#aro resources

[aro-absol]

Aro Ring Guide for closeted folk

How to justify your specific ring choices without coming out

If you still live with your parents and can not buy an aro ring without them knowing, they might ask you why exactly it has to be a white ring on the left middle finger. Also works for friends and acquaintances that you cannot or do not want to come out to.

This is what I did when I bought my aro ring and my parents started asking questions.

Just because it worked for me doesn't mean there's a guarantee it'll work for you as well. You know your situation better than me. Be safe!

Why a ring?

This will probably be easier if you're a girl (or your parents think you are), as it is more socially acceptable for women to accessorize than it is for men. However, throughout history it was common for powerful men to wear rings as a symbolism for power and wealth. It also can be a great way for self-expression.

Why the left hand?

If you're right-handed: The left hand is your non-dominant hand. You could say it makes you uncomfortable to wear a ring on your dominant hand because it can be hindering in day to day tasks such as holding a pen.

If you're left-handed: You can say that you like wearing a ring on your dominant hand better because it is more visible. You use your dominant hand more often and therefore more people will notice your ring. Alternatively, if you're wearing a watch (which is typically worn on the non dominant side), you can say you want a more balanced out look so you wear the ring on the opposite hand. This is what many style guides literally recommend when it comes to wearing rings.

Why white?

If you have light skin: You can say that you prefer a ring color that doesn't clash so much with your skin. You want a ring but you like to keep it more subtle. Admittedly, this works better if you're not wearing any other rings. If they ask you why you didn't choose a colorful ring, you can say that you want to be able to wear it with any outfit and don't want to worry about the colors of your clothes clashing with the color of the ring.

If you have dark skin: You can say you want a ring that stands out to your skin. Because if you buy a ring and wear it, you want people to notice. And white is more obvious on your skin than black or a dark metal. If they ask you why you didn't choose a colorful ring, you can say that you want to be able to wear it with any outfit and don't want to worry about the colors of your clothes clashing with the color of the ring.

And if you're somewhere in between, you can always say that you want some contrast to your skin but not too much.

Why the middle finger?

According to some websites I found (x/x/x/x), a ring on the middle finger doesn't really have an assigned meaning. Rings on the middle finger are mostly a fashion statement, apparently. Although a ring on the middle finger might symbolize power, balance and stability. But all in all, nothing that'll make your parents suspicious. I do not know how reliable those sources actually are but they are the first things to come up when you search for the meaning of rings on the middle finger online.

However, googling "white ring left middle finger" leads to aro rings! If you think your parents might google that, be careful!

Other search engines might not give you aro ring results in the top results. (For example, Ecosia does not.)

I hope this helps some of y'all!

[mossy-aro]

Sorry if this is an annoying question but do you have any reading on loveless or heartless or aplatonic aros? Like informative on the people in it or how it originated.

I’m trying to do research since a lot of the stuff that interests me is qprs and still pretty heavily centered on some kind of love or relationship and I’m trying to learn more about my fellow aros

i’m not 100% sure what you mean by reading, but if you mean like … posts? then sure! i’ll link you to a bunch here:

heartless aro:

here’s the original post

here’s a post the op made going into further detail about the label

here’s a post i made talking about how it’s different from loveless + my personal feelings on the label

you can also look at the #heartless aro tag and just see what comes up! it’s still a relatively new label but there’s some good stuff in there for sure :)

loveless aro:

there are some good posts explaining the loveless label here, here, here and here

here’s a link to a loveless discord server!

here are some loveless-centric blogs: @loveless-aro, @wannabehuntress, @loveless-aro-culture-is, @loveless-aroace-space

aplatonic:

(from my understanding, aplatonicism isn’t necessarily a subcategory of aromanticism and can exist outside of it, but there is an overlap!)

here are some posts explaining it here, here & here

here’s an apl masterpost!

here’s a post explaining the difference between loveless and apl!

here are some blogs run by apl people: @aroarolibrary, @apothiplatonic, @aplatonic-stuff, @loveless-aplatonic, @apl-culture-is & here’s a link to a post that has some more!

[arowitharrows]

Hello! I’ve been enjoying your posts about aromanticism. I’m trying to find more sources from aromantic people but when I search online I’m just told how to be an ally. Are there any resources you would recommend that advocate for aromantic people that are actually aromantic?

Hey! I'm not sure exactly what kind of resources you're looking for, but I would recommend Aurea (Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy) as a starting point. They have many essays and articles on their news feed discussing different topics, and they have a large collection of resources here, that includes stuff like links to other active blogs and websites, events, online communities, and much more. Other than that I’m not really sure, I mostly just stick to the tumblr community, but if anyone else has any ideas or recommendations feel free to add!

[waru-chan8]

Queridos arrománticos, personas en el espectro arromántico y gente que está cuestionándose.

Quiero contribuir a mi manera a la semana de concientización sobre el Espectro Arromántico (AWAS por sus siglas en inglés).

Cundo comencé a cuestionarle si era Aro (o Arro) o no, me topé con una revista edita por Meeni @astrangershandwriting llamada ‘Arospec 101’. Eso me hizo darme cuesta que sí, que soy Aro y que no tiene nada de malo.

Cuando era adolescente, traté de actuar como mis compañeros de clase y tener citas, pero cuando la gente empezó a presionarme para que tuviera una relación ‘tradicional’, empecé a sentirme incómoda y acabe entrando en pánico. Solo quería que alguien me dijera que está bien no tener una relación ‘tradicional’ y que todo estaba bien. Nadie me lo dijo, ni siquiera internet que no dejaba de decir que era Ace, aunque cuando yo sabía que mi sexualidad no tenía nada que ver con que me sintiera incómoda con mi novio, o que no me ‘enamorara’ como mis compañeros.

En aquella época, además contaba con una barrera lingüística. El español es la lengua que hablo normalmente, y siendo sinceros, mi inglés no era lo suficientemente bueno para que pudiera acceder y entender los foros donde se empezaba a hablar del arrómanticismo. Porque no quiero que otras personas tengas esos mismos problemas, lo he traducido al español (con el consentimiento de Meeni). Aquí está Arospec 101 en español (X).

Por favor compartir esta publicación y dar crédito a Meeni por su trabajo. Por otro lado, si tenéis dudas o preguntas por favor contactar conmigo.

[splend-aros]

Resource Masterpost!

GENERAL QUEER (w/ a focus on ASPECS):

Asexual POC Resources General Queer Advice Blog List LGBTQIA+ Muslim Resources On the History Between Aspecs & Bi Folks General LGBTQ+ Resources Figuring Out Your Gender Identity How to Write Ace Characters Guide to Ace Self-Love List of Aspec Blogs Books With Demisexual Characters Asexuality Is Not A Disorder

ARO SPECIFIC:

Meta on Keladry of Mindelan, A Canon Aro Character Rundown on QP/Soft Romo Relationships Masterpost of Queerplatonic Relationships in Webcomics Guide For Questioning Aros Explaining Queerplatonic More on QPRs Dealing With Other People’s Relationships Rundown on Amatonormativity Guide to the Aro Spectrum The Aromantic Umbrella

I found most of these in a few quick searches on my other blog @amazingaro. I’m sure there’s more guides and masterposts out there; feel free to add on to this list if you know some!

- Mod A

[aro-positivity]

a guide for the questioning aro: a masterlist

there is an exact copy of this masterlist under the “resources” tab on my blog!

finding out your romantic orientation can be a struggle. it’s laborious, intense, and often unrewarding. there’s a dearth of information available to aro and aro spec people, and that’s a shame.

i’ve compiled a list of the links and resources that helped me the most: from the blogs that helped explain what aromanticism was to the positivity blogs that helped me not feel so alone. hopefully this helps someone out, because no one deserves to feel like they’re groping in the dark when it comes to something as vital as your identity.

(if there’s something that helped you out, message me, and i’ll add it to the list!)

definitions: what is aromanticism? (and all the other words associated with it)

AVEN Wiki — fairly basic. kind of clinical, really only for people with zero understanding of aromanticism. good as a tool to help explain to cishets.

About Asexuality and the Ace/Aro Spectrum — goes into the types of attraction that different people can experience. explains the difference between sexual and romantic orientation a little better.

That’s So Aromantic — a psychology today article that is a bit like the last source, but with more attached resources and extra definitions for words like queerplatonic and amatonormativity. 

Turtle Analogy — a cute sketchy comic that explains aspec orientations in the easiest possible way.

AACE Club Resources — some definitions about aro spec identities and more resources.

5 Myths About Aromanticism — a buzzfeed article. pretty self-explanatory, but something i had to come to grips with was all the stereotypes about aro people—that we’re cold, unloving, etc. this definitely helped with that.

Meet the Aromantics — stories from actual aros on their experiences with being aro, and what that meant for them. this helped a lot in validating my own feelings and experiences.

Aromantics Just Wanna Be Your Friend — a vice article. combines definition and testimony into one well-written package.

Amatonormativity — a definition, written by the person who coined the word. also includes its own resources that you may find helpful.

am i aromantic?

if you’re here, you’re probably already questioning your romantic orientation, or maybe you’re just trying to learn more about the subject. either way, this list, compiled by anagori, is things they’ve seen in themself and other people. they also have a really good linkspam.

so you’ve realized you’re aromantic. now what?

chances are you’re probably gonna want to read up some more on the subject, whether on aromanticism in general, or queerplatonic relationships, or alterous attraction. here’s a few things to help you do that.

Commitment in Relationships for Celibate Asexuals and Aromantics — this article just resonated with me in a way that i can’t fully explain. in it, the author (of whose pronouns i am unsure of) discusses levels of commitment, and how to attain them in an increasingly amatonormative world.

Experiences of Loving — an analysis on the different types of love and how powerful non-romantic love can be. 

related blogs to send asks to/follow any inactive blogs on this list are here purely for the archives.

Aro-Ace Place

Ace and Aro Positivity

Arospec Awareness Week — this links straight to their resources page, which was incredibly helpful. the blog itself is inactive.

Hugs and Squishes — a blog that showcases queerplatonic feelings and relationships, as well as intense platonic feelings. no romance involved.

Queerplatonic and Aromantic Advice — somewhat inactive, but the archive is useful.

Aro Ace Nesting Place

Aro Support — also inactive.

Asexual and Aromantic Support Group

A-Spec People Are Beautiful

Positivity and Reassurance Blog for A-Spec People

(my follow page is also public. i follow mostly aro positivity blogs, with a few blogs that post both aro and ace content, and one or two blogs that post generalized LGBT stuff.)

[aroace-avenue]

[image description: a screenshot of a wordpress site. It’s titled Guide to Aromanticism and has page navigation on the side listing Aromanticism 101, Am I Aro?, Aromantic Creators and Creations, Resources and Contact. The current page is title Aromanticism 101]

An Aro 101 Guide!

A while ago I put together a wordpress site with introductory level aro information. It has an overview of what aromanticism is, what attraction is, relationships, and the aromantic spectrum. I also keep an up to date list of other resources and aromantic media and art.

If you want to introduce people to aromanticism with a guide made by aro people send them there!

aromanticguide.wordpress.com

[ask-an-aro]

I just listened to a linguistics podcast by lingthusiasm about why all words are real words (transcribed here) and I thought it would be a great resource for queer people in order to combat the "that's not a thing/not a word" response to neologisms and neopronouns.

Especially bc arospec awareness week is coming up so if you have to explain this it's useful to have this source handy!

Some noteable quotes (emphasis mine):

_______

"Are some words unreal?” I think it’s one of those questions that’s like – that’s like saying, “Are some animals not animals?” Well, you’re already calling them animals, like, what are you doing with yourself?"

______

"Erin McKean has a really nice quote about this from her TED talk about redefining the dictionary. She says when people think about a place and they don’t find that place on a map, they think there’s a problem with the map. But when they find a word that’s not in the dictionary, they think this must be a bad word. But it’s more likely to be a bad dictionary. And I think that really sums it up. Okay, maybe a word is or isn’t in a dictionary, but you’ve still found it in the dictionary, that is something that’s just made by people, and they still have to acquire all the words themselves."

______

"You know, if you say, “Well, would you accept that dictionary as a source”? And then you show them the word in Merriam-Webster or Oxford – all the dictionaries have “ain’t” – and then you show them there, and they’re like, “Well, I don’t accept this as a source either.” You’re like, “Well, you just changed the goalposts now.” Who do you accept as the ultimate arbiter for what is or isn’t a word? Or is anyone who makes the assertion something isn’t a word automatically the correct one?"

_____

"Lauren: I just feel like if someone says to you, “That’s not a word,” it’s really unfair that the burden of proof falls on you.

Gretchen: But I’m like, “Here’s a store that’s there.” And you’re like, “Nope. Not a real store because it’s not in the yellow pages yet.” I’m like, “But you can walk into it. It’s a store that will sell you things.” They’re like, “Nope.” No one’s ever asked, “Oh, not a real word? Well, define a real word. What is a real word?”

Lauren: I guess the challenge here is – the easy response is to say, “Well, here’s evidence that it is.” But often when people are saying this, there is something here that’s about language policing, and it’s often cover for some kind of classism, or racism, or it’s particularly picking on the language of a particular subgroup, or it’s covert sexism. So there is something here that’s unpleasant, and I wish people would stop doing.

Gretchen: But even when I agree with them, it’s also still an argument made in bad faith.

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: You know, it’s not – if someone says, “Well, you know, this isn’t a word,” even if I agree that this was probably a typo that someone made, or this is something that maybe wasn’t appropriate to a particular context, legitimising the argument that “not a real word” is a reasonable response to anything is still a problem, even if the core thing that they’re getting at might have some utility in the context because it’s so undefined, and it’s such an easy way of covering for classism and racism and all sorts of these kinds of discriminations that people smuggle into language."

_______

"Lauren: It kind of reminds me of a subset of this, which I like to think of as the Mansplain Reaction, which is where you say something’s not a real word because it conflicts with your worldview, essentially.

Gretchen: I really like an example of this that I found, which was somebody saying that “conspiracy theory” is not a real word.

Lauren: Oh, okay.

Gretchen: I know!

Lauren: Why is “conspiracy theory” not a real word? Is it because it has a space in it? Gretchen, we’ve been through this one.

Gretchen: No, somebody said it’s a made-up mind-control word that causes one to dismiss the facts of any investigation. I was like, “Oh, okay.”

Lauren: This is a pretty prototypical example of a Mansplain Reaction.

Gretchen: Yeah, so it’s like, “I don’t like the concept expressed by this word, so I’m going to attack the word not the concept,” or say like, “It was unnecessary to name this concept because I don’t think the concept is important or I don’t think the concept exists.”

Lauren: There’s no such thing as “mansplaining.” We’re just having a conversation in which I am aggressively disagreeing at you.

Gretchen: Right. I think the big problem that I have with the “not a real word” argument is it implies that there are some sorts of words that aren’t real. But by the time something exists for you to say, “It’s a kind of word,” that’s all it takes to be a real word."

______

This is about language specifically but I think a lot of it also applies to people who say orientations/ identities they haven't heard before or don't like for some reason aren't real things.

You shouldn't have to prove that your identity is real because as soon as you experience it it's real. And you deserve the language to be able to express that.