Bad pain day has me headcanoning about veterans and child soldiers and chronic pain/injury.
-Kattigan's is the worst, he's just gotten used to it. He drinks to ignore it, he's constantly moving and exercising to help offset the pain and resulting stiffness. More days then not it leaves him in a foul mood. He also probably had the least access to healing magic and still deals with several old injuries that cause daily pain and occasional flare ups.
-Teor's isn't as severe, he's had the ability to heal himself for a long time and knew how to use it to avoid the worse outcomes of his own injuries. However, he's a tank, he took hits and he still carries some of them with him. Even in his face, stiffness and soreness when he talks too much and sometimes it limits his ability to be expressive.
-Julien mostly avoided getting hit, he was young, fast and a dexterity fighter. His skill set was perfect for avoiding life shattering injury. However his personality is as much a threat to him as battle is. He pushed himself too hard to young and probably has several repeated stress injuries that could have been avoided if he had just paced himself better. He hides it well but sometimes those drunken benders aren't just to forget his tangled feelings but to sooth his overworked joints as well. The more stressed he is, the more he flares up and the more he pushes himself as a result. It's a vicious cycle that only Aranessa currently knows how to help calm.
-Azune probably doesn't even realize how much pain he is in. He has probably internalized it as normal and never talked to anyone about it or asked if it was wasn't. He was malnourished as a child, he was a soldier by the time he was a teenager and he hasn't stepped out of that position as protector and warrior since. He doesn't know any different. He takes good care of himself and has the ability to heal the worse of his own wounds but I don't think he's ever stopped to ask himself what the normal about of pain to be in is. Not to mention the muscle tension this poor man must deal with. He is hyper vigilant at all times. That has got to result in so much tension and stress that some days it's a battle just to get himself out of bed and dressed.
cw: gender neutral reader, sfw, angst with (mostly) happy endings, lots of tears and anger, bad communication (minho, hyunjin, seungmin), anxiety (changbin, hyunjin, jisung), minho and hyunjin are kinda toxic in this one but they are not doing it on purpose, implied anger issues (chan), minho's is kinda open ended, one olivia rodrigo quote, most of them are more comfort than hurt though, very flowery language here and there
For Chan fighting is always a war against himself, against the anger that used to embrace him like a lover but now only clings to him like the cologne of an unwanted ex. Coming back to him again and again, clawing at his skin, scratching him up from the inside. He hates the anger that used to define him and still sometimes overcomes him. He hates the person he becomes when his anger wins against his brain. So he goes to war against himself, swallowing it down, ridding his mind of every trace of it. He takes your hand, holds it so tight, reminding himself of who is standing in front of him, what this is really about. Your relationship, and so instead of getting angry he talks it out, slowly, with many breaks in between sentences. Getting energy to keep going from the way you squeeze his hand whenever it gets hard for him. But it gets better. After a fight he needs a hug, or a whole night of them. Grounding him first before pulling him back up for air. He longs for a hand in his hair, soothing the ocean of emotions inside him. He wants to break the cycle of anger that haunts him since his childhood, but he needs time to do so, and someone that loves him, so he is not scared of falling. Please, tell him that you are proud of how he handles his anger, he is so scared of losing you because of it.
Minho fights like a cat. And I don't mean that as a joke. Cats know to aim for the eyes, the ears, the neck. Pushing their enemies on to their backs so that they can freely hit the soft stomach. Cats hiss and yowl when fighting, clawing deeper and deeper into the fur of their enemy, until they taste blood and their enemy goes limp. And Minho is like this too. Not physical, he would never touch you in anger, but still his tongue is as sharp as claws and his words hold onto you like a cat's teeth would. It's not pretty, it's not nice. It's terrible. Fights with MInho are loud, and mean. He doesn't want to be mean. He is not a mean person. But when he is so deep in his emotions, the only way he knows to protect himself, is by fighting. The best thing you can do is to leave. Go away. Let him burn off his anger, until he realizes that his words hit you where it hurts the most. When you return, he will be the one on his back, showing his soft side to you. Hurting himself with every word that he used against you. Breaking apart at the thought of causing you pain. Of pushing you away for good. The fear that you may leave him for good clouding his mind. You can talk through this, you two are stronger than this. He can be better than this. If only you stay with him.
When Changbing fights, he is ridden with fear. What if this is the fight to end it all? What if this time you finally decide that you are finished with him? Why wouldn't you leave him, when he is always so busy, always leaving you alone. Fights with Changbin always turn into something deeper. No matter what the fight was about originally, the fear that this will be the end of you two eats him alive. In his brain he is so easy to be left, it's so hard to love him, so why should you keep doing it? Why would you keep trying? This leads to him trying to end fights quickly and quietly. Sitting down, next to each other, his hand holding yours. Playing with your fingers, even if you are still angry. He speaks softly, kindly. Communicating his feelings in a fair and open way. His skin is warm on yours. Eyes kind when you in turn explain how you feel. He won't interrupt you once. Wiping your tears away, you int tun wiping his cupping his face. When slowly the anger turns to conversations, healthy conversations, unfolding deeply rooted fears, loneliness, growing stronger right next to each other. At one point he can help but smile, being so proud of how strong you become, how he can watch you grow. You end up cuddled up, hands still holding onto each other. Stronger than before. And Changbins fear being forgotten, and should it rear its ugly head again, it is much smaller than before.
Hyunjin always needed to protect himself. The world was never kind to him. Every nice act towards him was followed by darker thoughts. He knows what people think of him, what they call him behind his back. That they only want his pretty face and his emotions don't matter. Or if they do, they are what makes him imperfect, unlovable. Noone cares about a soft artistic soul, if they can't profit off of it. Can't profit off of him. Who is he if not exploited? Nothing. No one. He knows that so he turns his back to you. Closes the door to the atelier behind him. Turning up the music, painting in blues and in grays. Dark smudges on canvas. He likes to believe that that's how he protects his own heart. But deep down this is also how he protects yours from him. His words are sometimes too sharp, his eyes too cold, a quirk of an eyebrow tells stories. And it hurts you. The roll of his eyes, that he didn't even notice could break your heart. Maybe he is the ice prince. Maybe he is too cold to touch. Maybe everyone around him gets frost burned. But please not you. You are his warmth, please don't leave him, just because he had to get cold to protect his softness. Icy white mixes on his canvas, and he feels himself shiver in his atelier. Already regretting that he left you alone. But it's better to be alone than freezing in his cold. The more surprised he is when warmth enters his atmosphere. Hugging him from behind. Melting his ice. You should talk about it. Stop him from leaving the people he loves. But not now. The ice is melting under your skin. Later you can talk, now he just needs to be reminded that being soft together can make someone strong.
Jisung physically can't fight you. He can't. It makes him sick, literally. I'm not talking about little disagreements or just the two of you having different opinions on something. But actual emotional, angry fights. Standing in the living room, hands gesturing, word louder than usual. No. He can't handle it. Jisung is too emotional to have you look at him angry. Because every time he sees your face he just sees how you usually smile at him, how pretty you look when focusing on something, your calm expression when you are asleep. He can't be angry at you, and in turn expects for you to handle your anger too, to talk it out with him instead. If its a less serious fight, he handles it pretty well, he holds up against your emotions easily and lets you blow off steam if needed, before you talk it out. He holds your hand, kisses it every now and then while you loosen the knot of emotions that caused this fight. But if the fight is serious, like endangering your relationship serious, his calmness is gone. And seeing you angry at him almost puts him into a panic mode. He is constantly scared of you just walking out on him, and honestly, just you looking at the door for too long could cause a breakdown. In those moments it's your turn to swallow all this anger and help him unfold the anxiety in his stomach. In these situations there is no taking a step outside to calm down, because once you leave the room, he is sure you will never come back. Relationships are teamwork, and with Jisung, especially. During fights, it's the most obvious. But once the fight is over, it's all forgotten and forgiven. Life can move on, and he can't wait to see you smile again.
Emotions are always a lot for Felix, they overcome him so easily, take him up. Felix feels with his whole body, with every cell. And he loves that about himself, he loves how much he trusts his gut and his emotional reactions to things. It's what makes his world even more beautiful in his eyes. But with him being so acutely aware of his emotions, he also knows to not let the win in complicated situations like the two of you fighting. On the contrary, he tries to bite them back. Instead clearing his mind and opening himself for conversations. Except for tears. Tears that come so easily and unstoppable to him, his most renowned jewelry. He doesn't use them to pressure you, but emotions, if strong enough, always come with tears for him. Happiness, sadness, anger. All those emotions come out in tears, even if he tries to keep his mind calm. But he doesn't mind, he ignores them. He sits down with you, and some tissues, to talk. Not caring about the streaks on his face and instead talking it all out. Because he knows how important it is to talk now, especially in situations of strong emotions. And when it's all talked out, he lets himself cry freely, now happy that he got it all out of his system, and more often than not you join, mostly in relief. The rest of the evening is very calm. He needs to constantly touch you, cuddling close, sleeping extra close next to you now. He would crawl under your skin and would still not be close enough.The next day is skincare day, with the two of you healing your skin, letting it recover from the salt of the shared tears. And tending to any emotional scars with sweets and laughter.
In fights Seungmin explodes in the first minute, and everything after is silence after the storm. He doesn't do it on purpose, he would love to approach fights like Felix or Changbin do, to immediately get a hold of all the strong emotions and just talk things out immediately. Do not let things get this bad between the two of you. But he can't. He will learn to, I promise. But for now his heart is a bomb and the fuse is lit when he sees the anger in your eyes. He isn't mean but he is loud and a fast talker, not letting you get any word in. And he has many build up emotions to spill out from his lips. He is not the best at addressing things that frustrate him as soon as they happen, but instead carries them with him like a cement block hanging off his feet. But when he is finally free of them he stares at the battlefield he just created and his mind is calm. He feels sorry, and regrets what he did. Apologizes for his outburst, asks if you can try to talk it out. He totally gets it if you now need your turn to let your emotions out, he lets you, stands still, listens as you let it all out to. Just to fall into your arms as soon as the both of you are finished. Maybe you don't fix stuff immediately, but this hug patches up the worst wounds for now.
When Jeongin ends up fighting, he needs a break. Not from your relationship, not at all. But of the conversation. He likes to leave the room, to go on a walk, to take a breath, maybe to even scream into nothingness for a second. Everything that keeps him away from you at the height of his emotions. So he can feel everything out without hurting you. He knows how words can sting, how they can bite and hurt. And so he keeps them to himself, lets himself breathe. Let you breathe, think through what just happened. He will return to you, he always will. And then he is ready to talk. First he needs a hug and then you talk. In low almost whispered voices. Kind words, calm words. Hugs, and gentle touches. He likes to talk it all out. Get to the root of the issue, not just the cause of the fight but also everything that came before that. Things of the past, your shared past and the past you had before each other. Then follows silence, a soft gentle silence only broken when at one point you feel ready to smile at each other. Holding hands and joking. The rest of the evening is really slow and quiet and from that point on, happy again. And in the morning you both wake up with a smile. Ready to face the world together.
jester doubles over when crying and presses his mouth against his knees. he'd press his forehead against them but he doesn't want his tears to stain his clothes and let the others see. and send post
When David Shaw awoke after the crash the first thing he felt was his Dad’s hands on him. Pushing magic into his core, healing him with everything he had within him. David looked into his Dad’s eyes and saw the blood covering the side of his face. He saw his Dad’s expression. That smile. That Gabriel Shaw smile. But in that moment it was not a smile of happiness, nor reassurance, but a smile of resignation. This smile was a goodbye.
The last thing David saw before he passed out once again was that smile, the last thing he felt was his father’s hand on his cheek, and the last thing he heard was the gentle words of his Dad:
ello gimme a angsty headcanon im stealing your game and turning it sad
of course you are /silly
hmm
pearl has a horrifically bad sleep schedule.
it was bad before DL, but after, it got so much worse.
She's aware, to some extent, that sleep deprivation played a role in how "unhinged" she was, and she wants to prevent that ever happening again.
On the Life servers, pretty much everyone gets up early, not wanting to waste the mob-free daylight.
After DL, after returning home, Pearl starts sleeping late on purpose. 5AM Pearl can't happen if Pearl isn't awake at 5AM.
Of course, to make absolutely sure she's never awake too early, she stays up very late. She tells herself it's to see the moon, and she feels more awake then. And that's sort of true.
If she's asleep when nearly everyone else is awake, and vice versa, that's only a coincidence.
(this was mostly pulled out of thin air but i like it so here you go, enjoy)
Causing myself mental blorbo anguish so I’m forcing all of you to hear about it too
So headcanon: we know Hershel isn’t good with grief, given how he reacted 10 years post Claire’s passing.
I believe that first day, he was calm. So deeply, unsettlingly calm for someone who just lost the person he was presumably going to propose to. He put in bereavement, packed a suitcase, and went driving. I have no idea exactly how long it takes to drive from London to his parent’s home, but that’s where he went.
The moment he’s on that doorstep though, all hell breaks loose. It all hits him at once and he’s inconsolable. Claire wasn’t much younger/older than he was, and now she’s gone, and he’s alone again. He was alone after Randall and he’s alone now. But he knew he couldn’t be alone alone, so he took himself to his parents.
They’re able to help him get back on his feet and get to work. But for that brief moment, he was a little boy again, terrified and alone and desperate to have something go right for once.
