Hi! This is my very first post on tumblr, so excited to be here! it feels like the internet is unknown and magical again.
Anyway! Here's a rapid-fire summary of a lot of stuff I like:
Videogames! Neverwinter Nights (I play on Arelith persistent RP world, come check it out), Kenshi, deltarune, Doom, Team Fortress 2 (both live and Classified), Mortal Sin, YOMI Hustle and so many more! Yes, I've played all games in The Elder Scrolls saga... only finished Morrowind tho.
Music! I love metal in many of it's flavours, mainly metalcore, nu metal and power metal. I also love D&B like Pendulum and recently Venjent, and also other classics like Daft Punk. These two genres, of course, fuse together in my most liked genre of all: maidcore! not really a "genre", but most of the maidcore artists stuck to post-rock/post-metal with breakcore and electronic elements mixed in. Check out Yakui The Maid at least!
TTRPGS! I obviously play a lot of D&D 5e (2014) because all my friends play it... I like it a lot too, of course, but I feel like there's a lot of other systems I'd love to play, like Numenéra, Fabula Ultima, Cyberpunk Red, CAIN... and also, I've been working on-and-off on my own RPG system, so... maybe I'll post some snippets of it here in the future!
Books? Yeah, i love reading cyberpunk and sword and sorcery style of fantasy. Also I read lots of comics and manga when I can!
Anime? Yup, I watched Ghost in The Shell, Serial Experiments Lain, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Cyberpunk Edgerunners, Jojo part 1 and Beastars (season 1 and 2 for now, no spoilers pls!) and... yes, I did understand The End Of Evangelion. Feel free to challenge me in the comments!
Writing! I love writing, even if it takes up sooooo much of my energies and it takes me ages to finally sit down and do that. But when I do, I usually love to write episodic stories in the urban fantasy and teen fiction genre. Also, I've dabbled into a little psychological horror, one deltarune fanfiction that really didn't go anywhere, and right now I have a kind of post-cyberpunk furry story (furrypunk, even!) in the works. So... maybe I'll post it on Ao3 when it's done!
Also, I'm a furry! I've been watching more of the american side of the fandom since I was in 3rd year of high school, absolutely love the art, love the stories and love the characters. Yes I've read Echo, Adastra, Since November and Three days to live. I also want to finish The Smoke Room and Far Beyond The World... when they'll be finished! >_< I guess I don't really have a fursona, per se... but I do have a self-insert character for the cyberpunk story that kinda fits that category, if you squint at it. And now, behold, character design!
Also... I'm AuDHD, diagnosed as a kid and everything. How could you tell? :P
Anyway... I hope I get to have a good time on this platform. Good luck to all of you!
Zachan Gald from Arelith, a kickass Neverwinter Nights server. He likes to mislabel wine as healing drought and peddle them off to careless adventurers, posing as an apothecary.
Don’t be like Zachan.
The Dilemma of Honor: A Treatise on Weakness in Andunor
Forward
This one has not always lived in the Dark. Before her arrival in the trade city of Andunor, known to be beneath the Arelithian Archipelago, her tribe resided in the mountain territory of the Red, Rosephelia. And even before then, before her hatching, they had carved out warrens in desert caverns, eking out their survival where most perished.
She would not name herself as one particularly fond or experienced in the ways of the Above. Her nest-cycles were spent in the extensive tribe warrens, and she was only taken to the Surface a scant few times to teach her about the sky and weather, preparing her for any potential raids.
But those tunnels and caverns hardly qualified enough as Underdark, for what she knows it to truly be. Indeed, when this one first arrived in Andunor to seek out the White-scales, she had no idea the danger that lurked. She was naive and, she would admit it even, trusting, of others.
That is the true dichotomy of the Above and Below.
It is necessary to have that difference between the two, for the survival and strength of their denizens. One cannot survive in the Dark like they can on the Surface. And likewise, while one experienced in the Dark would be able to physically survive Above, societies have much more of a social and communicative sway than most warriors of the Below would be able to handle.
Is it possible to pass through both? Most certainly, though that requires knowledge of the differences between them, as well as the capability to switch one’s representation of their self to match the expectations of others. For some, that is seamless. For others, it will never truly be possible out of virtue of their race, no matter how much they prove themselves.
Indeed, rather, this one has observed that it is far easier to be accepted in the Dark, the home to so many cast out from the Above, than it is to be from the Dark trying to live in the lighted world.
The Original Dichotomy
For those without the fortune to know basic necessary words, dichotomy is defined as the stark contrast between two opposing or otherwise rigidly different things.
Light and Shadow. Fiends and Celestials. Gnomes and Kobolds. Ilythiiri and Elves. Surface and Underdark. All these are known to be opposites, and if one thought long enough about it, they would be able to discuss what exactly marks the differences, if they were able to look past their initial hatred and prejudice.
This is not to say that most prejudice has no place; after all what one finds valuable may be worthless or insulting to another, or vice versa. And those are based in experiences and personal knowledges. There is, however, a truth in what makes one suitable for the Surface versus the Underdark, and it is a product of the types of dangers and societies each hold.
What this one wishes to focus upon in her writings, however, is the qualities that separate the most visibly relevant. The Surface and the Underdark, or rather the Surface and Andunor, as how she has seen it told, are portrayed as opposing forces in a war of their own making. For the most part. Within this, she speaks only of the larger island of Arelith and the surroundings, for it is those that she believes directly impact the other side. The Below.
Which, of course, brings her to the dichotomy herself. She imagines some might be able to guess, but she writes not for the quick-witted, but for all that are in need of such lessons.
She would ask her reader, can they name where one should be able to find these traits?
One would call them virtues, suitable for the Lighted Lands.
They would be correct. Such things, quirks of emotion, are very prominent among the humans, the elves, halflings, dwarves, those that follow the Triad, those of the sunshine, those of the Surface.
And, before continuing, she would emphasize that one should also ponder of what traits are found in the Dark.
To Define Honor
Before this one would make her true point of these writings, she will inform of her studies and conclusions about the essence of fact. Her concern is with the matter of honor, and thus, she will start there.
What is honor?
Honor.
Noun.
A place or position that is earned through respect or esteem. Given due to actions, or a history. It is recognized, but not demanded.
Honor.
Noun.
The ability of knowing or doing what is morally right. A code of some sort, often linked with the concept of chivalry.
Now, this one would digress briefly. Can her reader see what is inherently Surface-like about the second definition? She will tell them of course; it is that “morally right” has been included within. And what, she has asked, is morally right? That is something that changes as one passes between Above and Below, even from culture to culture. House to House. Denizen to denizen.
Honor.
Verb.
To regard with respect. Again, it is something earned; that is a privilege and not a right.
Honor.
Verb.
To keep to an obligation. An expectation of fulfillment, agreements, pacts, bindings, unspoken trust to act in a way that is already agreed upon.
Once more, she will point out the surfaceness. To honor an agreement implies some level of trust in the motives of the one doing the honoring. Without geas, without threat, and occasionally, without even profit.
But, despite her own misgivings, and how out of place certain definitions are in certain places, the words exist for a reason. This one is not saying they are wrong or misguided, not at all. Merely that they have their places, and one should not mix the rights of one society with the other.
Had the meanings of honor, all of them, not been so tainted with the weakness inherent in surfacers, this one would use them more to make a point. However, due to recent past, and she would daresay further, meanings and interpretation have been mingled and confused.
The Weakness Inherent
To reference dichotomy once more, this one ponders a simple theory. Are surfacers weaker than those of the Underdark? It is hardly a question, with such a clear answer. Yes, they are. One cannot help but be tempered by the dangers of the Below, and the weak are soon enough culled and used as meat for the strong.
On the Surface, cities are filled with the weak. They are protected and guided, even allowed to lead or given voice. It is not even through remarkable cunning, for this one does not number the wise or smart among the weak, but even a dull-minded and dull-bodied denizen is able to gain a modicum of power through luck.
And why is this? One might ask, but they need only think back to the dichotomy she wrote of before.
Kindness. Mercy. Trust. And once again, it all leads to honor.
Honor! Why, she ponders, do denizens of both continue to crow and preach about such a thing? Honor, honor, all they speak of and dream of and cry about, is this word, this concept that means so much to so many.
It is simple.
Misinterpretation.
That is why this one took care to detail the definitions. A simple fool thinks of the respect they believe they are deserved, and for some reason shrouded, they assume the way to earn that is through being trusted, being known to act with some form of “rightness” in the moral sense.
That is all well enough for the Surface. Such concepts are rooted deep into the cores of their societies, for is that not what they pride themselves on? This one would not blame others for doing what is expected and the most common way to rise up for where they live.
The true problem is when those of the Underdark start to think that is appropriate for them as well.
Trust is not the way of the dark. Mercy is not the way. Favoring the weak over the strong is not the way. And to expect others to act with the surfacer concept of honor is so horribly not the way.
Predictability is not the way.
For that allows the weakness to seep in.
Cultures With Honor
Is honor itself weak?
To answer that, this one would go into the tongues of those that she has known to speak of it.
In this one’s own tongue, the High Form, not the bastardized mangling that the rest of her kin speak until educated, there is the word “throtominarr”, if written phonetically. The definition itself is about respect; to carry on what the bloodline achieved, and improving for the future. Can one see the difference? Earned respect. Lineage.
The ilythiiri, in their cries of “Lolth tlu Malla”, speak of the Spider and praising Its name, but once more, it is out of respect, fear, adoration, and whatever else It has earned with the mastery over that race. The ilythiiri themselves are known far and wide to be treacherous, and if one is so foolish to trust them, they certainly deserve the consequences.
The orcblooded do, in fact, have an understanding of some sort of code or binding in their actions. Their saying “dam ul dam”, or rather, blood for blood, is at the very least an expectation of pain returned for every wound given. They have oathbreakers and thus they have oaths, and those oaths are bound in blood.
But, she would make an important point. That is not to say that orcs are honorable in the definition that would require trust. They would honor an oath solely because of the consequences for doing otherwise. If one expected an orc to keep their word because they trusted them, then, once more, that is their own fault.
Surfacers speak cowardice, as if it is an opposite of being honorable. Something to be scorned.
And yes, for their definitions, that is so.
However, for a goblin, for a kobold, for many many races and tribes and individuals within the Dark, one that does not know how to save their own hide is one that is quickly dead. The cunning know when to flee, and the foolish and predictable do not.
But on the Surface, such cunning is oft rewarded with death anyway.
Reputation
And now, for reputation to come into play. She would admit that the way in how one is perceived is a similarity between Above and Below. But even so, that is how the weakness finds the cracks in one’s common sense, and turns them to act poorly and foolishly.
This one would speak of three examples in the Dark.
There is a warrior. He has walked the city for many years, and gained experience, strength, and allies. When he is attacked, he kills. And when he moves to attack, all in his way fall to his blade. He does not hide his intentions, and he is known to keep his word.
There is a warrior. He slinks through the shadows and gains and loses allies as quickly as the cycles turn. Hardly any know his name, and through this, he rarely makes enemies. He is forgettable. He adjusts his skills and tactics to fit the cycle. He rarely tells the truth, and is cautious about everyone in his path.
There is a warrior. He leads many devoted to him, and he brags about his strength. He demands others keep their word to him, and when they break it, he grows furious and accuses them of being traitors. When he starts fight, it is often that he falls, to be dragged away by his band. His enemies are many, and his allies reluctant.
Can one notice the difference between them?
The first is an honorable warrior, recognized as such on both Surface and the Dark. He fits many definitions of the word, but is not weakened by it. If one tries to abuse his predictability, they find themselves dead, for it is not the honor that makes him strong, but his strength that allows him to be honorable.
The next one is not honorable at all, and yet is alive and thriving. He has adapted to the ways of the Dark with cunning.
The last seeks to be respected, to be honored, and thinks that the way to do so is through trusting others and demanding they be trustworthy. He is blindsided by betrayal, and offended by the concept that one would take advantage of such an open weakness when it is presented.
The Dilemma
Honor is a weakness.
It breeds predictability and expectations that lead to foolish behavior and softening of ideals.
There is a point, however, to this one writing of the first warrior. She will repeat herself.
It is not the honor that makes him strong, but his strength that allows him to be honorable. He, through his own actions and proving of his strength, is able to move past the handicap. And thus, his renown is even more earned, for one can clearly not when such a weakness is no longer a weakness.
The true dilemma, however, is that this warrior is an exceptional one out of hundreds or even thousands of others that are unable to fight past this weakness. And furthermore, these thousands believe that honor is something that will make them strong.
For those that supposedly despise the Surface and all that dwell Above, it is a concerning belief. This one is not even sure that these believers are aware of how this pervasive weakness has taken hold. And even more concerning is that these weakened fools have risen up into positions of “power” over others that have fallen into the same trap of belief.
Hypocrisy is rampant in Andunor.
Pure and utter hypocrisy.
Why is that, in a city with denizens that falsely believe they as a whole are waging a war against the entire Surface, those that claim to hate everything that makes a Sunlander, honor is such a goal? Why is such rage and spurning directed to those that act with cunning and to the best of their nature?
Why is chattel allowed to speak without consequence against their owners? Why are paladins allowed to roam freely and protected? Why does such a thing as mercy without gain exist? Why, why, why, this one asks, and she will ask why again.
Why has the city become so weak?
And why has this weakness been allowed to spread and infect others that arrive new rather than being purged at the first signs?
Will Andunor ever recover?
She would leave one here with that question unanswered.
To Cure A Disease
Honor has no place in the Dark.
Trust has no place in the Dark.
If one wants respect and power, they must prove themselves worthy and strong to be given it.
To feebly bark and whine about not being good enough, only shows more weakness and opens one to ridicule.
To trust, and then be betrayed, is even more a betrayal of one’s own self, for no proper Underdarker should allow themselves to be taken in by pretty words.
If one wishes to be pitied. If one wishes to delude themself. If one wishes to act like a surfacer…
Then they are welcome to live on the Surface.
And they will die.
There is a reason these ones are in Andunor, after all. Despite the covens and clans and warrens in other parts of the Surface, the Archipelago is no place for the beastbloods, the ilythiiri, grey ones, the others that have been cast deep from the Lighted Lands.
These ones are hunted for their hides and riches, to carry on the eternal battle of Above and Below, for the lot of the lives shared is hatred and blood shedding blood shedding blood.
Cull the weakness. Cure the disease. Take one’s rightful place as a denizen of the Dark. Act as befits one’s own race and culture.
And by the Fivefold’s Flame, stop whining about honor.
All credit to @matheusgraef for this wonderful peace of art! Posted here on my blog with permission.
This is a portrait of my main character on the Neverwinter Nights server Arelith, Ezekiel Klennald, cleric (and rogue) of Tyr. Prophet, warrior, massive nerd, part time smart ass.
