too many of us

life is a struggle

[badfaithsystem]

🎋 Divine Rapture Pinned

﹕✧ — Saint, mid 20’s, he/him, engaged

﹕✧ — medicated, diagnosed, trying to recover

﹕✧ — former psychology major, lover of horror movies and tattoo enthusiast; ex cult pastor 🤙🏻

﹕✧ — I work in the mental health field, so I like to presume I know what the hell I’m talking about

﹕✧ — My dx list is long and also none of your business

﹕✧ — DMs/Questions: yes

DNI: endogenics, tulpas, soulbonds, or anyone who believes they can be a system without childhood trauma; also anyone who does that transID crap, that shits annoying as hell

last updated 05/04/2026

[badfaithsystem]

I didn’t expect my last AsPD post to blow up so here’s another infodump about it rooted in my own personal experiences

let’s get into fucking PARENTS

aka “primary caregivers”

I touched based on this a little bit on my last post which you can find here

“AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety.”

So let’s break this down:

❌ “Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor”

- bonding with an infant is incredibly important; this builds the first imprints of safety and security into a child; when a caregiver consistently and positively responds to an infants needs, this creates attachment and trust.

- Babies are inherently going to try to initiate a bond with their primary caregivers; crying, eye contact, cuddling, grabbing, all of these are ways an infant is trying to connect; these are natural cues asking for comfort and safety

- Not being given those causes children to start out with an unstable baseline; it has been proven repeatedly via research that children who are not held and comforted during the first stages of infancy are more likely to struggle with relationships and struggle with appropriately expressing emotions

🍓 Personal experience:

I did not bond with almost any of my primary caregivers (both bio and adoptive). To my knowledge, I was heavily abused, trafficked and starved the first 18 months of my life before CPS stepped in after I almost died. Being so neglected and left to self soothe, I learned from the start that no one cared for me and that I couldn’t depend on anyone but myself, ever, even in my most vulnerable moments, because when I was at my most vulnerable stage, I was not cared for or protected and was even taken advantage of by my primary caregivers.

❌ “If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are.”

- this is pretty explanatory I think but I’ll still go into it

- children are mimics and copycats; they learn how to act and think based on who they’re with the most

- Primary caregivers who are distant to their children unknowingly ingrain the concept that distance is safety, and that being unavailable is normal, and that it’s a way to be strong

- Children will begin to expect adults to not respond emotionally to them, and will similarly begin to limit their own emotional responses to match their caregivers in an attempt to connect and mirror

🍓 Personal experience:

My adoptive mom was very distant; I was homeschooled until I was 9, my dad worked full time and my mom was a sahm. However she spent most of here time handling their business. Which meant I was left to my own devices, every day, for the majority of the time. I vividly remember that in order to spend time with my mother, I had to write a note asking for her to pick a time slot to hang out and sign off on it. She would then show up at the allotted time and we would do whatever the activity was, and then she’d go back to the other room and I would once again be left alone. Even being homeschooled, I was alone. She taught me skeletons of workbooks and I figured the rest out myself. I learned once again that even when I needed guidance, I was expected to be an adult and figure it out, and if I did, I was praised for competence. If I failed, I was disciplined accordingly. It was very apparent to me as a kid that I needed to be entirely self sustainable, in every way, if I wanted to stay alive and not be drowned in feeling unloved.

❌ “If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior.”

- again, pretty straightforward but I digress

- Children need to be given support and love when they are having emotional episodes

- Children do not know how to emotionally regulate themsleves, they don’t know how to help themselves and they get overwhelmed just like adults when they’re scared and unable to understand what’s happening

- Primary caregivers who do not help set the foundation for how a child should positively navigate emotional disregulation set them up to fail

- Children will think that ignoring others pain is correct behavior, and that disregarding how they make others feel is okay as well

🍓 Personal experience:

My mom thought that beating my crying out of me would for some reason solve the issue. Instead of spanking me a few times to get the point across of the transgression, she would often “spank” (imo it was getting beat) me until whatever she was using broke, or until I stopped crying. Unfortunately this caused me to eventually just.. not cry. I learned very quickly that being emotional and showing emotional distress would not get me comfort and safety, and instead usually caused me to have more pain and to be ridiculed for being emotional. I was basically conditioned into emotional shutdowns, and rewarded for having them. I would get praised for being mature if I stopped crying or having emotional reactions to situations. So I did. I experienced a lot of sensory issues and trauma responses as a child, which caused a lot of meltdowns, and those were consistently met with lack of comfort and connection.

❌ “If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety.”

- this mostly fits in with risk taking behavior tbh

- Children learn self worth and value from adults; if that’s not important and/or disregarded, it’s never going to be a priority and will have to be forcibly learned later on in life

- Children learn that if their primary caregiver does not prioritize their safety, that means they can’t rely on them when they’re in pain, being abused by someone else, or even hurting themselves

- This leads to self destructive and risk taking behaviors; they don’t value their own safety, and they don’t value the safety of others because they were not taught that it’s important

🍓 Personal experience:

Touching back on my early childhood; I was definitely not kept safe and unfortunately I was not kept safe in my adoptive family either; I feel like for a long period of time, I genuinely did not think my safety was important (if I even knew what that meant) and therefore it didn’t matter what I did because if the people who said they loved me the most didn’t want to protect me, why should I try to protect myself? This led to a lot of drugs, self harm, a lot of klepto shit, getting into fights, a lot of sexual abuse, etc, all because I genuinely did not understand what safety was, or what it meant. I put other kids in dangerous situations often because I didn’t value their safety either. I thought no one did.

All in all, interactions with primary caregivers builds the foundation for how your brain builds it’s emotional house.

Unfortunately for people with AsPD, we had to build our own emotional foundation as kids and it was done very shittily bc we were little kids and not fucking architects.

Thank you for coming to yet another infodump abt this disorder lmao I hope it made literally any sense bc I’m writing this at 4am and I am very tired :)

[angrymeowmeow]

ASPD is wild. What do you mean I have blunted negative emotions. So it’s either Winnie the Pooh or rage.

[badfaithsystem]

i hope that you get fucked, and i mean in a good way, i hope they like all ur kinks and let u do whatever u want. i hope both sides of your pillow are cold. i hope you do not get hit by a hurricane or tornado or earthquake. i hope you live very freely and without restraints placed by any other being,

this is the funniest thing and so sweet actually

thank you anon!

[badfaithsystem]

If u rp and u also have did, it’s never just as simple as “I’m really in character now” is it

[badfaithsystem]

Funny story

Started rp-ing again

Immediately split two oc’s

[thesharkcave]

Kink as a Coping Mechanism with ASPD

Important opening notes:

• I'll have to mention that this post contains content more suitable for 18+ audiences and while I can't stop minors from reading it, it is recommended to reach a certain level of emotional and physical maturity before you engage with kink

• the act of engaging with kink needs to be properly negotiated and its not something to do lightly, as scenes can be emotionally charged and physically demanding! I probably won't go too far into topics like aftercare, researching kinks before you try them and other etiquette, so please be aware that theres more to the topic and that you should be looking out for that.

• this post is also not meant to sexualize ASPD or claim we're all into kink or whatever! different people like different things!

• also kink doesn't inherently have to be sexual!

When you encounter posts about sex and ASPD, those are usually either dealing with risky sexual encounters being a way in which impulsivity can present in ASPD, or its posts written by the people who romanticize ASPD and claim that "psychopaths/sociopaths are all good in bed" and while I'll happily take the compliment, thats of course not inherently true.

What being good at sex means, is highly subjective and often comes down to confidence, communication and practise.

Something I have noticed, as a sort of "trend" though, is that many ASPDers I've talked to/seen posts of, express an interest in kink, be that practising it themselves, or being able to appreciate elements of it. This doesn't mean that liking kink is an ASPD symptom, far from it, but it does beg the question, as to what may be the reason for this interest.

The following reasons are of course, just my personal opinion and may not apply to everyone!

1. Finding comfort in something society deems "abnormal"

The types of comments that kink enthusiasts and people with personality disorders get from the larger part of society are actually pretty similar. Its often believed that kink relationships and encounters are by definition abusive and harmful, that its coercion, manipulation and/or simply "morally wrong". People with PDs also see themselves confronted with such sentiments regarding their symptoms & relationships and may find comfort and support in those communities because of that. Shared stigma can make you feel like you belong, like you're not abnormal and like you've found people who may understand what you're going trough at least a little bit. Theres also an enhanced understanding for "abnormal" desires, as kink shaming is largely frowned upon.

2. Being able to consensually act on urges & thoughts

Some people with ASPD have evergrowing desires, urges and thoughts to cause suffering to other people, be that emotionally or physically. This is rarely something that can be acted upon in ethical ways, but kink dynamics actually provide a clearly regulated space for such acts. The person receiving the emotional or physical pain has well defined boundaries in place, clear signals as to when they want to stop (safe words/gestures) and actually wants & enjoys the pain they're about to receive. This allows the person inflicting the pain, to not have to worry about being seen as a monster or a bad person. They can give their symptoms and desires an outlet that is valued and liked by both parties and don't have to hide who they are & what they want.

3. Giving away and taking control

The trauma that ASPD usually stems from, may have left the ASPDer with a need to stay in control at all times, or with problems giving the control away/ problems with feeling safe while they do so. Kink dynamics are often, tho not always about a power exchange and provide an environment in which ASPDers can meet their needs regarding this. An ASPDer that needs to be in control and thrives on having people do what they want and play by their rules, will find that submissive leaning partners may be a good fit. An ASPDer that hates their own need for control and/or really needs a break sometimes, but has problems letting go of said control, may benefit from this highly negotiated and thus pretty safe dynamic that a dominant partner could offer them.

4. Working trough trauma

K*nk dynamics and play sessions can intentionally be negotiated and build up to resemble situations, that have contributed towards the ASPDers trauma. They can use this to take back their power and live trough it again, but this time with the knowledge that they hold all the strings and that they can end this if they want to. Especially those who have gone trough sexual trauma, may tend to find this helpful sometimes, as they know they can trust their play partner to take care of them and respect their boundaries. Its also a great way to take controlled steps towards sexual encounters and touch overall, if the whole topic is triggering to a person (tho with this point, open clear communication is especially important).

5. Clear rules and expectations

It can sometimes be hard with ASPD to really tell what partners need, where their boundaries lie, how much you are allowed to jump over those at times, what type of consequences there are for which breach and so on. While this should absolutely be present in non kink relationships as well, the communication just really tends to be better and more clear in kink dynamics. For both or more parties, theres clear limits communicated, theres talks about whether they like having to take that control forcibly or whether they want it surrendered, theres possibly behavioral rules and encouragements, as well as a possible reward/punishment system. This can work great for some, to be more confident while they navigate a dynamic and to possibly get a space in which they learn new social skills and/or practise the ones they have in a safe environment.

6. "Ethically impossible" things are still talked about

Theres some kinks that one just cannot engage in without that being a criminal charge, even if both (or more) parties consent to it. Since those things are usually on the more "extreme" side of kinks, they are also topics that society doesn't want anyone to talk about and prohibits any mention of in many spaces. In kink communities though, you will often still find blogs, accounts and websites that let you write about your fantasies and find people who share the same desires as you. Its not demonized there as often, even if its illegal. Instead its treated as a valid thing to want and like, while still upholding consent and boundaries as the most important thing. Thats the type of vibe, we need, surrounding stigmatized topics and while the kink community isn't perfect, they do provide a pretty good example there and ASPDers can utilize those spaces to feel like they are surrounded by more likeminded people.

7. They can teach you respect and a regard for others

Its a known thing, that some ASPDers may struggle with respecting other peoples boundaries and having any type of regard for other peoples safety and feelings. Those things just often tend to clash with what the ASPDer wants and needs (or wanted/needed in the past). One should not engage in k*nk dynamics until one is 100% able to respect another persons boundaries and safe word (seriously, otherwise thats SA and/or ab*se), but spending time in online kink spaces and talking to people who participate in it, can teach you a lot about how you can get your needs met, while still respecting other people and their boundaries, as well as how to communicate your own needs and listen to the other person. Its simply an environment where thats very valued and where you can learn a lot about healthy relationship dynamics.

8. Submission as a form of impulse control

If you are an ASPDer that struggles with impulse control, following rules, keeping yourself safe, being resonsible, etc. having someone else enforce that, can be really helpful. The system can be developed in a way that fits your needs, but knowing that theres one more wall between you and whatever may ruin your life or hurt you, is a win. You slowly learn to regulate yourself, be that to receive rewards, or to avoid punishments, you learn to ask for help and communicate that you need them to step in, you learn to be more aware of the ways in which you casually impact yourself negatively and you have someone who works trough this with you in the exact way in which you require that.

Other possible effects:

• reducing selfishness

• working on deepening a bond with trust & time

• learning to apologize and make up for things

• learning to go inwards and ask yourself what you want & don't want, what you value & don't value, etc.

• being more in tune with your feelings

• substituting other more dangerous habits

• finding ways to let go of immediate aggression and/or let it out

• rewalking development paths and relearning how you should have been treated

• practising accepting and giving comfort

• having an outlet for lies and manipulation within play and/or working on reducing that

• etc.

Kink has a really big potential as a sort of coping mechanism and/or lifestyle choice when you have ASPD (or ofc also other trauma based conditions) as it provides learning opportunities and outlets for a lot of the issues that come with this condition.

It does require you to have a certain readiness to engage with what you're presented with though and it does require you to always make sure, that the other person is alright with whats happening. While kink can greatly help you, unhealthily/harmfully practised kink can increase issues and contribute towards worsening symptoms.

Thats why I said in the beginning, that its not something to engage lightly in. Sessions can reinforce your trauma, poorly negotiated kink can leave you with new trauma, you can cause irreversible physical and mental harm and so on! Communication, negotiation and a certain level of trust are pretty much mandatory in order to keep the dynamic healthy, but when it is, it can be a great balancing tool and method to confront, work through and redirect symptoms.

first posted on my instagram (same @)

[z0mb13d0llsstuff]

In short: People with ASPD aren’t “bad”

Okay so this is just a rant but I hate when people assume just because someone has aspd means that they are evil or are only out to hurt others. I have aspd and I am not going to sugar coat it, I do not care about others or even myself. The ONLY exception to this is my husband and I genuinely do everything I can to treat him well. But everything else is expendable. But just because I don’t care about or hold value to these things does not mean I am actively seeking out people to hurt. I go to therapy, and have found effective ways to live a life I will be happy with. Me and my therapist have quite literally set my end goal as “learn to have fun in life with as little consequence as possible”. I sometimes even reference the “golden rule” ngl 💀. I’m just trying to have fun and not have to deal with consequences. Does that mean that everything im currently doing is “right”? Not at all, I am actively making decisions that will earn me great consequences. But, because I want it bad enough, I am willing to risk the consequences. But as long as I’m not hurting anything, why does it matter? I make friends with people I am fond of and I don’t really interact with people I don’t like unless the situation calls for it.

My point is, people with aspd can be just as kind or cruel as anyone else. We are all still biologically human 🫡. -Noelle

[kyforyelsystem]

i feel like its not talked enough but when pwnpd/aspd finally unmask, the hate we get from supposed loved ones? its not one of those stereotypical things where people are intentionally prejudiced against us or theyre repulsed at what a bad person we are, no no.

its more like the people you keep around you, en masse, are suddenly uncomfortable being around you.

this comes from the fact that their predisposed ideas of “humanity” have been so fundementally betrayed, you become something inherently inhuman to them, terrifying. not someone they can apply morals to, but some thing they need to be discomforted by.

like a clone that’s replaced the person they love with something entirely the same, but not right, sinister, eerie

and at that point, you cant even argue your way out anymore. you’re basically dead to them. better yet, you never were alive. thats what is fucking miserable about unmasking. and its not their fault, its just that they underestimate the degree of which we have “bad people” thought processes that it shocks their system like a bolt of lightning.

[everyonesadoptivedad]

quote by @cultpastorkevin ✨

back on Winter Soldier bullshit ig

[maive-the-sheep]

Aspd and ocpd is a weird combo.

I don't care about societies or legal norms of morality and instead my own morality and values unrelated (mine is sliding scale of benefit weighed against a sliding scale of detriment with a heavy focus on long term)

...that I'm very adamant about, viewing it with high regard.

And viewing weak/looking down upon those that do not do good according to my morals of benefit vs detriment.

And constantly putting great work towards my goals and morals.

And never relaxing. But if progress is too repetitive, therefore boring, that means I have strong violent urges towards self and others.

[maive-the-sheep]

Aspd and offended is so weird to me.

Someone says a slur to me about me in a positive or neutral manner? Cool.

Someone says a slur to me in an offensive way (as a slur) to try to offend? I view them as pathetic, weak, beneath me. Not offended though.

Someone tries to punish me? This will change nothing and it's a mild inconvenience.

Someone makes an offensive "joke"? I'm bored, it's not funny, get entertaining or get lost. Not offended.

But certain things people can accuse me of that are just blatantly not true? I am having extremely violent, twisted thoughts towards them, I want them to suffer.

And I find that fascinating

[aspd-culture]

are there any specific terms to ASPD that are important to know? like narc crashes/high, bpd euphoria, depended person, favorite person, and so on?

The only one that I can think of at the moment in Exception. They are not unlike FPs in BPD necessarily, but they are kinda a similar concept with opposite presentation. Afaik, in BPD an FP is where you will see heightened/exacerbated symptoms. In ASPD, however, Exceptions are where, for the most part, we see the least symptoms on a typical day. We may have the desire to be around them, have some social instincts in reference to them, and even experience empathy and/or remorse when it comes to them. However, when we are in a flare, many times our Exceptions will be the main target of our stress/anxiety/fear of people and therefore may deal with the brunt of the flare. This can look like breakups, cheating, lying - sometimes just for the hell of it - picking or escalating fights, violence, etc. That’s because we are most vulnerable with our Exception/s (for those that have them), and we feel the risk of that when our symptoms are flaring. Further, our Exception/s will *notice* the flares more because whilst most people see us with fairly intense symptoms on average days, our Exception/s go from having a nearly typical relationship with us to seeing us as the rest of the world sees us and then some.

Aside from that, I can’t think of any terms specific to ASPD, but if there are more please leave them in replies/reblogs/tags/etc so I can see them too!

[badfaithsystem]

Hi! I just joined your server today. I was under the name of Raimundo. Some reason I don't see the group anymore and I try the link and it doesn't work. Is it possible I was kicked ?

Sorry, but the rules state no one under 16 and your intro said you were 15. I am more than happy to give you the link when you meet age requirements.

[badfaithsystem]

is it weird i feel like im “too goofy” to be someone that can have/may develop aspd traits/aspd? i feel like i laugh and smile too much to have any disorder actually, but specially aspd/aspd traits and i feel like im faking it

its probably rooted in stereotypes about people who have any disorders that are seen as scary and dangerous and evil, but i feel like this all the time and its enough to bother me

A disorder doesn’t mean you can’t be funny 👍🏻 it’s definitely rooted in stereotypes

I’m funny as hell according to our friend groups and most of my humor is dark as fuck. I also smile a lot; it’s instinctual regardless of the situation, and oftentimes the smiling is not at a good time, ie during arguments or depressing or deep moments. It’s an involuntary physical reaction that’s usually caused by some sort of underlying anxiety or nervousness, so my smiles are what I would call,, not genuine.

[badfaithsystem]

realizing that I use gifts (followed by acts of service) as my primary way of attempting to show love or affection or gratitude

I hate using words

they feel empty most of the time, even if I mean it; they come across as hollow and forced regardless of the authenticity

I know there should be feeling behind them, yet most of the time, there isn’t

These actions are proof I care, aren’t they? Something tangible and undeniable. Actions speak louder than words or whatever. I don’t know how to use my words kindly. I listen when people talk, I just lack the ability to feel any particular way about it.

Tell me about those stupid gundam things you like. I don’t know how to carry a conversation about things I’m not interested in. This next year, I’ll buy out your entire wishlist for gundams. I listen, I swear. I care about what you enjoy. I just can’t feel it. I don’t know what it feels like.

[antisocial-hatred]

Even if you have aspd you’re still a person who deserves happiness.

thxx i mean i don't disagree but i also don't necessarily see it this way n ion get how anyone can actually find comfort in repeating these slogans

[sh-culture-is-3]

S/h + szpd/aspd culture is feeling nothing when you cvt and then realizing how fucking stupid you are for trying to use it as a way to experience feelings again.

.