#angstyish

[mysticchessecake]

Calabash AU fanfic

(This is my first fanfic lol-Also I will be adding F! to differentiate real and fake)

What if instead of a "perfect world" . It was basically MK's nightmare?

MK woke up after an earthquake hit him. He got startled and saw that he's already late for his shift at pigsy, he scram to get ready quickly, sloppily putting his work outfit on. It was 9:02 already? As he went down, he noticed an uneasy feeling. Like it's not real. But he glossed over it worrying about work.

Mk- PIGSY Im sorry that Im late I overslept end-

Mk noticed Tang and pigsy lookin for a abit. Annoyed, mad, anyways Mk saw that the place wasn't even ready to be open! The doors were open yet not even the lights were on.

F! Pigsy- Mk. what are YOU doing here?

Mk- Uh to start my shift?

F! Pigsy- Mk. You quit to be "full time" monkie kid now. You LEFT us.

Mk- What no? When was that??

F! Tang- When you defeated DBK and sealed him and HIS family under a mountain with your staff.

Mk- Oh YEA, my staff where's is it?? -

F! Tang- Are you even listening from what I said? YOU USED YOUR STAFF

Mk- I don't remember that- I remember clones and Mei's parents and- wait wheres Mei?

F! Pigsy- Now you care about her?! You LEFT her and US for "destiny"

Mk- I-

F! Tang- Just get out Mk, we aren't in the mood to talk to you, go to your new "mentor"

Mk- Wait but whats happ-

F! Tang- OUT

Mk- o-oh

As Mk left the noodle shop he felt sad. 'Did this really happen? Why can't he remember? As he was walking away he saw Mei and Sandy! It's kinda odd because he doesn't really see Sandy in the city much. But he wanted to ask him why everything was so weird.

Mk- Mei! Sandy! Somethings happening and I dont know whats is it apparently I sealed DBk and-

He looked up to see Mei and Sandy upset. Angry, annoyed, mad.

Mk- Mei, Sandy are you oka-

F! Mei- Why are you talking to me?

Mk- W-wha-

F! Mei- You said it yourself? "Sorry I don't have time for 'good for nothing people now'"

Mk- I never said tha-

F! Mei- Now you're trying to deny it? We WERE your friends Mk. And you left us for monkie king.

Mk- Wait what do you mean I-

F! Sandy- Look Mk, just leave us alone. You wanted this.

As Mk trying to calm down, Mei and Sandy disappeared. Mk is left alone without anyone. As Mk was walking somewhere. He remembered something! He can go to Monkie king and he can tell him whats happenin- He remembered he dosent have his staff.

Then someone shows up unexpectedly. Monkie king. But its weird. Monkie king is wearing his fillet thing. But Mk couldn't focus on that, he was more surprised that Monkie king is in the city in his normal form. Mk got happy that maybe Monkie king can tell him what's happening.

Mk- Monkie king? What are you doing here? Why are you wearing your fillet? What's happen-

F! Monkie king- Sorry bud, But you can't be my successor anymore.

Back in the real world. REAL Pigsy gotten worried for Mk. It's already been 5 hours since he showed up. Mei who knows Mk wouldn't go out for that long without going home first decided to go in the secret base to look for him. So she got Pigsy, Tang, and Sandy to look for Mk. Mei got her laptop and looked for Mk cam. They were all stunned. He was talking to Monkie king? In the city? And the conversation went like this.

Mk- What?

F! Monkie king- You left your friends so quick when you sealed off DBK. Im impressed that you did it but, bud, you left your friends.

Mk- When was that I dont rem-

F! Monkie king- Just don't come back. Can't have a traitor near me.

In the REAL WORLD, Mei, Tang, Sandy and Pigsy were shocked. Mei rewind a bit and she saw the conversation with him and Mk. Then Pigsy and Tangs conversation.

Mei- Yeah this we need to save Mk from this "world"

Everyone else agreed. Mei tracked the last seen location of Mk and they went off.

They stumbled in this odd looking house, they knocked and they heard a terrible impression of a old lady saying

Old lady- May I help you?

Pigsy- Have you seen a kid with brown hair and a red bandana around?

Old lady- No sorry-

The terrible impression old lady closed the door. They all knew that they have Mk. Back at the Fake world

Mk is in his room crying. He lost his friends, his mentor, his staff, and everything. It's like the world is against him now. He wanted to rewind time and see what's happening.

In the REAL world Mk's friends busted open the odd house and saw two Demons, they call themselves the Yin and Jin. And them being the absolute idiots they are. They revealed that Mk is trapped in the calabash. Mei not taking their crap was about to beat the living. Until they revealed that they have Mk and you can't do nothing then they showed the power of the calabash .

In the Fake world! Mk is sitting depressed until he realized that he can get the staff where he found it! So he dashed through the area and she enough, he the saw the staff there. As he was walking to the staff he heard F! Mei's voice

F! Mei- Mk? Are you trying to unseal DBK? Just to get your staff back? To become Monkie kings mentor again?

Mk- I just need my staff okay? So-

F! Pigsy- Kid, you aren't serious right?

F! Tang- You are willing to hurt the city to become his MENTOR?

Mk- It's not like that I-

F! Sandy- Mk don't do this please.

Mk- I-

F! Monkie king- Bud, You aren't gonna become my student anymore, I-

He suddenly got cut off.

In the REAL world Mei is kicking Jin and Yin's asses for making Mk suffer. Tang got the calabash and said

F! Tang- Mk get the staff NOW

Mk- but what about DBK??

F! Pigsy- Its not real GET IT

As Mk ran to get the staff he suddenly felt like something was off. What if it actually happened and he just forgot. What if Pigsy and Tang were not the same? What if. He wasn't worthy?

In the REAL world. Tang and the others were thinking what's taking long. He should have just took the staff and got out right? Jin and Yin were knocked out by Mei. Then they realized that Yin and Jin made Mk extremely doubtful somehow. Then Mei got the calabash and said

F! Mei- Mk. Get the staff. It won't release DBK, I promise

As Mk suddenly come to his senses. He got the stick and pulled it out. He saw white then he saw everyone crying. They're thrilled to see him back in the real world. As Mk stood up to hug Pigsy. He asked

Mk- Are you real...?

Pigsy- Yes I am kid...

They all hugged Mk and brought him home. Mk is slightly traumatized from it but nothing he can't handle right?

[handmeyourheart]

Oneshot

Pairing: Mk and SWK platonic.

Summary: MK has been overworking himself to the extreme and doesn’t know how to take a break with the fate of the world on his shoulders. Wukong takes some notice and they talk about the pressure.

Warnings: A bit angsty, maybe ooc for MK but like, angst— he’d be super scared to fail. It’s kinda rough for my first one but It’s just something to tide me over until I start getting requests.

Words: About 1.5k!

MK bit down the urge to scream as his back collided with the ground, effectively knocking the wind out of his lungs and sending him spiralling backwards. After tumbling against the ground for a brief moment before he slid to a stop on his stomach, he pondered why he was doing this again. Worn fingers grappled at the earth by his head, trying to shake off his miserable defeat and get up, but the coarse texture of the mountainside only served to give him no leeway, but instead a few scrapes and the fleeting feeling that even the mountain was laughing at him.

Again, he tried to get up, muscles tense and aching after the extensive and lengthy training that seemed more like the great sage just wanted to vent his anger on his poor, blissfully unaware student. He was innocent here, so why was the training so rough for no reason? MK cast aside the thought with a slight shake of his head, gently propping himself up on his elbows as he glanced at where he’d made impact with the ground earlier, grimacing at the sight of his own imprint having disturbed the rocky surface. Did Wukong really have to exert that much force against him? It was obvious who the winner would be, even if it was just a training session— one MK struggled to even organise with the great sage’s busy schedule. His arms shook at the effort it took to hold himself up, gritting his teeth at the nausea that grew only more prominent, from what was only a gentle reminder that he needed rest to a great force trying to get his mortal body the kind of care that it needs to function. For a moment, the world spun in front of his eyes, distorting like a carnival mirror. The sudden vertigo wasn’t appreciated however as MK had to shut his eyes and regain his breath, lungs convulsing. With every passing moment his mouth felt dry, and no matter how he tried to salivate the sensation he was going to throw up if he received just one more punch to the gut was still lingering, sitting low in his stomach, lying in wait for the perfect opportunity. He wasn’t sure he could vomit at this point, he doesn’t remember the last time he ate, so it would likely be a combination of saliva and stomach acids if he were to but it isn’t something that’s the most pleasant to imagine so he left it alone.

“Come on kid! Where’d all that vigour from this morning go?” The monkey king's encouragement soured as he thought of it like negative feedback, clenching his teeth together from his spot on the floor until his molars ground together. Usually, MK was super enthusiastic about these training sessions, always one to be super positive no matter how hurt he got and take it as another experience and another lesson on how to better improve. But this MK was tired, sleep-deprived even, having fully overworked himself to the extent of this shell of his former personality who was only trying to get the things on his to-do list done so he could rest for once. This MK also had the fate of the world resting on his shoulders and it's not the most stress-relieving activity to try and be good enough to stop the end.

He’d realised that he hadn’t moved at all, gathering his strength to try and sit up from the ground, despite the protest of his muscles as they objected against the action. After struggling to reposition himself sitting upright, it seemed his mentor had finally noticed something was off with his successor, sauntering over to the heaving MK.

“You alright ‘bud? You seem pretty out of it.” He’d stoop down to survey his apprentice, the slightest hint of concern lacing his voice, he did worry for the kid, but his ego could make it difficult to show.

“You kicked me in the face, I’m doing so good.” MK deadpanned, lifting his gaze to meet Wukongs humourly, mouth twitching at the idea his facade wasn’t being the most convincing right now. But he shrugged it off, hoping that the simian would just write off his behaviour just this once. Wukong however was not as amused by him avoiding his gaze, lifting an eyebrow in necessary suspicion.

“Yeah okay, we’ll end it here. You’re pretty roughed up today.” He’d comment, eyeing MK’s clothes. To be fair it did look like he’d been dragged against a dirt road, plus he just appeared flat out exhausted. It was only out of consideration that Sun Wukong let him off, scrutinising the importance and necessity of MK improving though he couldn’t always do something like this, it genuinely seemed like the kid needed a break. At the mention of the session being over, said successor seemed to just deflate exponentially, falling back onto his back with a sigh and a half hearted, ‘thank the heavens above’, which Wukong definitely scoffed at.

The monkey brought his hands together, lightly pushing his tail against the other's forehead. “Now would you be so kind as to explain what’s up with you? Your movements were sloppy if not effortless and— woah, that’s a sharp look. Hit a nerve? Come on, MK, you know I only want to teach you.” He raised his hands defensively at the glare he received, now quite curious as to what was bothering the boy to this extent in order to cause such uncharacteristic hostility.

MK brought a hand to comb through his hair, “Sorry, sorry. I’m just stressed, I think. Though it’s pretty normal for me now as the Monkie Kid, I just,” He paused to consider his words, unsure of how to phrase it. It was difficult to interpret his thoughts when he was just so wound up and didn’t really know what to do. He sent a look back over to Wukong who only reassuringly motioned with his hands to continue. “It’s a lot sometimes, it isn’t always easy to handle. Sorry I gave you an attitude about it, I’ve missed out on a bit of sleep but I didn’t want to worry anyone.” MK admitted guiltily, raising his hand to scratch at the back of his neck. Even if he hadn’t mentioned it they were all likely to notice eventually, he just hadn’t been willing to entertain that idea. The monkey king sighed gently, placing a comforting hand on his shoulders.

“Look, kid. I’m not the greatest at this whole reassuring thing. Never really been my whole shtick, solo flyer troublemaker on the rise.” He clears his throat at the irrelevant piece he’d added. “But you’re a good kid, and you’re doing great, much better than I could’ve hoped for. It’s good to have worries but just, don’t let it get to your head. It’ll get all mangled up in your little MK head and stuff like this’ll happen. You’ve got us don’t you? Me and your little gang of misfits. They’ve got your back, so show your appreciation by not balling it all up and put your MK smile back on! We missed ‘ya buddy!”

MK gave the monkey king an appreciative gaze, behind all the fronts he put up the guy really did seem to care, he just went about it in his own way. “Thanks, Wukong. I really needed that.” He smiled gently. Wukong just waved it off, grinning smugly as he achieved reinforcing MK’s fortitude. Despite the reassurance however, the deep pit in MK’s stomach refused to leave, feeling as though it was congesting his intestines, it was either that or he was just really, really hungry.

“Here’s a suggestion— why don’t we go grab something from Pigsy? Kicking your ass really took it out of me, I’m starving.”

“Sounds good! Then I’m passing out, into another dimension I’m so tired.” MK joined Wukong in his laughter, feeling a bit better about the whole thing. And besides, it’s nice knowing he really does care, even if it isn’t always apparent.

[vee-vee-writes]

Request: Abandonment and Love

Request description: Trevor and Sypha come back from their journey to the castle and invite Alucard into their relationship, but he has moved on. Alucard is not interested in picking up where they left off, especially now that he was found somebody who loves and respects him.

A/N: I use the names Alucard and Adrian interchangeably throughout this fic

Loneliness, that was all Alucard had felt for months after Sypha and Trevor had abandoned him to continue on their own journey together. It had been obvious since he had first met the duo that there had been an attraction between them. Adrian had tried to warn Sypha to stay away from the man, sensing a reckless darkness in him, and yet she had not listened. The two had strayed closer and closer together while Adrian had watched from the side-line, a lonely man clouded by grief that went ignored by his newfound friends.

There were moments when the duo lavished him in attention, but they were few and far between. A snide remark or joke from Trevor, a comforting smile and squeeze on the shoulder from Sypha. Not to mention the obvious sexual tension that hung in the air during these interactions…and yet they had turned away from him. Leaving him to stew in his grief and madness the two had gone off to travel Wallachia.

During this time Alucard had been left to his own thoughts; grief about his mother’s untimely death, anger at his father for unleashing hoards upon the earth and almost killing his own son, and then more grief over being the one to end his own father’s life. The darkness had become an all-consuming pit inside of him and every day he fell deeper and deeper into it. The first glint of hope for companionship was when Sumi and Taka had appeared at the castle seeking aide. However, their betrayal had further shattered Adrian.

It was not until Greta had entered his life that Adrian felt that the pieces of his life were coming back together. Greta did not try to force him to open up to her nor did she expect anything from him the way that the preceding duos had. Instead, Greta had wormed her way into his heart, bantering with him and revealing her thoughts, emotions, and secrets when the time called for it. Inbetween leading and fortifying the village the two had become romantically involved, often stealing sweet moments away in the woods away from prying eyes.

Adrian had also made friends among the villagers, especially with the village orphans who were desperate for his attention. They had begun to look at him like a father and Adrian could not help but feel touched by that. He took pleasure in making them giggle, telling them stories, and patching up their wounds when they hurt themselves. Finally, the dhampir had begun to find his place in the world once again.

However, when Trevor and Sypha turned up back at the castle and tried to pick up where they had left off it had unsettled Adrian. He had greeted them curtly but had remained distant ever since, reluctant to become get too close again. Adrian's feelings did not change even when they approached him one night in his office inviting him into their relationship.

Once upon a time he would have been open to the idea but after they had abandoned Adrian and then barged their way back into his life expecting the world from him, he could not accept the offer. The damage ran far too deep by then. Greta and the other villagers had helped him to see that he deserved better, that he deserved to be loved. Adrian was not a toy that could be played with and discarded whenever one was bored.

So, deciding that this needed to be snuffed out here and now, Adrian had made his feelings to the Sypha and Trevor truly clear. He did not want to hurt them, even after everything they had put him through, and he did not resent them. Simply put Alucard wanted to create some boundaries for the two so that he would not have his heart stepped all over again.

He genuinely cared for the duo and wanted to remain friends but needed time to heal from the damage their abandonment had caused (on top of his parents’ deaths + Sumi and Taka’s betrayal). Adrian made it crystal clear that he had Greta now too, a woman for whom he deeply cared. Trevor and Sypha were surprised by his assertions but mostly they were ashamed of how they had treated their companion. Respectfully they acknowledged his boundaries and bid him well, hoping that one day they could repair their friendship with the man.

[jotonomy]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

He’d brought up a pair of kitchen shears and presented them for her inspection. “Do you trust me?”

“Not remotely,” she’d said that first time.

“Not particularly,” she’d said the next time.

The third time or so, she’d softened a bit. “I really shouldn’t.” And then, from one second to the next, they’d gone from staring at each other to kissing ferociously, tearing clothes off, scratching and biting and wrestling their way to climax. He cut her hair the next morning, before she returned to King’s Landing.

--

I received the loveliest gift yesterday. A bittersweet, soft, post-season 8 AU pegging fic tht is really so much more than pegging. I know there was a ton of fic posted yesterday, so I wanted to make sure I gave this bad boy a boost.

[fromthefarshore]

something angsty-ish:   BOKUAKA “Please I just… really need space right now.”          

ao3 here

 Akaashi never really sees it coming, he hasn't seen it months ago and he doesn't now, the sudden blues tainting his thoughts, the uninvited sadness making him stop in the middle of the practice and ask the team not to pass the ball to him anymore because he cannot set, not now, not for a while. What he does see though is a knowing look coming from Onaga, later accompanied by worried glances from Suzumeda as they both think, again, if the sudden dejected mood is the curse passed along the captains of the Fukurodani volleyball team.

 Akaashi gives them a tiny, slightly bitter beam, as always, telling them it’s not the same thing Bokuto used to have.

 “I’m alright,” he says. “It’s really not the old Bokuto thing, I’m simply a bit tired, ” he assures his teammates from last year, and yet, he keeps it away from both of them that the reason behind this slightly strange behaviour, in fact, is closely connected to Bokuto. Or perhaps, in the lack of him.

 Akaashi calls the first year setter to take his place. His eyes linger on the yet to become wide back before the view gets a bit blurry and the voices around all mix together.

 The gym is not the same when Bokuto isn’t there. The volleyball isn’t the same. It’s less fun and more tiring, the excitement doesn’t exactly go all the way up to bring a wide smile on Akaashi’s face and instead of making Akaashi feel alive, sometimes it seems more as if with every game he’s withering from inside more and more. The team is always around him, but there’s no one to embrace when they win the match, and there's no one to share the pain of the loss with either.

 Akaashi never voices it out, but the words are always dancing dangerously on the tip of his tongue.

 Without Bokuto around, it’s all a little bit meaningless.

 Suzumeda is not surprised, not anymore, when Akaashi excuses himself and moves over to the bench. She follows him with her eyes, but she doesn’t say anything. There are no options A, B or C with Akaashi like it was with Bokuto; both he and Suzumeda know that it’s Akaashi himself who deals with whatever happens inside his head. It’s only Akaashi, though, who knows it’s not really helping him much.

 His hands are trembling slightly as if they’re listening to the melody of Akaashi’s thoughts, and so he links them together, hoping that it’ll help.

 He lets out a deep sigh when it doesn’t, following with his eyes the bending fingers that play a game of their own. It’s ridiculous, but Akaashi can’t stop thinking how there’s no Bokuto to put his warm hands atop the mess of trembling fingers and say not to be nervous, not to worry. It’s ridiculous, and yet, his mind is clinging to it as if that’s the only thing to keep himself together.

 He misses Bokuto. He misses him an awful lot, but when he lets himself wonder, and hope, just a bit, that maybe Bokuto misses him as well, his chest starts aching.

 He puts a towel on his head and closes his eyes.

 The scene plays again and again behind his eyelids, the close up of Bokuto’s blank face after the loss in their last match together a bit more than half a year ago, the sadness and hurt in his eyes when he’s pushed Akaashi away, the beginning of their detachment that back then seemed like just a simple phrase, whispered by always a bit too emotional Bokuto.

 “Please, I just… really need space right now.”

 Involuntarily, Akaashi’s lips curl into a weak, painful smile.

 He’s never thought that “right now” can last so long.

[secretlifeofacloud]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

So I wrote this thing because of this ask I sent to @directium and I got inspired, It gets kind of a lot naughty, not gonna lie, it got a little out of hand but you can skip that part and just read the rest, so thanks!

Here’s a little sneak peek.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He hated this, everything about it, that he was was sneaking around, the fact that he lying, doing unspeakable things, but most of all, that he liked it, he really liked it. He liked Kevin, and being with him, and around him, he liked the way Kevin smelled, the way he laughed, how he talked, his voice in general, and his eye’s, despite them being green, they were so dark, also his stubble, it was something he found a little disgusting at first, but now it was something he found addictive and found himself running his hand over it over and over again. Daniel hated that he liked the situation and Kevin so much, but no matter how much he tried to convince himself to turn around and leave and to just stop, he always found himself in front of the small house among other small houses, with a dirty porch and a broken doorbell, knocking with a big smile on his face.

“Comin’!” The woman’s voice yells from the other side, he can hear the sound of running around can be heard before the door opens.

“Hello Mrs. Wilkins, how are you today?” Daniel’s big smile is met with a tired one, the woman had five kids, Kevin was the oldest at seventeen and the youngest was four.

“Oh, Daniel.” She almost seems surprised, she smiles through it. “I’m good,” The sound of children screaming goes off in the background, she shuts her eyes, “how about you?”

“I’m just swell.” Daniel brings his bible to his chest to hold tighter. “I just came for Kevin’s bible teaching.” ‘Lying is a sin Daniel.’ The bible mocks him, he keeps the smile on his face as he feels sweat begin to build.

“Yes, yes, come in.” Mrs. Wilkins pulls him in by his shirt. “You know where to find him.” She says simply before running off to find out where the screaming was coming from.

[pastlechips]

Ray/Saeran dabble kinda... Angsty-ish

(Okay so notes, this in inspired by an MC that got attached to Ray but doesn’t get a chance to save him, because it’s V’s route...she can’t be what he needs. Sorry my writing is pretty trash.)

His smiles would eclipse your vision but much like the sun disappearing, it would leave you unsettled. Such a soft face of happiness, yet there was something so awfully out of place when his lips quirked up in joy.  There were moments when you wondered if he was talking to you or at you, your words barely making a dent in the conversation. Sometimes his eyes would darken in fury and you would see a small peek into the world from his eyes. Innocent may be a word some would use to describe him, however troubled and lost seemed more accurate. Shaking hands would grasp yours as he conveyed how much he needed you, depended on you. He was a star, burning out. Near the end of it’s time, both beautiful and painful to watch.  You knew that he was too far to reach, eventually if you stayed he would burn you both. The symbol of love and care he wanted you to be was not one you could provide, another needed you. For those so tormented and warped, can not always be saved and time was never on your side. So as you place your hands to the window and stare at the stars, you wonder if one day you will see him again. A different route to follow and a new chance. For that one who needed the most is the one you couldn’t save and the one that may never get that chance.

[fromthefarshore]

something angsty-ish:   KUROSUGA “It's all your fault”      

ao3 here

The match against Karasuno without Suga on the other side of the net is not the same for Kuroo. Mindlessly, his eyes travel to the white lines and benches, searching for Suga, waiting for him to walk up, holding a sign with number nine on it.

He doesn’t find the brownish silver hair, big brown eyes looking back at him or a smile, a grin almost, that would make Kuroo’s own lips curl upwards. Because today Suga’s not in the gym, today his uniform is left untouched and it will stay untouched for days, weeks, maybe even more, Kuroo doesn’t want to think about it.

But he thinks.

He can’t stop his thoughts, can’t stop thinking back and back, and back, rewinding the video of his memories and trying to see what he could have done differently.

Kuroo remembers his own snorts and cheeky comments when in the movies someone would say it’s better been them who got hurt, would say they’d take the other’s place. Kuroo is all about science, after all, and science says you have to prioritize yourself, you have to be glad you didn’t get hurt as well. Of course, you’d feel sorry for others, want to save them, but Kuroo has never wanted to trade his life for someone else’s, never wanted to change places. He has thought, maybe, probably, he’d do it for his family, but he has never imagined thinking such things about a person who he has known only a few months. And yet, he does.

He wishes it was him who was sitting on the back of the bicycle, he wishes it was him who got hit worse, ending up with fractured bones that won’t heal good enough to continue playing volleyball. Instead, he escaped with bruises only, and Suga took all the damage, ending up in the hospital.

Kuroo guesses that the team doesn’t know yet; their faces are too alive to be hiding away such a burden. Knowing everything, Kuroo himself is not good at hiding it, not now at least, or maybe not anymore. He misses a few tosses in a row, his legs don’t want to move as fast as usual and his eyes never really follow the ball. It’s awful.

“Time out!”

It’s their coach who stops the match, his eyebrows furrowed, lips in a tight line. Kuroo gathers himself and looks at the score.

“We’re losing pretty bad, huh?” he says, trying to make it sound light, nonchalant, but it doesn’t really work. His voice sounds trembling to his own ears and he wants to run away.

He stays, however, trying his best to plaster a somewhat believable smile on his face when Yaku groans and points a finger at him.

“Well, it’s all your fault! Start watching the ball.”

Kuroo stays silent for a moment, countless thoughts and images running through his mind. He sees Suga above all, he sees his smile and he also sees, hears him repeat the same words Yaku has just said.

It’s all his fault, Kuroo knows it, he knows it too well.

He takes a deep, shaky breath, and he nods.

“I’m not in the game today,” he says, and he looks through the shoulder to Karasuno team. Daichi is looking back at him, his eyes a mixture of anger and pity. It feels like he too is telling him the same words, perhaps being the only one on the team who knows what’s happened.

Kuroo can’t hold the eye contact and he looks away, down to his shoes. He clears his throat.

“Please let me withdraw from the game,” he asks the coach, but he doesn’t really wait for permission. “Inuoka can take my place. Kai, I leave the team to you.”

When he lifts his eyes, Kenma is looking at him knowingly, and even though he doesn’t say anything, Kuroo can see the unspoken warning in his eyes.

-

Kuroo doesn’t ride his bicycle to the hospital; it’s still in the repair shop, but even when he gets it back, Kuroo’s not sure if he will ever be able to ride it again. He stops at the crossing, angry red of a traffic light stinging him from inside. He doesn’t understand why he wanted to rush so much the other day, why he couldn’t stop, why Suga’s laughter behind him made him feel like they could do anything.

The light changes to green and then to the red again, and Kuroo walks away. He finds a pedestrian overcrossing instead, even though it does take quite a bit longer to get to the hospital.

Suga is in slumber when Kuroo enters the room, but when he carefully takes Suga’s hand in his, Suga squeezes it back and the tiniest of smiles appear on his face.

“Hey,” he says, and Kuroo feels the tears coming to his eyes. “How did the match go?”

Kuroo swallows, trying to get rid of a lump in his throat. It doesn’t disappear.

“Karasuno must have won. I left early,” he says. “I-”

Only now Suga opens his eyes; they look even bigger now that his forehead is fully visible, all the hair pinned up from when the nurse was taking care of the wounds.

“It’s not going to affect my daily life when it heals,” Suga says, slowly and calmly. “And you know I wasn’t planning on going pro or-”

“You would have continued.”

Suga closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, the corners are getting red with tears.

“I am alive, I can still walk and take care of myself, Kuroo, this could have ended a lot worse, you know it, so would you please- just- just stop, okay?”

Kuroo bites his lip, but he nods, slowly, uncertainly.

“I wish it was me,” he finally says, his voice small, nearly a whisper. Suga squeezes his hand a bit tighter and then, he whispers back.

“I don’t.”

Maybe it’s the note of acceptance, and some kind of relief in his voice that makes Kuroo’s chest hurt even more. He thinks it would probably be easier if Suga simply said, “It’s all your fault.”

But he doesn’t.

feel free to request the drabble!