#angstca

[drowninginfanfics]

But Steve was fine.

Sure, he hadn’t seen Bucky in months, and sometimes he was at the punching bag so long that his skin started to peel off to expose the bones of his fingers, and sometimes he couldn’t find the energy to drag himself out of bed, and sometimes he went weeks without sleeping, and sometimes he thought about throwing himself head-first off the nearest tall structure, but he was fine.

He was absolutely, perfectly, one-hundred percent, fucking fine.

AKA In which Steve learns how to deal with his shit, and Bucky learns how to stop leaving.

[drowninginfanfics]

The Winter Soldier isn't Bucky Barnes. But SHIELD needs him to be.

[No spoilers for the Winter Soldier movie except two tiny references.]

[drowninginfanfics]

The Hydra torture involved a lot of sadistic nipple play, once they noticed how sensitive Bucky's nipples were. Years after he still feels the need to keep them covered up, because exposing them makes him feel scared and vulnerable.

In the meantime, Steve is just trying to understand his friend as best he can.

[drowninginfanfics]

Almost the worst thing is how Steve doesn’t really see stuff. It’s not exactly like Steve sees the world through rose-colored glasses, but there’s a lot of things Steve doesn’t see.

Sometimes, because Steve doesn’t see it, other people don’t see it too. Like how Steve doesn’t see any problem with throwing a big hubcap at people who’re trying to shoot you. Steve didn’t see the problem, so somehow everybody just accepted it.

But sometimes other people do see the stuff Steve doesn’t see.

The Commandos don’t spend time with Bucky much.

[drowninginfanfics]

It's so dark Steve can't see how Bucky has changed.

[drowninginfanfics]

"Steve had learned that if you messed with someone--well, with Bucky, anyway--you could create the illusion of force."

[drowninginfanfics]

It's six in the morning, and Steve is heading out on a run when he nearly trips over a bouquet of sunflowers on the front steps of his brownstone.

For a second paranoia takes over, and he kicks the flowers a little, waiting for them to explode. They don't. They also came with a card, which he picks up. The front of the card has a tasteful picture of the Brooklyn bridge at sunset. It's very nice and sedate, like the kind of card you would buy to give to your boss. On the inside someone has written a short message in big, shaky block letters.

I AM SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU.

Steve sits down hard on the steps.

[drowninginfanfics]

When the mask falls off Steve recoils. He'll never forgive himself.