[ID: Teen Wolf gifs featuring Stiles, with screenshots of aspec-themed tumblr posts edited onto them.
Stiles in the background failing to properly walk through a door and instead smacking into the doorframe, as Lydia talks on the phone in the foreground. The tumblr post is from SandersGrey and says "Being asexual with a lot of aesthetic attraction is like 'no i don't wanna fuck you i'm just gonna keep stealing glances and accidentally walk into a door'."
Stiles making a dramatic confused and amazed expression as he looks at his friends. The tumblr post is from TheRadicalAce and reads "God, sometimes I read how people describe falling in love and its like... that sounds awful???"
Stiles giving a flirty nod to a girl sitting beside him, only to be ignored, so he turns and gives the same nod to Danny on his other side, who also ignores him. The tumblr post is from PixieDustAndBlueButterflies and reads "Being bi oriented aroace is a trip because it's like... in THEORY i'm into everyone. in PRACTICE i'm not really into anyone."
Stiles talking with various body language. At first he tiltes his body in a considering gesture, then shrugs. The tumblr post is from SaltShips and reads "Listen... Listen. Do I want to fall in love? Not really. Do I want to know what it's like? Yes." The second "listen" is italicized and drawn out.
[ID: Teen Wolf screenshots featuring Stiles, with screenshots of aspec-themed tumblr posts edited onto them.
Scott talking to Stiles in the school hallway as Stiles stares into space, looking annoyed and tired. The tumblr post is from Lil-Aro and reads "If you're ever doubting your aromanticism, have a conversation with a alloromantic for like 5 minutes and you'll be good."
Stiles anxiously sucking on his lip as his dialouge says "How come when we graduate, we're just expected to go our separate ways? Why aren't I not trying to stay with them, you know?" The tumblr post is from AroKaladin and reads "Allos: aros have like no feelings. they're cold and unemotional and don't care about anyone!!! basically robots!!! they form no attachments to others!!! [next line] Actual aros, neck-deep in abandonment issues and dreading the day their loved ones inevitably marry off and leave them forever (something they cry about fortnightly): lmao i WISH"
Stiles looking behind him with a shocked expression, following Danny's gaze as Danny stares at a shirtless Derek off-screen. The tumblr post reads "Me a year ago: I don't get why people like to see others shirtless? Like, it's aesthetically cool, but??? [next line] My aroace ass now: Oh. OH."
Stiles gesturing while talking to Scott in the school hallway. The tumblr post is from Ace-Thinks and reads "Ace culture is having tons of questions about how other people experience sexual attraction in daily life but having no way to casually ask them [next line] Like [next line] "So... sexual attraction... how often do you like... feel that? Also what does it... like... feel like?" [Next line] See also: aromantics [Next line] "So... crushes... what's the deal with those?"
Stiles with a deeply anxious expression on his face, standing with his hands on his hips, trying to support himself. The tumblr post is from Cupio-Ace and reads "The only crush I have is crushing anxiety"
Stiles sitting on the floor, anxious and coming out of a panic attack. The tumblr post is from MauveMyHeart (deactivated) and reads "I'm a triple threat. Asexual. Aromantic. Anxious." The A in each word is bolded.
Scott and Stiles in Stiles' jeep, driving through New Mexico as Scott drives. The tumblr post is from Autcore and reads "Deepening the bonds of your friendship over a long roadtrip is aro culture."
Stiles pursing his lips while dramatically saying "No" as his dialouge reads "I mean no. You want to hear it in Spanish? No." The tumblr post is from RisingSm0ke and reads "Sometimes I laugh because as an aromantic asexual, my sexuality is basically just: No."
[ID: Stiles from Teen Wolf edited against aromantic, lithromantic, and aro-ace pride flags. Stiles is seen from the shoulders up, looking at the viewer with a neutral expression. End ID]
What arospec identities do they have? (Can be as specific or vague as desired)
lithromantic, though he generally just say aro because otherwise he ends up giving a lecture on arospec terminology to whatever unsuspecting allo asked the question and he really doesn’t have the time or the patience to do that every time
How proud of being arospec are they?
he’s working towards being proud. hasn’t managed it quite yet, but it’s getting better. he wants to be.
Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?
he still primarily thinks of himself as bi, to be honest, and doesn’t usually think to include the aro part when he does the intro. mostly because, functionally speaking, the aro part only affects his love life so much. it’s much more relevant to him personally and his view/understanding of himself than it is to anyone else.
Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?
Stiles hesitates to come out to people a lot of the time for fear of the reaction. he’s seen how much shit “microlabels” get, much less arospec microlabels, and he’s not quite secure enough in it to feel like he can field attacks. it’s safer and better for his mental health if he just keeps it close to the vest for now.
he does tell his friends. it was Scott who actually suggested that he might be on the aromantic spectrum, a few years into college when it became obvious to him that the pattern Stiles had going in his relationships was really starting to bother him.
every relationship fizzled out within a few weeks, no matter how moon-eyed and excited about it Stiles had been at the start. he always just....stopped feeling that way, even when nothing about the relationship itself had changed and his partner hadn’t done anything wrong. it was such a consistent thing and it made Stiles feel like something was wrong with him.
he was distressed enough that he latched onto Scott’s gentle suggestion with both hands, did all the research he could, and came out of that weekend with a label that sent relief crashing through him like a tidal wave, even though a part of him kept insisting it was ridiculous and stupid and couldn’t possibly be a real identity.
it took another ten months for Stiles to convince himself of it enough to actually come out to his friend group. he’s glad he did because their support and affirmation have been invaluable to him.
he still hasn’t come out to his dad, though. not because he really honestly thinks his dad would have a problem with it, but because his dad’s opinion matters more to him than anything else and even the slimmest possibility of rejection is devastating, even in his imagination.
anxiety is a bitch. he’s working on it.
How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?
romance-favorable, for sure. Stiles likes being a relationship. he likes doing romancey things with people, he likes making his partners feel loved, he likes being the focus of someone’s affection. that’s why it was so distressing to him that he kept falling out of love with people so quickly.
before his identity crisis, he would break always things off because wasn’t it unfair to keep the relationship going when his feelings had changed? it took him a long time to realize that, no, it really wasn’t. that it’s okay to be in a romantic relationship with someone without actually being romantically in love with them. if the relationship is good and they both like being in it, why change anything?
he still feels like a fraud sometimes, or like he’s lying to his partner even though he’s talked with them about all of this stuff and they’re fully in the know, but he takes it one day at a time. he reminds himself over and over again that his love is no less valuable because it’s not romantic in nature, and that being in a relationship doesn’t make him any less arospec. wanting or having a romantic partner doesn’t invalidate the identity that he so desperately needed to find and accept.
Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?
it’s everywhere, man. people who don’t have stable long-term relationships are flighty or immature or afraid of commitment or any number of other pejorative things, and men who like sex more than romance are just monsters according to some people.
Stiles hears it all from himself/his anxiety more than he does directly from other people, but then again, he’s not particularly vocal about his arospec (yet) either. this is part of why. he gets enough shit for being bi, he doesn’t want to throw an even more maligned identity into the mix before he feels like he can handle it.
How do they show their arospec pride?
he’s got some aro pride stuff, mostly gifts from Scott and Lydia. a green beanie that he sometimes panics and claims is slytherin pride instead even though he’s a ravenclaw. he’s got some yellow/orange mittens that weren’t actually intended as lithro pride merch, but make him feel good to wear. he’s got both flags up on his bedroom wall.
he’s lowkey glad the lithro flag/colors aren’t very well-known or recognizable, cuz it means he can have the buttons on his backpack without anybody recognizing them.
Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?
he’s a bit more comfortable talking about amatonormativity in the general sense than he is applying it to himself. he’s gotten into a number of debates on the topic with various people, and if those people aren’t being actively shitty, he’ll slip it into the convo that he’s arospec so they know he knows what he’s talking about.
if there’s one thing Stiles is really good, it’s arguing, lol. he can argue all day long, and he’s got miles of info and stats to back it up because the only thing he’s better at than arguing is researching.
Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?
he didn’t question so much as doubt. years of doubting his own feelings meant that by the time he found he label, he was quick to snatch it up. that doesn’t mean he’s fully comfortable with it yet, but the sheer amount of relief finding the term gave him means he can’t just pretend it doesn’t apply to him at him. he’s working on it. he’ll get there.
Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?
he’s about as comfortable with a qpr as he is romantic relationships. he wouldn’t mind being in a qpr, but he really does enjoy romantic stuff.
Final thoughts?
i’m very fond of this headcanon and, yes, it is some more projecting on my part, but mostly in the sense of Stiles with Lydia. Stiles crushing so hard for so long on someone who was essentially unattainable because that was safer than having to actually commit to dating someone in real life. and then when he did actually start dating her, it just sort of.....fizzled out, with no fanfare whatsoever. because once his feelings were reciprocated, they faded. and boy does that feeling suck.
i may have gotten a little carried away with this thing and my various sexuality headcanons, since they were options
Stiles - arospec bisexual
Derek - asexual
Lydia - pansexual aromantic
Kira - asexual
Jackson - aromantic
Scott - pansexual
Allison - i don’t have a strong hc
Isaac - pansexual
a little glimpse into a queerplatonic relationship and the misconceptions of the allos surrounding it as my contribution to Arospec Awareness Week! @aroworlds
Stiles & Derek | 2.3k Gen | Aro!Stiles | Queerplatonic | Cuddling | Amatonormativity
(also on AO3)
“Are you and Derek a thing?”
Stiles took his eyes off the road long enough to throw Scott a sidelong look. “What? No.”
“You sure?” Scott pushed. “You can tell me, if you are. I promise I won’t mind. Derek’s a pretty cool guy, even if he is a little old. I’d be totally cool with it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“First of all, he’s not old, Scott. He’s like twenty-four,” Stiles said with a snort. “Second of all, I’m not worried about anything because we’re not a thing, so it’s a moot point anyway. Why would you ask that?”
Even without turning to look, he could practically feel the funny look Scott was giving him. “Dude, you were, like…practically in his lap all night long.”
“So?”
“So you both looked pretty cozy like that.”
“The couch is small.”
Scott sighed and, apparently giving up on his interrogation, refocused his attention out the window.
Stiles flipped on his turn signal and said, “Scott, there’s nothing going on with me and Derek. Okay? I swear, we are not a thing. On my honor.”
Scott studied him through narrowed eyes for the entire time it took Stiles to drive down the last street, turn into the driveway of the McCall house, and throw the jeep in park. Then he gave in to a grin. “You say that as if you have any honor.”
He made a break for the front door before Stiles could whack him upside the head, so Stiles was reduced to yelling out the window: “I take offense to that, asshole!”
Scott just waved back, unrepentant, and disappeared inside. Stiles shook his head as he backed out of the driveway, but he was chuckling anyway. Teasing was always a good sign coming from Scott. It meant the subject was dropped, which was good, because there was nothing to talk about.
He and Derek weren’t a thing.
“So when are you bringing Derek over for Sunday dinner?”
Stiles almost dropped his toast. Well, he almost missed catching his toast as it popped up, and then was too taken aback by his dad’s question to put it down quickly enough to avoid burning his fingers.
“Ow, ow, ow, hot— Dad, why would I do that?””
His dad sipped at his coffee, leaning back against the kitchen table. “Well, that’s what people usually do with their boyfriends,” he said, attempting casual.
Stiles stared at him, toast forgotten. “Derek’s not my boyfriend.”
“Son, I know I haven’t been the best I could’ve been about all this…sexuality…stuff,” his dad admitted—and it was a big admission from him, actually, Stiles would be proud of the progress here if he wasn’t so confused. “But you don’t have to hide anything from me.”
“No, dad, I’m not— Derek’s not my boyfriend! I’m not doing anything with Derek.”
His dad frowned. “You’re sure spending a lot of time at Derek’s.”
“I spend a lot of time at Scott’s too,” Stiles pointed out.
“Yeah, but Scott’s your friend.”
“And Derek isn’t?”
“Is he?”
Stiles rolled his eyes expansively. “Yes, Derek is my friend. Whom I spend time with. Because we’re friends.”
His dad made a face. “I don’t know, kid. You don’t cuddle up to Scott or Isaac or even Lydia like you do to Derek.”
Stiles groaned. “God, have you been conferencing with Scott or something? What is up with you people?”
“We just want to know what’s going on in your life.”
His dad’s voice was gentle enough to take the indignant wind right out of Stiles’ sails. The lines around his eyes spoke of all the months spent watching Stiles’ weird behavior, listening to his obvious lies, wondering what the hell he was missing and why his son had pulled so far away from him. He was in the know now, had been for a while, but that didn’t keep him from worrying. That was, as he often said, his prerogative as a father.
“Dad, nothing’s going on,” Stiles said, as plainly as he could. “Yeah, we’re close, but I’m not hiding anything else or being coy about it. I promise you, we’re just…not like that. Okay?”
His dad studied him for a long minute, just like Scott had in the car, scrutinizing him for any hint of a bluff or a misdirect. He must not find anything—probably as there wasn’t any such thing to find—because he nodded and deposited his empty mug on the table behind him. Halfway to the door, he paused with another frown.
“Does that mean we don’t get to have Derek over for dinner?”
“Oh my god.” Stiles stuffed a piece of toast in his mouth. “If you want Derek over for dinner, ask him yourself. I’m out of here.”
He did not tell his dad that he was actually on his way over to Derek’s place, or that he wouldn’t mind having dinner with Derek on Sundays. Because that would only serve to convince him that they were a thing when they weren’t.
He and Derek really, honestly, were not a thing.
“Are you and Derek coming to my party?”
Stiles bit down on a vehement curse and chose to face-plant into his textbook instead. By the time he picked his head back up, Lydia was still watching him with an expectant eyebrow raised, only now she looked a little exasperated too.
“Why do you assume we’re coming together?” he demanded. “Or that I would even know if Derek is coming at all? Why would I know that?”
“Do you know that?”
Stiles did know that, and maybe he and Derek had talked about hanging out beforehand and then carpooling to Lydia’s birthday party so they didn’t both have to drive, but that was completely beside the point.
Lydia rolled her eyes. “You two are always together nowadays,” she said, stowing her notebook back in her voluminous purse and giving him a knowing smirk. Or, Stiles should call it, a mistaken smirk. “Forgive me for assuming the trend would continue.”
“We’re not dating,” Stiles offered up helplessly.
Lydia swung her purse over her shoulder, flipped her hair, and said, “You’re sort of dating. Now are you two coming to my party or not?”
Stiles rubbed at his forehead and sighed with feeling. “Yes. Yes, we are coming.”
Lydia gave him a bright smile, which he couldn’t bring himself to return, and strode off with high heels tapping furiously. Stiles stayed where he was, even as the bell rang to signal the end of his study period, fighting against the tired, uncomfortable feeling growing in his gut.
He and Derek were not a thing.
Or, okay, maybe they were kind of a thing, in a way.
But they were definitely not that kind of thing.
Stiles threw his backpack on the floor as soon as the loft’s heavy metal door clanged shut behind him. Derek barely glanced up from his book; he was used to Stiles coming and going as he pleased by now. He had a key, after all. Derek had given him a key to his place months ago. He hadn’t made a big deal out of it, just like he didn’t when Stiles threw himself down on the couch beside him and promptly tipped over to insert his head into Derek’s lap. He just shifted his book to his other hand and settled the first one on Stiles’ chest instead.
“You okay?” he asked. “You smell upset.”
Stiles stared blankly up at the underside of Derek’s book. It was in Spanish. The last one had been French. “I’m fine.”
Derek’s eyes flicked down for a second, assessing. Then they returned to his reading. He patted Stiles’ chest and said, “Okay.”
Some of the tension thrumming through Stiles dissipated, his body relaxing into the familiar embrace of Derek’s couch. He loved that Derek didn’t push. Derek was a hell of a listener, and he always made it clear that Stiles was more than welcome to confide in him about anything at any time. But he never badgered Stiles to spill his guts if he didn’t want to like his dad occasionally did, or accidentally guilt him with that pitiful “I just want to help” face that Scott got sometimes.
Not that Stiles resented either of them for that. He really didn't. He knew they cared and were just trying to help and be there for him and whatnot. There was just something about Derek’s quiet, steady presence that was…easier. Stiles could breathe easier around Derek, and being here in the echoey openness of the loft, listening to the soundtrack of Derek’s page flips, settled some of the uneasy feeling he couldn’t seem to shake.
Not all of it, though. Because he loved this. But he didn’t love Derek. At least, not the way Lydia’s smirk had implied, or his dad’s dinner invitation, or Scott’s unprompted blessing for their nonexistent relationship. Even the bagging lady at the grocery store had winked at him when he and Derek had gone together last week so Stiles could replenish the loft’s stock of poptarts that he had personally decimated. As if grocery shopping had somehow become date night without Stiles knowing.
Derek’s book landed on the coffee table with a thump. “You’re only getting more and more upset.”
Groaning, Stiles levered himself into an upright position again, rubbing at his face just in case that would make the squirmy feeling go away. It did not, but Derek raising an arm to let Stiles collapse against his side helped a bit. Because Derek was warm and easy and safe and always there for him, and why wasn’t that enough for anyone else? It was enough for them!
Wasn’t it?
“Hey,” Derek said, giving him a squeeze. “What’s up?”
“We’re not dating, are we?” Stiles blurted out, because maybe everyone else was right and he had just missed the memo. That thought—that he might’ve misinterpreted everything—was even more uncomfortable, making his heart race and his palms sweat.
But Derek just shook his head. He didn’t seem offended or even confused by the question. If Stiles wasn’t very much mistaken, he actually looked a little relieved. “Of course not,” he said. “I think we would know.”
Stiles nearly went boneless with relief. His forehead thunked against Derek’s chest and Derek huffed out a laugh.
“Is that what’s got you so tied up in knots?” he asked. “You weren’t sure where we stood with each other?”
“No, I did! Well, I thought did,” Stiles amended, muffled into Derek’s shirt. “I was pretty sure until everyone else started voicing their opinions and apparently literally all of them think we’re dating.”
“Ah.”
Stiles removed himself from Derek’s chest, leaning his shoulder against the back of the couch instead. Derek let him go easily, twisting to mirror the stance.
“Does it bother you?” Stiles asked. “When people assume we’re dating when we’re not?”
Derek shrugged. “Not really. They can think whatever they want.”
For a second, Stiles allowed himself to envy Derek for that. He wished he could just not care, but every false assumption knocked him a little bit more off-kilter. It didn’t help that the assumptions all implied more, or better, like what they had didn’t count. Like it wasn’t worth being considered “a thing” at all if it wasn’t romantic, so if they had “a thing” then clearly it was romantic.
“And does it…” Stiles picked at a loose thread on his sleeve. “Does it bother you that we’re not? Dating, I mean.” It certainly seemed to bother everyone else.
Derek smiled a bit. “No, Stiles, it doesn’t. I like what we have.”
“I do too,” Stiles told him. “I like it a lot. Everyone else just seems to think it’s something it’s not, or that it should be.”
“It is what it is,” Derek said. “And anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves.”
Stiles was startled into a laugh. “No! I don’t think I’d go quite that far. They’re not, like, being dicks about it on purpose or anything. They just…don’t get it.”
Derek reached out to take Stiles’ hand, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles around Stiles’ palm. “They will eventually. We’ll just have to beat them over the head with it a little bit.”
“Aw, you’d beat up on our friends over this?” Stiles cooed. “That’s sweet.”
Derek didn’t rise to the bait. He just said, “Yeah, I would. Because it bothers you. And I don’t like seeing you upset.”
The last of the squirmy gut feeling faded away in a wash of warmth and affection. “You know, I do love you,” Stiles declared. “Not, like…like that. But. I do.”
Derek squeezed his hand. “I love you not like that too,” he said, with only the tiniest hint of amusement in his tone. “Regardless of how anyone else interprets it.”
It was a good thing that Derek chose that moment to settle back into his end of the couch and turn on the TV because Stiles’ throat was a little too tight for his upwelling of gratitude to make it into words. He just let Derek tug him close again, settling into a good, solid cuddle. They bickered about what show to watch—Stiles won—and about which car they were going to take to Lydia’s party—Derek won—and what they were going to have for dinner—they compromised on pizza that Stiles paid for because he was eating Derek out of house and home most days—and it was good.
So maybe they were a little bit of a thing. And just because it wasn’t the kind of thing most people thought it was, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t the best thing Stiles had going for him.
Whatever it was, he wouldn’t trade their thing for the world.
in honor of Valentine’s day, my deep desire for romance-favorable aro characters, and @teenwolfdrabbles’s very convenient weekly prompt of “green”
When Derek showed up at his door biting his lip, Stiles got a little nervous. He knew Derek was still wrapping his head around the whole "I'm aromantic but I still want to date you" thing. And that was okay!
But they hadn't discussed Valentine's Day. Maybe he'd changed his mind about everything.
"I didn't know how you felt about all this," Derek said. "What with...you know. But I didn't want to do nothing, so..."
He pulled out a dozen bright green roses. "Aro-tine's Day?"
Stunned, Stiles threw his head back and laughed. Squishing the flowers between them, he kissed Derek and said, "Best Aro-tine's Day ever."
Stiles didn’t question it when things with Malia fell apart. It was such a hectic time and they both had so much going on personally - it only made sense that they wouldn’t be able to connect anymore by the end of everything. It hurt to realize his first real love was over, but they stayed good friends and that was enough.
He wasn’t entirely surprised when he and Lydia fizzled either. He had spent so many years fantasizing about how being with her would be, building it up in his head, that it was just reasonable that the reality would fall short. He figured they’d become too close as friends in the meantime. Three weeks after their dramatic coming together, they were over and Stiles understood that.
It wasn’t until his second year of college that Stiles started to wonder about himself - wonder why his relationships never seemed to last longer than a few weeks, why he always seemed to lose interest no matter how much he liked someone to start with, why things got so uncomfortable so fast when literally nothing had changed.
A friend suggested aromanticism but he wasn’t so sure he qualified; he had crushes, after all, and wanted to date people. It just…never stuck. He felt like once his crush said yes, they were on the clock and it was only a matter of time before he started chafing under the attention they gave him in return.
Finding lithromanticism was a goddamn revelation. It was a bigger Aha Moment™ than finding out werewolves were real because that realization didn’t make him dizzy with relief that he wasn’t alone in this. He wasn’t just fucked up or afraid of commitment or leading people on.
