#antisexuality

[hibou088]

'Children perceive sex for the unwelcomed imposition or intrusion that it is, being sexually and psychologically immature, and so perceive it more accurately than adults, who are more often than not subjected to its intoxicating spells, blurring their ability to perceive it for what it is (the curse of being "sexually mature"). If the effect that undesired sexual contact has on children is "abuse" and "trauma", it just goes to show how depraved the more "normal" and "socially acceptable" sexual activity really is among adults, and how depraved they are to "desire it"... even with "socially acceptable" partners. What is not good for the goose in this case (children) should also not be good for the gander (adults). It doesn't take a very negative person to have a negative view of sex acts, it just takes a sober and rational person who doesn't want to see this stuff continue in the world. We don't just feel "repulsed" by sexuality, we know it is indeed repulsive. We don't just feel like "we don't want it," we know it's not a good thing to want. We don't just feel like it's "not for us," we know it harms people, ruins lives, and degrades society, and should not be for anyone. This is how we know.'

[radlissa]

Are you able to actually romantically love someone?

yes, i'm in a loving relationship :)

[t-raylodytello]

since it is the pride month, I want to sneak into your dashboard and say a word™️ about acephobia

while still being unsure whether i am demi or asexual, ive met plenty of acephobia on the internet for the past few years. the starting point of this post was yesterday's post on some russian network where in a comment section an asexual girl said "sex just seems gross to me, i don't know how it is to want it". maybe it wasn't 100% polite but she didn't say anything further about it and just continued expressing her opinion on another thing. then there appeared a boy who replied to this girl with this: "stop forcing people to feel shame and disgust for what is natural". but, wait, isn't it what prosexuals do most of the time?

some of the things other asexuals and demisexuals have to face when they confess about their orientation (it is what I personally read from people online):

"you won't ever have healthy and long-lasting relationship if you don't have sex with your partner."

"even if your partner says it's okay, they'll surely cheat on you and it is justified"

"you're so damn selfish, you're oppressing your partner and don't respect them"

"If you agree to date it means you MUST have sex, it is what relationship imply, if you don't want it, just don't date"

"If I were with you, I'd break up with you immediately, cos who needs a partner who doesn't want you?"

"HoW CaN YOu Not FeEL sEXuAl ATTraCtIoN To YoUr LoVEd OnE?"

"I would have been offended if my partner hadn't wanted me"

"You're just fat or ugly and nobody wants you so you say you're ace"

"Go see a doctor it's not okay"

"Maybe you're just so bad in bed that you prefer to say you're ace?"

"SeX IS ThE BeST THinG iN ThE WoRLd"

"SeX IS ThE MOst ImPoRtAnT PaRt Of THe ReLatIonShIp"

My personal favourite:

"If you're tired or have a headache or feel sick or have a depression, just have sex, it'll help"

Special personal favourite for asexuals/antisexuals who are in a relationship:

"But, like... what do you two do at night and when you have free time?"

Special personal favourite for demisexuals:

"No normal person would ever wait for long until you're ready"

Special personal favourite for asexuals/demisexuals/antisexuals who suffered from sexual abuse/rape:

"i have overcome sexual abuse and still have good sex life, what stops you? people are not all rapists and abusers!"

Special personal favourite I've heard from my stepfather:

"Who will even ask you, oh my god? He'll just go and take you and you won't say a word"

And it is only a part of a problem. Not only some prosexuals judge you for not experiencing sexual attraction, they also judge you if you do have sex life. If you refuse to try something such as anal or oral sex or any other "massively accepted and approved thing" simply because you don't feel okay with it, you will be judged, reminded that your sex life should be as various and interesting as possible, otherwise your partner breaks up with you, called plain in bed (which seems like the most offensive thing for such prosexuals)

And all in all, what is enough for an asexual to say so as to be accused of "forcing people to feel shame for what is natural":

Literally anything that means "sex is not my thing" (without judging prosexuals).

What is enough for a prosexual to say and to be not only supported but also protected by others:

Anything from the list above

And nO I'm not trying to say all the prosexuals are like this. I've also met many nice prosexuals who defense asexuals/demisexuals/antisexuals and feel empathy towards them, but the amount of disgusting prosexuals, sadly, prevails.

My personal reminder for all the asexuals and demisexuals and antisexuals out there who feel ashamed for who they are:

Sex might be the most important thing in the relationship for others, but it doesn't mean it should be this way for you

Lack of sexual desire or not having one or not having it until you know the person well enough is OKAY

You will have normal relationship if you so wish. I can personally prove it by saying that I am in a relationship and my boyfriend asks me if I'm okay with literally anything that he offers to try. The first time I willingly took off my bra in front of him he said he thought it was too early for me and that I wasn't ready. We are dating for almost a year but we haven't had sex yet (even tho we're in a long-distance relationship, he doesn't say I must have sex with him just because we haven't seen each other for few months, as I've seen other long-distance dating people say). And it CAN be the same for you.

You're not crazy, not selfish. It is not an illness.

If you don't feel okay with something others seem to enjoy, it is natural.

If you don't want to even try, just don't.

If your partner says you must have sex with them, remind them you actually mustn't. And you better leave toxic relationship as soon as you spot they're toxic.

You shouldn't feel shame for who you are, there're will always be people who understand and support and love you

But first, you should love yourself.

[hibou088]

Probably the BEST thing I have ever read regarding antisexuality and/or asexuality. It answers every question and counterargument about these two subjects. I recommend everyone to read it :

[chrysocollatown]

AVEN has continued to evolve since Apositive was formed, but it has become more and more of a "policed" site rather than a moderated one, especially since it is run by a constantly changing, committee-style government that MUST rely on an ever-growing list of rules in order to have the slightest chance at consistency. Any violation of the ToS at AVEN can earn a warning, three warnings earn a permanent ban, and in the well-intended effort to make it "safe" for everybody it has actually become less safe for those members who want to or need to speak their minds - especially the newer ones. In some ways, I think AVEN has lost sight of the fact that a lot of people who have just discovered asexuality have to go through a period of ranting about all of the abuse (real or imagined) that they have experienced at the hands of the sexual world. It really IS very much like going through sexual de-toxification. (Who invented that term? It wasn't me, but I LOVE it!) At AVEN, they don't seem to be able to distinguish between a rabid anti-sexual and a person who just needs to vent, decompress, recover, and then find their balance. I fear that the efforts to silence ALL anti-sexual rants at AVEN may end up alienating some people who might have eventually become very good, contributing members if they had only been given a chance. I know that this distinction may seem like splitting hairs, but I really think that people should be given a fair chance.

KAGU143 in History: Asexuality & the Nonlibidoism society (2010)

[chrysocollatown]

Roy wrote: And really, it's not like being anti-sexual is going to impact anyone else negatively. What are they, like 0.02% of the population  :roll: --- This is only partially true I think. When their site was live, they really didn't do any harm, seeing as they were off in their own little bubble. However, when they pretty much took over AVEN, I felt they were doing tremendous damage. If I had just heard of asexuality and visited AVEN for the first time when it was like that, I would have concluded asexuals are a bunch of psychologically messed up assholes, a group to be avoided. I am sure that during that time, many genuine asexuals feeling alone in the world came over in hopes of finding their place, and left feeling further isolated. This is why I spent my last year on AVEN fighting them tooth and nail before concluding that the stress it brought me was not worth the continued losing struggle. I decided to cut my losses and abandon the sinking ship. Just another note. Another common thing amongst the Nonlibidoists, which they brought with them when they came to AVEN, was their elitism. They were better than sexuals, better than AVEN asexuals, just plain better. They didn't have those desires of the flesh ruling over their bodies. They were more rational, and could feel more purely since their emotions weren't clouded by sex. They were perhaps the biggest group of egotistical douchebags I have ever encountered. When they polluted AVEN, they frequiently used terms such as "real" or "pure" asexuals, as though thinking sex was okay made you impure. People would show up and mention that they tried sex before and really didn't care for it, only to be berated for even thinking they might be asexual, as a "real asexual" would never even try sex. Long established members would become constant targets of attack, supported by the masses. Discussions on sexuality other than "sex is icky" would be drowned out in those very juvenile lamentations. In short, thanks to them, for at least a year AVEN was non-hospitable towards anyone but them, so they did do their damage.

Dargon in History: Asexuality & the Nonlibidoism society (November 20, 2010)

[chrysocollatown]

One of the major motivations of homophobia is disgust. Many people feel disgusted at the idea of having sex with someone of the same sex. ...

by @godlessace back in 2010

One of the major motivations of homophobia is disgust.  Many people feel disgusted at the idea of having sex with someone of the same sex.  This personal disgust leads to disgust with anyone having same-sex sex.  And then it's assumed that anything they find disgusting must be immoral. Some asexuals (but not all) feel disgusted at the idea of having any sex.  This occasionally leads to the belief that sex is bad, and non-procreative sex should be reduced as much as possible.  This belief is known as antisexuality. The historical relationship between the asexual community and antisexuality is an interesting one.  It's the story of how a community shifted from antisexuality to sex-positivity.  Let's jump back to 2001, before the founding of AVEN, the major asexual community of today.

Keep reading

well, this could have been very useful a couple months ago

fuck it, i'm gonna add it anyway