Word count: 1,100+ ( short and sweet, but I wanted to give you guys a bit of background )
A/n: sorry I’m late, this one was a bit difficult for me to write. I don’t know how I wanted it to come off, and I wasn’t sure. I was doing that properly, so I’m a little late with posting it.
With that being said, before you read , read this
All parts in italics are from Eren’a previous conversations with Onyankapon. Flashbacks. The conversation he is having in THE NOW is with our reader. They kind of mirror each other.I hope that makes sense. I hope this chapter makes sense. And I’m sure you guys will tell me if it doesn’t.
If you want to be added to the tag list, let me know
“Your power, where does it come from?” Eren asked as they sat outside in the yard once more.
It was a question Eren had been meaning to ask her for a while now. With his time with Onyankapon limited, he had only gathered so much information from him during their previous discussions.
“It’s a curse, but we used to call it a blessing,” she replied, her voice tinged with a bittersweet nostalgia.
“Funny. Onyankapon said the same thing.”
After Yelena revealed to Eren that he had a brother who had wanted to meet him, and their plan to “save the world” began to unfold, Onyankapon had asked Eren to hang back for a moment to talk.
“If you go through with this, they’re going to send you to a hospital for war veterans and Eldians,” Onyankapon began, his gaze steady.
“You’re familiar with the place, then?” Eren inquired, a hint of wariness in his tone.
“Not exactly,” the darker-skinned man hesitated, searching for the right words.
While Yelena knew about his sister, he had never disclosed what she could do. For some reason, he didn’t quite trust her with that information. Eren would be the first person he revealed it to.
For a moment, Onyankapon simply took Eren in—the way he was, how passionate he was, filled with anger yet driven to do what was right. He was willing to do whatever it took to save his people. Beneath everything, Eren was kind. With a deep breath, Onyankapon prepared to share the truth about Y/n.
He told Eren about the war between Akan and Marley, recounting the countless lives lost, including his entire family. Everyone, except for his older sister. He explained that she was special, gifted with healing abilities, yet Marley sought to keep her captive. “Y/n wouldn’t heal anyone at all until they threatened to kill me. I only know she’s alive because I am.”
Eren’s brow furrowed as he processed this information. “How will I know it’s your sister?” he asked after a moment of contemplation, finally agreeing to help.
The rescue plan came with a condition: he wouldn’t forsake his original goal to meet with Zeke and go through what their utilization plan to save her or keep her alive. If she was deadweight at all, he’d leave her behind. Onyankapon agreed, relieved that Eren was at least willing to try.
“Well, for starters, we look alike—hair color, facial features, skin tone,” he explained. “But I’ll go out on a limb and say she’ll be the one to heal you.”
When they were first separated Onyankapon would do whatever he could get an injury just so they’d send him to the facility for her to heal him. By the third time and they caught onto what he was doing, they begin taking him somewhere else to be treated. He was no longer able to see his sister.
Unnecessary cruelty.
It’s how they treated everybody that wasn’t a Marleyan or person in position of power.
Every now and again someone she would heal would find him and bring him letters from her. He wasn’t able to write back to her, but at least it was something. Onyankapon’s heart was heavy as she thought about all the letters she had probably been sending that he hadn’t gotten since they had been gone.
“You’ll know it’s her because she’ll see you,” he continued, his voice dropping to a whisper. “She’ll see right through you.” He paused for a moment, as if searching for the right words. “I can’t explain it, but once you meet her, you’ll just know. It comes with the curse.”
“What curse?” Eren asked, his curiosity piqued.
“I’m not entirely sure where it came from but my grandma used to say it’s an ancestral gift,” Y/n replied, her expression turning somber.
“She said it’s been in our family for hundreds of years. One of my ancestors was born with the gift of healing. Once they would pass the next person born into our family would have the same gift. ” Y/n explained, her voice barely above a whisper. “Funnily enough when the person holding a gift would transitions into death, within days a new healer was born. For every death there is a life . Healing, and helping people…it was supposed to be a blessing.”
“When did it become a curse?” Eren pressed, sensing the weight of the history behind her words.
“When they took her from me.” Onyankapon’s voice darkened. “I haven’t seen her in years. I know she only complies because of me. The Marleyans agreed to let me live as long as she ‘worked for them’. If you ask me it’s -“
“Slavery. I’m nothing more than an indentured servant. Unless you count them letting my brother and I live as payment.” Y/n chuckled humorously.
A single tear rolled down her eye as she looked at Eren sadly.
“That’s just it though. I’d do anything if it meant my brother was going to be okay. As long he has a future, as long as he gets to life. I’ll do anything.”
As Y/n spoke, Eren felt a wave of emotions wash over him. Her vulnerability, her determination, and the pain she carried resonated deeply within him. In that moment, he saw not only her struggle but also the reflection of his own burdens. She reminded him of Mikasa—strong, fiercely loyal, and willing to sacrifice everything for the ones she loved.
Eren's heart ached at the thought of all they had endured, all the pain they had witnessed. He could see the weight of the world pressing down on Y/n’s shoulders, just as it pressed down on his own. They were both marked by a shared destiny, bound by their glorious purpose, yet ensnared by the chains of the past.
WAYS OF FREEDOM┊Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Modern Fem!Reader ┊2nd POV
In which a chronically online Gen Z that went through the pandemic goes to the Attack on Titan Universe and tries her very best to change the ending with an "I can fix him" mentality.
⋆ CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 3.4k words
⋆ WARNINGS: manga spoilers
⋆ AUTHOR's NOTE: I apologize that it took me quite a while to upload this here T__T but this was so fun to write! we are cringe but at least we're free <3 pls don't forget to comment and share your thoughts hihi happy reading!
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𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟖𝟓𝟏
TIME WILL PASS anyway.
That was what you told yourself. Time will pass and you won’t even notice it—it will pass in a blink of an eye. After all, being here was like being in quarantine all over again.
You think.
No contact with the outside world. No going out of the room.
Yes. This is just like the first few weeks of being in quarantine.
Hopefully.
After all, midnights had become your afternoons inside your small cell. Well, you weren’t sure exactly if it was morning or night, but you knew from your unfixed body clock that it was impossible to wake up in the morning. So midnight it is.
Inside the small room, your life was mundane. There was simply nothing to do.
And so you tried your best to cope.
When Hange and the others visited you days ago, a soldier from the Scouts served as your nightguard. They seemed irrelevant to you and the only thing they provided you with was a set of new clothes; dreary, gray prison attire that only added a sense of despair to your situation. There were also times when they gave you food; canned, bland, and hopefully edible. You couldn’t help but judge if it was edible or not, together with the water they provided you. You were never sure. It was better to be careful than not in this time period where proper hygiene was a foreign thing. And since you were now magically in the Attack on Titan universe, you prayed it wasn’t like the medieval era in your world.
Oh, right. You also used your imagination to create scenarios in your head to fill the void.
But other than that, yep, there was nothing else to do.
Time will pass, anyway. You reminded yourself.
As time passed by, the lack of stimulation quickly drained your energy. It made basic tasks like taking a quick bath in the cellar beside you and eating the food they provided seem like insurmountable challenges to you. You did try to take a bite from time to time though, since you simply couldn’t muster the strength.
And during your days inside the cell being detained by the Survey Corps, one thing was for sure.
You were slowly losing your mind.
No phone. No laptop. No gadgets. No anime. No fanfics. No books. Nothing!
You had nothing to distract you other than the voices inside your head.
“I like the view—You do? You’re my best view.” You made a face. “Ngi!”
You shivered and cringed at yourself.
Yes, you were, in fact, losing your mind.
Once again, your number one coping mechanism was distracting yourself. So you made a desperate attempt to replicate your quarantine routine.
You sang random songs out loud that came into your mind, not caring if someone outside would hear it.
“When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive~”
You sang monotonously, even if they were out of tune sometimes.
“And I don’t want the world to see me
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am”
And sometimes, you stretch. The sound of your bones cracking loud and you loved it.
I’m slowly turning into a shrimp again, you had thought, remembering your mother’s words before like you always did. You always remembered.
In some days, you tried to get up for a change and tried recreating TikTok dances you remembered to keep your sanity.
Heck, you even tried to do Chloe Ting’s workout!
But of course, you decided enough was enough when you got tired immediately after a few seconds of feeling that burn from a plank. You didn’t want to push through anymore.
So you opted for the choice on what you did best.
You slept.
You tried not to be bothered by the eeriness in the cold prison cell, so you slept and slept, only to wake up and repeat the cycle all over again.
This was your life now, after all.
And ever since then, the dreams had stop.
No more visions of blood, the tree, the mysterious person, and all of that bothering your mind.
And again, time will pass, anyway.
This was your life now and you spent it by rotting in the squeaky bed, staring at the brick wall ceiling.
And fucking hell, you were about to go insane any minute now.
You blinked. The silence was too loud again. With a stoic face, you tried to sing again with a monotone voice.
”And it’s new, the shape of your body
It’s blue, the feeling I’ve got
And it’s ohh, whoa, oh
It’s cruel summer”
You exhaled deeply. “I shouldn’t have left the house.” The words left your mouth with regret. “A Kindle would be helpful right now. Oh, god. I miss my Wattpad and Ao3 so much.”
You tried changing the song, and now you were singing the song that reminded you greatly of where you were.
“Sasageyo
Sasageyo
Shinzou wo sasageyo—”
You stopped.
You then heard something.
Voices. It was voices.
When you heard the sound of footsteps approaching, you sat up from the bed and tried to eavesdrop to know who the voices belonged to.
You approached the bars of your cell, gripping them, and glanced towards the side. Your shoulders tensed as you recognized who the people were.
”Oh, hello. It’s you guys.” You had managed to say, and licked your chapped lips. “Not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me again, but here you are.”
Hange, Levi, Armin, Mikasa, and finally Eren, appeared before your cell.
”Hmm, you sleep a lot,” Hange noted.
You shrugged in a nonchalant manner, unbothered by the comment. “Well, that’s the only thing I could do here.”
Hange nodded and cleared their throat. “Yes, well, we’re here to talk again.”
You groaned internally. Great, another interrogation. Still hoping I just shifted and all will go back to normal when I wake up but nah. Honestly, why couldn’t they just believe me?
You knew this conversation about you would only lead to more questions. With a forced smile, you replied dryly. “Yey, I guess.”
You braced yourself for the questions, feeling frustrated and exhausted. It was the same questions and same doubts, you expected. And it was exhausting. If I only knew this would happen, then I wouldn’t have really left the house. . . damn, now I miss my dog.
Hange’s voice held a mixture of curiosity and suspicion as they started. “Who are you, really, Y/N?”
Who am I? I don’t even remember what I ate earlier! Wait—I forgot. Did I even eat?
You closed your eyes in defeat and took a deep breath to calm yourself. “Look, I’ve already told you everything about myself—my name, or where I come from. Isn’t that enough? What more do you want from me?”
Hange exchanged looks with the others before sighing. “The object. What is it?”
“Like I said before, it’s nothing important.” You tried to hold back tears of frustration. “It’s not a weapon, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s just. . . a toy. Where you can, um. . . see yourself. Also, can’t you see that I’m already behind these bars? So there's nothing I can do to prove I’m not a threat to you.” Your eyes rolled dramatically. “OMG, I swear I’m literally just a girl who randomly woke up surrounded by the sea and sand.”
You were now rambling, and didn’t care if they didn’t understand a word you said.
“And well, you know what? Being in prison wasn’t on my bucket list.”
In their eyes, you knew you were still seen as a potential threat. And perhaps no matter what you said, they will still be doubtful.
Hange interjected, “As part of our duty, we must monitor any peculiar activity beyond the walls, especially since they have been overrun by mindless and abnormal Titans before. So it was a great surprise for us to see a human—moreover, alive and untouched by a titan. It's only natural for us to have doubts about your story. We just suspect that you are still withholding information from us."
You gulped at Hange’s words. “If I don’t say anything—are you going to kill me?”
It was Levi who spoke up.
“Don’t worry, we won’t.”
You sighed in relief.
“But the Military Police will, if you don’t speak.”
Quickly, your shoulders tensed. “Wha—what do you mean?”
Hange sighed heavily. “That is also why we’re here.”
Your heart raced at Hange’s urgent words. They said, “Word has spread about our discovery from outside the walls, and the Military Police has reported they wanted to take this matter into their hands. We’ve spoken with them and they want to put you in a trial.”
They want to put you in a trial.
They want to put you in a trial.
They want to put you in a trial.
Trial.
Your eyes widened in fear as you registered Hange’s words and panic rose in your throat at the mention of a trial.
“HUH, TRIAL?!” You repeated, your heart pounding. No, no, this couldn’t be happening. “BUT—”
Levi’s sharp voice cut through the air. “Lower your fucking voice,” he snapped, his voice echoing in the dim hall.
You paused, and glared at him.
Asshole.
“And who are you?” You crossed your arms, trying to feign recognition.
Of course, you knew who he was. But in order to not gain any more suspicion from them, you had to act dumb of who they were.
“Oh, right! I forgot,” Hange said quickly, introducing the others to you. “This is Levi, Lance Corporal of the Survey Corps and Captain of Squad Levi. And these are—” Hange gestured to the other three, “—Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. Soldiers from the Survey Corps and members of Levi’s Squad.”
You struggled to suppress the impulse to squeal and smile at the prospect of being formally introduced to them, reminding yourself to keep a serious demeanor. Now is not the time to fangirl, you idiot!
Hange continued, “Back to the topic, the Military Police thinks you work for Zeke, the Beast Titan, after your suspicious appearance just after a year he arrived on the island and killed our soldiers. We cannot take any chances of risking the lives of our people again. So as long as you make it clear to us on why you were outside the walls, then we will try our best to have you under the Survey Corps. The choice is yours.”
The choice is yours. You gasped in disbelief, your legs almost failing you. Do I even have a choice? You gripped the bars tightly, looking to their eyes desperately. “Can. . . can you please. . .” You gulped, your breath becoming shaky. “I need a minute to think.”
Hange considered your words and nodded. “Of course.”
You let your gaze fall to Eren, not letting your eye contact waver, before turning around.
You brought your hands to your face and cupped it, and you closed your eyes. You screamed internally. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. You whispered, “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Argh! This wasn’t even in the manga!
You suddenly remembered watching those POV videos on TikTok about suddenly going to the Attack on Titan universe and reading all those reader-insert fanfics. There, it was either treated as a joke as you knew you wouldn’t survive a day due to the Titans. In the fanfics you’ve read, the main character falls to the AOT universe and befriends the squad immediately and falls in love with one of them and later on have a happy ending or die.
All fun and games really! Until now it wasn’t. Because this was real.
Not something you just imagined. Not something you thought of to shift realities. Not something you could read in fanfictions—well, unless you really were inside a fanfic—You tried to look for your invisible camera and pose.
You shook your head. Anyway.
This was real.
And your life could be on the line if you weren’t careful with your decisions.
Your stomach churned as you needed to make an answer quickly.
Things will change. If this is all real, and I’m here and they’re real—then that means that titans are real. And if titans are real, then shifters are real. And if shifters are real then that means Marley is real. And if Marley is real then that means war. And if a war happens, then the Rumbling will happen—
“No, no, no, no. I can’t let that happen,” you whispered, barely audible to them. People will die. I will die.
You knew there were possibilities of the timeline changing. And you being here was the start of it. It will change. As long as you were here.
You bit your lip hard. You had no choice but to do something or else it is them who decides what to do with you. You need to think about this thoroughly. One wrong move and it might cost your life. No. You can’t just act out on your emotions. You need to be logical and radical about this.
You needed to think. You needed a plan.
I need to get out of here.
You tried to come up with a plan as you massage your temple. Okay, let’s see. . .
Plan A: Tell them they’re just fictional characters and all of this isn’t supposed to be real and later on they’ll probably sentence me to jail forever and torture because I sound insane and die alone.
Plan B: Don’t tell them anything yet. Gain their trust. Later on admit that you came from another world or dimension or whatever how the fuck you ended up here. They probably still won’t believe you but at least they won’t kill you. Hopefully. Make Eren fall in love with Mikasa and admit his feelings and avoid all this chaos and find a way back home.
Plan C: Don’t tell them anything. Grow old and rot in this dirty cell and die because you didn’t want to ruin the timeline.
Plan D: Kill yourself if all goes wrong.
You chuckled in disbelief.
Yeah. Sounds like a dumb fucking plan.
Each possible plan seemed to have its own fatal flaw. Frustration consumed you as you tried to figure out the best course of action to take, knowing that this would change everything.
This will change everything.
You reluctantly took a peek behind you. They were eyeing you warily and your breath hitched.
Biting your nails anxiously, your heart raced as the sound of your foot tapping echoed in your ears.
If you reveal yourself now, there is no turning back.
To lie was one thing. But to lie in the face of these people who could easily detect if what you were saying was true or not? That was another thing you would not even dare to try.
You weren’t crazy enough to lie to them.
The thought made your stomach twist into knots as you tried to steady yourself. With a shaky exhale, you reminded yourself again.
No turning back now.
“Well, shit.” The defeat was evident in your voice as you whispered those words to yourself.
You turned to face them again and gave a smile that offered the idea that you were constipated.
”You look like you just took a shit,” said Levi.
Hange gave him a look.
But then their eyes widened in surprise at something you did unexpectedly.
You slapped yourself across the face.
A nervous laugh escaped your lips as you tried to shake off some of the tension in your body. “Had to make sure I’m not making this up.”
I still can’t believe this is real, you thought, as you pinched your arm.
They waited for you to continue, their expressions serious.
You cleared your throat. “Look, what I am about to tell you. . . I—I don’t think. . . I’m not sure if you’re ready to have this conversation,” you said hesitantly.
“Why is that?” Levi asked, voice rough.
“You’ll think that I’m making this up or I’m insane. But. . . you want the truth right? First, you need to promise me that you will give back what is mine. The object. Don’t do anything to it. Please.”
Hange detected the desperation in your voice and they reluctantly nodded.
You concluded that they at least deserve to know some truths about you if you wanted to gain their trust.
Their eyes bore into you as you took another breath, and let the truth spill from your lips.
“You’re right. I’m not from here. But I’m also not from Marley; meaning I’m not a spy as you say—” You gave Levi a pointed glare, rolling your eyes as your words trailed off. “—and that lightning you mentioned before? I have a theory about it.”
Your words hung in the air as they waited for you to continue.
“I think it’s what brought me here.”
Confusion masked their faces.
“Brought you here?” echoed Hange. “To this island?”
Uncertain, you shrugged and tilted your head. “Well, yes. . . and no. Before you found me outside the walls, I was searching for my dog who ran away from me in a forest near the beach.”
And then you made eye contact with Eren. “And there was this tree.”
You caught his subtle reaction when his eyes went wide and returned to normal immediately. Please, please, know about the tree, Eren.
“A tree?” Armin spoke and glanced at Eren, his curiosity piqued while he wrote down on the notebook in his palm. “What kind of tree?”
The image of the massive tree filled your mind, and you stared off into the wall. “It was huge. Massive. Probably the biggest tree I’ve ever seen. I found my dog near it and then suddenly it started raining. . .” You rubbed the back of your neck. “. . . I kinda slipped and fell inside. After that, I saw that tree again. But it was glowing now. And also surrounded by sand. So, um, well, here I am.”
A heavy silence hung in the air and your shoulders slumped. They don’t believe me. You frowned, disheartened. They weren’t convinced. I knew they wouldn’t believe me.
“You don’t believe me.”
When they gave you no reply yet, you rolled your eyes as your lips trembled. “Forget it. You’re just wasting your time. I’m gonna rot here, anyway.”
You went back to the bed, and it made a loud creaking noise as you sat down on the edge.
“Wait.”
Your head turned, and it was Eren who spoke up. His face was contorted in confusion and doubt.
“You were in the Paths,” Eren said, his brows meeting in conflict. “But you’re not a shifter nor a subject of Ymir. Only a subject of Ymir can enter the Paths.”
Your brows furrowed. “As far as I remember, I don’t have any relatives named Ymir.”
You squealed internally. But that would be so cool though! I mean—!
Levi scowled and scolded Eren. “You brat. I told you not to interfere.”
“Captain,” Armin interjected, his eyes darting between Eren and you. “I think—I think we should give her a chance,” he said.
Levi eyed you warily from his spot, still skeptic. “She’s not making any sense to me.”
Hange on the other hand was conflicted, but their expression was filled with curiosity and awe. They stepped forward and gripped the bars, their head entering your cell. “How is this possible—!?”
Levi clucked his tongue irritatedly and grabbed Hange by their uniform to keep them back beside him. “You shithead, don’t come close.”
You blinked, taken aback and stood up to approach them again. “It’s not. . . Yet somehow, I’m here. . . and I’m not even supposed to be here in the first place. Heck, I myself don’t even know how this was possible.”
Mikasa exchanged unsure glances with Armin and Eren.
“I told you Hange, she’s not making any sense,” Levi said again.
“I know,” you replied with a defeated shrug.
This was it. You wanted to say something that would truly blow their minds. “But for what it’s worth. . .” You wanted to say something that would somehow catch their full attention.
And it did. Because the following words that left your lips stunned them into complete utter silence.
you both were putting marriage and progressing as bf and gf off for the longest time
obv with civilization almost not existing and danger around every corner there was never a right time
however, eren always made a vow to you that when he and you are free that that will be the day he asks the question
doing this all for you
“i want freedom of course but i want to do this for you. for our kids. you are the most important to me and what matters”
you cloud his mind every second woman!
he will do anything for you like give his soul? check! take a bullet? yep!
you are the reason for his fight
like he cannot imagine something happening to you, it literally destroys him
every time he turns into a titan ur in his mind. all the pain and bloodshed, the sweat the tears all for you
everyone says you both are such opposites but it works
like jean and connie are even like “bro when you gonna ask y/n like???”
jean and connie bet when yall have kids that u better name the firstborn after either one of them, like threats and such u better
or like shots fired boom boom
hange zoe trying to find out which ring you would like and like dropping hints with eren
“hange the pip-squeak is like ten give him a break” levi would reprimand hange
honestly tho you would find it kinda cute if eren would turn into his titan at one point during the proposal
cuz titan kink
but in all seriousness eren breathes you girl like loyal he ain’t going nowhere
very protective of you
but when things subside and there are not literal titans trying to destroy yalls asses
eren finally finds peace
it’s finally freedom for you and him
“its here, its finally here”
now is the next challenge
he wants to ask your hand in marriage
but bc his father (even tho papa yeager a bit damaged) meant a lot to eren eren wants to ask your parental guardian for their blessing
if your guardian is deceased he’ll go to the gravesite and meditate there wanting just the energy of this news to somehow someway travel to the lost soul
eren as we all know from trauma and what not has gotten very quiet and changed but one thing stayed the same well two things his love for you obv and his nerves
HIS PALMS ARE SWEATY
needs like somehow someway like somebody to tell him its ok like relax him
jean connie armin all them there like u got this brother
WE MUST STAY FOCUSED BROTHER
“is y/n the girl of your dreams?” armin would ask
yes
“if she was the only person on this planet would u still be ok?”
yes
“if something happened to her, would you go insane?”
yes
“if she were a worm would u still love her?”
yes
“then i think you know what to do”
eren took u on the hill where him mikasa and armin used to relax and hang out as kids
you were glowing in your pale blue garden dress
the sun was perfect that day and just the fact that eren now had the freedom to do what he wanted
like there was no, eren we need you to do this or having to save thousands of lives or witness more deaths
it was everything to him
he felt in that moment the lives of all those that had passed were behind him, cheering him on
“y/n,” he gets down on one knee holding your hand. you are the woman that if his mom was alive he would have loved to introduce her to you.
“when i first met you you were a spitfire. the first words you uttered were how annoyed with me you were because of how much i wanted to kill titans. as much as we tried to hate each other in the beginning we ended up falling in love. i fell in love with you the moment you hugged me after our first mission, maybe it was before that. its gotten to the point where i cant remember when there wasnt a time i wasnt hopelessly in love with you. i cant believe a girl like you liked me. but i am not going to let this opportunity pass. finally we are here, alive, together. i dont want no more time to go to waste. i want you y/n, i want you to be mine. i want to show you how much i love you. y/n will you marry me?”
of course, you said yes with tackling of a kiss to his lips as you two rolled in the grass
funnily enough you were going to ask him that day as well
you two ended up getting married with all your friends and town there
carrying you bridal style eren took you to a cottage that was perfect and peaceful for just the two of you
...or so you thought
in a short matter of time you were expecting
eren was beyond thrilled
all his hard work paid off
this child would grow up not knowing the terrors of losing their parents or their house being destroyed
this child would never experience the nightmares you and eren experienced
eren thought it was a boy and so did you
turns out its a little girl which jean and connie were so mad at but turned out to be so thankful for because you got to name her sasha
eren looking at his new family and his friends almost got tears in his eyes
all he ever wanted in life was to be free. he wanted his mother to experience that, all that passed. he was not going to let their sacrifice go to waste.
eren took it all in. this was his life now. whether he deserved it or not still lingered in his mind. but what he knew was the overwhelming happiness he felt. something he never had until he met you. something he would never take for granted
...freedom
a/n: ok so this nonnie wanted an arranged marriage but i didnt want to write that and clearly didnt. whoops! also i know this is shit but i just got off of watching kodasteven on tiktok so thats maybe why this is kinda having a funny bone. also i am doing finals in school and i had to write an essay about anti-vaxxers and pro-vaxxers 👍🏼 hooray
During your engagement period, he'd always come sit next to you in meetings and reunions, and remembers to always save a place for you when you're late.
He would take care of your horse and put it in a box right next to his in the stable.
When he finishes checking if everything is alright with his horse, he checks on yours too.
He would do it more meticulously the night before an expedition.
He doesn't tell you this, but when there's a particularly risky recon expedition, he would check and memorize the position and location you were assigned, this way he'll know where you are at all times.
Merchants, shop owners and families would come and congratulate you both when you meet them in the cities and villages at the announcement of your engagement.
News spread quickly among the citizens, and upon knowing you and Levi were engaged, they would randomly cheer for you on the streets
"Give us plenty of babies !" To which Levi would grow shy/frustrated/have his ears turn to an unnoticeable red color, but it doesn't go unnoticed to you and you look at him fondly.
He'd memorized how you like you tea by now.
When your schedule gave you the chance, you would take your horses and go have some time by yourselves, away from the madding crowd and sit by a river, or under the shadow of a tree and just take in the fresh air, the silence, and rejoice in each others presence.
You couldn't help diving into his deep steel eyes, and notice how they were more attentive to you when you talked or gestured, you could tell he was all worked-up from the new step he was about to make in his life so he did look just as restless, but his eyes had a new way to look at you, it was a look he only gave you and you alone.
If you're working late helping Hange in her office, he would come and bring the two of you a trail of tea and get out irritated when Hange starts boasting enthusiastically about how Levi is gonna be an amazing husband, taking care of you and bringing you tea every time you felt down.
WAYS OF FREEDOM┊Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Modern Fem!Reader ┊2nd POV
In which a chronically online Gen Z that went through the pandemic goes to the Attack on Titan Universe and tries her very best to change the ending with an "I can fix him" mentality.
⋆ CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 4.2k words
⋆ WARNINGS: manga spoilers
← prev chapter ┊ next chapter →
𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟖𝟓𝟏.
THEY SAY THAT life flashes right before your eyes when you greet death—or— almost greet death.
Why? No one truly knows.
Perhaps it is a reminder to treat our life gently and treasure it. So that when we reach the very end; we can say that we have lived fiercely and boldly.
But on the other hand, the thought of death often fascinated you.
It could be because you thought that the world would end when you hit the age of twelve.
It was a silly thing, really. How could someone who has only started to become a teenager and witness the beauty of being alive— already think about something as deep as dying?
Your mind conjured imaginations about greeting death—picturing scenarios of a grim reaper visiting you like what you've seen in the movies. It could be a scenario as raw as when you were young and naive, tired from a trip, and your father cradles you in his arms, lifting you and carrying you to your room and whispering good nights. Or, perhaps it could be a distant friend of yours, waiting for your sweet and warm embrace.
It was this that made you think— I hope death is kind.
Death lingered in your room. You felt it when your first pet died.
Death whispered in your ears. You felt it when you attended a funeral of a relative when you were naive and you didn't even know they were family.
Death visited you in your dreams. Several times already.
It lurks, and lurks, and lurks. And you desperately wished to meet them already.
But death always seemed to whisper one thing— it is still not your time.
But when will that time truly come?
Perhaps not yet, even if you thought you had just died from that fall under the tree.
In the abyss of your mind, phantasmagorical visions started to appear slowly which made you see something familiar again.
It was that silhouette of a faceless woman against the blinding light that conjured the luminous tree you saw in your previous dreams.
Huh? Were you dreaming again?
Slowly, your eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the sudden burst of light. As you blinked away the disorientation, you took in your surroundings.
You were lying on the sand.
You winced as the sand stuck to parts of your body that weren't covered by your dress, and your brows furrowed with confusion as the lush sandy beach you had been lounging on just minutes ago was now replaced by steep rocks jutting into the sea. The salty air from the vast expanse of blue water filled your lungs, reminding you of where you were. Confusion masked your face as your brows knitted together once again. It looked the same as the one you visited earlier yet so. . . different.
How the hell did you end up here?
Suddenly, the sound of heavy boots grew louder with each passing second filling your ears. Your head whipped toward the direction where it came from, and you struggled to push yourself up to see who it was.
Who could it be?
At first, there were two of them. Both wearing the same clothing consisting of a light brown cropped jacket covered by a dark-shaded green cloak. What seemed like long blades filled both of their hands as they both stood in a stance ready for a fight.
Your head tilted at this. You knew that uniform like the back of your hand.
Are they cosplaying? That was your first thought.
Before you could open your mouth to speak, one of them had beat you to it.
"Don't move," said the guy, his blades pointed toward you in a threatening manner.
"Whoa!" You yelped in surprise, and instantly backed away. The short one awfully reminded you of Levi. His voice is deep, with a subtle hint of a. . . French accent? You weren't sure.
Your gaze shifted toward the other person; something instantly clicked the moment your eyes fell on the red scarf wrapped around her neck. The woman was cosplaying Mikasa.
"Where — Where am I?" you asked. "But don't come close!"
You weren't a fool to not recognize that these two were cosplayers of Levi and Mikasa at first glance. But were these people not aware that there's still a global pandemic going around? They weren't even wearing any face masks or protection from the virus! You almost scoffed at the absurdity that some cosplayers like them went to such extremes just to have a cosplay during a pandemic. Couldn't they just have a photoshoot inside their home? You wanted to commend them for their realistic approach yet now is not the right time for that.
"Why couldn't you just wait for me?!" someone shouted, their voice gruffly. "IS IT A SHIFTER, HA?!"
The person neared and a few other people came close; all were wearing the same uniform the Levi and Mikasa cosplayers were wearing.
The person who had shouted earlier now had a frown, and one of their eyes that wasn't covered by an eye patch was fixed on your face. "Eh? Not a shifter then?"
You blinked at them. "What?"
"Who are you?" The voice of Levi's cosplayer boomed, his sneer contorting into a twisted grimace as he thrusts the blade threateningly toward you. The glint of metal catches your eye and you can feel your heart racing in fear as you struggle to find the right words to say.
Okay. . . Why does that look real?
Your eyes widened as you caught sight of the newcomers, their unexpected arrival catching you off guard. You quickly composed yourself and pointed a finger in the opposite direction with a look of feigned innocence.
"They went that way," you said with a gulp and gestured towards a distant path as if it were the most obvious answer.
The guy scoffed at your antics and said, "Just answer the damn question or I'll slice your arm off."
You flinched as all of their attention was on you, and the feeling made your skin crawl.
"I. . . I. . ." you stammered, unable to speak.
"Um. . . Captain—" someone spoke but was immediately cut off by the Hange cosplayer.
"I said wait , Levi! This one doesn't seem to be a shifter!" the Hange cosplayer hastily declared. "They don't even have titan marks on the face!"
But the guy only ignored the comment and scowled. He continued pointing his blade at you which made you flinch again.
"With or without titan marks, it doesn't mean they can be trusted, Hange. You should know that by now."
Huh? Titan marks? Titan shifters? And why are they calling each other Levi and Hange as if that's their names? Your mind was a jumbled mess right now.
"Oi, Levi! You're scaring her."
But the Levi guy only rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Tsk. Whatever four eyes."
Huh? Four Eyes? I'm so confused. Okay, they're taking this cosplaying way too far.
You jumped to your feet, throwing your hands up in a defensive stance. Fear etched itself onto your features as you desperately tried to protect yourself from their presence. "Please, I already told you. I — I don't know where I a—wait."
You paused.
What the fuck is happening?
It seemed like your brain was playing tricks on you. Your eyes skimmed over everyone, and your gaze focused on their clothing and that intricate white and blue wing shield patch placed on their jacket.
It took you a whole minute to process what was going on.
Your eyes darted to the direction where they had emerged from, their pursuit still fresh in your mind. You struggled to remember how you ended up lying on the beach without making any noise. You couldn't even remember how you got here in the first place. It didn't make sense—how did they know exactly where to find you? Unless. . .
A sound.
Echoing through your thoughts, you desperately tried to piece together the events leading up to this moment.
Tree. Silhouette. Light. Explosion.
My dreams. . .
Your eyes widened when something clicked again. No way.
A nervous chuckle left your lips. "Wait. . . did you just say, Levi? and Hange? Are you — er — are you guys cosplayers or something?"
Silence; nobody dared to speak from your absurd question.
The Levi guy exchanged looks with the Hange look-a-like before fixing his stance. "What in the shitty world is a cosplayer ."
You became silent for a minute.
Is he for real? Literally, what the actual fuck is happening?
Your brows met in confusion. "Wait, what do you mean you don't know what a cosplayer is?"
You got even more confused when you were met by their silence.
Huh? That's weird. You looked at their clothes again. But they definitely look like cosplayers of AOT.
"Are you sure you're not cosplayers?" You pointed at their clothing. "You're clearly cosplaying the Attack on Titan characters right now."
"The what ?"
In haste, the Levi guy clutched your shoulder roughly with an iron grip, forcing you to kneel on the sand. You were sure your shoulder was gonna bruise. And before you could react, he aimed his weapon at you with precision, his eyes bulged with maniacal fury.
"Oh my god!" you said in between breaths. "Seriously, what the hell is going on?!"
The cold steel of the blade pressed against your neck, sending a jolt of fear through your body as you involuntarily flinched at the sudden threat.
"I said who are you ?" he said sharply and eyed you suspiciously.
You trembled and said your name with a stutter.
"If you're not a titan shifter. . . then you're probably part of that ugly monkey's plan, aren't you?" He pressed.
"Titan shifter? Wha — what's that? And monkey? Which monkey?" A dry chuckle nervously escaped your lips as you tried to feign innocence once again.
"King Kong?" you offered, trying to lighten up the mood.
A part of you wanted to run, but another part was paralyzed by fear.
"Please don't kill me!" you begged. "Where — where exactly am I?"
"Huh?" The Hange look-a-like's head tilted. "You're in Paradis Island."
No way.
"Paradis. . ." you said slowly, ". . . Island?"
Your mind was in turmoil as you fought against conflicting emotions.
You tilted your head upward to look at the guy pointing the blade at you and then at the person with an eye patch.
Levi and Hange.
Your gaze shifted towards the people at the side, their prominent features making you gulp.
Red scarf. . . Mikasa.
Brown hair in a ponytail. . . Sasha.
Long face and sandy hair. . . Jean.
Buzz cut. . . Connie.
Blond hair and bright blue eyes. . . Armin.
Finally, after scanning the crowd, your eyes landed on a man at the far end. His gaze was fixed on you, captivating and intense. You couldn't see the color of his eyes yet you were a hundred percent sure they were green. Realization dawned upon you as your gaze from his figure shifted to the sea and then back to him.
Your heart dropped. No fucking way.
Your mouth fell open and went dry as you couldn't stop yourself from recognizing the man that haunted your dreams all this time.
" Eren ," you breathed out in a whisper, unable to stop yourself from blurting out his name.
At the mention of Eren's name, their attention shifted to him.
No. No. This isn't real.
Your head shook furiously, trying to make sense of the situation. You punched your arm in frustration but immediately regretted it as pain shot through your body and you winced.
A nervous laugh escaped your lips. "This must be a joke. No, I must be dreaming — did I — did I shift?" you asked yourself, "Please tell me this isn't real." You called out desperately.
But someone poked your arm. "Huh? But you're pretty much real."
It was Hange . You still weren't sure if all of this was real or not.
The blade's edge bit into your flesh, slicing through your skin until a trickle of red liquid flowed down your neck.
"There's your answer," said Levi, unamused.
Your eyes widened as you felt the cold steel against your throat, and a desperate gasp for breath escaped your lungs. You immediately reached for your neck, wincing as the pain shot through your body.
Ouch! You tightly close your eyes, trying to push away the stinging sensation. It hurts!
Green Eyes. Blood.
"Captain, I think — I think we should ask if she's from the outside world. . . ?" asked Armin.
"Are you — um —" you gulped, "—are you the Survey Corps?"
"Yes, we are," said Hange.
" Shut the fuck up," you said out loud, stunned by the revelation.
Their faces twisted in a manner that suggested they were offended by your words.
You looked up at them. "Sorry, but you must be joking."
"Do I look like I'm fucking joking?" said Levi with a stoic face. "You better watch that mouth of yours, or I'll cut your tongue off."
After that, you were stupefied into silence.
Tree. Silhouette. Light. Explosion. Green Eyes. Blood.
You gulped. What the hell did I get myself into?
Blood continued to trickle down the side of your neck, blurring your vision as you fought to stay conscious. You tried to laugh, but it came out as a weak, choked sound. The darkness was inevitable as it crept in from the edges of your vision, engulfing you.
"Huh?! She fainted?!"
Levi looked at his comrade unamused before he retracted his blade to his gearbox as he saw your limp body in the sand.
"Well, that didn't end well," he said.
Mikasa also retracted her blades back to her gearbox and went near to Hange.
"What are we going to do about this situation, Commander Hange?" asked Mikasa.
"Hmm," pondered Hange. "She kept on asking if we were, what was that? Something about player. . . ah, cosplayer! Hmm. . . is that another term for the devil that the outside world calls us?"
Meanwhile, Jean, Sasha, and Connie exchanged looks.
"Well, that was something new," said Jean.
"Look," interrupted Armin, "She's not healing."
Armin's observation was true. That means. . . You weren't a shifter.
Hange tried to stop the blood on your neck with a cloth, and Mikasa carried your body with ease after that and placed you on a horse.
"Looks like captain went hard on that one," winced Sasha.
"At least it wasn't a titan shifter," said Connie.
Armin's attention shifted towards his childhood friend. He frowned. "Eren, are you okay? You look tense."
"She's from the outside world, Armin."
Eren looked at Armin with an unreadable expression.
As the others frantically attended to the commotion, Sasha's curious gaze settled on something glinting in the sand. With a quick and nimble movement, she grabbed the object that had been carelessly discarded. Confusion clouded her features as she studied the sleek device in her hand that felt foreign, trying to make sense of its functions and purpose. With light fingers, she turned it over and is met with a photograph of a man she does not recognize, his handsome face frozen in a candid moment. The bright screen illuminated Sasha's puzzled expression as she wondered who this mysterious man could be and why he was on the back part of the object.
"Commander Hange! Captain!" called out Sasha. "Look at this!"
But with a sudden and swift movement, Sasha's finger clicked the tiny button that rested on the bottom middle of the object. With a start, she was shocked when the screen opened to reveal a photograph that she did not recognize once again and almost threw the device in surprise.
"Sasha! What's that?" asked Connie.
As Sasha's fingers slid to the left, she caught a glimpse of her own reflection on the screen and she jolted in shock. To her surprise, she accidentally clicked a button, and the sound of rapid clicking filled her ears, making her yelp and scream. She quickly threw the device away from her, her heart racing with fear.
"What in the—? Sasha, how did you do that—?"
"I — I don't know!" Sasha panicked. "I saw my face staring at me! How did it do that?!"
"Tch, quiet down, you brats."
"Sorry, Captain."
"Oi, Sasha," called Levi, "give that thing to me."
Levi examined the object once it was given to him; the photograph in the back reminded him of the photograph they saw in the basement. Yet the only thing that separates them is that this photograph had vibrant colors instead of the grey neutral look the other had.
Hange tried to gather all of them. "Listen up, everyone. Our expedition is done for now. We'll talk about this more once we return to the Headquarters. For now, we must search the area if we can find something again," they said, and glanced at your body, and then at the color of your hair, "Huh. . . Didn't know it's possible to have that kind of hair."
They weren't expecting this to happen.
I mean, were they even called the Survey Corps if they weren't always fighting the unknown?
Because for the first time in six years of doing expeditions outside the walls, they had finally reached the ocean. But at what cost? They had lost so much. So much. Yet, it was still a start nonetheless towards knowing the existence of humanity beyond it.
As you slowly emerged from the depths of sleep, you stirred awake and a surge of newfound energy rushed through your body. Your limbs stretched out, feeling rejuvenated after one of the most amazing naps you had taken in a long time.
What the fuck happened? Was that only a dream?
"It has to be a dream," you said out loud.
But as you reached to stretch your neck, you were suddenly hit with a sharp pain. With a soft groan, you gingerly probed at the area and felt the rough texture of a bandage covering it. Wincing at the stinging sensation of the bruise beneath, you tried to recall how you got it. Your eyes fell on your clothing, you were still wearing the white dress you wore before—yet now, it looked dirtier.
"Oh, you're finally awake!"
At that moment, your senses finally came back to you, and you became aware of your surroundings. As your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, your body stiffened as you realized you were trapped in a small cell instead of being in your room inside your grandma's house.
"Where am I?" you mumbled.
Cold stone walls enclose the small space, their rough surface casting eerie shadows in the flickering light of torches mounted on iron sconces. The flickering torches, held in iron sconces, provided the only source of light, casting a sickly yellow hue across the barren room. You were separated from the outside by thick iron bars, taunting you with their sturdy strength, where three figures stood.
"Um, hello," one of them said softly.
Your eyes squinted to look at the person properly, yet you failed, and so you decided to push yourself up, the small bed squeaking as you stood up.
"Hello. . . ?" you said slowly, still a bit disoriented and unsure of what to say. "How. . . how long was I asleep?"
"Three days."
Your mouth fell open. "Three days?!"
Damn, that's a first.
Well, now, you were fully awake at the revelation.
As you approached the rusted iron bars, your fingers lightly grazed their cold surface. The person who had spoken earlier slowly retreated from your abrupt appearance, their eyes shifting nervously under your gaze. All three of them were dressed in matching green military trench coats, each sporting a sleek black belt around their waist.
Your gaze settled on the first person, a young man with tousled blond hair and an innocent face that almost seemed out of place among his companions. His small pointed nose and slight frame set him apart from the others, giving off an air of innocence in contrast to their calculated demeanor. In all honesty, his hairstyle reminded you of Lord Farquaad from Shrek and that berries and cream guy.
He looked at the guy uncomfortably. "Eren, is it okay if you stay here? Mikasa and I will go and alert Commander Hange and Captain Levi that she's already awake."
Your ears perked up at the familiar names. Huh?
Your gaze flickered between the two figures standing before you. The man's dark brown locks cascaded over his shoulders, mirroring the woman beside him, whose neck was adorned with a red scarf, the color seemed to fade over the time it was used.
Don't tell me . . . that's Eren and Mikasa.
Eren gave Armin a curt nod before his green eyes went to you.
At this, you were in deep thought. So it wasn't a dream, after all. . .
But the sound of footsteps broke you out of your reverie, and your eyes followed the figure of Mikasa and Armin disappearing from your sight.
As Eren's intense gaze landed on you, your heart sank horribly as your palms started to sweat.
And now, it was just you and Eren.
Oh, damn.
It was just you and Eren.
Eren Jaeger.
Eren fucking Jaeger.
The man, the myth, the legend.
You tried to casually glance at him from the corner of your eye, but his towering figure and piercing stare were too overwhelming for you. You turned your back on Eren and faced the room, your mind racing. Your hands flew to your head, clutching it as you panicked.
"This isn't happening. . . It's all in my head. . . It's just a dream. . . It's not real. . ." you whispered.
But as you took a peek back at Eren, he was still there, serving as a guard on your cell.
You stared at him.
He stared back.
At this, your breath hitched and you immediately stopped looking. You closed your eyes with brute force. No, this doesn't make any sense!
You tried to compose yourself with a deep sigh. Stay calm , you told yourself. Breathe, Y/N.
Fiddling with your fingers, you decided to be valiant and turned around to cast your eyes upon Eren, taking in his features with slow, cautious glances. You carefully study him, trying to decipher the emotions behind his guarded expression.
"Hi." You offered him a tight-lipped smile.
Silence filled the room as he refused to answer you.
"Okay, then. . ." you said awkwardly.
You desperately searched for something else to focus on, afraid of facing the tension that was building between you. But no matter where your gaze landed, you could feel the unease creeping under your skin. With every passing moment of silence, the conflict between you and him grew stronger and more palpable so you decided to ask him a question.
"Are you really Eren?"
Once again, he did not answer. But he did arch an eyebrow.
"Am I really in Paradis?" you asked again, waiting for an answer.
You almost gave up on questioning him, yet he suddenly spoke.
"Yes."
Your shoulders tensed, and you blinked. "Oh, okay. . . um, thanks."
How was all of this possible? Your eyes flickered to your sides, looking for your imaginary camera. Am I even real? Or am I just a character inside a story? This doesn't make any sense! Does anime logic even apply to this?
You sighed. So if this is real, then. . .
Realization dawns upon you. Oh, no.
Your emotions started to bubble up, and you looked back at Eren, your hands gripping the rusty bars once again in desperation. You wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in your throat.
"You're. . . you're. . . you're. . ."
Shit. You couldn't even speak properly.
Eren looked at you expectantly, and you could feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.
He raised a brow, his face unreadable. "I'm what?"
A tense silence hung in the air as he waited for your response, but none came. Your emotions were rising to a boiling point and he could see it in every quivering muscle of your body. His face hardened with anger as he saw your reaction, taking it as an insult over who he was.
"You think I'm a devil," he said accusingly, his tone sharp.
"What?!" you said, offended by his false accusation. "No! No! You're not a devil — First of all, why would I even call you that?"
Eren's clenched jaw relaxed and his eyes softened, as if a switch had been flipped. The fury that had consumed him only moments ago disappeared with your confession.
"It's just that you're. . ." Alive. Breathing. Real. In front of me. Talking to me. And certainly, not a bird.
"You know what? Never mind." Your shoulders deflated, and you offered him a small smile.
"It's nice meeting you, by the way."
Eren's countenance remained guarded, his eyes following your every move as he tried to decipher your intentions. Just as he was about to question you, the sharp clack of footsteps echoed through the ancient stone walls, causing him to turn towards the source.
You inhaled slowly, the breath shallow and controlled as you tried to compose yourself. The corners of your lips twitched upwards, betraying the amusement bubbling up inside of you as a thought played through your mind like a mischievous sprite.
Watch Attack on Titan, they said. It'll be fun, they said! And look where it got you now. In a foreign land—heck, a foreign world .
summary : you’re the captain of your own squad, and you have a habit to go spend some time alone in a cabin located near the young recruits quarters. One day, you found Levi there who didn’t mind your company.
themes : deep talks, rain, maybe new beginnings, feelings development (on your side at least), slight interest from Levi’s side if you squint hard enough, life choices, fears, insecurities.
warnings : tw astraphobia (extreme fear of thunder), mentions of death.
You can read part 1 / 2 here
“Oi, why are you leaving? Isn’t this the place you come to for some “peace of mind” ?
“Yes, but you’re here now” you replied in a quiet yet steady voice.
“And i’m ruining the view for you” ? He asked looking at you nonchalantly. His tone was sarcastic, his eyes pressed you for an answer.
«Looks like it’s going to rain »
When the captain let out these words, it wasn’t long before cold droplets started to spill one after the other, soon the cabin was draped in watery curtains, making you and the captain take a step back to avoid getting soaked.
If you wanted to get back to your quarters, it was already too late for that, as the rain intensified rather quickly, both of you have been a bit too slow to react. But then again, who could have anticipated such a heavy rain in this time of the year.
« Dammit, i think it’s best to wait. We’ll get soaked down to the bone if we walk under this downpour»
You let out a small « yes », both startled and worried by the sudden change in weather. You were rather...uncomfortable being trapped in here with Levi Ackerman even though your mind was running with reprehensible scenarios right now .
Let’s face it, you always had a thing for the man, even if your only interactions with him consisted in you admiring him quietly from afar and frankly, you’d imagined you’d be thrilled by the idea of being stuck alone with the captain, but you were in such a state of unease right now because of the weather that you couldn't really care about that right now, because generally, heavy rain also meant-
Your thoughts were cut abruptly by the mention of your name.
You actually heard your name ?
Levi was facing you, and had just called you by your name. Not in a million years would you have thought he has it registered in his mind. He said it again as to carefully confirm he was not mistaking.
« That’s your name right ? »
«Yes » you let out in a breath, a little confused.
As if he was reading your mind, taking notes of your interrogative expression, he answered your inner pondering.
« I asked your superiors for your name not long ago. You may have heard of the initiative by now, Erwin and i are in the process of creating a special squad that i’ll be leading. Details are still confidential, but i can tell you that i have been granted complete freedom in selecting the members. »
He paused before continuing, focusing on you.
« and you might be in it »
For a moment, you forgot how to breathe and your mind went blank with the new information. You did hear something of the sort, but you did not imagine Levi considering, well, you. You'd imagined you need more than just skills to impress him. You did give your heart and soul to the cause, you chose to be a soldier, you didn't get thrown into it, you also made the conscious effort to be better and more effective on the battlefield. And right now you, were having a hard time believing that your efforts were actually paying off. Levi’s devotion and dedication served as a fuel to your own, and here you were, both of you discussing the possibility of working under his direct orders. You felt your stomach flutter, it was impossible to tell if it was from fear, anticipation or anything else.
You ignored the feeling when Levi broke the silence again.
« I’ve seen your ranking and your score since you enrolled in the Survey Corps. A few years ago your skills weren’t the impressive kind, but with time you managed to outgrow yourself. Forty titans taken down solo and more than thirty taken down in team, now that's impressive, so i went and asked for your name. »
The thought of Levi walking up to your superiors and asking specifically to be given informations about you made you feel a certain type of way you couldn’t quite pinpoint at the moment. He must also have asked Keith Shadis you thought then. That man always held you in high regards, and you were grateful for it. You never caused trouble, you were discret but efficient, you started to convince yourself that you were indeed, worthy of Levi’s interest, additionally, he did like quiet and efficient people.
The cabin was getting extremely cold with each passing minute, and you were still stuck with no sign of the downpour stopping any soon.
You started shivering, you were both in uniforms, with only your military jackets to keep you warm, neither of you brought your cloak.
If he had his cloak with him, would he offer it to you to keep you warm ?
A bright dash of light appeared somewhere far away but close enough to brighten the interior of the cabin.
Lightning ?
Your heart started pounding voraciously in your chest, and you were afraid Levi was about to witness a side of you that you were afraid might change his mind about you. Not noticing your hands that already started trembling, anticipating what’s to come, you swallowed a thick lump, trying to ground yourself on the wooden structure.
Levi seemed to notice the change in your demeanor but brushed it off. You stayed quite the whole time, you didn’t say anything at the news he just handed you.
You tried to pin your attention on the captain and what he just said, you tried to compose an answer to give him, or maybe just keep a thread of conversation going, but when you opened your mouth, a blasting sound echoed all around, followed by menacing vibrations in the air. The start of a thunderstorm, the sound was as if the sky got torn in half and soon enough, a harsh light spilled through and painted the entire scenery white for a second.
Instinctively you pressed your eyes shut at the sound. When you opened them, you were one inch away from Levi, gripping at his clothes for dear life, as if you were afraid to drown in the harsh light.
As if you were afraid to die.
Your fingers digged so hard into Levi's shirt beneath his jacket that you were positive you were leaving marks on his skin. When you realized what you were doing, you quickly backed off, body still shaking and lips starting to quiver.
« I’m so sorry Capt- »
Another thunderous blow tore the sky a second time, and this time you ducked on the ground with your two hands covering your ears, your eyes closed so hard that little watery pearls started forming at their corners.
To you, it seemed like it was going on forever, and then, you heard Levi pronounce those words you hated to hear about yourself.
« You’re afraid of the thunder ? »
Yes, yes you were
As horribly embarrassing, childish and pathetic as it was, you were.
Since you were just a child, the sound of the sky tearing up was something that made you unreasonably vulnerable. But you couldn’t help it, such an irrational fear was beyond your control and you were fortunate that a thunder erupting during a storm wasn't a very common event inside the walls.
In the rare occasions where it did happen, you felt your mind losing its grip on your body.
You didn’t answer Levi, you couldn’t focus on him, you just kept the palm of your hands pressed flat on your ears to try and hear the least possible of what was going on outside. You knew nothing was going to happen to you, you knew your body shouldn’t be trembling in this way, but you couldn’t reach your mind in these moments and ask of it to calm down, and this is what scared you the most.
That’s it. You thought
The only thought that emerged in your mind for a moment was how pathetic of a side you were showing levi at this moment. Just after he confessed he was thinking about you joining forces with him in fighting for humanity, here you were, scared out of your skull, and out of your control by the big scary sound in the sky.
He’s probably gonna review his opinion of you.
He's probably reviewing his opinion of you right now.
He probably thinks your not fit to fight under his orders.
You kill titans by the dozen.
But here you were, scared of the weather
Sitting down, you had brought your knees up against your chest now, ears still covered, you moved your hands a little as the sound seemed to have ceased only to put them back on quickly as the sky screamed and shook again. You had opened your eyes just to close them again in terror. In terror how pathetic.
You didn’t here Levi shift or make a move until you felt the hem of his jacket poking at your forehead. For a second, the sound stopped and you opened your eyes to Levi who took off his military jacket and handed it to you.
« Here, put it over your head, it will muffle the sound »
Out of surprise, and still a bit shocked from your tourment, you mechanically took his jacket and covered your head with it, pressing the fabric over your ears as the sky screamed again. It was working, you felt as if you were underwater, you still heard everything, but it sounded so far that you felt somewhat safe, only then did you realize that Levi did what he did.
He didn’t threw an insult at you telling you to get your act together
Instead, he silently offered some comfort, acknowledging your fear,
Validating your fear.
The hellish concert went on for three minutes. Three long minutes during which the sky threw a tantrum with unrealistic vibrations rippling through the air, as a shrieking wind joined in the outburst.
A lot of things happened during those three minutes, Levi coming to sit next to you on the ground, waiting for the storm to pass, and you getting intoxicated by the scent of the inside of his jacket, Levi’s jacket. This is what Levi smells like. You thought.
You were glad your face was covered as you felt it flush. Sure there was a faint note of sweat, but hey, you were soldiers, and soldiers sweat. But you could also recognize different other scents all converging into something you found extremely pleasing, almost soothing to you; a bit musk and something that resembled a type argan oil, you inhaled in silence, taking it all in shamefully. The feeling of being almost afloat under his jacket, the storm seemingly far away, as if you were cut from reality, only being able to breathe Levi's scent, the thought of him soon consumed you, leaving you feeling light-headed.
It was the closest you had been to Levi, since all these years, working together from afar; since you saw him for the first time when he proved to be everything but someone coming from the underground, both in manners and values, since the time you used to watch him ruffle Isabel Magnolia’s hair and feel that ache in your heart that grew more and more hungry.
When you watched him giving the hardest time to the young recruits
When you watched how loyal he was to Erwin, always present by his side watching over their mentees.
When you watched him from a distance, putting his horses in their stables, and staying a little longer to care about them and give them small gestures of affection
When you watched him sitting alone, by himself sipping his tea, holding his cup in his strange little way.
When you watched him accidentally sleep in the stable, on a bench, on a chair, so many times, while hesitant-and scared- subordinates would shake him shyly to wake him up.
When you watched him, from this cabin.
You liked climbing up this cabin, it was quiet, calm, but mostly, you could watch Levi all day long without him even realizing it.
You liked the cabin because watching Levi from a distance was calming to you.
You liked this cabin because observing Levi put your mind at ease.
When you found him up here, you turned heels as quickly as your heart started thumping on your chest, ready to live right away. You knew, soon enough that it wasn’t mere admiration for a comrade, it was more than that. Observing him from this cabin, you realized you wanted to rest a hand on his shoulder and tell him to go rest, the more you looked at him, the more you wanted to touch him, to feel him. There was so many things you wanted to tell him. Thank you for doing so much, you’re killing yourself go have some rest, thank you for bearing the weight of shielding humanity against its terrors, thank you for devoting your life, please take better care of yourself, we need you, we love.
I love you
Just know you have someone who cares so much for you.
Who wants to be by your side.
So badly.
But never did you approach him enough to have this much of him. Sure, you had your exchange of words and your eyes met on more than one occasion, but it was all wrapped in formalities, it didn’t feel human enough.
This
This feels human,
Him handing you his jacket felt human
You crumbling in front of him in all your pathetic glory was also human.
Now all you could think about or feel was Levi, you chewed on your feelings while trying to imprint in your head the only thing you got from him, this memory.
You suddenly felt a forceful tug, his hand was trying to move the jacket, you released your grip as soon as you realized that he wanted to take it off of you. The thunder had stopped for good, there was no roaring, no blasting echoes anymore. Just the quiet sound of the rain now. You loosened up, stretching your legs in a timid relief, your body trying to adjust to the now foreign calmness.
The captain didn’t say a word, and you stayed quiet as well.
The rain was quietly softening and the air was seemingly less cold, you realized your body had stopped shivering at all.
« I’m so embarrassed you had to see me like this Captain» you confessed broking the silence.
« Don’t be. Every fear has its reasons, even irrational ones »
You really thought humanity’s strongest would be repulsed by such a sight, he required people to be always strong or so you thought, but come to think of it, he always acknowledged human unescapable states like fear, regrets and sorrow., especially when those were almost inevitable on a battlefield. You never seen him dismiss any of those emotions when he witnessed comrades and soldiers experiencing them, even outside off the field.
« Do you...have any fears Levi ? »
You called him by his name, your question had a personal undertone to it that it required you to, or so you thought. And you couldn’t believe you actually had the courage to ask the strongest soldier alive if he feared anything.
« Regrets »
You turned to look at him, he was looking down at his jacket, his white shirt slightly wet from the rain it caught, you felt a little guilty witnessing that. You didn’t have a clue what was on his mind right now, but saying that, Levi was thinking about all the soldiers he lost under his commands, his two only companions he lost because of the choices he made, everything he lost, everything he couldn’t get back and everything he have regretted but decided not to, because he feared that if he’d let those regrets slip into the crevices of his mind, he’d never recover from it.
« I think it has been fairly gossiped about, but i lost my two truest and most loyal companions, i let them choose for themselves even though i wasn’t confident with that decision, it ended up horribly, but it was also my choice. It was my first time outside these walls, and also the last time i saw them alive. I feared regretting all of it, i feared the disappointment with myself was going to swallow me whole, but someone...someone who refused to succumb to their demons taught me once how dangerous it is to surrender to regrets, they can make everything loose its meaning in a blink of an eye. I used to fear sleeping on an empty stomach, i used to fear that stealing and killing would be my only reason to live. Now i fear everyday for my soldiers life, but what i fear the most is the regrets i could have, if you let them overpower you, they can make you believe that everything amounts to nothing.
Putting his palms on the wooden wall behind him, Levi pushed himself up, putting his jacket on, arms sliding slowly into the sleeves you were protecting your ears with just minutes ago.
« That’s why i make the choice, every waking day, not to regret any of my actions »
« So you don’t see me as a weak person ? »
« You killed forty human-eating monsters all by yourself, i don’t call that weak. As long as there is no thunder while you’re killing them i think we’re good »
You chuckled a little, your face already a bit brighter.
« It already happened Captain, and i did just fine, seems like it doesn’t affect me when i’m concentrating on something bigger and more frightening »
He was already heading for the door, your eyes following the black and white wings on the back of his jacket, he stopped just before going down the stairs.
« I’ll see you tomorrow at Erwin’s office for some paperwork regarding your new responsibilities »
You watched his figure disappear like it from your view like it always does, even though you were just been announced you’re gonna be working while being even closer to the threat now, you never felt happier. Yes you will be closer to the danger, but you will also be closer to Levi, hoping you could watch over him and maybe just maybe protect him as a token of your love. Be it from your admiration or your strong feelings, you knew your devotion to him had no boundaries. He wasn’t only humanity’s strongest in spilling blood and cutting flesh, he was also humanity's strongest for having a heart equally as great as his strength, but the world had yet to give him credit for that.
Listening to the creaking of the stairs as he went down, you couldn't help but remember when you found him in the cabin, staring at the sky.
“And i’m ruining the view for you” ? He asked
