So, after some thought, I added some more to Merciful and decided to actually copy it ALL the way here. Will also update on AO3 later.
Used two super neat and good headcanons about Leo here. One is from @souxfle and one comes from some deep diving on Leo from a post here
I hope you all enjoy!
Read with some caution, there is some strong language and slightly heavy themes.
Gonna go with MDNI also because of some mentions of spicy themes.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Merciful
~/~
“No stupid joke changes my feelings. And I hope to hell it didn't cost me you."
᭝ ᨳଓ ՟
“You know what, I'm breaking up with you.”
The way Kiyoshi's breath caught in his lungs so suddenly should have been an indication of this being a terrible decision. It was his first even slightly negative reaction to any of Leo's antics for the entire day. April Fools had brought out even more of Leo's antics with an upped ante, but for the most part Kiyoshi had just giggled at him. Sometimes playfully rolled his eyes, or maybe the occasional ‘aw come on Leo, don't do that.’ This time though, Leo’s words had frozen Kiyoshi stone cold. It was an instant turn of his mood, one that Leo didn't initially detect.
“You…what? What did I do…?”
Kiyoshi jumped slightly, his eyes widening with tears when Leo burst out laughing, “Ahahaha…! Finally I got you! Obviously I'm just kidding.”
His laughter wasn't joined, creating an emptiness that Leo did in fact detect. A resounding silence surrounded his own laughter, not an echo to be heard. It should have been his second warning sign, but somehow it didn't click yet. Still chuckling, he found Kiyoshi just staring at him with a nearly completely blank expression. His mouth slightly ajar, a tremble ringing through him while Leo’s amusement carried on. Feeling tears water up in his bright red eyes though, Kiyoshi slightly ground his teeth as he scrubbed at his eyes while feverishly shaking his head.
“...shut up.”
As if he hit an electric fence, Leo startled the slightest. The ice in Kiyoshi's voice was not commonplace. Nearly akin to the warning of the rattling of a rattlesnake. Golden eyes widening, Leo raised a brow as he gave another laugh, despite it being more uneasy this time. He approached Kiyoshi, offering him open arms for a hug, to which Kiyoshi instantly stepped back. The dhampir defensively wrapped his arms around himself, glaring at Leo with daggers in his eyes for the first time since they met.
“C'mon Kiyo, it was just a joke, like all the other things today.”
“What do you mean you're just kidding? If you said that so easily, did I ever mean anything to you in the first place? How could you?” Kiyoshi demanded, his usual playfulness completely gone.
“Oh come on, Kiyoshi, are you pranking me back? You're really selling it. Say April fools for acting like you believed me so we can go get lunch.”
Kiyoshi glowered, shaking his head again, harder this time, "I can laugh with you all day. Joke with you all the way to the end and back. But that wasn't funny and you know it!"
"Kiyo, dude, I-I'm just-"
"Just what? Self sabotaging again because everyone leaves? Am I still everyone else to you? I thought I was more than that by now. Has all of this been a lie to you?"
“That's not what I said! How could you not have known I was joking?"
"You literally don't get it, do you? People leaving might be another Wednesday to you, but I actually give a damn, you idiot! I'm a funny dhampir that tells you that I love you on a daily basis! I'm not one of your temporary associates! I'm not just an option like hot sauce on chicken wings!”
Leo swallowed, opening his mouth just to close it all over again. The lump in his throat that he had to take down felt like he was trying to eat a stone. A shiver trailed up his back at the cold rage in Kiyoshi's eyes, a sight he had never seen before. The lack of Kiyoshi's usual calm unnerved Leo so much more than he had ever expected. There had been countless days where he had wanted to get a rise from Kiyoshi. Quickly though, this was becoming the one time he wished he hadn't. Before Leo could finally figure out what to say, Kiyoshi scoffed, rubbing more tears from his eyes as he turned to begin walking away.
“Just leave me alone.”
“Kiyo, I-”
He reached out almost desperately, only for Kiyo to back away as tears fell down his curious cheeks. Frantically, he shook his head at Leo, some of his tears literally hitting Leo's outstretched hand. Brushing him off as he turned to flee from Leo before he cried any harder than he was.
“I said leave me alone! It's not a difficult instruction for someone who thinks that breaking up is a joke.”
Watching Kiyoshi walk away left a pit in Leo's stomach that he couldn't shake. He wanted to reach out again, grab the back of his blazer. Tangle his fingers with Kiyoshi's, pet his hair, tell him he was sorry. The regret bubbling up in him was perhaps one of the most instant repercussions he had ever received. Feeling his heart in his throat, the influencer finally did the only thing he could think to do. He turned, rushing back to Vagastrom to find Shohei. The only idea he had, to fix everything crumbling around him, rode on getting his help. At a time like this, all he could think of was proving to Kiyoshi that this was no joke to him anymore.
“So you screwed up and now I have to cook you a candlelight dinner? Are you joking with me?”
“I will literally pay you, I'm so serious.”
Sho could feel the severity of it from Leo's lack of a smirk. There was an actual genuine echo of fear in his eyes, as if he was actually about to lose something he couldn’t afford to lose. He sighed, rubbing the back of his head as he shook his head. Seeing Leo look absolutely reduced to defenselessness and actually worried about losing something was not common. At least, not as of late, anymore. It was in fact, damn near eerie compared to typical.
“Okay, fine. I'll save your ass, what does he like?”
“Sushi, cream cheese wontons, and the like are his favorite foods. But honestly I know he'll like just about anything you make, I've noticed he's not picky.”
Learning things and noticing things were both part of Leo’s typical interactions with the world. Knowledge had become his power to wield over the wrongs of the world, and he reveled in it. Somehow though, Sho couldn’t help noticing how different the application was here. Part of him wanted to know who replaced Leo and where the real one was. A theme he had noticed going on ever since Leo’s relationship with Kiyoshi had bloomed. A bloom that Leo was now trying to repair after inadvertently setting it on fire. Salvage it before he had nothing left to grab onto. When he began texting Kiyoshi, it was while trying to make other preparations while desperately hoping the other would answer. It was only at the sinking worry that he may not answer that Leo finally felt his own eyes sting with tears.
“Oh, fuck…”
Cooking at his best, like always, Sho watched Leo scattering around like a blown dandelion trying to put things together in his room. Somewhere in the garage, Alan watched Leo with a confusion that he didn’t even bother to voice. Whatever was going on, he didn’t want any part of it. It was as Leo was rubbing his eyes on the back of his sleeve that Sho internally swore. For a moment, it didn’t feel real. Seeing Leo looking vulnerable and lost was a sight he thought was long gone. Never to be seen again, a distant memory of the world long gone by. Usually this was when he would have had to defend Leo from whatever was going on, but instead this was the time for Leo to have to fix his own mishaps. All Sho could do, for once, was make a meal to do so over. He couldn’t tell Leo that it wasn’t his fault, because it definitely was. Sure as hell couldn’t tell him it would be okay, because who knew what storm was brewing in the local dhampir? Sho couldn’t tell the future, and frankly he didn’t think any of the ghouls could. Not just in Japan’s Darkwick branch, but at this rate, any of them at all. For Leo, it felt like hours before Kiyoshi answered, although it surely had only been minutes. Indeed for every drop as hurt as he was, the reply was as graceful as Kiyoshi himself. A simple and gentle promise to come over, to talk, to hear him out.
“Leo.”
Leo heaved a deep breath, his eyes wide and half dazed as he stared at the text, before looking over at Sho. He didn’t speak, but he didn’t have to. His middle school friend couldn't remember the last time he had ever seen him so frightened. Sho sighed at him, raising a brow as he put food on plates. The tears in Leo's eyes weren't fake this time, and he didn't know how to process it for a moment. Neither of them did.
“He loves you too. He’ll listen. Breathe.”
But what if he didn’t? Then what?
“I’m here.”
Alan, Sho, and Leo all lifted their heads when Kiyoshi’s voice carried just gently across the nearly empty garage. Barely loud enough to carry from wall to wall, where it would have been drowned if the garage was more full. Leo felt his heart damn near stop, the ache in his chest becoming nearly impossible. But he knew damn well he had to get it together. If ever was the time to do or die, this was probably it. If just this one time, to swallow his pride, and speak as he needed to. Almost feeling as if his feet would not hold him up anymore as Kiyoshi steadily trotted across the garage, Leo watched him in stunned silence. His already red eyes looked even more so, with the puffier irritated pinker red around them. A distinctive tiredness that was usually unseen in the dhampir radiated from his every step, as if the day’s events had torn through Kiyoshi’s usual stock of energy. Both of his arms were wrapped around his stomach, his body wrapped in a long cardigan that nearly seemed to be holding him together like tape. Leo had never seen the dhampir look so hurt, even when he had gotten struck by a car earlier in the day several days ago, and that made the pit in his stomach even worse. Meeting his gaze with gold, letting those fire red eyes scald him for the failures of his own tongue, Leo drew a deep breath. Sho carried their plates off into Leo’s room, setting them down on a table they’d already set. He headed back out in time for Leo to be carefully leading Kiyoshi to said room. Sho gave Leo an uneasy smile as he passed by him, patting his shoulder as he left them to it. Kiyoshi meanwhile, gave a nervous sigh of his own, feeling his own stomach turning with stress.
"If you think you're winning me with dinner and tears after pulling that…"
"No, no I don’t. Just...please come sit down. You did ask me once what I wished for, I'll tell you. I'll tell you the truth."
For a moment, Kiyoshi didn’t move from the doorframe despite Leo doing so. His room emanated Leo’s trendy and influenced personality. Posters on the wall from various clubs, shows, bands, movies, and the like danced across the walls. Various technological equipment, fine upholstery, and even an adjoined bathroom. A rarity in the dorms, Kiyoshi had learned fairly recently. He couldn’t imagine what it had cost Leo to remodel, and it reminded him that for all of his devilish antics, he valued sanctuary as anyone would in this life. A tiny smile came to his tired features as he pulled his tan cardigan tighter around him while Leo sat down at the table. For all of the prep he had put into this, he couldn’t yet find the words that begged to come off his tongue. Sometimes at times like this, when his mouth got him into trouble, he really just wished it would fall off. When Kiyoshi finally made his way over, settling down across from Leo to two matching plates of fish, rice, and cream cheese wontons, he exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. To have the dhampir back nearby was already a relief, knowing he might finally be able to extinguish the fire and save the bloom he didn’t want to lose. Taking a slightly shaken breath, Leo exhaled slowly as he closed his eyes to pretend for half a minute that Kiyoshi didn’t look devastated. Knowing this was unfair though, he opened his eyes again to face the music.
“I’m sorry.”
The initial ripple into the pond made Kiyoshi hesitate. He flinched as though someone had poked him with the tine of a fork. His head spun some, his racing heart afraid to listen to Leo, and yet knowing damn well he couldn’t bring himself not to. For half a minute, he considered running away, and he momentarily wondered if Leo sensed as much when the influencer reached out to carefully lay his hand in front of Kiyoshi’s own. As if silently begging to be heard. A plea that Kiyoshi gave the slightest nod to while accepting the request. The dhampir himself couldn’t find his words, but he was no less ready to hear Leo. To hear someone he had grown attached to, even in the wake of all this, was important enough to him no matter the ache. It took a few beats for the influencer to speak again.
"I'll start with this... When that banshee attacked us that day and I thought I would never hear your voice again, that reaction was real.”
When his voice almost broke saying that, it forced Leo to take a drink of water before continuing, “It was too damn real. I came too close to losing something I didn't want to lose."
Kiyoshi felt his heart skip a bit and he tried to focus, opening his mouth, "Leo-"
Quelling Kiyoshi with a hold up of his hand as he sniffled a bit, Leo managed to keep his roll going, "Look, I shouldn't have made that stupid joke. I know, and I'm damn sorry. Because if I lose you and your voice in my days after everything I went through all my life, then none of the present will be worthwhile anymore."
Anything Kiyoshi was going to give voice to instantly left. Any doubts to Leo's sincerity immediately died down, even if Kiyoshi's ache still lingered. The dhampir blinked, taking a shaken breath while rubbing his eyes.
"...it wouldn't? Without me?"
Kiyoshi blinked, his eyes trying to blur with tears while watching Leo draw a deep breath. The air choked up in his chest and he bit his lip, hesitating a moment. Struggling with a weight he had held close to heart like a deck of cards. Opening his mouth once or twice without any words coming out, Leo almost wondered if he remembered how to speak. Kiyoshi’s brows knit, the therapeutic dhampir slowly reaching to put his hand over Leo’s. With his own eyes still watering again, he lightly stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. A reassuring hum left him in that ever tender sound of his voice. A melody Leo could drown in like water, and disappear into the waves to be forgotten for all of time remaining.
“Take your time. Take some breaths, drink water…” Kiyoshi murmured gently.
After everything, all of the day’s wear, Kiyoshi was still unyieldingly Kiyoshi. Here he was, trying to take care of Leo, even after being hurt. He picked up a wonton to wearily nibble on, still while trying to help Leo. It took all of Leo’s strength not to outright cry at the purity of it, shakily doing exactly as advised and drinking some water. He could have fallen over himself, begging Kiyo for mercy in the face of Kiyoshi's ever present sense of self. Choking his frayed nerves back down just to finally speak again.
"I...I used to be deaf.”
The words crashed over Kiyoshi like a plate to the wall. His heart practically stopped, and in that minute he truly felt the resounding scream of that banshee coursing through his own head. Reliving putting those earplugs in Leo’s ears, not knowing the true peril it could have been. Kiyoshi couldn't wipe the stun off his face, thinking of how close Leo had come to death in more ways than one. Sensing that Leo had more to say though, all Kiyoshi could do was just hold his hand. To be there for him. Much as Leo needed Kiyoshi, Kiyoshi reciprocated that emotion well.
“I lived in a world ruled by silence, only knowing whatever people would take the time to show me. As if the world around me didn’t already writhe under the hands of authority, I had to feel like the burden people didn’t want to handle. Relying on people to know sign language, having to be protected by Shohei whenever I was picked on. Yeah, me, picked on, I know.”
Kiyoshi managed not to chuckle at Leo’s eyeroll, knowing this was too serious to do so. Even though the sarcastic delivery was funny, it was still heavy to process. A world where Leo couldn’t process auditory information, considering everything he did now, was hard for Kiyoshi to picture. It was even harder than that, he was sure, for Leo to remember. As lovely as dinner smelled, it did not matter at this minute.
“We both know I know too well what it's like to be picked on for things out of my control. I'm sorry Leo, that shouldn't have happened to you.”
Indeed they did know. Leo remembered too well the WickChat post complaining about Kiyoshi just for being a dhampir in existence. He lightly tightened his grip on Leo’s hand, not even batting an eye when Leo’s grip on him tightened. For anyone else, Leo's nails beginning to dig slightly in a death grip would have possibly hurt too much. For Kiyoshi, it was a silent scream louder than words. Desperately begging him to stay. To not let go. In silence, as they drew another breath to speak.
“I…”
Leo struggled to get his words together, glancing down at the food before him that they had barely even bothered to bite into. He could hardly fathom trying to eat, despite knowing he probably needed to. Slowly he pulled his hand away, and instead he picked up a wonton as well, offering Kiyoshi a tired smile as he bit just one of the corners. The deliciousness was on point, as always for things that Shohei cooked. Yet Leo winced, feeling himself struggling to even eat it. It took time to eventually chew and swallow the bite he had taken. Kiyoshi raised a worried brow at him, slowly managing to eat as well, but effectively concerned.
“I was also practically skin and bones back then. I didn't eat much, usually just yakisoba buns and milk. It was easier for me to get picked on then, because I was so small. I couldn't hear, it always felt like I couldn't be heard, and…” Leo sighed slowly, shakily, “-my family was in poverty. We didn't have much when I was coming up, and they didn't seem too concerned with me regardless. I got used to not subsisting on much, even after I wound up in foster care years later.”
Kiyoshi's mouth opened and closed, his eyes watering as he reached out to gently hold Leo's other hand. Scarcely managing to breathe, barely keeping his composure, Leo held onto him. Putting the wonton back down to hold Kiyo's hand with both of his. Laying his forehead against that hand, so much larger than his. Kiyoshi's softness, despite his firm strength, soothed him. Yes, even though coming undone to tell him all this was so hard, he had never felt safer with anyone.
“No matter how many books I memorized, how many people I tried to communicate with, nothing stayed. The knowledge stuck to me, but I couldn’t do much with it. Other kids didn’t stay with me, why bother including the deaf, skinny one? My own parents, even the foster ones, half the time didn’t bother either. One day, I...I finally had enough. I was craving the knowledge of what I didn’t have. The music, the sounds, the things people didn’t share with other people to their faces. I wanted to hear. I wanted the superpower it felt like everyone but me had. I was bored, I was alone, I was hungry…not for food, but for power."
“Oh Leo…oh my dear Leo…”
“And I didn't care if it might kill me, because I already had nothing to lose.”
“My dear…”
Kiyoshi tilted his head softly, closing his eyes for a moment to process. Carefully holding onto Leo's hands, trying to comfort him while contemplating. To soak in every word, like a towel in a bowl of water. His hand never leaving Leo’s, gently running his thumb across his knuckles with the tenderest care. Leo shuddered, drawing a shaken breath as he hesitantly moved one hand to try to dry his eyes. Knowing this was no theatrics though, Kiyoshi gently stood up, reaching out with a handkerchief to carefully dry Leo’s eyes. Truly he wanted to shield Leo from anything to come again. But more than that, he wanted to stay by his side.
“So…I was right then. You keep everyone away, to protect yourself. It’s easier than being hurt. You had to become strong, to make it through.”
Leo nodded slowly, laying his cheek against the hand Kiyoshi was drying his eyes with, “I had to do what I had to. I couldn't lean on Shohei forever, I didn’t want to lean on anyone anymore. I wanted to see the powerful get their dues, even if it meant I had to become the bully in the story. Even if it meant I had to be in the crossfire of my own ambitions, so be it. If my life had to be such a pain in the ass, I wanted to have the secrets people hide in the walls to use as my weapon.”
Kiyoshi nodded softly, making mental notes to check on Leo even more about making sure he ate well. He wanted him to be safe and nourished. More than that though, he wanted to show Leo that he would hear him. That he would hear him always, and that he would never again be alone.
“I’m sorry that the world hurt you so. If I had known you when you were deaf, I would have learned sign just to be your friend. I know what it's like to feel left out, especially over things beyond your control.”
Leo chuckled softly, finally feeling like he could breathe, while slowly shaking his head, “That’s such a silly little you response, again. But…you are wrong on one thing.”
“Eh?”
Another shaken breath as Leo composed himself, “Everyone in this world, they have things they hold onto. I always tried to hold on to as little as possible, knowing it usually just disappeared anyway. I know though, that there are…things in this world though, that we know we can’t ever afford to lose. You are not everyone else to me, you are everything to me, and I cannot lose you. You are what I know I cannot afford to ever lose.”
Kiyoshi gasped, his eyes fluttering a bit at the heartfelt words, opening his mouth only for Leo to speak once more, with finality. Carefully rubbing his eyes free of tears he didn't often cry, Leo finally managed to speak once again.
“I…am sorry. There’s no other words I can say for it. You aren’t a game or a joke to me, at all. I joke with you because you make it fun, but that one was too far. No stupid joke changes my feelings. And I hope to hell it didn't cost me you."
Kiyoshi smiled softly, carefully stepping around the table to encircle Leo in an embrace. His warmth instantly made Leo choke up all over again. The dread that had coated him, in the thought of never feeling this hold again, finally dropped like an anchor into the sea. His breath hitched repeatedly as he tried to take a deep one, trembling the slightest as Kiyoshi’s fingers gently ran through his silver hairs. Holding him like cherished treasure, nuzzling his chin on top of Leo’s head as the influencer hid against him like a shield. For once unafraid of having to seem so small, his fingers tightly gripped the back of Kiyoshi’s cardigan as though letting go would be the end of all he ever knew.
“I wholeheartedly accept your apology Leo. I do. I…”
Kiyoshi weighed his own thoughts for a moment, tilting his head. He didn't want to minimize this. It wasn't fair to either of them to act like this hadn't been catastrophic. The amount of crying he had done on a mountain of stuffed animals under a pile of blankets had been enough to make him wish he could sleep for a year. Leo was trying his best to repent though, and Kiyoshi wanted nothing more than to meet him in the middle of the field in their shared bond.
“My feelings didn’t change either, I promise. I won't lie to you, I was hurt though, extremely so. I really hope you've learned your lesson. I can take a lot of punishment verbally sometimes, but…that one hurt too much. I really thought you had played with me this whole time.”
“I…yeah I realize how it sounded now. I'm…I'm an idiot, I know. I will make it up to you, somehow, someway. I haven't decided just how yet, but…”
“Shh. You're not an idiot…you are so brilliant, in fact. You just have thorns, you need a hand sometimes like anyone.”
Kiyoshi hummed softly, shaking his head and gently putting a finger over Leo's lip lightly, “I still love you and cherish the sound of your voice just as you do mine. You don't have to do anything else, except maybe remind me a bit more often that you love me. If there's more, I haven't gotten there yet. I won't give up on you though. We've come too far.”
The relieved sigh that left Leo made Kiyoshi chuckle gently as he held his beloved, “Besides, I can’t be too mad at you. I’m pregnant with our kid.”
“Pfft, what?”
Leo laughed softly, feeling all of his tension fall off his shoulders as he pulled back just to look at Kiyoshi with a smirk, “What kind of goofy joke is that? We’re both men, you know. Do I gotta teach you how to pull pranks?”
“No, I’m totally serious. Dhampirs are built differently, we should definitely eat and come up with kid names.”
Leo’s eyes widened as Kiyoshi ruffled his hair and went to sit back down with a delighted smile on his face as he began to eat. It was several minutes before Leo could find his voice.
“You…you can’t be serious. I was the bottom though!”
Definitely not a sentence he expected to yell… If he had thought about it more, he would have remembered that Sho and Alan were still beyond the room, out in the garage. Unbeknownst to either of them, the other two Vagastrom ghouls were now staring in the direction of Leo’s room, uttering confused ‘what the hell’ sentences under their breaths. Instead, Leo's heart raced in his ears for a moment, torn between disbelief and confusion. The relief from Kiyoshi's forgiveness tangling up with sheer confoundment left Leo slightly dazed again. The thought of being a father was an odd one, needless to say. Not to mention the tantalizing memories of that night not long ago, mingling with Kiyoshi's sweet giggle.
“Did you miss the part where I said dhampirs are different? Now come on,” Kiyoshi chirped after a bite of fish was swallowed, a grin reaching his eyes as he affectionately gazed at Leo, “-I was thinking Aiko if it’s a girl! Love child, how cute is that Leo?”
“Wh…”
Yet still, he couldn't truly find his voice. In some measure, he couldn't help realizing how sweet raising kids with Kiyoshi could honestly be. His mind raced with emotions and memory alike.
“Maybe if it's a boy, we can have Leo Junior! That would be so cute. Or would you want to do Leo the second?”
“I feel like we can at least get more creative than that. I'm already good enough at being Leo.”
“Maybe we can combine our names somehow.”
“That's a ship name and we're not naming our kid a ship name. That's just too cringe, you know that.”
Kiyoshi giggled gently, winking at his partner lightly as he lost his composure. When Kiyoshi finally couldn't hold the guise anymore, Leo chuckled with him. Although as he chuckled with Kiyoshi, he still couldn't be sure what was going on at first.
“Hahaha~ you’re right love, I was just kidding. But, I don’t think you have to teach me anything about pranking.”
Leo gasped rather dramatically before snorting a tiny bit as he shook his head and ate some fish, “You little shit. I deserved that though, huh?”
He couldn't help but slightly wish Kiyoshi had been serious. Getting to laugh with him however, after everything, was priceless. The relief of Kiyoshi being back to himself was truly more medicinal than warm baths. A balm to the soul, especially listening to him laugh. To hear a voice he was afraid he'd never be blessed with again. The relief washing over him was immeasurable, knowing he hadn't lost everything.
“Definitely. But I love you anyway. To heaven and back.”
“To hell and back, I love you also. Always. You are my favorite sound…”
“And you're the beat of my heart, my dearest Leo.”
