#askfriendship

[anonyask]

someone sent me a ss of one of my friends calling me a hoe and honestly i dont think id care that much if my friend just showed me like i think id laugh it off but i found out through like someone i dont talk to at all??

idk and then the worst part is that he found out that i was like mad kinda and dmed my friend about what he should do so i thought maybe wed be able to talk it about but then i get another dm from the girl who sent me the ss and apparently he just started flaming her instead of realizing what he did wrong and i just dont know what to do bc i really like care about this guy and i dont wanna stop talking to him bc of smth like this/with no closure

dear anon

i know, this feels horrible. if you find out, someone is talking behind your back and calling you names, this hurts. personally i think you have to call him out, confront him with what you heard and how it made you feel. tell him, you are hurt and it is not ok to call your friend names, you don't want to be called a hoe. it is just not ok. never! if he has to tell you something, he should tell you directly. depending on his reaction perhaps your friendship will change or you will stop talking at all. but you will have closure, you addressed the problem and lend him a hand.

all the best and a lot of strength!

keep your head up and your heart strong!

- daniela @caelestiaal

[anonyask]

I listened your advice.Thanks a lot.But i have another problem, i talk hardly with new people. We both try to keep the conversation as much as possible,but sometimes it suddenly stops.Idk what we can talk about.(💗)

dear anon,

i am glad, that we were able to help you out. and i try my best to help you again :)well, it is always hard to find something to talk to with new people. so maybe you talk about things you have in common, like your school subjects or your teachers (i don’t know, if you are in school together). or maybe you have similar hobbies and interests, find out what they like and talk about that. it is possible that you listen to the same music or watch the same tv series. even if you have completely different music tastes f.ex. it could be interesting to discuss that and broaden one’s horizon.

i am sure, if you get to know each other a bit better, you have tons of topics to talk about. this is only at the beginning. and sometimes it is also very nice to have someone you don’t have to make conversation all the time, someone to enjoy the silence. :)

– all the love, daniela

[anonyask]

In January I met at my youth group and we really hit things off. We texted a lot and spent every Tuesday together at the youth group meetings. In March was when I realized that I was developing strong feelings for him and that I was slowly starting to fall for him. In early April we became friends on facebook and I learned that he is 21, I'm 16. He found that out at group the next day. We don't talk anymore (he ignores my texts), he now has a girlfriend and I'm in love with him. What do I do?

dear anon, 

i am so sorry to say so, but i think you should slowly try to move on. you can’t force love to fall into place and as you say, he has a girlfriend now, i assume his feelings aren’t the same as yours. i know, everybody says love isn’t about age and age doesn’t matter, but especially at this young age, a year can feel like centuries. because a whole lot is changing in these years between 15 and 20. but of course i agree with you, it is not a nice way to break with your friendship in just ignoring you and your texts. it is not very mature though. but obviously, he doesn’t want any contact anymore, so try to move on. there are wonderful people out there, who will appreciate and love you as much as you deserve it.i know it is not easy to “un-love” someone, as you can’t force someone to love you, you can’t just stop to love someone either. maybe it helps to write down your feelings, this could either be a diary or write letters to him or an imaginary friend, explaining your feelings and hurts. after this you can store them away in a box or maybe even burn them. some people find “salvation” in music or art, they can express their feelings there. but most important i think, don’t hide up in your own shell, go out, socialize, make new friends, meet new people.and take care of yourself, give yourself a treatment, do some manicure or pedicure, visit the hairdresser. basically make yourself feel good about yourself. 

dear anon, i hope any of these can help you a bit and remember the world and its wonderful people are waiting for you!

– all the love, daniela

[anonyask]

My spouse is depressed due to the dissolving of a friendship. They have been obsessed with the ex-friend, to the detriment of our marriage. After they started medication I saw them get better, but I had noticed that things were worse again more recently. Last night I found that their Vaguebook posts were still all around this person & when I confronted them about it, they blew up at me & deflected all criticisms & threw things in my face. I'm conflicted on how to help them & keep myself going?

I think the best thing you can do for now is to be there. Just be there for them. Sometimes, people refuse to see things even if it’s right in front of their faces so they may not see it yet that what they’re doing is really unhealthy but it doesn’t mean they won’t. Be a little patient but not completely tolerant to what their doing. Talk to them gently, probe softly. I know sooner they’ll realize what their doing so just be there, okay? Don’t give up on them easily. 

Maybe ask them about the friend nicely. Like, why do they do it? And listen, okay? LISTEN. Don’t try to correct them while they’re trying to explain themselves because that could blow up. So listen and then ask them if they want your opinion. They’ll probably do. (Maybe. I hope.)

But if it ever gets to the point that it’s suffocating you and really really hurting other people, then maybe it’s time to be a little harsh. Or take space. Suggest healing or therapy. (I’m not really an expert, sorry.)

-Dianne ♥

[anonyask]

i accidentally got really mad at someone for playfully dissing someone i loved, knowing that they were joking but i took it to seriously and i accidentally snapped and started threatening them,,, now i keep thinking that the person i love thinks im a psychopath or something,, i feel like shit

dear anon,

i know this feeling, it happend to me too. on german you would say “die gefühle sind mit mir durch gegangen” which means your feelings took over control and you said things you didn’t want to. there is only one thing for you to do, go and apologiz. to all of them, the person you love and the one you threatened. be honest with them, so they can see, you are a good person. you will feel better afterwards, promise! 

– all the love, daniela

[anonyask]

How to protect your friendship?

Hi there dear anon!

In friendship, it must always have trust. When trust has been broken, it’s already hard to stick it back again. Sometimes, a test will come. You will have some fights because of misunderstanding. So you also should have humility. If you’ll always think about your pride, your conversation will turn out no good. And in the case you return the trust, you know where the boundaries of each other is. Careful not to offend again and there will be a solid friendship. :)

- JRein

[anonyask]

I have this friend i really liked before she started spreading rumors about me and copying literally EVERYTHING I do Its so frustrating and I dont know how to cut her off without looking like the bad guy everyone thinks of her as the sweet girly girl.

I hear imitation is the sincerest form of flattery ;)

Jokes aside, chances are she’s probably jealous of you in some way. However, that’s not an excuse for what she’s doing.

Have you had a chance to talk to her yet? Do you know why she’s doing this? Perhaps there’s something that she misunderstood, or mistakenly believes you’ve done, or perhaps you’ve accidentally hurt her in some way. It surely must come from somewhere, right? I feel like there must be something to have set this off. If you can figure it out what has caused this, then there may be a way to peacefully resolve this issue.

If not, then in my opinion, there’s no reason to respect her as a friend. Friends drift apart sometimes, and unfortunately, not all friendships can last forever, especially when they’ve done something to hurt you. Of course, you can always try to work past that, but if you can’t, and she’s simply someone toxic who you no longer want in your life, then you’ll need to face that.

You don’t need to do anything dramatic to cut her off. In most cases, it’s completely normal to slowly lose touch with someone. You can start by pulling away slowly, maybe talking to her less, introducing yourself to new people, making plans with other friends, etc. No one will think less of you if you do. Sometimes, certain people just don’t work well together.

Hope you can sort out this situation though :( Sorry to hear about it.

Sending love and virtual hugs,Mandy ♥

[anonyask]

Hey Anonyask, I have a problem; my best friend for almost 4 years ignores me when I'm talking to her, I'm afraid that our friendship will end. I also don't know what I've done, but I think that it's because I'm on the top of the class while she's 2nd place in a rank of our class; maybe she got jealous or something? Please Anonyask, help me!

Hi there anon! Thank you for trusting our advice group for your problem and I think that the best thing to do is to approach your friend and ask what’s going on. I’m pretty sure that she’ll not just going to let go your friendship for almost 4 years only because of your ranking (If it is the problem).

Good luck and have a nice day ahead anon!

- JRein