so it’s a wednesday night in july and you’re at home and you’ve showered and you’ve masturbated and you’ve gnawed at the inside of your mouth and you’ve eaten and washed the dishes and fixed a corner of the fitted sheet on your bed and texted your grandmother and thought positive thoughts and still the feeling comes. what then
Warnings: So much angst!!!!!!! I made up some medical bs about omegas so just go along with it. Cliffhanger....
A/N: Please forgive me for this chapter but it was necessary. We see someone from reader's past come back.... I am more excited about the next chapter.
Series Masterlist
“I’ve been here for five hours.” A man complained at the registration desk.
You looked around the waiting room as Robby led you to the door on the side. It felt like time was frozen in the waiting room for the ED. Robby nods at the guard at the door as he scans his badge. He holds the door open for you before walking in right behind you.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
“Hi Donnie.” You smile up at him. He’d been the one to alert the others about your situation. The first one to step up and save you. “How have you been? How’s your mate and your pup?”
“I’m good. They’re good. Those cravings are killing me though. Ice cream and pickle runs at three in the morning, ugh.”
You giggle and hold up a container. “Robby mentioned you were looking for pineapple dessert recipes so I made pineapple upside down sugar cookies.”
Donnie takes the container and opens it up. He takes a deep breath and groans at the smell. “You are going to be her favorite person.”
You smile. “Let me know if she likes them. I can make more.”
“I will. Thank you for this. Now I’m going to hide these before the vultures in this department find them.” Donnie pulls the container closer to his chest before walking away.
Robby motions for you to follow him to the nurses station. Some of the night shift and day shift crew are standing around talking about patients.
“Y/N!” Mel rushes over to you with excitement, arms extended before realizing you might not want to be touched. She smiles awkwardly as she stops by your side.
“Hi Mel.” You bump her shoulder with yours as a small sign of affection. “Did you finish the last chapter?”
“I have three pages left.”
The two of you start to discuss a book you’d been reading together while everyone else starts to get ready for the day. She excuses herself when a trauma is called out and you shift your attention to the others around you.
Jack had stopped right beside you. He rests an arm on the counter and leans against it.
“Fancy seeing you here.”
You smile and rest your head against his bicep. It was still new. Physical contact. But you initiated and Robby and Jack followed your lead. Mostly it was a side hug or holding their hand. If you were all watching tv you would rest your head against their shoulder. The act was small but meaningful for the alphas.
“Hey kid, what are you doing here? You’re not sick are ya?” Dana looked at you over her readers.
“She looks perfectly fine to me.” Lena stands beside the blonde. “Radiant, even.”
“I just have an appointment upstairs.”
“Which you should start heading up for.” Robby appeared at your other side out of nowhere. He kept his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “You sure you don’t want one of us to go with you?”
You pull away from Jack and shake your head. “I can do this on my own.”
“But if anything happens just call us. We’ll be right there for you.”
“Ok.”
Robby and Jack watch as you walk away and disappear down the hallway. Someone makes a whip cracking sound. When they turn their attention back to the charge nurses they find Lena making the motion of cracking a whip with her hand. Dana is smirking right beside her.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“That you two are so whipped already for that sweet little omega.” Lena explains.
“You two better treat her right,” Dana adds. “Or the entire department will make your life a living hell.”
“Why would you even assume we wouldn’t treat her right?”
“Because you’re both self-sacrificing idiots.”
Jack scoffs and shakes his head. “I’ll be in an on-call room. Come get me when she comes back down.”
****
Upstairs you’re sitting in the exam room for your appointment. Dr. Bennett, the endocrinologist you had been referred to, is getting some more information.
“Do you remember the last time you went through a heat cycle?”
“Almost three and a half years ago.” You murmur. “It was irregular before that. My father made me take suppressants all the time. Then when I was um- when I was taken he gave me suppressants too.”
“Do you remember the names of those?”
“No but they weren’t regular medication. He kept them in a small bag not in a box the way they normally come.”
“Did you take those the whole time?” Dr. Bennett asks as she types away in your chart.
“No. I started to spit them out after a while. I just can’t remember when I started.”
“That’s ok. That’s good that you did that. I’ll just add that to the chart.” Dr. Bennett replies while typing. “For the moment we have to wait for the lab results for your bloodwork. After that there are a few tests I’d like to run.”
“What kind of tests?”
“Well the blood test will determine if your scent glands have stopped working altogether or if you just need some pheromone and hormone therapy to get you started. Based on that we can try and induce a small one day heat to see how you react.” She informs you.
“Ok. What happens if my scent glands aren’t working at all?”
“Well, you’ll be able to continue to live a healthy life. The only thing it would affect would be bonding and the possibility of having pups. You would still be able to have a healthy sex life but you won’t have a heat. Without a heat your possibility of getting pregnant is significantly reduced.”
It’s as if all sound had been sucked out of the room. Dr. Bennett’s lips moved but you couldn’t hear what she was saying anymore. She realized that the news landed heavier than she meant it and gave you a moment.
“Are you ok?” She asks gently.
“I-I can’t have a mate? Or pups? Why?”
“We don’t know that yet. It’s only a possibility. That’s why we have to run those tests. As an omega your fertility is connected to your ability to go through a heat. For that you need your scent glands. They don’t just produce a smell, they're responsible for the pheromones and some hormones you need for mating. But there are other options too. The first one is to see if we can kickstart your scent glands into producing the pheromones you need. The worst case scenario is your glands not working but others live a completely normal life.” She explains further. “Do you have any other questions?”
You shake your head no. Dr. Bennett gives a small nod and excuses herself. A few minutes later a nurse comes in to hand you a few documents as she leads you out of the exam room. You first stop at the lab to get bloodwork done. After that the elevator ride down takes forever. You try to not spiral over the information you’ve been given. When the doors open the sounds of the ED pull your attention.
“Hey, I heard you were around here somewhere.” Emma, who was walking by the elevator, greets you. Her smile drops slightly when she sees your small frown. “Everything ok?”
“I don’t know.” You shrug a shoulder. “Have you seen Jack or Robby?”
“I think Dr. Abbot is in an on-call room but Dr. Robby is at the central hub.”
“Thanks”. You murmur before walking towards the main hub.
Dana is giving out instructions to another nurse as you stop across from her. You lean against the counter and send Jack a message that you’re ready to go. From down the hall Robby comes out of one of the rooms explaining why certain tests need to be ordered for a patient to Santos. He smiles when he sees you, leaving the younger alpha to do what was necessary.
“How did it go?” He stands close enough to you for you to feel his warmth.
“Got some bloodwork done. Dr. Bennett is going to wait for those results and then she wants me to come back for more tests.”
Robby hums as he eyes the paperwork in your hand. He’s read the other medical forms about you so he reaches for what you have but you pull the papers close to your chest. Dana raises her brows in surprise while Robby looks between you and her. He’s unsure of what he should do.
“Can I go now?” You say softly, almost defeated.
“Yeah, I’ll get Jack. Just wait right here.”
Dana types away at her computer but keeps an eye on you. “Everything ok, kid?” She asks when she sees you fidgeting.
“Fine.”
“We’ve talked about eye contact, kid.”
She was right. Dana has been helping you a lot the last few weeks. Especially since the shopping trip. You were going to group therapy as well as solo sessions. But Dana had been the one to help you open up more, to feel more empowered to be yourself. She said giving someone eye contact was important. It’s what got your point across. But at this moment you didn’t want any of that. You just wanted to curl up in a ball in your bed and be upset about everything.
“I’m fine.” You said while looking up at her.
Dana was taken aback by the anger and the fear in your eyes. She stood there with a sad expression on her face and nothing to say.
“Ready to go?” Jack stopped at your side. His eyes found Dana’s worried face.
“Yeah.” You nod and walk away without even a goodbye.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know but whatever news she got upstairs seems to have upset her.”
“Ok. I’ll let you know what I find out.”
Jack says his goodbyes and heads out in the direction you’d left. You were standing just outside the main emergency room doors. He slows his step just enough for you to fall in line with him. Neither of you say anything as you make it to his car and he opens the door for you to get in first. He watches as you put on your seatbelt and stare straight ahead. No light chatter and no music. Something has to be seriously wrong.
“How about breakfast at that bagel shop you like?” Jack offers quietly.
“Not hungry.”
There’s a beat of silence before Jack speaks up again. “How about that boba place Mel told you about?”
“Not thirsty.”
The rest of the drive is quiet. You don’t even notice that Jack veers off the opposite way of the house. He doesn’t say a word as he parks the car and hops out to head towards the building ahead.
A few minutes later he’s climbing back in with a bag in his hands. The name of your favorite bagel shop is printed on the brown paper bag. He sets it on your lap.
“Eat.”
“I said I’m not hungry.”
“You weren’t allowed to eat before the bloodwork. You need to eat.”
You send a glare in his direction as you open the bag and pull out one of the sandwiches. Jack ordered it exactly how you like it but you’re upset so you don’t say anything. Instead you unwrap it and take a bite.
“Happy?” You snap with your mouth full.
“Feeling feisty today, aren’t we?”
You ignore his remark and Jack ignores your attitude as he turns the car on. You aren’t normally like this. Recently you’ve been happier, talkative and generally more open. If something made you happy, you would make it known. If you got angry you usually crossed your arms over your chest and had a cute little pout that Robby and Jack just wanted to kiss away. What you’ve never been is short and dismissive and distant. So something must’ve happened at your appointment and Jack was going to find out what it was. But when you got home you went directly up to your room without a word.
You laid in bed staring at the ceiling and holding on to a stuffed teddy bear Robby had gifted you. The conversation with Dr. Bennett replays in your head. This wasn’t what you thought your life would be like. You had plans. Most included the alpha you had been seeing before all of this. You were meant to leave together, build a happy life and a family away from the father that hated you. Now you didn’t even know if you could have a family of your own. Just another thing that was taken from you. It makes you question what you did to deserve any of it.
****
“She stayed in her room all day.” Jack informed Robby at shift change that night.
Robby sighs. “We can just pull her record and see what it says.”
“No. We promised her we’d give her space and privacy. That anything related to doctor appointments would come directly from her.”
“I know, I know.” Robby runs a hand over his face in frustration. “It feels like we’re back at square one. How bad could the appointment have gone?”
“Who knows. We’ll just have to be extra patient with her.”
“MVC two minutes out.” Lena announces from the nurses station.
“And that’s my queue.”
Robby nods as he slings his backpack over one shoulder and heads out for the night.
For two days you stayed holed up in your room. Robby and Jack tried everything to coax you out just to make sure you were ok. Even if you didn’t want to speak with them. Nothing worked. Mel, Emma, Samira, even Lena and Dana messaged you and you barely answered.
It’s not until you get a call from Dr. Bennett’s office that you finally reach out to the two alphas that have been worried sick about you. It’s a simple text. You need a ride to the hospital again. With a ‘if it’s not too much trouble’ and ‘please and thank you’ attached. They respond quickly. Anything just to be able to see you.
You step out of your room with a packed bag. Something that Robby notices right away. His eyes scan you from head to toe over his readers. You’re standing there with your eyes glued to the floor, shoulders hiked up to your ears. It’s as if he was seeing the same you that walked into the ED the first time. The sight breaks his heart.
“Everything ok sweetheart?” He asks softly so he won’t scare you.
You just nod. Robby sighs. The sound has you hiding your face even more, if it were possible. You don’t want to disappoint him but you feel like your life has been on hold again awaiting these results.
“Want to have breakfast before we leave?”
“Can’t.” It’s the first thing you’ve said in a few days. Your voice rough.
“Ok. Then we should get going.”
You watch as Robby grabs his travel mug and bag. He leads the way out to the car and opens the passenger door for you. The drive is quiet but tense. There are a thousand questions on the tip of Robby’s tongue but he kept to himself. He didn’t want you to shut him out more than you already had.
At the hospital Robby leads you straight to the ED waiting room. But just before he swipes his badge you stop.
“I’m gonna head straight up.” You murmur before turning to the elevator bank at the opposite end of the room.
He doesn’t have time to react as he watches you walk away.
****
“We have some bad news and some good news.” Dr. Bennett announces as soon as she steps into the exam room.
“Ok?” You’re holding your breath as you wait for the answer.
“The good news is that your scent glands are working.”
You breathe a sigh of relief before realizing that there is bad news. “The bad?”
“Well your pheromone levels are very low, which explains why you have no scent at the moment. But I’d like to admit you for the next two to three days. What I’d like to do is start you on a low level medication that should help your scent glands start working correctly. We’ll keep upping the dosage and taking blood samples to see how you’re progressing. The goal is to see if you can go into a small heat, something that we can bring you back out of quickly. What do you think?”
You stare at her for a moment. It’s so much information and you’re not sure how to deal with any of it. “I think I need a minute.” You say as you get up from the exam table.
“That’s ok. How about you come back in ten minutes and we can decide then?”
“Yeah. That’s fine.”
You rush out of the exam room and out of the waiting room. There’s no real destination in mind; you just wanted to get away from Dr. Bennett and the choices you had to make. Instead of the elevator you take the stairs and head up a few floors. Jack and Robby had mentioned how sometimes they go to the roof to clear their heads. Maybe that was what you needed.
You push through one door only to find yourself still within the hospital halls. A nurse dressed in light pink scrubs walks by with a baby in a bassinet. She smiles your way and motions to the waiting room without stopping. You don’t know why you do it but you take a few steps in. Maybe it’s just to see what you could have if the testing Dr. Bennett wants to do actually works. The room is filled with family and friends sitting around waiting to hear the good news.
“Y/N?” A deep voice comes from a hallway on your right.
You startle as you look to see who called your name. There’s no one in your life that would be up here unless someone from the ED was checking up on a patient. But then you realized the voice belonged to someone you hadn’t seen in a really long time.
“Ben?”
He smiled at you. Seeing him here after all this time was like a punch to the gut. You’d just graduated high school when you met Ben. He was working at the same coffee shop you’d started at. The courtship had started slowly since you weren’t very trusting. You had plans together. So seeing him here in the maternity ward after so long was jarring.
“How have you been?” He asked cautiously.
“Why are you here?”
Ben scratches the back of his neck. You knew it meant he felt uncomfortable. The answer came on its own when you saw the mark on his neck.
“You’re bonded?” Your voice was so small, so broken it caused Ben to drop his broad shoulders. It was something close to shame.
“I am.” He answers carefully.
“You have a pup now.”
“I do.” He replies softly.
You frown as you come to terms with the fact that the man you had dreamt of building a life with had just moved on. “You never wondered where I went?”
Ben moves to a quiet corner and you follow. He at least has the decency to look ashamed. “After you didn’t show up at work I went to your house. Your dad was furious. He said you’d packed your things and just left.”
“And you believed him after everything I told you.” It wasn’t a question.
“I didn’t know what to believe. I knew you wanted to leave his house no matter what. I just thought that you had gotten a chance.” Ben explains with a pained expression. “I think about you all the time.”
“I didn’t just leave. I was-“ you feel the tears start to burn your eyes. “That story on the news a few weeks ago about the omegas that were being held at a house, did you see it?”
He nods.
“I was one of them. My father sold me and the alpha that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, never even bothered to go to the police. You just moved on like I didn’t matter. I wouldn’t have left without you. We had plans. Did you even really care about me?”
You search his face hoping to find an answer but all you see is guilt. This was too much you stepped away as Ben opened his mouth to say something. You couldn’t listen to whatever he was going to say. Instead you head to the stairs again and head all the way down.
****
Ahmad saw you through the stairwell door. A few moments later Dana showed up to find you sitting on the stairs crying your eyes out. She sits next to you and brings you to her side. After a few minutes you managed to calm down.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything.”
“Let’s start with one thing at a time.” She squeezes you gently. “I know it started when you came in for that appointment the other day. Did something happen?”
“Dr. Bennett-“
“Endocrinologist, right?”
You nod. “Yeah.” You explain everything from the bloodwork to the results to the test she wants to run.
“So you’re upset because you want to have pups but don’t know if you can?”
You stood up to get some space. “Yes. No. I- I don’t know but that’s not the point.”
Dana gets up from the stairs and stands in front of you to stop your movements. “Then what is the point?”
“It should be my choice. But- but it’s just something else he took away from me.” You’re crying again, your hands moving as you talk. “What did I do to deserve this? I never got in trouble. I followed the rules. I was good. I am good. I had an alpha before all of this. Now he’s upstairs with another omega and they just had a pup. That was supposed to be me. But I wasn’t important enough for him to go look for me. And-and-“
You’re practically hyperventilating as you speak but you can’t stop. If you do, all these mixed emotions will eat you alive.
“I need you to breathe.” Dana is holding you by your arms. Her grip firm, her eyes locked on to you. She’s steady, her voice grounding as she pulls you back down. “Everything will be ok. I promise.”
“You can’t know that. What if no one wants me?”
What if they don’t want me? Is what you wanted to say. What if Robby and Jack realized you were broken beyond repair and decided they didn’t want you around anymore?
“Trust me kid, you’re wanted.” She gives you a small smile. “Now go upstairs, get that test done and get your answers. The only way you beat those bastards is to live your life to the fullest.”
You take in a stuttering breath. Then another. Slowly you pull yourself together. Dana pulls you in for a hug.
“If you need anything you tell them to call down. I’m here for you and so is Robby. If we need to, we'll call Jack in early.”
“Ok.” You nod before wiping the tears away and heading up the stairs to Dr. Bennett’s office.
“Where’d you disappear to? Polluting your lungs again?” Robby looks at Dana over his readers with a teasing smile.
There’s a look of pure heartbreak on her face as she stops in the middle of the nurses’ station. And that gets Robby’s attention.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Did you know that Y/N had a mate? Or at least she was being courted before she was taken?” She asks quietly.
“No. I had no idea. How did you know?”
“She just told me.”
Robby sits up straighter and looks around to try and find you.
“She’s back upstairs. Getting some tests done. But she was so upset. Apparently that alpha is upstairs with his mate and their newborn.” Dana explains further.
The news leaves Robby reeling. It makes him realize how much more there’s still left to learn about you. He only hopes you trust him and Jack enough to tell them more about yourself.
****
“Excuse me, I’m looking for someone.”
Jack walked through the ambulance bay doors just as a tall, dark haired alpha stopped by Ahmed. He took a good look just in case he became a problem later. Or really a problem in the next few seconds.
“She has pink highlights in her hair. About this tall.” Ben held his hand up to about your height. “Her name is Y/N. Has she come through here recently?”
Ahmed perked up immediately at the mention of your name. So did Jack, who Ahmed made eye contact with just past Ben. Jack put his back pack and travel mug down by a station and walked right up to both men.
“Is there a problem here?” Jack puffed out his chest, squared his shoulders and stood like a soldier ready for battle. Even though he was shorter than Ben he still came across as intimidating.
“No, not at all. I’m just looking for someone. She possibly came down here earlier.” Ben describes you again.
Jack’s jaw tenses. He doesn’t know who Ben is or how he knows you’re here today but he doesn’t like it. For all he does know he was working with the assholes that took you the first time and they’ve been keeping an eye on you.
“How do you know her?”
“I’m sorry but how is this any of your business?”
“Dr. Abbot, senior Attending of this department. Anything that happens here is my business. Y/N is my business.”
Robby appears behind Jack after Ahmed called him over. The tension is thick between the three alphas. Ben sizes Robby and Jack up. In turn Jack and Robby stand their ground. They don’t know who he is and why he knows your name. All they care about is your safety and they’ll do anything to keep you away from any harm.
“Listen, I ran into her upstairs. We talked for a moment and she walked away upset.” Ben says after a few seconds.
“You’re the alpha that was courting her.” Robby states, making Jack look from one man to the other. “The one that didn’t do anything when she was kidnapped.”
“I didn’t know that’s what happened. I just want to apologize to her. Make sure she’s ok.”
“Why don’t you go make sure your mate and pup are ok? Y/N has a pack of her own now.” Robby says just as Jack’s phone rings.
The bond between Jack and Robby lights up with worry and fear. It’s strong enough to get Robby’s attention. He turns to look at Jack, pale while on the phone. They move together. Neither of them said a word to each other.
“Ahmad, take care of it.” Robby says over his shoulder as he and Jack head to the elevators.
****
Upstairs on the floor used for overnight testing the scent is pungent and sour. Robby steps out first with a look that could level a city. Jack is hot on his heels as they make their way over to Dr. Bennett. The blonde beta is dealing out instructions to her team as the alphas approach.
Robby stands in front of their colleague demanding to know what happened while Jack heads towards the only room in use at the moment. The scent is concentrated there. He doesn’t wait for permission. All Jack knows is that you need them and he’ll do anything to be by your side.
He opens the door slowly. The scent of rotted citrus burns his nose. The lights are off and the room is a mess. The bed is moved out of place, blankets and pillow thrown on the ground and you’re nowhere to be seen. Until you whimper. Jack finds you in the corner of the room, knees pulled up to your chest and arms around your legs.
“Hey, it’s just me. It’s just your Jack.” He announces softly so you won’t startle. Jack lowers himself to the floor until he’s seated. The less he seems like a threat the better.
You don’t waste any time, heading to sit in between his spread legs. His arms cradle you as you hide your face in his neck and take a deep breath, his scent mixed with Robby’s soothing you almost instantly.
“It’s ok baby, I’ve got you.” Jack murmurs close to your ear as he rocks you back and forth. “You’re burning up, baby.”
“Hurts.” You managed to stutter out.
“What hurts?” Jack pulls back in order to see you better.
You look him in the eyes for just a second before they roll back and you tense in his arms.
I try not to fall into the "I never liked their work anyway" ditch when an artist/creator reveals themself to be a terrible person
BUT
a feeling I do have and will stand by is "While I enjoyed their work overall I did have some gripes that I overlooked out of affection and whimsy, but now that my loyalty is gone and my affection tainted there is nothing holding me back from enumerating my many grievances, to which the revelations of the creator's shittiness may or may not provide a new and infuriating context."
#such a good summation of this actually#because yeah there’s usually things that were always present#but which were easy to overlook or give the benefit of the doubt#that suddenly become relevant after a revelation about the creator#and it’s really not the same thing as the self-defensive “’I never liked it anyway’
some of you weren’t around for the fan fiction dot net purge of 2002 (when they banned explicit content and mass-deleted thousands of fics) and the livejournal purge of 2007 (when they deleted hundreds of blogs, disproportionately targeting queer & kink content) and it shows
Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.
Heartwarming story: Little girl doesn’t have to do anything to fund her dad’s surgery because his expenses are covered by his country’s universal healthcare.
Human determination: Man bikes 18 miles to work every morning because he wants to and not because he can’t afford a car and would be fired if he’s late.
Spirit of Brotherhood: Neighbors host housewarming party for elderly resident who doesn’t need help in paying rent because his pension is more than enough.
SO INSPIRING: Local middle school students bake dozens of cupcakes because their home economics class is doing a baking unit. Their school is fully funded with everything they need.
snowghoul
kianamaiart
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
gracieabrams
