#anti bughead

[luxaii]

LUXA'S DEFINITIVE RIVERDALE M/F SHIP RATING

jabitha - they're actually romantic soulmates, and that's because tabitha is bisexual and dating jughead in her egg form

josie/archie - they're sweet! and i love josie! and they should've been together longer!

vughead - they are the same person and also platonic soulmates. once jughead transitions and they are lesbians together they are romantic soulmates as well. world's most qpr. my children!!!

jughead/cheryl - does this ever appear in canon. no. however, the jughead/veronica/cheryl qpr triangle in my head is like charchie but better

charchie - he's standing in for her dead brother. she's someone he wants to save. he doesn't know she's gay. she's so gay even the platonic ideal of masculinity can't tempt her. what's not to love

donna/bret - they are not dating (both gay) but whatever's happening there is infinitely funnier than if they were dating

ethelhead - they should've hung out more outside of the bunker

kevin/betty - hilarious. peak fag & hag dynamic. not a lavender marraige because betty doesn't know kevin's gay. they should've gotten to fake date longer

kevin/cheryl - we never get to see them interact while bearding for each other but WE SHOULD HAVE

jason/polly - i am unfortunately a sucker for them. the tragedy... the romeo and juliet of it all... plus i think they're quite compatible

varchie - they have quite a bit of chemistry, because they're both bisexual, but veronica's only romantically interested in women so they're not compatible. also, varchies are so into them being romantic soulmates which they Are Not. plus, anytime one of them gets close to escaping the patriarchy, the other one drags them back in.

veggie - they're fun, but they should've stayed as partners in just crime

jughead/jessica - she likes to have him as her little purse dog. in a better world jessica would've hooked up with cheryl while in riverdale

fp/gladys - butch4butch, but slightly tempered by the fact that she ditches him and also they're not good at coparenting

fred/mary - they're mostly ranked this high because mary is my wife and also because they're 2/3 of the fredmarione parentcule. also, they do an excellent job coparenting archie. they are also t4t in my head

tangs - i think they complement each other well, they are clearly a good couple, baby anthony is awesome, and fnags is a great partner for the time toni needs to take away from cheryl for character development reasons. also i appreciate their bi4bi vibes and willing ess to be poly. however, they inspire no strong feelings in me at all

archie/unnamed california wife - presumably this goes well for them

jughead/toni - they are very much not compatible. however, the post transition transfem jughead f/f version of them that exists in my mind--

fangs/midge - cute, and i appreciate the kinda star crossed lovers thing they have going on. however, fangs did die in a bus crash, so we never know how they would've worked as adults

moose/midge - kind of an earlier iteration of tangs, in a way. don't mind them, and moose protecting midge during the black hood is also cute

fp/alice - they are both very interesting characters, so they're interesting as a couple, but also their dynamics with literally anyone else would've been more interesting. they should've been besties and fuck buddies

bughead - they're the world's most qpr detective twins. they should attached at the hip but never ever kiss. demoted for how awful bughead stans are about them

fred/hermione - also 2/3 of fredmarione, and i appreciate fred's willingness to go to bat for hermione against hiram.

sweet pea/josie - he's clearly obsessed with her, and is pretty supportive. i don't mind it

clay/toni - cute in concept, and i wish we'd seen more of their 50s bearding shenanigans, but he's too gay and chill about being gay for it to be interesting

hal/penelope - saved by the fact that hal doing penelope's bidding as her personal loyal serial killer is kinda funny. also saved by the fact that this is clearly on penelope's bucket list (dahmer)

valerie/archie - he was a really bad boyfriend to her. however, i didn't mind them together otherwise

betty/that fbi agent - he sucks, but he's not abusive, and he sucks enough that betty sees that & is able to leave him

hiramione - the evil4evil swag is not enough to overcome the patriarchy and abusive dynamic. tragic :(

barchie - the definition of heteronormativity.

clifford/penelope - incestuous in a way that is toxic and horrible. bad

halice - only below clifford/penelope because hal didn't have the balls to kill himself and free alice of him

veronichad - I HATE CHAD I HATE HIM I HATE HIM

[lecoindecachou]

Do I hate that ship or do I just hate the shippers, a novel by me

[ohlittlearchie]

betty loved archie before he “got hot,” before he was just some intriguing “flavor of boy.” she loved him through the most awkward time of their life, after sickening, manipulation-fueled rejection, and across timelines. even when their feelings turn into something tangible and the threat of being wrong for allowing them to do so is looming, it’s never a question of whether or not they love each other; it’s simply a matter of trying to convince themselves not to. but that’s useless, as would be every other attempt, because even after five years of no contact, of flings, of losses, of others flitting in and out of their lives, the two of them find each other for good, and they do and will in every single timeline.

all of that is to say the ending is ooc and therefore NOT real. the show ended with season 6 and season 7 was just choni fanfiction no one else was in it thank you and goodbye.

[natalie-waite]

My brother just had the most hilarious reaction to the bughead first kiss, I'm crying

[doctorcurdlejr]

What can you tell me about Bughead and why is it so popular despite being a plot they dropped seasons and seasons ago that was lavender marriage as heck?

Was never a fan of bughead and I believe a number of bugheaders blocked me a couple years ago after I said jughead "is a little bit fundamentally unlikeable" as a joke so I can't even explore their minds for science (healthy). Beyond the lavendar marriage thing, which I do think is fun, I got nothing. The boring woman's Tate and Violet maybe

[whatohitsonfirewelp]

In honor of a new riverdale season (actually, when did that even happen?? Guys, im so confused)

It’s that time once again

Here’s you not so friendly reminder that Jughead Jones is not gay, he is not straight, he is not bi, he is AROACE

[getyoursorryasstomine]

Since you're always up for asks and I'm too Covid-ridden to go anywhere lol - tell us why you love Barchie more than you like Bughead and Varchie! I bailed on the show in season two so can't contribute anything to this discussion but am always so interested in why all of us do or don't ship certain pairings!

With Varchie, I was never a huge fan. Felt more like friends to me and I preferred Valarchie (you can imagine my shock when my cousin told me Varchie would get together lol). But I don’t mind them being endgame simply because my ship was.

Bughead, I thought was cute at first but looking at metas and idk…it’s meh. I wish Falice was endgame (they’re my Rufly lol.)

As for Barchie, there are so many reasons why I love them. For starters, their chemistry was AMAZING. KJ and Lili were AWESOME at their roles. Plug the next door neighbor element along with childhood friends to lovers is the CUTEST thing. I love how much Archie cherishes Betty. And I love how strong Betty’s love and belief in him was there. She didn’t seem to make jokes about Grundy taking advantage of him (I love V, but those were not her finest moments, but she was young too so I can maybe give her pass. Idk it’s just fucked up to me lol.)

I really want to watch the later seasons for these cuties, but I’ll have to skip the ch*ni parts lmao

[azzybarjabi]

The trailer is out. I repeat the trailer is out. And not a single bit of bhvs is in sight. Life is good.