[arowitharrows]

These are some links to recourses on different topics, mostly things I want to be able to find again so I'm collecting them here. Please be aware that many of these articles include discussions of queerphobia, racism or abuse. I can't put warnings on every link, so proceed with caution. This is not meant to be a complete or final list, I will most likely be editing it as time goes by.

Aspec terminology / Flags

Queerplatonic coining post on dreamwidth (x)

Sunset aroace flag original post (x)

A History Of Words Used To Describe People That Are Not Asexual (x)

On the origin of the term "split attraction model" (SAM) (x)

Discussion about the SAM: Convergence-Divergence Spectrum

Books, literature and other resources

Ace by Angela Chen - some aspec 101 but enough deeper discussions to satisfy me. Mostly focused on asexuality but there is also an in depth chapter about aromanticism.

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda Brown - discussions on asexuality through a black and feminist lens

Aromanticism in Academia masterpost 2026

Free (mostly academic) aro theory resources

Aspec Video Essay Masterpost

Discussions of aphobia

Note: I am still waiting for the day when aphobia can be discussed without aromanticism being treated as a subcategory of asexuality.

Stonewall report on asexual discrimination, UK 2023 (x)

Survey: almost 1 in 3 Brits think asexual people can be ‘cured’, UK 2025 (x)

masterpost about types of aphobia

Scientific America article on medical stigma against asexuality, USA 2023 (x)

Article about the religious right attacking sexless marriage, USA (x)

Podcast about the religious right attacking platonic marriages and general analysis about why the religious right hate asexuality (and aromanticism), USA part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

Black Aspecs

Black Aromantic Texts Masterpost

'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men (x)

Amatonormativity

Website of Elizabeth Brake, the coiner of the term Amatonormativity (x)

Amatonormativity in the law: an introduction, USA 2022 (x)

Opinion: I grew up in a culture that embraced physical touch. Then I came to America, Ethiopia 2023(x)

Romance is not the only type of Black love that matters by Sherronda J. Brown, USA 2018 (x)

Relationship Anarchy

Relationship Anarchy, Occupy intimacy!, Spain 2020 (x) also available in Spanish and catalan

The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy (x)

Tumblr post with multiple links about relationship anarchy (x)

Marriage and being Single

Ted talk: how romance and capitalism could destroy our future, 2014 (x)

The escalating costs of being single in America, USA 2021 (x)

Unmarried equality, many articles about discrimination against single people. USA focused (x)

No Shelter for Singles: The Perceived Legitimacy of Marital Status Discrimination, USA 2011 (x)

Loveless Aro

I Am Not Voldemort: An Essay on Love and Amatonormativity (x)

Aroworlds loveless Aro friendly fiction collection (x)

Loveless Aro experiences and explanations (post0 aurea article post 1 post 2 post 3 post 4 post 5 post 6)

Aromantic healthcare material

Aromantic Competent Care Webinar

Finding a therapist as an aromantic person

[cuppydogshane]

all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.

[e-von-dahl]

“Trans men don’t make good music it’s all cringey ukulele indie pop” name a trans male musician who makes music like that other than cavetown

You know what? Name any trans male musician at all who isn’t cavetown

[totalmoralfag]

i dont want to derail from op's original point, but there have been a lot of wonderful reccs on this post, and i DO think we as a community need to do more to uplift trans men/transmasc musicians instead of stereotyping all transmasc musicians as "cringy". so, i sat down and went through every comment, tag, and reblog on this post (at least, all of the ones that are visible to me) and compiled a list, and i included some of my own favorites that i didnt see mentioned!

this list is not in any order, and i am not familiar with most of these artists, so an inclusion on this is not an endorsement of anything! if ive made a mistake anywhere, just let me know!

schmekel - transmasc jewish folk band (they seem to have deleted the majority of their music off most platforms, unsure why? but this link is to a playlist of re-uploads)

exiliahu - very vocally pro-palestine jewish trans man

noah finnce - british trans man, pop rock

ellyotto - canadian trans man, hyperpop

jesswar - fijian-austrailian trans man, hip hop

2am ricky - Black american trans man, hip hop/soul/jazz/house

rahim redcar - french trans man, indie/alt-pop

elio mei - american trans man, indie folk

anjimile - Black american trans man, indie folk

the oozes - queer punk band w/ a trans man lead singer

sushi soucy - transmasc, folk rock

dopamine - band of scottish transmascs

boy jr - transmasc, indie/alt rock

great grandpa - queer indie rock band w/ trans man lead singer

riotnine - transmasc punk band

the muslims - transmasc poc anti-fascist punk band

TR sun - Black american trans man, hip hop

billy tipton - american trans man, 1940s jazz star

mal blum - american trans man, indie rock/folk punk

dayflower - british transmasc "dreamcore" indie pop band

ryan cassata - american trans man, folk punk

ezra butler - british trans man, indie pop

bells larson - canadian nonbinary trans man, indie pop

sasha allen - american trans man, indie pop

boy bowser - american trans man, energetic hip hop

mikah amani - Black american trans man, folk music

jake edwards - british trans man, pop music

jakey bake - trans man, super indie/underground

king aiden - Black american trans man, indie pop

addison grace - american transmasc, indie pop

dylan and the moon - british trans man, indie folk

searows - american trans man, indie folk/bedroom pop

elio kennedy yoon - Asian-american trans man, indie pop

beverly glenn copland - Black canadian trans man, art/folk pop

REVENGEOFPARIS - nonbinary transmasc rapper

V3CTORGRAPH1CS - nonbinary transmasc, hyperpop

Um Jennifer? - american indie rock duo ; one is transmasc, the other is transfem

jigsawllie - transmasc, indie "weirdcore" vocaloid music

Jupi77er - brazilian trans man rapper

[minimosquitogirl-deactivated202]

no i actually don’t think that romance is an inherent good

[magpies-and-crows74]

I think there’s a tendency to think of aspecs as ‘lacking’ something that the majority of people have, even if they’re not judging, or if they’re aspec themselves. And it’s easy to do when society and labels revolve around attraction and certain types of relationships, but I think we need to remember that we are not living our lives without something, we are living our lives with a different mode of operation, different priorities, rich lives and so on. We are working on different axes, not the same axis at zero

[comfortabletextiles]

Well hello there.

German politics decided to massively fuck over every German who needs therapy now or in the future (as a means to lessen the financial burden on the public health insurance, completely ignoring human dignity, and actual input of people working in this field)

If this thing goes through we basically loose any hope to ever receive mental healthcare.

The "Psychotherapieverbund" started a petition

That can be signed until midnight of the 9. Of July. Please reblog if you have German followers and send it to all Germans you know, so we can help our dear clusterfuck of a government to make the right decision.

Jetzt mitzeichnen: Der Todesstoß – CDU/CSU und SPD entziehen Psychotherapiepraxen die Existenzgrundlage

Ein Änderungsantrag soll mit der Streichung der Angemessenheitsprüfung die wirtschaftliche Grundlage psychotherapeutischer Praxen vernichten

[peach-pot]

conversations of amatonormativity and consent overlap a lot and should be discussed side by side more frequently. because when you live in a society that teaches you that you’re supposed to want sex and romance, that you may want to say no in the moment but you shouldn’t say no forever, any statements about consent get muddied. you cannot at once preach that consent is vital and “you can always say no” and also insist that people should give sex and romance a try, even when they express disinterest, telling them “eventually you’ll find the right person.”

[anistarrose]

my futile wish is for people to understand that "sex scenes in movies/TV don't have to serve the plot and can genuinely just be for pleasure" and "sex-repulsed people are allowed to complain about how rare it is for media made for adults like them to be something they can enjoy completely" are both true statements. unfortunately society hates both sex and people who don't like sex, so everyone gets far too defensive about any sex or lack thereof in fiction to actually have this conversation

[peach-pot]

I think some of you people need to google amatonormativity… and like, think about it.

[peach-pot]

you can actually desire a traditional romantic relationship AND unpack amatonormative ideas within your mind and life. they are not mutually exclusive!

[aromanticsky]

“marriage is a legal document that protects you, you’ve gotta decouple it in your brain from romance and amatonormativity” the fact that marriage is a legal document that protects and privileges you (that, might I add, generally isn’t valid without romance+sex) is LITERALLY amatonormativity. A legal status that privileges people in monogamous long-term romantic-sexual relationships IS AMATONORMATIVITY. That is *what it was coined to talk about.*

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is being drawn to archery. There's a lot of iconic archers (Artemis from Greek mythology, Merida, Legolas, Katniss, the list goes on) who are OBVIOUSLY aromantic . And ffs, aro sounds like arrow. Coincidence? I think not!!

.

[aromantic-diaries]

People act like there's an explicit line between friendship and romance like This is how Platonic Friends act and if two people act like That they are a Romantic Couple. Buddy I have crossed the line so far that it's actually surprising to me and it's still friendship

[aromantic-diaries]

"being aromantic means you never cross The Line" well maybe I'm so aromantic that no matter how far I cross the so called line I will never enter the romance territory. Get on my level.

[rohirric-hunter]

I am sort of frustrated about that post I made about Google Gemini giving an AI summary of Tumblr users if you google a URL because it quickly turned into a long post where people started sharing all the things the AI got wrong about them, and I'm not saying it isn't good for a laugh when an AI is wrong, but I feel like people are missing the point. Who cares if the AI offers information about you that's wrong? What's worrying is all the information the AI got right.

That initial accidental google I did of a mutual returned an AI summary that was absolutely correct, and featured information about them that would not have been obvious from a quick perusal of their blog. The first few times I googled myself the AI overview was 100% correct. The version of that post that is circulating is not the one where I shared that the AI gave me someone's real name. I had hoped that it had screwed up and it wasn't their real name after all, but no, I checked with them, and just by googling someone's Tumblr URL, I got their honest to goodness legal name. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Like yeah I get that it's fun to go, "Haha, AI bad at collecting information," but that's not the problem. The problem is that sometimes AI good at collecting information, and it can collect a lot more a lot faster than a normal human can, by running multiple searches simultaneously and cross-referencing a lot of different documents all in a few seconds, for a level of snooping that would take a real person hours or even days, if they could do it at all.

That is so dangerous and I need people to be angrier about the fact that Google thinks it's okay to let their AI do this for online users. If you google your legal name and you're not already famous the AI won't say shit. Because that would be creepy and invasive! So why does Google think it's all hunky dory to do it for random internet users?

[stephexmachina]

proposing a new genre of fiction called an anti-romance where u r presented w a couple at the start & the story is about their emotional journey towards a catastrophic break up

[stephexmachina]

will they won't they (end this farce). there's only one bed (but for some reason they don't really want to share it). out of context eavesdropping (that paints the relationship in a better light than it deserves). chasing after them to stop them getting on that plane (and stopping them from finally being free)

[stephexmachina]

nobody understands my vision i don't mean any old story where a relationship fails and it's tragic or w/e i mean a story where the intention is for the audience to root for it failing the same way u root for it succeeding in a romance. & when the relationship finally implodes at the climax of the story it's all very cathartic & everybody cheers.

[stephexmachina]

like have u never wanted a fictional couple to break up so badly it hurt?

[fortune-card]

This is not a new genre of fiction. You would like After the Winter by Guadalupe Nettel. That is literally what you're describing.

[stephexmachina]

that's not a genre that's the plot of one book. maybe i want a vast array of feel good stories about relationships imploding like fireworks. maybe i want to be baited by a breakup in act one only for them to get back together for absurd & convoluted reasons. maybe i want to pick up a book and go "wow i wonder how many times the protagonist is going to get cheated on before they finally call it quits". maybe i want it to be a foregone conclusion that they're going to break up and this is considered a happy ending. maybe i want to root for love to lose time & time again.

[junglejim4322]

You should be able to say “don’t touch me” to anyone ever in any context and not have it be considered in the realm of surprising or insulting imho if we ever needed to normalize something it’s this

[arowitharrows]

tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.

[arowitharrows]

people keep generally agreeing (?) with this post only to double down on the 'not doing anything' phrase and like, if you want to continue using this sentiment then sure, I'm not stopping you. But I personally won't stand behind it and my first assumption will be that people using it have not fully deconstructed and understood the mechanisms of queerphobia and/or do not understand asexuality and aromanticism.

In the past years, and especially with a focus on queer infighting and "discourse", it has become very clear to me how important it is to understand the reasons behind people's prejudice against certain minority groups. Everyone knows that queerphobia exists, but I find it helpful to ask myself, do I know why it exists? Do I know which fundamental beliefs drive people's hatred? Do I know how these beliefs differ between, e.g. the political far right, conservative christians, or my grandmother who grew up in the 40s? It is so important to consider these things, both in determining how to address the problem of queerphobia in the current context and to avoid pointless discourse about who does or doesn't face discrimination in our society.

So, in the context of this post, I need aspec people to understand that no matter how hard you cling to "we aren't even doing anything", it's not going to save you. Sure, people hate queer sex a lot, and maybe you aren't having queer sex. But it is vital to understand that, usually, their core belief isn't that no one should have sex ever, it's that people should have sex in a specific controlled context - e.g. married, heterosexual, sex for procreation, romantic sex - and they will not be happy with you if you don't comply. Choosing to never have sex is expressing bodily autonomy that they do not want you to have. And if you are clinging to this phrase because of a general feeling of "I'm just living my live, why would anyone hate me for existing?" then yeah, I get that, I really do. But don't forget that that's true for every single queer orientation out there.

Also on that note, I need people to not erase aromanticism from this discussion. If we are talking about aphobia then that includes aromantic people and it includes aromantic people who aren't asexual. It includes the way people react to aromantic people having sex without being romantically attracted to their partners. I feel like often times when people say they don't understand aphobia, and when they try to explain/justify this stance, it's only in the context of "not having sex" and aromanticism is somehow forgotten.

[scribefindegil]

like it's genuinely absurd how every post by an aro person going "Hey, it's kind of fucked up that marriage is the only way to access certain rights and privileges" gets people coming out of the woodwork to say "You idiot! Don't you know that marriage is important?! It's the only way to access certain rights and privileges!"

like . . . yeah. they do know that. that is in fact the problem.