Hear No Evil
Set in The Assassin’s Assistant Universe (Assassin AU)
Summary: One of your team is MIA, one of them has taken out his hearing aids, and the office is attacked what could possibly go wrong? Or alternatively the office is attacked with Clint inside, and he somehow misses the whole thing.
Pairings/Characters: Slight fem!reader x assassin!Bucky, assassin!Clint, assassin!Loki, mentioned assassin!Natasha
WC: 2,425
TW: Swears, cannon level violence, no use of Y/N, mostly crack, little protective Bucky, more comic book aligned Clint with hearing aids.
A/N: Hey y'all, it's been a minute (or 5 years I guess) since I've written anything but got the bug to try and knock the rust off with another one shot from the Assassin's Assistant Universe. I'm still not sure if I'm happy with this but here you go.
Divider by: @firefly-graphics
It was early, probably like 11:30 or maybe noon, when Clint woke to the sound of you and Bucky arguing in his office.
“You don’t just get to come in here and cherry pick jobs Barnes there is a system!” you shouted.
“I sure as shit get to cherry pick my jobs, this is my agency.”
“And you hired me to organize it because you were incapable of doing so. I devised a system that you ALL agreed to, you don’t get to change the rules simply because you don’t want to do a job in the snow.”
“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m taking the job in the Bahamas and you can send Loki to Sibera.”
“First, not Siberia, it's Northern Canada…”
“Tomato, tomato”
You let out a little growl before continuing “.... and Loki already left for the job in the Bahamas so sorry about your luck. You’re going.” Clint heard what sounded like you slapping a file into Bucky’s chest as you started walking back towards the lounge. When Bucky's door slammed immediately after Clint sighed, turned off his hearing aids and rolled towards the back of the couch.
You stomped through the lounge glancing briefly at Clint asleep on the couch. He swore up and down he had an apartment, or house, or some sort of dwelling with a bed but most days you found him crashed out in the lounge. You huffed when you saw him still agitated after your argument with Bucky,
“Clint! I literally bought you a murphy bed for your office, go sleep there.” You grumbled at him, kicking the corner of the couch to get his attention. Clint lifted his head briefly looking at you and pointed at his ears to tell you his hearing aids were off. You rolled your eyes, stomped your foot a little and pointed towards his office, communicating your desires wordlessly. He just waved you off, grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and took his hearing aids out completely for good measure.
“UGHHHHH” you screamed quietly through clenched teeth. Tash had taken some ‘personal development time’ whatever that meant and had left you alone with these three idiots for two weeks. Her absence and lack of communication had you and Bucky both a little on edge. Clint wasn’t worried, she did this occasionally, and he knew she had about 75 different ways to get in touch if something was actually wrong.
But you and Bucky had been fighting like cats and dogs lately. If asked you both would say it was because you were tense about Natasha being incommunicado for so long, or that the other was impossible. Everyone else in the office knew you two just had too much unresolved sexual tension and were taking bets on how it was going to explode resolve. Tash had $150 on you caving first, Clint knew his little booger was fueled mostly on spite so he had $350 on Bucky caving first, and Loki was fairly confident you had an undiscovered murderous streak so he put $500 on you killing Bucky rather than inviting him into your bed.
Two hours later you were sitting in the lobby catching up on some paperwork, still grumbling under your breath about insufferable men when Loki came flying through the door slamming it behind him. He quickly locked it, pulled the rolling shade down over the window and pressed his back up against the door while reaching for the light switch, breathing heavily like he just ran several miles.
“Loki! What the fuck you’re supposed to be…” He cut you off, shushing you with a finger to his lips. With three large strides he was at your desk.
“Cameras, quickly.” he hissed under his breath. You froze for just a second before your brain kicked in and you pulled up the interior and exterior cameras you had insisted on installing shortly after starting. There were three large men in tactical gear slinking through the alley towards the back of the building.
“Who the fuck are they?” you whispered
“That would be the lovely man you dispatched me to take care of and his brothers I believe.”
“You missed?!” You hissed incredulously, briefly looking at him when he turned to give you a withering look.
“The plane didn’t get off the ground, the whole thing was a setup.” He hissed.
“Okay,” you said, your mind whirling, “what do we do?”
“Nothing,” he replied quickly. “I engaged some extra security measures on my way back. The only way they get in is if they hack down the exterior door with an axe.”
“Okay… okay. Yeah. That’s good because who brings an axe to an assasination attempt.” You chuckled weakly, mind still reeling a bit.
“Exactly.” Loki replied. You both turned back to the computer screen only to see the largest of the three assailants hand his gun to one of the others and start rigging explosives to the door.
“Uhhhh… Loki?” You squeaked out as you both watched the men set a few charges on the door and take a few steps back. “I think explosives beat axe.” you continued with a thin voice.
“Well this is inconvenient isn’t it.” Loki drawled, before pulling you down behind the desk and attempting to shield your body with his as the door exploded inwards.
Bucky was stomping around his office packing his bag to go to fucking Sibiera, well technically the Yukon, but same difference it was going to be cold and full of snow.
“Oh Loki, please take this job with the sun and the sand” Bucky said in a high whiny voice, intentionally mocking you. “Yeah don’t worry about Bucky he can fuck off to the snow like always.” he muttered as he continued to pull weapons and gear out of his hidden wall safe.
He stopped short when he heard what sounded like an explosion in the lobby. His only thought was you, out there completely unprotected. He quickly grabbed a rifle and a handgun out of the still open safe before hurtling towards you.
Dust and debris from the explosion was just starting to settle when he reached the lobby. He glanced around quickly assessing the situation. Just as he was about to call out for you the distinctive hiss and clink of a smoke bomb sounded to his right. Turning quickly he kicked the smoke bomb back towards the opening in the wall where the door should be.
He quickly took a couple of steps towards the desk and hissed your name. Like a meerkat you popped up from behind the desk quickly followed by Loki.
“I’m okay,” you said “We have a situation,” Loki said at the same time.
“I can see that” Bucky hissed as he jumped over the desk and crouched down behind it. He squeezed your hand quickly and gave you a once over as if to assure himself that you were telling the truth. All three of your heads swiveled towards the hole in the wall at the sounds of guns cocking. “You” he pointed, “get to tash’s office now and lock the door, stay low.” He said urgently as he handed a spare weapon to Loki.
You started crawling towards the back offices, “Quickly” Bucky shouted at you as bullets started flying over your head. If you weren’t so scared for your life you would’ve had some sassy retort you were sure of it. As soon as you got to the kitchen you stood up and sprinted towards Natasha’s office, locking the door behind you as instructed.
Clint woke again, based on the light in the room he figured it was probably close to 3 at this point, a much more respectable time to get up for the day. Plus he really had to pee. He caught the barest glimpse of you running by as he sat up. He shrugged to himself and headed towards the bathroom.
He patted down his pockets, looking for his phone, as he exited the bathroom. When the search of his pockets came up empty he headed back towards the lounge assuming it was on the couch somewhere. He wandered down the hallway so lost in his thoughts he totally missed you waving at him urgently through the window on Natasha’s door.
After trading gunfire for a bit the assailants grew impatient and threw aside their weapons in favor of hand to hand combat. They were fairly evenly matched for Bucky and Loki.
Trading punches and kicks, Bucky was finally able to get his hands around his opponent's neck and quickly snap it. As he was dropping the body he heard Loki cry out behind him followed by a thud, but before he could turn around he was violently thrown to the side as the other assailant cracked one of the lobby chairs across Bucky’s torso.
From where he fell Bucky was able to spin around quickly and kick out his assailant's knees. They both began scrambling for the gun that Loki had dropped a few feet away. Bucky’s fingers just brushed the grip of the gun as his attacker kneed him hard in the ribs right where the chair had just connected.
“Oof,’ he grunted as he continued to grapple for the gun despite all the air being knocked out of his lungs. Finally getting the upper hand Bucky swung the gun into his opponent’s temple knocking him unconscious.
Loki groaned as he regained consciousness, rolling over onto his back he glanced at Bucky taking stock of the two attachers. “There was a third. Where did he go?”
Getting back to the lounge Clint shoved his hearing aids in his pocket and shook out the blanket he was previously using on the couch still looking for his phone. Tossing it aside before grabbing the cute little throw pillows you had purchased and throwing those on the floor too.
“Where the hell did it go,” he started talking to himself. He pulled out all the couch cushions thinking it slipped between those. When he still couldn’t find it he started looking all around the lounge.
“Bingo,” he whispered, his whole body pressed to the floor looking under the couch. His phone was just barely visible under Catserole’s paws, she must have pulled it under the couch while he was sleeping. Clint felt the floor vibrate twice as if two heavy things had suddenly fallen to the ground, he looked around briefly but not seeing anything just shrugged and started trying to extricate his phone from under the sleeping cat.
He stretched as far under as his arm would go and his fingers were just brushing the edge of his phone. He grumbled and scooted infinitesimally closer to try and extend his reach.
You huff a breath as Clint walks by totally oblivious to your shouting and waving at him. Not a big deal, you think, he’ll totally notice what's going on when he gets back up front. Deciding you had nothing better to do you headed over to Nat’s bookshelf, slid aside the copy of ‘Worlds Deadliest Weapons’ and grabbed the romance novel you knew she kept stashed back there.
Just as you were settling into the couch a shadow fell over the window. You had only seconds to pull the book up in front of your face gritting your teeth as small shards of glass bit into your arms, luckily the book protected you from the worst of it. You leapt off the couch backing towards the door as the largest of the three masked men clambered through the window. Once inside he slowly started walking towards you spreading up the closer you got to the door.
Before you could reach the handle he was on you, grabbing your arm and roughly pulling you back towards the center of the office. “Not a chance bitch.”
You quickly twist your wrist and pull, easily breaking out of his hold. As soon as your hands were free you grabbed his wrist with one hand pulling him towards you, with your other hand you reached up behind his neck and pulled down while driving your knee up into his nose twice before letting go, just the way Nat had taught you.
His hands automatically came up to grab his face as he cried out in pain. You dashed around him heading for the door and skidding out into the hallway, you started running for the lobby as fast as you could with your now, slightly disoriented, attacker hot on your heels.
“Yes!” Clint shouts after finally extricating his phone from under the couch. He starts scrolling through his missed notifications as he heads towards the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. his eyes widening as he reads the missed text from Nat.
N: Company is coming, be ready. Send booger home.
You close your eyes and promise the universe to do more cardio if you survive this, and run right past Clint as you dash towards the lobby. Your eyes slam open at the sound of Bucky shouting your name.
“Down!” he yelled, setting his feet and raising the gun in his hand. Without thinking you dropped and slid into the lobby like you were sliding into home plate then crawling quickly to the far wall. Bucky fired three times in quick succession each one hitting the man chasing you, two in the chest, one in the head. He took a few automatic steps backwards from the force of the bullets before falling and going still.
“You okay?” Bucky asked, worriedly eyeing you as you slowly slid over so your back was against the wall.
You nodded, eyes closed resting your head against the wall. You cracked one eye open and turned towards Bucky who was slowly tying up the unconscious attacker. “Hey Buck?”
“Yeah?
“I’m going to send Clint to Siberia, okay?”
He chuckled lightly as he made his way over to you. “Sounds good Doll.”
In the kitchen Clint quickly shoved his hearing aids back in and ran out toward the lobby yelling.
“Hey guys, we’ve got company coming…” His eyes widened as slid into the destroyed vestibule.
“Thanks Clint,” Bucky groaned, clutching at his side to keep his almost assuredly broken ribs steady, as he slowly sank down against the wall next to you. “We’ve got it covered” he said, reaching over and tucking you into his uninjured side placing a light kiss on the crown of your head as you relaxed against him.
