Hi, again very out of nowhere I'm not used to giving people asks yet. I just wanted to ask a couple of questions regarding your Au's Marcus. Because I feel horrible again and I wanna see your complicated baby (/aff) and these might have already been displayed/answered before but.. I'm still interested c:
How... Does he actually feel about the doctors? And how do they treat him usually? How does he feel about medical stuff in general? The medical horror aspect of ata has always been one of my favourite things if I'm being honest it's just so interesting and I know I've seen little tidbits about Marcus not being very happy about some of this stuff but I think you've said you've been retconning a lot of stuff recently so that's why I'm asking again. I'm really interested to see a more in-depth answer in regards to what he's been through medically and how it's affected him.
How does he feel about his portrayal as a sheep? I think I saw some old drawings of yours where he gets the Lamb nickname (my favourite my favourite my favourite it makes me Cry) does he find it degrading? Does he find comfort it in? Is he mixed? I wanna knowwwww 🥹
How well does he get along with the other kids? Does he KNOW about the other kids Hameln has abducted? What's the difference between his relationships with other kids and adults? How does he feel about teens?
Ok that's all I have for now, I hope this is ok. I also hope you don't mind this mini-vent but this community has been stressing me out a lot as of late (I don't really think I'm up to discuss it publicly if I'm being honest... But It's mostly the characterization conflict.) and I just really need some refresheners. In fact I'm trying not to cry right now aaaaa
thanks so much for asking. I’ve been holding off for ages as i want to tell most things through the story but i will happily answer these mootie. i totally understand feeling overwhelmed which is why I’ve just been chilling in the moot server ranting and roleplaying. i had to retcon rbh in the first place because i had too many ideas at once which resulted in literal torture porn within the conflict and i was lucky to have a sensitivity reader and sensitivity WRITER (@seasonalmoss @maddy-k-reads-all-day) to talk me through it and help me represent the themes accurately. unlike A CERTAIN THING I’ll shut up now
ohhh boyyy these are a lot of questions for martholomew. now i could just answer them and be a boring ass narrator but who better to tag me along and answer than THE BOY himself!1!1!
how do you feel about the doctors?
i respect them, of course! they’ve given me almost everything. they’ve kept me healthy and safe and taken care of pretty much my whole life. i haven’t really… given anything back… but- they said being obedient is fine enough. so that’s probably good.
he doesn’t have any comprehensible feelings towards the doctors that he acknowledges, and if he did he wouldn’t be able to handle or understand them in the first place. actually, that’s the problem. the only experiences he’s had with the doctors have either been neutral or horrible to some degree. except, they can’t be horrible! they’re practically part of his family and only want the best for him like everyone else! they make him feel good. they make him feel better. no matter whatever his silly side effects make him think, he knows who to trust.
in other words, he is so mentally delusional that he refuses to mark any doctors visit as a negative interaction. even though most of them are. if someone merely insinuated that maybe they’re not treating him or the other kids well he would be on them. manipulating and ridiculing and twisting around the conversation as he always does, to ensure that shallow mentality of his stays true.
how do they treat you?
uh… normally? i don’t- get this one. how they should, i suppose. like anyone else.
not going into full detail of what they do, but i can say it’s nothing anyone should have done to them. at least not without the proper consent and reasoning. how they treat him and the other kids is horrible and just. inappropriate (in the sense of unprofessional don’t even go there). yet it’s so normalised that the idea of it being anything other than good is horrifying to him.
how do you feel about your treatments and anything medical?
they’re nice! it’s a fun little thing to do in between my other tasks and helps distract me from… other stuff. plus it calms me down a bit. i think. it- depends.
medical stuff is just… well, medical. not much to say about that. it’s just what they have to use to get in places they need to.
as already stated he is very delusional about this topic. he refuses to dwell on it more than “procedure”. he is however very triggered by the topic and anything suggesting that his experiences are the horror that it is, because he fears actually having to confront it one day. he describes them as fun because that’s what they’re made out to be. anything he says and does is just a behaviour brought over from his own manipulation. as the procedures are made out to be a fun, pleasant game, he advocates them as such. he also plays a part in deluding everyone else to think and feel the same.
the mere presence of medical things have always disturbed him, he just pushes it down. he has no reason to be scared after all, his brain is just making everything out to be scary as it often does. sometimes biology can’t be helped. anything triggering sets off alarm bells in his head, and being marcus, he ignores them.
how do you feel about wooly and being portrayed as a sheep?
woolys nice! he’s a cool little character. that’s it, really… i tried to make him sound as nice and fun as possible. which is easy, considering how nice i am. heh.
i don’t really mind that he’s a sheep. it’s a cute little animal! it has earned me some names, like “lamb”. i like it. it means im doing… what i should!
he actually gains a lot of joy and self worth from performing as wooly. it’s distracted him through some of the worst points of his life. he doesn’t mind being labeled as a sheep and actually makes a few jokes about it. he finds a bit of pride in it and even envies woolys perfect friendship with amanda, causing him to yearn for that with rebecca.
how well do you get along with the other kids?
i love them! as they love me. we get along GREAT… most of the time. of course, it can’t be helped that some of them don’t know how to act their age or do as they’re told, but- they’ll get better at it! everyone does. it’s why i help them with things.
his most healthy relationships are with the kids. even if they’re toxic or misguiding, he genuinely cares for all of them. which is why he piles it onto rebecca in an attempt to befriend her almost instantly. he’s friends with everyone he knows! that’s just the way it is. there’s no opting out.
do you know about the other abducted children?
what a silly question… of course i do!!! they’re my greatest friends! we all have our place here and doing tasks and activities together is crucial for development. when the fun is necessary it’s DOUBLE the amount!… or something.
the children are a great and efficient distraction for each other. they can also use each other as coping mechanisms and direct any complicated feelings or internalised abuse tactics onto each other. it serves great for the system H*meln has developed and persuading them into praising their abusers. if everyone is happy, what’s the big deal?
what’s the difference between your relationship with the other kids and the adults?
well… i mostly help out the younger ones and the littles with outbursts. i think they listen to me better given im one of them… they get over things much faster. but its a simple relationship. i help them and they trust me to help them. and sometimes they even help me. NOT- that i really need it, but it’s cute to see them trying.
the adults are… helpful. for a start, they make sure i know what to do and when, and how to behave… all that boring stuff. they’re my protectors! they keep everyone nice and happy and well- good. that’s just what they do. it definitely helped back when i was more… difficult. i love them! as they love me. as they always have. they’re- they’re good to me.
being the eldest, marcus is parentified A LOT. he’s usually the one called on to deal with any kid having complicated behaviour or emotions to gaslight them into submission show them their place, the right path. he takes pride in being a guide and having this sort of saviour complex with them. it’s what he’s good at, praised for, so he knows what he’s doing with rebecca. he wants her to warm up to him as much as the others have. to trust him. and as much as he won’t admit, the others give him a sense of comfort too. there are more like him, who have been through done what he has. so it can’t be wrong, there are so many used to this already! they’re like his siblings, his family.
marcus is groomed into believing what H*meln does to him is a display of love or affection. he always takes their word for it, it doesn’t take much to convince him of something. however it DOES take a lot to convince him of the opposite. THIS is the constant wooly tactic we all know and are familiar with - DEFLECTION. this is also a tactic learned from H*meln as they will often excuse anything questionable for love and necessity. this is so hard on that he cringes at the times he would question anything himself in the past. good thing he’s a well mannered, behaving subject now! so obedient and willing to perpetuate any abuse they’d like him to.
how do you feel about teens?
that’s… a loaded question. depends on who. teenagers can be good but… a lot. i think there might be some kind of point where you stop caring about how you make others feel- and like- start doing bad things…? it’s- a lot. im just glad im not exactly one of those.
he’s had difficult relationships with older kids. he kind of has a bit of a confusing hatred towards them actually. good thing he’s the eldest now, and never has to worry about growing up and turning out like them. he’s the example after all! and he’s determined to set it. he can do so much better than any insolent nuisance who thinks they can get away with whatever they want. he’s better.
i would show art but ITS SECRET SHUT UP ITS SECRET YOURE NOT ALLOWED. so here’s a gift instead of a beta version of The Kids (i missed some details in these screenshots) and their redesigns in gacha life (im salty asf cuz everyone and their MOTHER got tomodachi except ME. I WANNA SWITCH. I WANNA SWITCH. I WANNA SWITCHHH)
ok. ok actually fine. why the fuck not. here’s your complicated baby <3
you’ve helped me a lot and given me so much peak and I’ve yet to give back rahhh
ok a few more things i wanna say. im really excited to go deeper into this because each kid represents a different form of abuse kinda, and a lot of them are what’s considered societally acceptable because H*MELN. REPRESENTS. SOCIETY. H*meln is LOWKENUINELY a fictional depiction of society change my mind oh wait you can’t because it’s TRUE
just like in the woolymanda analysis im cooking up, rebecca represents reactions to abuse (all the ones she’s been through) and marcus represents the cycle of abuse (something he refuses to escape from). this plot is about them confronting their situation and how they can break out of those habits and cycles LIKE. THE. FUCKING. GAMES shutting up now
please feel free to ask any more stuff i love it! also feel free to send asks to my other blog @beagoodsubject! your choice tho, it’s going there anyway. i have a ton of old asks that i need to add art to so expect those as well. as i said it will be a while before i get back to art posting so answering these in the meantime will be nice for me :D
