Fenris. Anders rushed from his desk to the cot and found Fenris, awoken, with his hands holding his head while audibly breathing.
“Fenris-” Anders didn’t get a chance to say more when Fenris jerked back, nearly sending himself off and onto the floor. He looked up, Anders catching a look of panic and confusion.
“Anders…?” Fenris questioned, more out of surprise than anything else Anders could pick up.
“Yes…?”
“Anders…” Fenris repeated to himself and shifted himself into a more comfortable position, “What…what year is this…?”
“What year is it? Maker, Fenris! You didn’t go into a coma or anything. You only passed out for a day.”
“I…passed out…Doing what?”
“Uh…Hawke just said you collapsed while walking. You guys were in the Alienage picking up Merrill or something…”
Fenris scoffed with a shake of the head.
“What was…no, how many years has it been since our trip to the Deeproads? Or what was the last major event?” Fenris asked, his words hesitant, as if carefully considering his word choices.
“Um…about 3 years? Major event in terms of what? Does your winnings at our last Wicked Grace game count? You were either too lucky or you’re cheating. Though Justice said you didn’t…”
“I see…” Fenris felt his head with his hand and stared off in thought.
“So uh…how are you feeling?” Anders gestured towards him, “Sick? Hawke was quite worried you know.”
Fenris scoffed again, as if in pure disbelief.
“I am…fine. Just…lightheaded I suppose.”
“Well I hope you’re eating and drinking in that mansion of yours then. Actually, you could probably use something in your system after being passed out all day.”
“All day…”
“Yup and here you are. Honestly, I’m just surprised at your lack of fussing so far,” Anders sighed, “But I’ll fetch your something to drink.”
Fenris didn’t say anything when Anders turned to find a canteen he kept for fresh water. It was nothing but an awkward silence from that moment all the way to Anders turning to Fenris with a cup. Sure Anders knew how to talk and treat patients but he expected at least a little resistance of some sort on the warrior’s end. Although Anders knew he couldn’t complain, even if out of character. Especially if Fenris merely accepted the drink without any form of accusation or mistrust.
“Thank you, Anders.”
Anders found his eyes widening. The silence in the air seemingly thickened some more somehow.
“……Fenris, do I need to check your head?”
“What?”
“‘Thank you Anders?’ No sarcasm? No subtle jab? Not even just referring to me as a mage? No calling Justice a demon when I mentioned him? Just…thank you?”
He saw Fenris’s face twitch slightly and grit his teeth.
“…Yes.”
“…Right. Well…you’re welcome then. I um…think we could both use a rest now that I think about it. It might be hard since you were knocked out all day. If you wish to leave, you should see me tomorrow for a check up. I uh…you…have a good night then…?”
“Have a good night…” Fenris replied softly. Anders barely heard him when he rushed off to hide in his sorry-excuse of a bedroom. He must be tired. They both must be. Things will go back to normal in the morning.
At least that was the plan. When Anders awoke, he let out an audible yelp when he saw Fenris was still very much present in the same cot. The yelp woke the elf and the two met eyes. The awkward silence that followed didn’t help.
“I…didn’t think you’d stay…” Anders finally spoke just to break the silence. He got started on his morning routine to distract him from Fenris’s presence.
“I…suppose I can understand…”
“It’s fine though,” Anders quickly said, but didn’t say any more. While preparing himself for the day he offered Fenris water and spare clothes if needed. Aside from that, Anders tried not to look towards Fenris’s way. Sure for once he wasn’t being glared at with the intensity that he knew Fenris had, but he didn’t want to start giving him reasons to. Staying out of his way and avoiding an awkward confrontation would just be the way for now. It’s too early for this…
Sadly, when Anders ran out of things to do in his preparations, he didn’t have much reason to be avoiding Fenris any longer. Fenris did slip into a tunic of Anders’s, though evidently a bit baggier on the smaller frame.
“Well, um, since we’re both awake and if you’re willing-I should probably ask a few questions to see if you’re…alright,” Anders started as he approached the cot. Fenris merely nodded. Anders found himself torn between worrying or liking this. After all, not having heard an attack on mages for some time now has to be a record.
Hawke came by not too long into the morning with food. He practically dropped the bag onto the floor (Anders promptly saved it) upon seeing Fenris awake. Fenris let out an audible sigh when Hawke approached.
“Are you alright? Glad you’re finally awake!”
“I am fine,” Fenris replied, his voice lacking the more…soft-spoken tone he had with Anders. If anything, maybe Fenris was back to his usual self.
“I hope so! What’s the report, Anders?”
“He’s fine from what I can gather. I say he can just head home honestly.”
“Awesome. Don’t scare me like that, ya grump. Hey, you’re both coming to tonight for a game right? It’s the least you can do for missing out on hanging out with us yesterday!”
“Yes, Hawke,” Anders replied with a roll of the eyes as he unpacked some bread and apples from the bag and placed them on his desk, “Thanks for this by the way.”
“You better actually eat it, and not give them away!”
“Yes, Hawke.”
“I mean it!”
Fenris laid back down on his cot. He didn’t go back to sleep, but merely stared on ahead as he turned to lay on his side, away from the other two in the room.
Anders found himself having to go over and offer him some of the bread, apple, and cheese Hawke brought over after the man left. Even after snacking on the meal, Fenris remained laying on the cot for quite a while and so Anders left him be. Patients would come and go from the clinic, Anders would brew up some more potions (can never have too much after all!), and Anders would offer more food and water to the sulking elf.
“You coming to the game?” Anders asked, dropping by the cot Fenris still laid on after closing his clinic, “Also, your face is going to stick like that if you keep frowning.”
“No, I’m not going,” Fenris’s face softened slightly as his eyes drifted up to Anders, “And I am not frowning that much. It’s my natural expression.”
“You know Hawke is just going to make you. And yes, I’m sure it is Ser Grump,” Anders teased.
“Hawke can try,” Fenris nearly sneered, that frown returning at full force.
Anders stared back in concern, slightly startled from the harshness in the other’s tone.
“In…all seriousness…are you okay? You’ve… been acting kind of strange since you woke up.”
Fenris sighed and sat up.
“No, I am not well. I request to stay here a couple of days. I’m sure things will resume to normal after that.”
“That’s…oddly specific…If you’re not well, you don’t have to be stubborn. You can just tell me. I know you’re put off by the whole mage thing but-”
“I am not put off by that,” Fenris cut in. Anders found himself more surprised than simply not believing.
“It’s more…I suppose I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you. It was a bit…unpredicted. I was not prepared for this and it’s been…stressful. That’s the best I can put it I suppose…”
Anders chuckled slightly,
“So you’re not even sick! Is it something embarrassing? Do you need life advice from someone as experienced as I? Come now Fenris, you can tell me. Oh no, did you get someone pregnant?”
Fenris let out a heavier sigh this time.
“That is a confirmation or a new hobby? You’ve been sighing a lot since you got here. Definitely a sign of worry!”
“I do not need advice and no one’s pregnant,” Fenris stated dryly, “However, as I said, you probably will not believe me and in the end, the situation will resolve itself. Hopefully.”
“Oh try me! I can try to guess…did you use magic or something?” Anders teased only to see Fenris frown and look away, as if in embarrassment. “Wait…you actually did do something magic-y?!”
“I didn’t do it. Technically,” Fenris defended with a small glare, though Anders caught the tint of red at the tip of Fenris’s ears. Anders took note that the glare was significantly less antagonistic than he’s ever seen it before despite the topic being about magic.
“Andraste’s flaming knickers! I can’t believe you! I know you’re probably going to say ‘magic has it’s uses’ but still!”
“I understand why you’d say that but there’s more to it than…that. Me being involved with magic wasn’t the part I meant that you wouldn’t believe.”
Anders found himself scratching his head. Never has Fenris spoke to him with the level of patience he’s presenting his statements with. That, and what’s more unbelievable than Fenris involved with magic?
“Just tell me, Fenris. I can’t just lie to everyone to why I’m keeping you here and you seem set on just not budging from my clinic for whatever reason. I mean, I could, but Justice will just nag me about it depending on how much of a lie it is. You remember you hide out in a mansion right? Are here for illegal reasons?”
Fenris remained quiet, seemingly contemplating his options.
“If not me, you can always tell the others. You can always tell Hawke you know? He’s not far from here. My clinic connects right to his estate remember?”
“I am not going to Hawke!” Fenris exclaimed. Anders took a step back, having heard Fenris raise his voice for the first time since he’s awoken. Fenris sighed again and turned slightly, letting his legs drop off on the side of the cot. “Fine, I’ll tell you…”
Anders’s attention perked up.
“…well?”
“I suppose I don’t know how else to say this. Alright…My consciousness speaking to you right now…is from the future.”
The immediate silence that followed filled the air with tension that was ready to break under pressure. It went from something casual and comforting to awkward.
“…What?”
“I do not know how else to say it. My mind, my memories…it’s been brought back to this time. Evidently my body is of this time, but everything in my mind is not,” Fenris tapped his temple a couple of times, but it didn’t cease Anders’s growing concern and confusion. He looked towards the back of his clinic.
“Maybe you did hit your head. I should get Hawke.”
“Anders, don’t.” Fenris warned.
“I’ll be back.” Anders waved it off as he started on his way.
“Anders…!” Fenris called out. With a scowl, Fenris leapt from the cot and rushed towards the mage. He closed their distance within a mere second when his hand clamped itself over Anders’s wrist, and halted them both in place.
“Anders! Don’t go to Hawke!” Fenris pulled Anders back slightly, but the other didn’t respond right away. After a moment’s pause, Anders turned to look at Fenris. His face still painted with confusion but not out awkward reasons like before.
“You’ve only said my name since you woke up…”
Fenris only blinked and looked back with equal confusion.
“You…never once called me ‘mage,’ even now. You sounded legitimately kind of worried or scared and yet…All you did to stop me was…this.” Anders looked down to Fenris’s hand, still firmly holding onto his wrist.
“I…It didn’t feel comfortable to keep calling you that. I’ve been saying your name for some time…where my consciousness is from I mean.”
Anders shook his head, a part of him wondering if he’s the crazy one of even going along with this being a possibility.
“So you’re from the future…” Anders started, “But you look the same…because your consciousness is what traveled…”
“Correct…” Fenris slowly released his grip on Anders and folded his arms over his chest.
“Where did your present one go then?”
“I assume in my body in the future…which is worrisome now that I think about it…”
“Why, because you’re on friendly enough terms with me that you’re calling me by name-only now?” Anders meant to tease, just to lighten the mood, but Fenris wasn’t denying it fast enough.
“I suppose that’s one reason.”
“Wait…really?” Anders resisted insisting that Fenris hit his head again, “We’re…on okay terms…in the future?”
“It’s…” Fenris bit his lip, and squirmed slightly, “It’s complicated…but I suppose yes, we’re on okay terms.”
“This is too much for me…” Anders threw his hands up. Fenris inched forward when Anders started to move again, but relaxed when Anders only started pacing from one side to another with a hand rubbing his head, “Is there…I don’t know, a way to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that your…consciousness…is from the future?”
Fenris tilted his head slightly as he watched the man pace.
“Hard to say. I know of certain events that will happen I suppose, but considering I didn’t exactly plan this, I was not prepared on what to do. Such as what information should be revealed, if any at all. There are things I wish to change, but I don’t know if my involvement them will make things worse. Telling you this might change things in the long run but…I suppose it’s too late to change that now.”
Anders furrowed his brows.
“I suppose…still, is there…anything you can tell me? Like um…if we’re on decent terms in the future, then are we…friends? Do I tell you things of my past? I don’t know, something?”
Fenris looked away, keeping his gaze on anything besides the pacing mage before him. Anders stopped when Fenris didn’t respond, watching the furrow of the other’s brow and noticing a more audible breathing.
“I can look at you in the eyes and tell you something that myself of this time would never say,” Fenris offered and looked up to meet eyes with Anders.
“Uh…I guess you could. You have a great poker face…but you’re also kind of prideful so it would have to be something really big!” Taking up the challenge Anders stood before Fenris, a bit excited to hear what the warrior had in mind.
Fenris straighten himself, never taking his gaze off the man before him, and he let his arms fall to his side again.
“I believe you might not be so wrong in your cause after all. I am afraid. I may always be afraid and to the end of my days and I may never truly agree with it because of my trauma. But at it’s fundamental core, I can still say it’s inherently wrong to lock up mages in Circles. You are right, you have always been right, no matter what people say, and will say.”
Anders’s eyes widened and his thoughts couldn’t even form words to speak. His mind scrambled to reach for something. Make a joke of it, drop the entire conversation out of disbelief, just…something. Yet a part of him clung to the fact that someone just told him he was right. He didn’t want to to dismiss it, as he so desperately wanted what he just heard to be true and that he wasn’t dreaming this whole exchange.
“I…wanted someone to say that to me for so long…telling myself that over and over again has been…difficult. Now I’m just…not sure I was even ready to hear someone tell me that…” Anders sucked in a breath, and felt his eyes get watery.
“Heh…sorry,” Anders wiped his face with his sleeve, “Wha…what could’ve possibly happened for you to…say something like that? Heh, sorry, let me just…” He turned around, taking in deep breaths, trying to get his suddenly-exposed vulnerability under control.
“I suppose a lot has happened…” Fenris said softly, “Even if I could tell you without fear of consequences…I wouldn’t know where to start.”
Anders slowly turned back away, though he still blinked a lot before speaking again.
“It…sounds like a lot. I g-guess that’s…pretty damn good proof. Y-You said it with such a straight and serious face. I just…wow, I guess…I had less faith in myself than I thought when I can’t even grasp onto the fact someone just said that to me.”
Fenris looked away in guilt.
“You’re stronger than you think…don’t lose faith in yourself……please.”
The plea was spoken so quietly, yet even then Anders could hear the desperate tone. Fenris spoke to him with a form of respect Anders never thought the other could give him. The elf was patient, kind even. Yet something seemed off about the whole thing. Was it guilt?
“Fenris…I’m not turned Tranquil in the-”
“No!” Fenris immediately cut in, “Y-You’re not. If you were I would…I wouldn’t let you be one for long…”
Anders felt himself relax.
“That’s all I could ask of you.”
“You’re alive…and taken cared of.”
“Really? You sound…overly concerned for someone who so far sounds like is doing alright.” Anders let out a soft laugh. The future sounded too good to be true so far.
“You went through a lot to get to that point…and I don’t trust everyone we’re with. I need to return to the future for that and minimize any potential damage I could be doing here…”
“…Fenris, if you do return to your time and your present self returns from the future…wouldn’t we have to tell the others before that happens? We can’t have you going around blurting things that could easily be written off by the others as pure nonsense.”
Fenris swore and muttered under his breath in Tevene.
“I…didn’t think of that. I suppose it would do my past-self a disservice if my words fall on deaf ears.”
“Exactly. Well, I suppose we should head over to see them all. I’m sure you can pull up some dirty secret on all of them. They’re bound to believe you.”
Fenris groaned.
“Perhaps…”
Anders smiled lightly,
“Well, something here has to be true if I can end up enjoying your presence when less than 24 hours ago I could hardly stand it. Come on! We should walk in like we’ve been friends for ages! That should prepare them for the truth!”
“Heh…I suppose that could be a bit amusing. I am still concerned of how this may effect my time but your point is still valid. Very well…”
Anders beamed and gestured towards the door. Maybe this really was a dream, and maybe this really was pure nonsense. But this moment, right now, the mage felt like someone finally, truly, understood him. It was a feeling he didn’t think could bring such indescribable joy.
I don’t know why I keep making more of these beyond the fact I seem to enjoy Fenris and the Inquisitor having spats of some sorts b/c that’s always the cause for me writing these!
-[Exposition dump/Part 1] (please read the exposition dump)
-[Part 2] (interchangeable with Part 1 in terms of the ‘order’ of events)
-this current one (part 3) does take place after the first two)
-5+1 Drabble (unknown when it takes place)
With all the bad luck Fenris must’ve had in his life, you’d think things would start looking better by now. Okay, it technically has. He IS free after all, is a honed swordsman, and has made friends of all things over the years. Along friends however, also came enemies. Or whatever it is you call people you don’t like. ‘Enemy’ might be a strong word for people you hate the guts of but Fenris naturally much preferred life without people like that.
“Don’t you have the ability to…glow?”
“…What?” Fenris resisted the urge to snarl in his reply at his only companion at the moment.
“Well, I don’t actually know what you do but Anders described it as you illuminating light.”
“What’s the matter? Afraid of the dark?” Fenris asked, full on mocking.
“No…I just want to be able to see where I’m about to sit down.”
“Go make your hand glow then!”
“…” Fenris heard a sigh and a shuffle. No glowing green light though. Hmm, this might not go well on for him if the Inquisitor ever tattled on Anders. Fenris never hated a man for the sole reason that he actually lacks reasons to hate him over. Even at their worst fights, the Inquisitor never seemed to say anything to Anders regarding Fenris. Still, just knowing the other elf has something over him isn’t going to tide over well in the long run. Reluctantly, Fenris lit his brands.
“So you do glow,” Lavellan stated as he scanned the patterns, now more apparent, on Fenris.
“Shut up. It’s better if we at least get an idea of our surroundings.”
“Rocks, and more rocks,” Lavellan muttered as he walked over to a rock and sat on it. Fenris walked a bit towards the back but darkness was the only thing he could make out.
“Perhaps we should go further in. There could be another exit.”
“No!” Lavellan immediately exclaimed, “We told everyone we’d wait right here! Besides, if there are more creatures in there you’d just lead them back to me and I’m currently useless with a bow.”
“You’re implying I can’t kill anything on my own?” Fenris was tempted to just leave the other and go himself.
“Ugh,” Lavellan rolled his eyes, “No, I wasn’t. It was still a possibility I don’t want to risk. Do you have to interpret everything I say as an attack on you?”
Fenris heard fabric being ripped and he looked back to see the Inquisitor tying parts of his scarf to his injured arm.
“Are they not?” Fenris questioned, changing his positioning slightly to give the other elf better lighting, “There is always an underhanded comment in your speech.”
“I give you credit for catching that,” Lavellan replied and started to create a make-shift arm sling with what’s left of his scarf, “But no, I understand our predicament. You’re my only line of defense if we are to be attacked before we get rescued. As irritating as you are, I acknowledge your skills as a warrior and my only chance of survival if worst comes to worst.”
“Tch…” Fenris watched the other finish a knot and Lavellan laid back upon finishing.
“You don’t have to hold that glow if you don’t want to, but I do appreciate it.”
Fenris immediately dimmed his brands. Not because of what was said, but because the Inquisitor’s eyes were too piercing. In darkness it was safer. Lavellan can’t read or observe him and Fenris doesn’t have to stare back into those brightly colored green eyes and admit to himself he might be slightly jealous of them. Jealous over a stupid eye color might be one of the lowest he could go. He couldn’t help it some days. Fenris would look at himself in the mirror or in the water and he could make out his dim lime green eyes. As if his eye color was fading. Then he’d see the Inquisitor’s and his was shining, as if made of emeralds. It was just another thing the Inquisitor had that Fenris didn’t. It became more evident when they stood out even in something as dark as this maker-forsaken-cave he’s stuck inside of.
“What are you going to do after we defeat Corypheus?” Lavellan asked, breaking their stream of silence.
“What do you mean?”
“What are you going to do? Stay with Anders?”
“Why do you care?” Fenris turned his back to the other, at least based on where the voice was coming from.
“Because I don’t know where Anders will go. If he can even step outside of Skyhold at all. I welcome him to stay, but what are you going to tell him when the big threat is gone if you choose to stay?”
“…I’ll decide when we get there.”
“I suppose that’s always an option. I could always fail and die after all. I would sadly have to leave Anders in your care if that were to happen.”
“You know, if you want to keep me from leaving you here as your last line of defense, you need to re-think your approach.”
“Let’s not start lying to each other now, Fenris. You honestly think it will go well between you and Anders if I were to die? What can you do for him? What can you provide? Anything close to what I can, and already do?”
Fenris turned around with a glare, his eyes vaguely making out the figure now that its adjusted to the dark.
"You don't do anything about the fact that you hold another being in your hands! Just because you don't abuse it doesn't take away your responsibility to change it. You never even attempt to change how your relationship with Anders is! You keep yourself in your comfortable position of both an authority and provider and let Anders believe he’s happy being in his position. He’s become dependent.”
Levallen paused and looked at Fenris, almost in awe.
"For once we agree. I don’t deny my neglect on that, though it wasn’t intentional to make him dependent on me…Too bad you can't apply that same logic to mages."
"That has nothing to do with this conversation!”
"That had everything to do with this conversation. Let me ask you, Fenris: what are you going to do when, and if, Anders gets better?"
The warrior's eyes widened. That train of thought didn't even have a chance of crossing his mind. Fenris didn't have a chance to hide his expression and just hoped the darkness was enough to mask his discomfort.
"I thought so. No idea at all huh?"
"I'll think about it when I get there..."
"Why? So you can hurt Anders all over again?"
Again, Fenris's face falters. This time in shock.
"No guilt will hold you back right? Let's say Anders does recover completely. Your opinion on mages probably didn't change much. Where will that leave you two? Are you going to deny him from his cause again? Derail your conversations with him? Tell me, Fenris. I think this is rather important to know between us. I may not love him romantically, but he's important to me. I believe in the same things as he does. I actively support him and mages in general and will continue to do so after I defeat Corypheus. I aim to protect him. For you, I see someone who looked at Anders and it reminded you too much of pain you knew all too well. Am I wrong?"
Yes. No. Fenris looked away completely, his frustration already on the forefront, and wanted nothing more than to put a stop to the entire conversation. He wanted to dig up a contradiction somewhere and prove the other wrong. The longer silent fell over them the more he hated himself when he couldn't come up with anything...
"If you're going to go back to antagonizing Anders when he recovers, I'll have you know I'm not sending him back to Tevinter just so you can take care of him again in his more pitiful state."
Fenris looked at the other with a piercing glare.
"The mage...went to Tevinter?"
It was the first time Fenris ever saw a look of pure horror on the Inquisitor's face. Any other time he would've been smug about it but here? At this revelation? Fenris wasn't sure if where on his angry scale he was supposed to be: mildy angry or shoving hand into your chest.
"I have spoken too much it seems,” Lavallen said softly, trying to regain his moment’s loss of control.
"Explain!" Fenris barked, closing the distance between them and grabbing the rogue's collar to pull him close, "Why was Anders in Tevinter?!"
Despite such an action, the Inquisitor seemed unfazed.
"It was my mistake for saying such a thing but I am not one to talk about something like that without Anders's consent. This is personal to him and him alone. If you really want to know you can ask him. Though I should apologize to him first..."
"You're a hypocrite! You care more about the mage's mental health and well being but you put me into this spot but you refuse to engage in any sort of help?!"
Levallan sighed.
"I know I am biased towards him. I admit that. However, this reaction of yours is what I'm concerned about. You get angry, and assume the worst in someone. What if Anders did start talking to you and he got to this part of his story? Are you going to flare up in anger too? Assume he did the worst? What if he did end up saying or doing something you didn't like? Does he suddenly become the big bad mage you've always thought he was? You sure wasted your time didn't you?”
Fenris shoved the other back, causing the other man to grunt in slight pain when his arm got hit in the process.
“I asked you a question, Fenris,” Lavellan continued, “What would you do when he gets to this part of the story? Does Anders suddenly change for you?”
Fenris didn’t answer, he walked off towards another wall, as far as he could away from the blocked off entrance and from Lavellan. Reaching an opposing end he slid down against the wall and buried his face into his hands.
It was almost ironic really…
Anders as he is now was pretty quiet, and hardly speaks unless spoken to or it’s regarding their mutual friends. The Inquisitor himself doesn’t speak much either in general, but his position often leads him into conversations. From day one, Fenris fought heavily with both, mostly on the topic of mages and their rights. Except he hasn’t fought this much over mages and their rights since with Anders back in Kirkwall and it was years ago. He thought that was all behind him, but it came flaring back as he crashed opinions over and over again with the Inquisitor, who wasn’t even a mage in the first place which aggravated him even more! Why does Lavellan care about mages for?!
Fenris recalled it being one of the first things he’s said at Skyhold, and again, but directed at Anders.
“He understands.”
Actually, ‘understand’ was a word Anders often used to describe Lavellan.
“He understands the oppression of mage. He understands oppression in general. He understands me.”
How could Fenris forget? Apparently ‘understanding’ was the key to the mage’s heart? Potentially?
The more Fenris fought with the Inquisitor, the more confusing he seemed. Lavellan didn’t often speak of himself, which didn’t help, but he clearly has thoughts and opinions and rarely explains himself. Then again…Fenris knew he did have habit of not really listening. Especially if it’s about a fight he didn’t care for.
“Inquisitor…” Fenris spoke, his voice audible enough in this contained space despite their distance, “You speak as if you understand oppression. Yet you’re seeing the Tevinter mage. You’re hardly an example to live by.”
He heard the Inquisitor groan.
“He has a name, Fenris.”
“I don’t remember.”
Another groan.
“We’re sort of in a relationship. Not quite. I told him a relationship is exactly what I wanted, however, he has to rethink his support on slavery and of course, I’m more than willing to talk things out about it.”
“Yet you gave him a chance despite such an obvious flaw?”
“We have to consider the fact that slavery supports his country’s entire economy. Remove slavery and the entire thing will collapse. For someone growing up in that environment, of course he’s going to think slavery ‘works’ or is good. That’s all he’s known. However, if he has the ability to look at what other magisters are doing and call it wrong, then I believe there’s a good chance for him to realize why slavery is, and always will be, inherently wrong. Just the same as I believe the containment of mages is, and always will be, inherently wrong.”
Fenris scoffed.
“Give me one reason to believe the world won’t turn into another Tevinter.”
“I can’t. That’s the worst case scenario and I can make no promises that it won’t happen. However, look at humans. Regular people without magic and look what they have done. They made Orlais. They put elves into alienages. They’ve pillaged, and killed the Dalish. And finally, they made the Circles. Everyone is going on about mages are dangerous and point fingers at Tevinter…yet no one seems to point at the humans. The people who would murder and rape our people, forcing and keeping us in poverty, while simultaneously point at us and yelling slurs and then statistically increasing the chances of elves being captured by slavers to ship off to Tevinter. They created the Circles, teaching us to fear mages yet they’re the ones that enslave mages. They turn them Tranquil for little to no reason and there you go, a form of free labor for the Chantry. Mages have never hurt me. Yes, I’ve fought with mages, but mages as a group have never hurt me. It was always the humans. So no, I can’t promise another Tevinter will happen, but I also can’t promise another Orlais can happen. But I know the way to stop both is to equal the playing field…”
The pair’s attention was taken away for a moment when noise came from the entrance. Some more rocks fell and voices were vaguely heard. Lavellan turned his attention back to Fenris.
“You want to know why I support Anders as much as I do? That playing field I’m fighting for…that’s the same thing Anders fought for. There’s a system in place that is hard to break down and rebuild, but Anders chiseled away at it first. Now is the opportunity to strike it down completely. That’s why I agreed to become the Inquisitor. I don’t believe for a moment I’m some Herald of Andraste, but I will take advantage of the power I was given if I can make the world a better place. If it means I can break the system that has hurt our people and mages for years and years then I will fight to my last breath to make it happen.”
The voices became a bit more audible and Lavellan stood, taking his attention from Fenris to try and converse with the other side.
It was the most Lavellan’s ever spoke to Fenris in one go and the warrior had to remain silent just to take it all in. Fenris resisted the urge to say the other was right, like so many other times, but he struggled to find a counterpoint. So maybe there was more to Lavellan than Fenris originally thought…and there might be more to Anders that Fenris didn’t want to believe was there to begin with…
The entrance was eventually broken down, partially anyway. Their companions helped both elves climb over the boulders they couldn’t move and were immediately given potions and water to help remove any immediate injuries.
The return Skyhold went almost exactly as Fenris predicted: Everyone would enter the infirmary after their long journeys and often Anders would be there to help. But when Anders spotted the Inquisitor with his injured arm, the mage looked as if Lavellan walked in beaten to near death instead, despite how the elf insisted the potion took care of the worst of damages. Still, Anders fussed, practically ignoring everyone else just to be sure Lavellan was alright. The Inquisitor would sigh as he sat laid down for a rest, as ordered, just to keep Anders content and focused when he moved on to everyone else. He’d fix up scars or anything potions couldn’t take care of, and usually everyone would leave felling stronger and better than ever.
“How are you feeling, Fenris?” Anders asked when he got to him.
“Fine.”
“I was told you were also trapped in the cave-in. Even if you feel fine, it’s possible air was lacking and I need to check for any potential damages. Um…I need to see how to go about this…”
Having been the only other one trapped in the cave, he was the only one besides Lavellan that Anders wanted to sit and be prepared to lay down for a bit.
“Anders…” he said quietly, catching the attention of the pacing mage, “You…may use magic to check for anything. Just for that though.”
“…You sure?” Anders asked, his face spelling out pure confusion.
“Yes,” Fenris answered firmly. Fenris yet to have Anders use magic on him since he’s been here. This being the first in years and Fenris wasn’t sure if he was meant to feel excited or worried that it won’t feel the same.
Anders slowly put a hand out before Fenris.
“Alright, I’ll just scan for any internal injuries…” his hand illuminating a soft light and Anders waved it over Fenris, never touching and carefully keeping an appropriate distance. Before long, the light stopped.
“You do seem overall fine. Could use more water in you though…and I can fetch for bandages for your arm.”
Fenris only nodded, and Anders left his side to fetch supplies to heal the old fashioned way. Anders helping and healing was the only time Fenris could see even a little of what Anders was and he could admit that he didn’t mind sitting here to see him work. When Anders returned, he sat on a short stool to give him the perfect height to put down medicine and the bandage on the elf’s arm. It was a just a few scratches as far as Fenris was concerned, and really, he’d probably be alright with Anders to just heal it…except then it would mean their interaction here would be cut far to short.
The door to the infirmary opened, a little too fast and hard, catching the attention of most in the room already.
“Amatus!”
Fenris didn’t even have to look behind him before accidentally letting a small groan out. He looked down at Anders, who looked away from the entrance and focused on rubbing the medicine on Fenris. Dorian stalked past the pair and stopped a few beds down to Lavellan who started to sit up.
“I heard from Bull. Are you alright? You should’ve taken me with you to the coast!” the man scolded as he looked at the bandaged arm.
“I’m fine Dorian, I promise. Anders took care of any fractures. I’ll be fine in no time.”
“That surprisingly…doesn’t make me feel better in the slightest! What were you thinking going into caves without a mage with you? What would’ve happened to me-er-t-to the Inquisition if this was worse?!”
Fenris looked down when he realized his arm was losing circulation.
“Anders, I think that’s a bit, um, tight.”
Anders jerked as if he was slapped out of his thoughts.
“Oh! S-Sorry Fenris!” he immediately started undoing his bandaging work. The conversation of the other two were lost as he watched Anders, the man’s face painted with distress from Dorian’s presence. So Fenris, to his own surprise, kept talking.
“Anders…when you’re done here, or when you feel like it, and have the time…I’d like hear you talk about your cause.”
Anders stopped in the midst of his second bandaging attempt.
“What…?”
“You believe mages should be free still?”
“Y-Yes…?”
“I want to hear you talk about it.”
“…You…want to hear me talk about why mages should be free…?” Anders repeated, eyed widened and face mixed with confusion and fear.
“Yes. I feel…for years I’ve heard you, but never listened. I wish to listen.”
Anders only stared, as if contemplating a new series of words. Fenris looked ahead to see Dorian and Lavellan embrace. He looked down again to see Anders looking back at him. For the first time, it truly felt like Anders looked at him the same way he often looked at Lavellan.
“If it’s alright with you,” Fenris continued as Anders remained speechless.
“I…I suppose it’s alright…um, d-did you happen to hit your head too, Fenris?”
Fenris shrugged,
“Perhaps a little…but it doesn’t change what I said.”
Yes, even he can admit to himself that he often heard Anders. Anders was loud and talkative. It was hard not to hear the mage ramble on about one thing or another, in a mix of emotions. But even thinking back Fenris knew there was many times he often dismissed the mage. There was absolutely no chance of him sitting down and really listened. For what felt like the 100th time, maybe Lavellan was right. But maybe it wasn’t so bad this time if it opened doors for Fenris to have a better understanding of Anders and truly progress their relationship, wherever it stood. Certainly after today, it must be a little better...and closer.
I got caught up with the Inquisitor and Fenris having petty fights so I wrote more. I’m unsure if it takes place before or after my first drabble since again, it’s a nonexistent fanfic.
EDITS:
-[Exposition dump/Part 1] (please read the exposition dump)
-[Part 2] This one; interchangeable with Part 1 in terms of ‘order’
-[Part 3] takes place after the first two)
-5+1 Drabble (unknown when it takes place)
It was beyond immature. Fenris could at least admit that to himself. Still, he couldn’t resist. His mind was made up and justified the immaturity too fast for Varric to even get a word in to stop Fenris from flinging a slice of fish into the air with his spoon. Fenris knew he was a warrior with little knowledge in projecting so he didn’t expect the piece to hit his target so well: smacked against the side of the Inquisitor’s face. Maker, he might’ve even gotten the eye! It went way above his expectations that Fenris had look away and try to hold in a laugh.
From the corner of his eye he could tell Levallan was not pleased in the slightest. Seeing how his name wasn’t being shouted for the entire dining hall to hear he dared to look back to see Leliana and Cullen restraining the Dalish elf and shoving him back into his seat. If Fenris had anything to be proud of, it might be that he can get the perfect, calm, and collected Inquisitor to lose face. That glare he was received was more like a trophy to Fenris.
“Keep that Up and you’ll be kicked out of Skyhold,” Varric warned.
“He hasn’t done it yet.”
And with time passing he’ll lose more reason to.
Fenris knew the Inquisitor wasn’t going to let it go, but the warrior also knew that the other’s position isn’t going to give the man a lot of free reign to do mischievous things. So Fenris was not in any way prepared for the appropriate reaction when an arrow came whizzing in front of his face. He only took a single step out of the door before his heart jumped, followed by a surprised yelp, and the arrow took the piece of parchment that he was trying to get a better look at right out of his hands. Fenris looked at the arrow now stuck to the stone wall beside him and he looked to the direction it came from. Next to the training area for ranged weapons, Levallen gave him light bow and a mocked apology.
“So sorry! My hand slipped…”
And Varric said he’ll be kicked out of Skyhold?! Keep that up, and everyone’s going to need a new Herald!
It was stupid, so stupid! Okay, fine, maybe Fenris started it. But the leader of the Inquisition should not be going around being petty about it!
“Broody, you need to stop egging our boss on,” Varric warned one night over a mock game of cards.
“He should not be letting foolish things get to him.”
“Right, foolish…and what do you call what you were you doing?”
Fenris didn’t event get a chance to answer when knocking came from Varric’s opened door and Anders stood at the entrance.
“Sorry to interrupt, Cole wanted to come see what you played and…well…convinced me to show him I guess…”
Before Fenris get out a question of who the flying fuck that was, his eyes focused to a figure beside the mage that he could’ve sworn wasn’t there before! Maybe it was getting late…
“Is it a game of deceit?” Cole asked as he approached the table, “Anders says he’s terrible because he can’t lie. At least…before he couldn’t.”
“You could say that, come, join us! Maybe we can actually bet some money! You too, Blondie!” Varric waved over and offered seats.
“Um…I’m alright…” Anders replied, looking back the way he came.
“You never answered,” Cole spoke up, “When we arrived, you spoke of foolish actions.”
“It’s about nothing,” Fenris muttered, not wanting to discuss anything about the Inquisitor in Anders’s presence.
“It is not nothing…it’s about pride, but also fear. You feel many things, but it wasn’t there before we arrived. Why is that?”
The elf gaped and his words got caught in his throat, torn between answering and exclaiming for the kid to stay out of his head! He felt a heat rise to his face slightly as his mind only cluttered between such an act of violation done to himself and thoughts of Anders and the stupid Inquisitor and-
“Oh, I see…” Cole said quietly between them and turned to look towards Anders which in turn caused Fenris to shoot up from his seat.
“GET OUT! Stay out of my head!”
“I am outside of it. Did you mean outdoors?”
Okay, so maybe the urge to ram your fist through someone that looked as dreadful as Anders did, wasn’t the best reaction he could’ve had. Not that he got a chance to do it, as Varric pulled him back into the seat with a warning. That, and one look at Anders’s terrified face was enough to pull the rest of the anger away. So the kid was weird, and probably needed a lesson on privacy. In the end, Anders liked him. Anders needed all the people he liked and it was criminal at this point to take away someone that man liked. As in, just like…not love…
It was ridiculous really. On some days, the Inquisitor walked around as if he had all the free time in the world. He was often seen with various of his companions, and when he wasn’t doing that, he was training or doing paperwork. When he wasn’t doing that, he’d continuing this petty war Fenris knew he probably started (the warrior was quite certain it wasn’t an accident when he picked up his sword and it was covered in butter). Despite all of that, he seemed to make time to spend with Anders. They don’t seem to do much besides take walks and talk. Fenris could see the pair leaning over the ramparts to watch the hustle and bustle of Skyhold’s residence. Lavellan handed something to Anders, who in turn lit up like he was given a gift for the first time. The taller man tucked the item around his wrist. Fenris guessed it could be a bracelet of some sort. Though he never recalled Anders wearing any sort of jewelry and the idea seemed strange for a gift. He resisted a scowl as he wiped down his sword of the butter for what must be at least the 5th time. Fenris couldn’t hear what the pair was conversing about from this distance but he couldn’t help but feel bitter about the whole thing.
“A longing you can’t escape. You’ll be engulfed in your own flames of desire.”
If anyone ever said Fenris could yelp in surprise as he just did, he’ll deny it. His sword slipped from his grip, and fell onto the bucket of water he gathered from the well, causing a spill. The elf sent a glare to the body sitting on a rock beside him, again, he could’ve sworn there was absolutely no one before. Cole tilted his head slightly, as if in observing. The frustration of Cole’s entire being was about to become the topic of a rant ready to escape, but an idea hit him before he even opened his mouth.
“Cole was it? Can you tell what Anders feels?”
“Yes. He always needs help.”
“…And when he’s with the Inquisitor?”
“Warmth, like a blanket made of the weather on a sunny day. He’s wrapped in comfort, hanging on every word and motion of the restraints he gave himself and yet calls it freedom. An unfilled hunger so strong, it consumes him. But he is happy.”
A moment’s silence filled the air between them. Fenris wanted to ask. He so badly wanted to know…but could he handle the truth? The Inquisitor suddenly seemed a lot harder to beat. Not that he was trying to or anything…
It suddenly didn’t seem so petty anymore when Fenris wanted nothing more than to hear that he too, could make Anders happy. But it was painfully obvious that there was no way he did. Anders doesn’t smile, laugh, or relax the way Fenris sees him now. All of it, all these expressions and little gestures were hidden away, reserved only for one person. Fenris couldn’t stand it. Still, he wanted, no, he had to know.
“And…when he’s with me?”
“He sees beauty where he cannot touch. Guarded and fearful, but seeks to assist. He shields and ties himself. No one must know. Guilt, because the Wolf may bare his fangs.”
What does Anders like? Besides cats at least…
Where does Anders hurt? The inside, but how does one go about healing something like that? Anders himself probably doesn’t even know. Even if he did, the man always did have a habit in not applying it to himself.
Fenris would never have believed the day would come, the day when he starts to miss a lot of what Anders was. Before, it couldn’t come any faster. Now it was just hard to face. It was selfish of him, he knew, but if he could just put a little bit of Anders back, then it might be easier to face. By the end of it all, the Inquisitor and him surely had the same goal when it came to Anders right?
Lavellan can keep Anders grounded and happy, fine, but Fenris will do what he can to actually help Anders.
That was the plan, but it didn’t make his insides ache any less when Anders looked back at him with such indifference. The man let the warrior into his quarters when Fenris came knocking. Anders spoke as if he’s talking to his patients. It was a formality Fenris didn’t like. Anders sat on is bed, scooting a book he must’ve been read a bit to the side as he sat and looked up at Fenris as he spoke.
Again, Fenris didn’t like it.
It wasn’t just about the burning passion that made Anders’s eyes glimmer, or the strength he carried himself with despite the hardships inflicted on him. It was how they stood on an equal plane with each other. No matter how much they fought or burned with negativity, it didn’t change the level the two viewed each other.
Now, Fenris felt he was suddenly elevated. It wasn’t right. He didn’t want to be put above another being, especially if it was Anders. To Fenris, it became morally wrong to fight with Anders when he knew the man wouldn’t fight back. It was different if Anders chose not to, but Fenris knew better than to believe that was the case. Anders was afraid to. Even if the elf was not inflicting or abusing his new power, he didn’t like being in the position where Anders doesn’t have it in him to say no. It made everything he wanted to do that much harder.
“And so Varric said I didn’t have to come if I didn’t want to…” Anders said, and the pause after brought Fenris back to reality and swiftly tried to dig up what Anders was talking about the entire time he stood here.
“Uh…but you’re feeling like…you should anyway…I presume,” Fenris eventually replied with.
“Y-Yeah…”
“No one will be hurt if you didn’t. You haven’t always joined us before after all.”
“It’s different now…Before it was just you and Varric, and occasionally someone else too. With Hawke being there this time, possibly with Alistair too…how do I explain myself then?”
Hawke. Fenris held in his frustrations, completely forgetting the pair was returning from their scouting at the Western Approach.
“Forget about it. Forget about Hawke. You don’t have obligations to anyone.”
The flicker in Anders’s eyes told Fenris the man felt otherwise.
“It was my fault that-”
“You don’t owe anyone anything,” Fenris pressed, trying not his best not to raise his voice.
“…I’ll…try to keep that mind,” Anders replied quietly, his head lowering as if in defeat. Fenris mentally cursed.
“Speaking of…that. I have a…gift…for you.” he wasn’t sure how to call it anything else. Was it out of character for him to be doing such a thing? Anders’s confused face didn’t help answer his question…
“What for?”
“To…uh…I figured, it could help. Potentially. I feel we…never had a chance to really talk about ourselves beyond duties. Otherwise I would have thought of something better…” now it just sounded like he was spilling excuses before even handing the man anything. He cleared his throat and held out a wrapped package to Anders. The mage only looked at it with even more confusion as he took it.
“You’ve…written a lot, before. I know it was for your cause. Maybe you can use it for something similar or…something different. I know you’re not…fond of leaving your quarters on your own, but perhaps this can keep you…entertained.”
Anders undid the string and unwrapped it.
“A book…?” It was nothing fancy; minimally designed colored with brown and a hint of green.
“…merchant said journal but I suppose it’s still a book…” Fenris murmured.
Anders opened the book curiously and flipped through the blank pages to check the thickness.
“I don’t know…what i would write…”
“I’m sure you can think of something. Give yourself a chance, and time.”
“…are you sure about this?” Anders asked, looking up from the book to Fenris once more, “I can’t…even promise if it’l be used-and I have nothing I could ever give one day in return…”
Fenris bit his lip. Anders might be prone to distress no matter what how this was answered. Still, he had to try.
“I said it’s a gift. You may do with it whatever it is you wish. And yes, I am sure. I will be sure 5 minutes from this point as well.”
Anders looked down again, his brows furrowed in thought.
“…Why?” he eventually asked, his tone filled with suspicion.
“As I said…it’s to help. I’m sure the small room and the feeling of being trapped can be overwhelming. And the nightmares. Or any discomforts you might not wish to disclose.”
Anders didn’t look any less confused. He placed his gift on top of the book already on his bed and stood. His cloak was opened slightly and Fenris could see the mage play with his hands and tug on his sleeves. Around the mage’s right wrist Fenris vaguely made out something new was definitely there. It made the elf’s inside ache just slightly.
“I um…thank you, Fenris. That’s…kind of you.” Even as Anders said it, Fenris could tell the mage was still bewildered at the action.
“You are welcome,” Fenris gave a light nod, “And before you ask again. Yes, I’m sure.”
Fenris found his reward when Anders smiled ever so slightly. He stared at the floor still, but the smile was there. Fenris found himself tightening his fists when he caught himself reaching up and about brush some of the hair back. He pulled back before Anders could notice.
“I’ll be sure to let you know when I make my first entry. Whatever it will be,” Anders offered, his head lifting just a bit, but it was enough for Fenris to see the taller man’s face better.
“I’d like that. I mean it.”
This time, when Anders gave his soft smile, Fenris felt like it was for him. For now, that was enough for him.
to the Fenders shippers b/c I need motivation/inspiration.
I started a fanfic and wrote a lot every day for about a week and a half.
Then they kissed for the first time.
The story is nowhere near finished, and about another 1.5 week has passed and I’m literally still in the same scene. I wrote a little everyday still but obviously nothing like the amount I wrote the first time. I guess that kiss was somehow the endgame in my mind.
So idk, talk to me! Tell me what you like, what you want, just...talk about Fenders I guess! Ask me questions, get my brain stirring! I did not put so much work into this just to let it die where no one gets to read it! (preferably contact with the IM or something)
