We keep worrying that we're just being lazy or that our depression is acting up because we haven't been able to do much more than go to work & sleep lately. It's been... Frustrating.
But we did just accept a promotion we start training for sometime in May, as well as having one of our coworkers just walk out on his shift, quitting & putting all of us at at least 50hrs a week for the next few weeks. So we work for 10ish hours, walk home, spend maybe a couple of hours with the partner system, then sleep & do it again. Our disabilities have also been getting worse. Our back hurts more often than not thanks to the scoliosis, & so many of our mental issues come with chronic fatigue.
When we have energy, though, we have so much of it... Makes recognizing we actually do suffer from these issues harder, especially when things like our neotenism contributed to all this kind of just. Hitting us like a truck in the last 2 years after so many of what felt like limitless energy. It's hard.
Makes sense why so many of us who lost our Quirks in canon wound up here before we even knew that was a thing that happened to anyone in the series. Same for the chronic pain-havers & mood boosters, I guess.
It's just... Exhausting. Not being able to do anything I love. Barely able to write, haven't picked up a pen to draw in at least a week... It's just getting more & more exhausting. Partner system being here & the roomies getting excited about planning our wedding(!) has been the only things keeping the exhaustion from actually slipping into depression. I don't know what to do. I miss writing. I miss drawing. I miss games. I've been playing SDV mostly because I can pick it up & put it down quickly at work but if I play it for more than like. 10 minutes I start actively falling asleep. -Deku
We need to get my meds back in order. We've been off T since we lost our apt & now that we're safely housed I need to get us all back on it. Then I can get my update appt with my primary & get my ADHD meds back in order. Been on half my normal dose because the system thought it was exacerbating our anxiety. Turns out it was a reaction to pending homelessness & having our shitty ex-landlords breathing down our necks, who knew? We lived without hot water for over a year so even basic self-maintenance is a learning curve again because cold showers physically hurt the body.
Christ. No wonder we've had so many splits recently. It felt excessive, even for a fixation as long & deep-running as BNHA - so many of us are here we've practically made our own area in headspace. Apparently it's like the dorms the others stayed in foe a while; I wouldn't know. I've been handling our work shifts in the background with Hawks & neither of us are particularly artistic so less drawing at work makes sense. His demeanor has been helping me manage my own issues too, for the most part, but I do worry my presence & lack of general connection with creative pursuits in general are contributing to the issue. I prefer to read, & we don't really have anything to fill that void at present. We've caught up on every book series we were working through. I'll have to look into that.
Katsura forming has also taken a toll on the overall mental health, I believe. We are too uncomfortable to finish her source material but also desperately want to, if only to give her the closure she deserves (we know the ending isn't happy but we relish knowing that prick at least dies horribly), & she is terrified of just about everyone in both systems. Considering it's been a combination of yandere-oriented & BNHA introjects fronting/active lately I don't exactly blame her. We just haven't had anyone struggle this hard with appearing in... years. Since [redacted] in 2022, I'd say? Even people like myself, or Bojack coming out of dormancy, have settled in relatively easily. It's been giving the body chronic migraines again.
I just hope we figure something our soon. I'd like a break from background control & even our usual gatekeepers haven't been able to take it back. I'm not upset per se, just tired. That seems to be the word on loop whether we get sleep or not.
Having the partner system to take care of has helped a lot. Especially with... Christ I didn't even mention the fucking gastroparesis. We fainted at work because eating has been so hard. In front of a fucking customer. Embarrassing. ...Going to go smoke & try to eat the food partner system was kind enough to bring us. - Chisaki
