aromantic support @aro-positivity - Tumblr Blog

Can I be aro but still want to have a fwb? I am so confused with my identity atm T_T

yeah absolutely! this might sound odd, but attraction doesn’t make or define a relationship. it is often a prerequisite, but doesn’t have to be.

#ask #anonymous #aromantic advice

Do you have any favorite aro songs you recommend? I personally love "I'm Good" by The Mowgli's and "Alone and Sublime" by Mother Mother.

Hope you have a great day!

i have an aro playlist! i’ve never listened to Alone and Sublime, but i’ve added it!

#ask #hppea #aro music

morally-grey-ace

When I was younger,

I told everyone that

I would never fall in love.

Adults all laughed

And smiled knowingly.

“Just wait ‘til you’re older,”

They would say

“You’ll change your tune.”

But I didn’t.

And I won’t.

They don’t laugh anymore

When I say that

I don’t want to get married.

They exchange worried glances

As though there is something wrong with me.

As though I am broken.

But I am not broken.

In fact, I am

Completely whole

All by myself.

#aro #aromantic #poetry #aro art #aro positivity #aromantic positivity #lgbtq #lgbt #q

aspecpplarebeautiful

Hello! I have some questions about figuring some aromantic things out as I'm genuinely questioning myself. Do you have a resource list that mobile isn't showing me? Or do you know if there's someone I can talk to who I wouldn't be bothering with questions?

I don’t have a resource list unfortunately, but I would strongly recommend Arocalypse. It’s a forum for aromantics and includes a really good faq. You’re also welcome to go there and chat with the regulars, and if you have questions they even have an anonymous q&a section.

You’re absolutely welcome to ask questions here if you want to as well.

All the best and good luck!

#aro #aromantic #resources

cheeseanonioncrisps

I feel like most of the aro posts on my blog are about how being aro doesn't inherently exclude you from the possibility of finding a partner— because I'm an aro who would quite like a partner someday— but I really want to emphasise that:

It is okay if you personally don't want a partner.

And this still applies if you're allosexual.

Some of the worst arophobia I have seen on this site has been from people who seem to think that it suddenly becomes okay and acceptable to slut-shame people so long as they're aromantic.

"Aromantic people are just straight men who want to have sex with women and then dump them!"

"If the 'a' includes aromantics then frat boys are lgbt!"

"Aromantic? Don't you mean sociopath?" (This is also, obviously, ableist, btw. Having a mental disorder doesn't preclude you from being a good person if you want to be.)

Look, it's not 1856. You shouldn't have to declare your undying love for somebody and get permission from a vicar before you're allowed to sleep with them. While sex can be a way for people to become closer as a couple or show their love for their partner, it can also just be like a fun activity that you do because you're horny. And while I feel like a lot of people on this site claim to agree with that statement, some of them really seem to have trouble understanding that it doesn't magically stop being true because you're aro.

Aros can have multiple partners.

Aros can have casual friends with benefits situations that aren't anywhere near as intense/committed as qprs.

Aros can have random hookups.

Whatever you do in bed, it is literally nobody's business except you and any people you currently happen to be in bed with. So long as everybody involved is consenting, being safe and having a good time, you're not doing anything wrong.

And this still applies if you are a heterosexual, cisgender man.

Your attraction is not inherently predatory, misogynistic or objectifying just because it isn't accompanied by romantic feelings. You don't owe people mushy feelings and a relationship just because you had sex with them. If you go into a sexual encounter with someone making it clear that it's just going to be about sex, and then they start getting upset with you for not providing more, then that's not your fault.

Don't feel obliged to do things that aren't natural to you just because alloros try and guilt you into it.

And for everyone else:

If your sex positivity doesn't include aromantics, then it's not true sex positivity.

💚💚💚💚

#aro #aromantic #aro positivity #aromantic positivity #sex #sex positivity #q

Hey I just feel confused at the moment lol, but I've learned a lot about sexuality over the last three or so years figuring it all out myself. Bit I would say I fall under the asexual and aromatic spectrum like I read about grey romantic which I relate too, but I feel like one day having a relationship won't be too bad? But I still don't experience "romantic attraction" as much,,, only to fictional characters lmao but yeah I need advice I guess :/

my advice? you don’t have to worry about taking on an identifier now and then throwing it out later as you grow and your understanding of yourself changes. just because you relate to a label now doesn’t mean you’ll relate to it forever! my journey to the labels i use now has been long and messy, and i’ve cast off just as many labels as i’ve taken on. taking on and discarding labels doesn’t make you indecisive—the labels you use are meant to be a help to you, to help you understand your place in the world better. if later on you develop romantic attraction to someone, or get into a relationship, you can find a new label as your understanding of what you want changes.

as for feeling romantic attraction to fictional characters, there are a host of more specific labels you could use, if you wanted to—but there’s also no shame in picking a more “umbrella” label that doesn’t quite fit. sometimes rain is going to get under your umbrella, and that’s fine, just as long as you’re not getting too wet.

i hope this helped! feel free to send in another ask or message me privately if you need to!

#ask #anonymous #grayromantic #aromantic advice #labels

you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone in order for your choices to be valid. as long as you understand what you’re about, and you’re happy with it.

#aro #aromantic #aro positivity #aromantic positivity #q #op

aspecpplarebeautiful

You don’t owe people who hate you your time or energy.

#aro #aspec #positivity #q

to my romance repulsed aromantics

this one is for you. if the thought of romance squicks you out, if you just don’t want to think about romantic behaviors—you are valid. you exist, and you are important, and what you want has always and will forever continue to matter.

#aro #aromantic #aro positivity #romance repulsed #q

sapphic-sprite

for all of my aro sapphics who feel like they are perpetuating harmful sapphic stereotypes: you aren’t and you are wonderful! there is nothing wrong with not experiencing romantic attraction! you are not sexualizing women by just being who you are! you don’t hurt the sapphic community! you deserve to feel pride in who you are and not feel bad for being aromantic in sapphic circles!

#aro #aromantic #aro positivity #aromantic positivity #wlw #sapphic #q

saaabriel

good morning to aromantic people who have too many succulents, aro people who would buy a shirt because it was green, aro people in relationships, aro people who don’t have enough time to create the art they want to create, aro people who live with their parents, aro people who don’t have a tiktok, aro trans people, aro people who put stickers on their laptop and water bottle, aro people who are vegetarian, aro people who adore seasonal starbucks drinks, and aro people who only wear black

#aro #aromantic #aro positivity #aromantic positivity #aspec #q

your daily reminder that not wanting companionship doesn’t make you any less of a human being! if you fantasize about living alone, at growing old with only your natural peace around you, you are so valid and i love you

#i post a lot about not wanting to be alone #but the flipside is just as important to acknowledge #aro #aromantic #aro positivity #q

lifeafterpsychiatry

There is zero shame in needing other people. Desiring support, love and genuine connections isn't weak or bad. We aren't made to thrive in isolation, we're made to connect and support each other.

#positivity #relationships #q

just because a behavior is defined as romantic by society doesn’t mean it is! you’re allowed to cuddle, to live with, to love your friends without reservation.

#aro #aromantic #aro positivity #aromantic positvity #op #q

keplercryptids

i’ve been on hold at my library for a book about asexuality for a few weeks and i just read an article about some concepts in the book re: consent. and holy shit. blew my mind. i’ve NEVER read about consent in the context of a relationship with an ace and an allo that resonated so strongly with me, and as a person in such a relationship!! it’s so!!! i’m even more excited for the book now.

for anyone interested, the article is How to Negotiate Better Consent: An Asexual Perspective and the book i’m waiting for is Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society and the Meaning of Sex.

keplercryptids

god okay, just to gush about this more, the author suggests using the categories of enthusiastic, willing, unwilling and coerced consent (rather than just “enthusiastic consent” or “no means no”). i really recommend reading the whole article linked above, but what blew my mind is the distinction between enthusiastic and willing consent. it gets broken down like this:

Enthusiastic consent:

When I want you

When I don’t fear the consequences of saying yes OR saying no

When saying no means missing out on something I want

Willing consent:

When I care about you though I don’t desire you (right now)

When I’m pretty sure saying yes will have an okay result and I think maybe that I’d regret saying no

When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes

and like!!! it made me realize i may have never actually enthusiastically consented in my life, but like, that doesn’t mean i have never or cannot consent! i almost always fall into the “willing consent” framework and i’ve never seen that….validated anywhere. anyway, it’s just given me this perspective about my sexuality and consent in general and better ways to relate to my partner and!!! idk!!! thank goodness for other ace people, is what i’m saying.

queeranarchism

This is very useful and a lot of sex work can also be best understood as willing consent, where the indirect consequences of having sex (getting paid) are what is desired and the direct consequences (having probably-mediocre sex with someone you don’t actively desire) are not considered so negative that they outweigh the indirect consequences.

Which is a definition of consent that gives sex workers agency and sees their consent as a choice made again and again based on the pros and cons, not something that is coerced and also not something that always exists by default simply because they are sex workers.

Recognizing willing consent is probably validating for a lot of people who have consent to sex without meeting the definition of enthusiastic consent.

#ace #asexual #consent #sex work #q