#aspd asks

[the-bonfires-ember]

Hey, so you're someone who's actually been diagnosed with ASPD right? I get that vibe from your blog.

Does seeing painful injuries on other people make you uncomfortable? Asking because I was researching eye injuries for a writing session today, which I found extremely unpleasant. I know it's not an empathy related thing for me- because I hate the character I'm writing at the moment so even if he existed irl I wouldn't feel bad for him. I just really don't like thinking about anyone's eye being injured, regardless of who it belongs to.

I am professionally diagnosed yes!

Painful injuries, typically no. But I have some like body horror squicks which I would categorise as a different thing. Seeing people in the ER at hospital covered in blood with bones sticking out or whatever doesn’t phase me. But there was a film on Netflix, I forget its name, that has a cover photo of a razor blade millimetres from an eyeball and that always grossed me out. And anything to do with nails being torn up and back from the nail bed, I hate that too.

So occasionally some body horror stuff gets me but it’s typically very specific. In real life, not so much but I’m sure something particularly horrific would get to me.

I also agree it’s not an empathy thing, it’s just gross lol.

[divinerapturesys]

is it weird i feel like im “too goofy” to be someone that can have/may develop aspd traits/aspd? i feel like i laugh and smile too much to have any disorder actually, but specially aspd/aspd traits and i feel like im faking it

its probably rooted in stereotypes about people who have any disorders that are seen as scary and dangerous and evil, but i feel like this all the time and its enough to bother me

A disorder doesn’t mean you can’t be funny 👍🏻 it’s definitely rooted in stereotypes

I’m funny as hell according to our friend groups and most of my humor is dark as fuck. I also smile a lot; it’s instinctual regardless of the situation, and oftentimes the smiling is not at a good time, ie during arguments or depressing or deep moments. It’s an involuntary physical reaction that’s usually caused by some sort of underlying anxiety or nervousness, so my smiles are what I would call,, not genuine.

[aspd-official]

I know you hate when people self-diagnose but I relate to basically every single post of yours. How did you go about getting diagnosed? Therapy? Doctor? Psych ward?

go to therapy, be honest and see where it goes from there. Keep in mind therapists are usually very hesitant to diagnose personality disorders, esp aspd. You probably don’t have it based on common sense and statistics alone. You might just be emotionally impaired or suffer from conduct disorder.  

[thatantisocialbitch]

To anyone with AsPD, were you ever the "weird" or "odd" kid when younger?

[divinerapturesys]

I leaned from (to my knowledge) an unvetted source that AsPD can result in an inability to re-experience a past emotion. If something embarrassing happened yesterday, a person with AsPD might remember the event, but won't feel the embarrassment during that recollection. Someone without AsPD might get embarrassed all over again.

Have you found that to be relatable in any way to your experiences?

It is always a 60/40 for me tbh. My strongest emotion is anger. That runs at 200% while everything else runs at a solid 15%.

I’m much more likely to recall an event that caused me anger at the time, and get angry again, than I am to recall something that made me feel embarassed or guilty and feel those types of emotions again.

I think it’s because my capacity for emotions is so low, that experiencing one’s that are more complex is just fucking harder. Anger is straightforward and easy to understand. Something like guilt though? That’s layers like an onion girliepop and I don’t have the emotional capacity to be dicing and slicing to reach the core every damn time I remember something.

You could also attribute this to survival. People that recall shit that makes them feel embarassed, etc each time? that makes them vulnerable and/or weak to manipulation from the person who made them feel guilty/embarassed, and they will not last very long.

- Kincaid 🩸