WAYS OF FREEDOM ┊ Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Modern Fem!Reader ┊ 2nd POV
In which a chronically online Gen Z that went through the pandemic goes to the Attack on Titan Universe and tries her very best to change the ending with an "I can fix him" mentality.
CHAPTER 10 WORD COUNT: 5k words
WARNINGS: slight mention of self-harm.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Poor Eren :(
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𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍 with tragedies that flowed in their blood, and clung to their bodies like a second skin.
Tragic fates that were written in the stars in every universe; predetermined to meet their impending doom at the end of their journey, and set to fail. People who were born with tragedies that could even rival the downfall of gods and heroes themselves, only immortalized in mythologies centuries ago, whose lives drastically turned into tragedy to pay the price of immortality, and the kind of tragedies that even brought glorious empires, who thought they were eternal—to fall.
And one of these people was Eren Jaeger—whose tragedy was written the moment he was born.
He had seen it, of course. His beginning, middle, and end were destined to be filled with nothing but tragedy.
And even with the power of the Founding Titan and the ability to see through memories through the Attack Titan, there was nothing he could do to change it.
Yet somehow, he believed it.
So there he was once again, lying on his bed and waiting for the sun to rise.
Unfortunately, sleep did not come quickly to Eren as it used to be. Long before the fall of Wall Maria and when he was still young and bratty, he would sleep with every opportunity that he had.
But times had changed. Gone were the days when life was still simple, and he could do that without any care in the world.
For every time he tried to close his eyes at night, the faces of those he lost had plagued his mind—especially those who had betrayed him.
His fists clenched, and he tried to control his heavy breathing. Tonight was no different. He could not sleep once more as another nightmare occurred again when he attempted to rest, as these nightmares were inevitable, which always left him numb and paralyzed. His muscles tightened with little to no sleep when he woke up with a heavy heart and tried to catch his breath.
Because in his dreams, he relived the times he was betrayed—replaying again and again.
He hated how it had to be like this. That the only thing he could do right now was survive every suffering coming his way and ignore the memories that haunted him, all for the sake of the safety of his loved ones—all for the greater good.
Eren forced himself to believe that this is the greater good. That this is the only choice he has.
Because what choice does he even have to change the end?
Spill more blood? Lose more lives? Start a war? Sacrifice himself?
Who was he, after all, to have a choice?
His mind was already fragile like a glass; broken and bruised. His thoughts were like the stars scattered across the sky that Armin used to gush over when they were young and naive, something he cannot fathom into constellations in the night sky that he could stare at in awe forever, and still can’t decipher what was real or not.
Even more, now that Grisha’s memories devour him every single night, eating him whole until he is left with nothing but emptiness and rotten bones—that even a little bit of hope isn’t enough to save him from drowning too deep into the abyss of hell for his future sins that await him.
There were times when he tried to put the blame on his father’s sins— for how cruel of him to not spare a child who has no clue yet of the madness of this world from the cycle of war—all for the sake of freedom.
But perhaps Grisha did.
This time.
Eren knew that no matter how much he could regenerate due to his Titan abilities—it could never replace the hands that would spill millions of blood one day.
It was already predetermined, it seemed.
Even if the world was wide enough now, he could never escape it. This burden is only his, and it would stay that way.
Thus, he will continue to bury it deep inside him; and even if he is tired and weary from all of this, the only thing he can do now is to keep moving forward.
It is the only way.
After all, he was only a boy who once wanted to avenge the tragic fate of his mother.
But after going through all that horror and revelations in a span of months, he now only holds a tiny fragment of hope left in his body.
There was nothing he could do to change it.
And that was his greatest tragedy.
He only came back to his senses when the sound of Armin’s soft snoring below his bunk bed filled his ears.
He sighed heavily. They can never know.
He stared at his hands solemnly. Hands filled with invisible blood that dried and clung under his fingertips.
For now, he still has some time left.
And so he mourned and mourned quietly. Letting the sorrow seep into his lungs, and when he thought that the ache was enough and ready for acceptance, he wiped his silent tears before Armin could wake up and notice, and then went on to prepare for the day ahead like nothing had happened.
THE SUN FINALLY ROSE, and Eren found no warmth from it.
His moroseness was starting to take a toll on him, but he tried to bury it deep inside so the others won’t notice it. Having completed his patrols for this morning, he made his way towards the mess hall to have breakfast. Upon arriving, familiar voices arguing loudly at their usual table echoed through the walls and filled the air.
“You did what, Sasha?!”
Connie’s loud voice boomed, cutting through the general chatter that made all eyes fixed towards him. He winced and lowered his head at all the glares he received, and offered them an apologetic smile at his impulsive outburst. “Sorry.”
Sasha, who was busy munching on her food, rolled her eyes. “You’re too loud, Connie,” she said, her mouth full.
A faint smile touched Eren’s lips as he resumed his walk towards their table. Armin was the first to spot him; the blond waved and greeted him with a bright smile that lightened up the tension between his other friends.
Eren sat down beside him and got himself food, which consisted of tea, a hot stew, and bread at the side.
“You were up early again,” Armin said, before taking a bite of his own bread.
Eren hummed, his gaze distant, and replied, “. . . Couldn’t sleep.”
He absently stirred the steaming contents of his stew bowl and glanced at every table, wondering if Mikasa had arrived yet. She was nowhere to be seen, likely still out on the training grounds like she always did every morning.
Armin nodded before his attention went back to Sasha and Connie, who were still bickering animatedly. His smile faltered, replaced by a weary shake of his head. “Not this again.”
Jean, who was beside Sasha and Connie, sighed with an air of profound defeat and covered his ears tiredly. “It’s still too early in the morning,” he grumbled, shaking his head, “and yet they’re already at it again.”
Curious, Eren’s brows furrowed at this. “What happened?” he asked Armin, the words barely escaping as he brought his teacup to his lips.
Armin faced Eren, his words rushed and never missing a beat. “Apparently, Sasha went back to the underground cells and talked to the girl — you know, the one we found outside the walls, and this time, without Captain’s orde—”
Tea spluttered everywhere from Eren’s mouth, breaking his composure.
What?
Eren violently coughed and covered his mouth with his fist before he could choke. With wide eyes, he glanced at Sasha’s direction. Sasha tried to what?
Poor Armin, whose eyes were wide with panic, looked at Eren in concern. “You alright?”
Even Connie and Sasha stopped arguing to check up on him, while Jean watched, his eyes filled with silent concern.
Still in a fit of cough, he tried to reassure his friend by nodding vigorously, prompting Armin to continue talking.
“You remember her, right? Y/N, was it?”
Eren’s gaze turned distant and recalled a memory in his head.
“Are you really Eren?”
“No! No! You’re not a devil — First of all, why would I even call you that?”
“It’s nice meeting you, by the way.”
“In my world, Titans don’t exist.”
Eren blinked. How could he not?
When Eren finally calmed down and cleared his throat, he sighed. “I. . . of course, I do.”
Armin nodded in confirmation and lowered his head towards Eren, speaking in a hushed tone. “The problem is Sasha went back without Captain’s orders this time, like with what he told us before, and well. . .” he points hopelessly at Sasha and Connie with his eyes.
Eren faced Sasha and raised a brow. “You really did that?”
Sasha buried her face in her hands dramatically and grumbled. “Honestly, it’s not a big deal! And besides, we just talked!” she pushed, oblivious to the gravity of the situation.
“Not a big deal?” Connie stressed, “If Captain found out about this—”
“He won’t, if no one tells him.”
“—But still—!”
“That’s enough,” Jean interjected with a tone carrying authority, before the two got into a serious fight. He gave Sasha a pointed look. “What you did was reckless, Sasha. It might put you in danger, especially when Captain specifically told us before not to—”
“Ugh, I know that,” Sasha rolled her eyes, and cut Jean off. “Like I said, we just talked.”
Jean leaned back in his chair with an almost insolent ease and crossed his arms. “And what did you talk about, exactly?” he demanded.
“Yeah,” Connie chimed in and also crossed his arms against his chest, a challenging glint in his eyes. “Talk about what, huh? It’s not like you know her that well already.”
Sasha shrugged, a little nonchalant for their liking. “Just. . . stuff.”
One does not simply return to a place such as the prison cells to talk about ‘just stuff’, Eren thought. He concluded that Sasha was hiding things and didn’t want to share them yet.
When she noticed they were silent and still tried to press on the matter, she huffed, crossed her arms, and spoke in a hushed tone. “Okay, fine! I was only curious about her, especially when I touched that boxy thing we found in the sand and showed my face — so I was glad when Commander Hange gave me the opportunity to meet her by giving me a task that brought me to her. She’s actually nice, y’know? Plus, we just chatted earlier — I mean, she’s not even from here! Like here here!”
Awe glinted in Sasha’s eyes as she continued, “I helped her when she asked me if I could get her a new pair of clothes since she wanted to take a shower.” Her smile brightened, and she gushed, “She was also kind enough to offer her food to me twice!”
They blinked.
And then it clicked.
Ah.
Eren almost chuckled endearingly at this. Oh, Sasha.
Everyone here knew that the way to get Sasha’s heart was through her stomach.
At this, Jean chuckled and shook his head in amusement, while Connie on the other hand, huffed in sheer disbelief.
“You ate a prisoner’s food? Really?” Connie shook his head in disbelief, not even surprised about Sasha’s antics, but couldn’t believe she could go to such lengths, such as this, just to eat. He flicked Sasha’s forehead, which made her wince in pain.
“Ow!”
“What were you thinking! You seriously could have gotten in trouble for that!”
Sasha glared at Connie. “Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t, hmm? Technically, she hasn’t done anything wrong to us, so no need to be careful.”
Eren had fallen silent. Armin, ever the observant one, was about to ask if he was alright when Jean’s voice cut through the air. “Oh, Mikasa's already here."
Mikasa stood by the doorway, already clad in her green uniform, and munching on an apple.
That’s when they noticed most of the soldiers had already left the mess hall and probably went on their own duties. As Mikasa reached their table, her eyes were serious and hard as she looked at them.
“I heard Commander Hange and Shorty talking about not having a trial anymore.”
A moment of silence before —
“What?"
The word burst forth from all of them in unison, a chorus of stunned disbelief.
Unfazed by their reaction, Mikasa moved to sit down across from Eren. She said, “They tried to talk to General Zachary about this and even tried telling Historia—but he refused, saying this doesn't concern the Queen. Even Dot Pixis doesn't care much about this case, so the vote is left to the Scout Regiment against the Military Police during their last meeting."
She sighed heavily, her voice flat as she continued to dwell on the matter. “I can't believe that I'll have to agree with what Shorty said before, but this truly is a waste of time."
A heavy silence fell upon them as everyone tried to process Mikasa's words once more.
At this, Eren remained still, his gaze turning distant. No trial anymore? What would happen now?
All of a sudden, an idea formed in his head — just like Sasha, he will try to talk to you as a desperate act to have answers without prying ears.
“No, Eren.”
Eren looked up as Mikasa’s stern voice drew him out of his thoughts.
“Whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t do it.” She said, her words carrying finality.
Eren gave her a pointed look, as Mikasa knew him too well for his liking. “I need to talk to her, Mikasa.”
A flicker of panic crossed Armin’s face, his eyes wide and going back and forth to both of his friends. He lowered his head and spoke to Eren in a hushed tone. “Are you out of your mind? What if you get in trouble again—?”
“You heard her story, Armin. It’s clear to me that there’s more to her than meets the eye.”
Armin gulped and nodded slowly, replaying in his mind the moment you told them that you weren’t from this. . . this place. Not from Paradis, and definitely not from Marley. He still could not stomach the fact that you were from some place none of them could reach — a new universe most of them cannot fathom yet, when all they’ve ever known was a world beyond the walls.
He licked his lips anxiously. “Should we go with you?” he offered, his voice filled with concern.
Eren frowned and shook his head sideways. “It’s better if I do it alone.”
Knowing his friends well, he knew that they were still unconvinced. So he tried to force a smile to persuade them. “It won’t take long.”
Mikasa said nothing and only gave him a pointed gaze, remaining watchful of Eren’s movements.
Eren’s eyes softened at Mikasa’s obvious concern. He knew she would act like this.
He reached out across the table and caressed Mikasa’s hand in assurance. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”
His friends had sacrificed so much just to keep him alive—and in return, he would do the same for them in a heartbeat.
And so his mind was set.
It was time you two had a talk.
THE PATH TOWARDS THE underground cells were familiar — as he, too, was in the same situation as you before when he first transformed into a Titan and got detained by the military to know if he was dangerous or not. His feet took him through the bustling training grounds of the Scout Regiment, where faces greeted him — both familiar and new. There were a lot of recruits this time, faces filled with eagerness to protect Paradis and change the world.
He knew that look. As he too, wore it a long time ago.
Was it a long time ago already? Eren wasn’t sure, because it felt like it was.
Across the training fields, he spotted Floch. When their eyes met, he offered him a slight nod to acknowledge him, which Floch returned, perhaps a fraction stiffer than Eren's own.
Finally, he stood before the entrance to the underground cells, a stroke of luck finding Hange and Levi still absent from HQ. Truth be told, the Survey Corps rarely held many prisoners, especially since the restoration of Wall Maria. Those truly deserving of a cell found a way to slip through their grasp, whom he once called his comrades — Reiner and Bertholdt.
He offered a brief greeting to the soldier guarding the door, and continued his journey. The cold concrete walls were lit by sputtering torches that cast elongated shadows dancing across the worn stone steps. The last time Eren set foot in this place was when he, Armin, and Mikasa, accompanied Hange and Levi to interrogate you.
As Eren descended into the stairs and towards the underground cells, each footstep he made echoed in the still silence. The familiar long hallway stretched before him, and he found himself thinking about what to say to you.
You who seemed to appear out of nowhere at such a peculiar time.
Where do you fit in all of this mess?
Eren believed that if something like this would happen, he would know. He would have seen it — he should have seen it.
But alas, he did not.
How, one may ask? Eren does not know either.
He saw the past, present, and future, all at once. So why wasn’t he able to see you?
Perhaps his future self had a reason not to show this. Or perhaps, this was something new. Something even his past and future self could not see, but can only be experienced by his current self.
Well, this was making his mind turn into a mess.
He continued his walk, when all of a sudden, he heard it; a soft tune he wasn’t familiar with. His brows furrowed in curiosity, and so he followed it—it was only a moment later that he realized once it became louder and clearer, that it led to your cell.
The view that met him wasn't something he was expecting from you.
You were sprawled across the bed, legs propped high against the wall, and humming a tune.
It seemed that you still hadn't noticed his arrival, and so he tried clearing his throat to catch your attention.
Your neck snapped toward the sound. Immediately, you rose even if your legs were still unsteady, and shuffled forward until the cold metal bars halted your approach. Through the dim light, you narrowed your eyes, struggling to see properly who it was.
When you realized who the person was, your lips parted in surprise.
“Eren?”
You were taken aback by his presence as your feet moved, trying to get a closer look. “Is that you?”
Eren did not reply. Instead, he let his eyes trail over you and it landed on your wound in your neck that wasn’t covered by a bandage anymore.
It left a scar. Eren thought. Then he remembered a tiny piece of information he got from Mikasa before. She mentioned that during the day they found you near the sea and carried you to her horse, she saw one of your wrists littered by visible white lines that she garnered were also scars. It was already a confirmation that you weren’t a shifter, but still, it wasn’t enough to get rid of the weight on his shoulders. For now, he was a little relieved.
But it also was an indication that you were hurting yourself.
Eren did not know what to do with that conclusion.
He remained stoic and cleared his throat once again.
“How’s your wound?” he asked flatly, trying to sound casual.
It seemed Sasha did help as you sported a cleaner look now, unlike before.
“Oh.” A nervous chuckle left your lips, as you caressed your wound with your free hand absently. “Fine now. . . I guess. I mean. . . it doesn’t. . . sting now.”
Eren nodded his head slowly in understanding.
Then, awkward silence bestowed upon the both of you.
“So. . .” You said, dragging out the last word. You shifted your weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably, and played with your necklace for comfort, looking at him expectantly and waiting for him to talk. “. . . what brings you here exactly?”
Eren tensed—you were right. What was he even doing here in the first place?
Eren tried to convince himself that what he’s about to do is wrong — Armin was right, it could put him in danger again.
The silence stretched, before Eren sighed and finally spoke.
“I. . . came here to talk.”
You tensed at his words. You glanced back at him and immediately lowered your gaze at the intensity of his eyes. You coughed and said, “Talk about what? I. . . uh. . . already had a talk with uh. . . a soldier named Sasha.”
Eren gave you a skeptical look, eyes narrowed at the mention of his friend. “So I’ve heard.”
You shot him a glare under the dim light and crossed your arms. You stayed silent as you held your gaze, studying Eren’s face. It completely made him uncomfortable but he didn’t want to show it.
At long last, you spoke, accompanied with an air of defeat. “If you’re worried if I’m a threat or not, then I’m already telling you I’m not. I. . . honestly don’t have the energy for that.”
Before Eren could mutter a word, you cut him off.
“It’s obvious on your face, y’know. Perhaps something’s been bothering you. That’s why you came down here alone.”
Eren swallowed the lump on his throat. He couldn’t be this easy to read, was he?
“Who sent you here?” He asked, voice laced with underlying suspicion.
You shook your head vigorously. “I already told you guys before — no one. No one sent me here.”
That didn’t convince Eren.
“Then why are you here?”
Your facial expression tightened into a puzzled frown upon hearing his question, and your shoulders deflated in resignation. “I don’t know.”
Eren clenched his fists that rested at his side at your short answer, and he drew a controlled heavy breath trying to search for the truth in your eyes. “You know something.”
You stared at your feet for a while, contemplating on how to answer. Finally, you shrugged, mumbling, “I don’t know. Perhaps. . . Perhaps not.”
Eren’s eyes hardened and took a step forward. “I don’t have time for that—”
“Why.”
Eren paused mid-sentence. “What?” he said, eyeing you as you crossed your arms and looked at him with a hardened gaze.
“Why do you keep on insisting to know? For all I know you might use the information you get from me, against me. Um, hello? I could get—y’know—get killed for that?” You said, as if wanting to knock some sense on him.
“If you didn’t know, the Survey Corps is in a tight position right now because of you.”
“Because of me?” you pointed at yourself and made a face.
“So if you want our help, it’ll be best for you to cooperate.”
You turned your head away from him, and crossed your arms. “. . . Fine.”
After a while, you coughed and held your head to steady yourself.
Eren could only observe you as you faced his direction now and took a step forward holding the cold bars. “Do I still need a trial?”
Eren lowered his gaze toward the floor, clasping his hands behind his back in a formal stance. “About that. . .”
You looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to elaborate fully.
Eren shook his head. “I believe you won’t be needing one, but—”
Noting the sudden shift evident in your eyes, he felt compelled to clear his throat and offer a more clear clarification about the situation. “There will still be a hearing for you—General Zachary must decide if he’ll put you into the custody of the Military Police, or remain under us, the Survey Corps.”
You absorbed his words and deliberately nodded. “I. . . I think I can work with that, if it means less people, I guess.” You looked at him again expectantly and Eren immediately voiced out your thoughts.
“Tomorrow,” he said, recalling the conversation from earlier when Mikasa mentioned it.
Your eyes widened exaggeratedly. “What?! Tomorrow?! Oh my god—”
Eren furrowed his brows, and in a subtle observation, he took note of your frequent usage of the phrase ‘Oh my god’ and Eren thought that it must be some kind of a prayer from where you came from.
You were walking back and forth anxiously inside the cell, completely ignoring his presence. Eren tried to clear his throat once more to get your attention.
“And you were saying?” he prodded.
You stopped, and craned your neck towards him. “Oh! Right, right, yeah, I forgot, sorry,” you said, chuckling. “What I’ve said before, all of that was true—yes, I’m not from here—this entire place—and I don’t even know how the hell that was possible, to be honest. Science maybe? But I really have no idea how the hell I slipped through the fabric of time—And first of all, I’m afraid of lightning. So I don’t know why you people thought I was some kind of a shifter because of it—!”
You rambled and rambled and Eren listened, trying to make sense of most of what you said. Eren thinks this isn’t a coincidence — after all, this is how Grisha got inside the island. Pretending to lose his memories when in fact he remembers it all.
All that for the sake of continuing his mission.
“Look, I just want to go home.” You frowned, as your face became shadowed with distress. Your gaze then turned unfocused, as a sudden shiver ran through you. “From what I’ve heard, this place has Titans, doesn't it? I — I don’t even know what a Titan looks like—” You laughed nervously, and avoided eye contact.
“I don’t even want to see one, I think. . . Oh my god — I might fucking die on the spot, but yeah, please please please help me get home. I don’t know how to, but it’s worth a try, right? If you need help on anything, I think I can. . . try.”
Eren’s hand went through his hair, and gave you a side eye after, still suspicious. “So. . . you truly don’t have a clue about Eldians and Marleyans? About shifters?”
You gulped, and shook your head. “No.”
“Then what about the Paths?” Eren asked, brows furrowed in suspicion. It took him a while before to realize you were talking about the Paths during the interrogation, a place only subjects of Ymir could access.
If you were able to go there then that means. . .
“Wha — what about it?” you stammered, eyes blinking wide.
“You’ve mentioned it before. That you were able to go there — you think that’s what brought you here?”
Was this Ymir’s doing? It couldn’t be. All of this didn’t sit right with Eren. He wished he could just go through your memories and call it a day to save himself from all this stress. He wanted to press more on that matter but then you pivoted and plopped yourself on the bed, groaning. You looked at him.
“Can I trust you?”
The question hung in the still air.
Your face was solemn as you bit your lip and stood up from the bed, your leg bouncing anxiously. “If I. . . if I tell you the truth. . . will you promise not to tell the others? I—”
You closed your eyes, and tried to control your breathing.
“Please — if the knowledge of where I came from got out. . . I’m doomed.”
This conversation was starting to give him a headache, and it was clear you weren’t making this easy for him. But still, he had to try figuring this out if he wanted to continue with his plan. Eren kept his expression blank, not wanting his mask to crumble and betray his curiosity deep inside.
After a measured pause, he locked eyes with you and gave a slow curt nod.
His eyes watched your fists clench in frustration. You gave him a frown and said, “I’m sorry. . . I can’t say everything now, but I promise, I’ll tell you soon. When the right time comes.”
Your smile carried a sort of helpless sorrow as you continued. “Perhaps it won’t make any sense now. But I hope it will in the future.”
Eren could hear his heartbeat clearly in his ears. He blinked, silently trying to piece where you would fit in all of this.
Will the outcome be different this time? Was he finally doing the right thing? Or was this the start of another misery?
He pulled himself out of his own thoughts before they could consume him again. He remained guarded and kept a straight face, locking eyes with you.
“I will try to offer my help tomorrow.”
When Eren said nothing more, you gaped at him. “That’s all you’re gonna say?”
“Commander Hange and Captain Levi will be here tomorrow to release you and bring you to the hearing. I suggest you prepare yourself for that.”
When he was sure this conversation was enough for the day, he turned around and prepared to leave.
He only halted in his movements when you muttered a soft “Thank you, I can help you too” while playing with your necklace.
That made Eren pause, rendering him speechless for a moment.
Help? Eren almost laughed at that. How can you offer help to him?
Eren glanced at you briefly, thinking hard on the matter.
This was a gambit, Eren realized. A huge gambit that could easily turn into another bloodied tragedy if he wasn’t careful. But as silence filled the room and he studied your face under the dim light, Eren acknowledged that there was some truth in your words.
Eren let the silence linger — and it was the kind of silence that spoke volume.
“You’re not a devil — First of all, why would I even call you that?”
Perhaps there truly is more to you than meets the eye — especially when you didn’t call him a devil the first time, when the outside world thinks that’s truly what he is.
A devil.
Eren tried to maintain a deliberately neutral and unreadable expression, meticulously ensuring that his composure did not waver — but — something stirred inside him.
As Eren threw you one last look, he couldn’t help but think that perhaps he wasn’t the only one whose life has turned into a tragedy. Right then and there, he concluded something after seeing it in your eyes — arriving here was the birth of your own tragedy.
And as Eren left, he forgot about the most important thing.
That his true tragedy in life, lies in thinking he was alone in this fight.
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