#attraction is confusing

[chlorophytum---comosum]

This changes a lot for me. I'm realising that everyone experiences friendship differently – the attraction to become friends, to get closer as friends, to do things as friends – even if you feel it, you still feel it differently to another person who feels it. And I'd say everyone has different rules and values for friendship as well.

Just like people experience romance and attraction and romantic relationships differently. There's the allo- and a- difference but there's difference between allos just as there's loads of difference between a-'s.

[sillyguyhotline]

ok the problem is i’ve realized that with all the men i’ve dated, i have just. been super awkward with actually being romantic irl. being romantic over text? fantastic. irl? terrifying. i haven’t had this problem when i’ve dated girls. the problem is i only have one girlfriend to go off of and that was 3 years ago. now i don’t know if this is because

a. i’m just awkward

b. i have comphet and i’m actually lesbian

c. being more physical and openly affectionate with girls is normalized even if you’re just friends so therefore i’m either still just awkward or i’m potentially not attracted to anyone at all and just straightup aro

d. i’m not remembering things properly because i’ve been in quarantine for a year and a half, i experience attraction normally and i’m just bisexual like i thought

[tapewormoffthestring]

why am i simltaneously bi and aro. somethings not right here

[captainpettie]

i met this cute guy at work and was like ‘mm yeah wow he’s cute’ and he’s a total sweetheart and a goober and then i met this cute girl at work and i was like ‘omg you’re so cute’ and she is also a total sweetheart and she’s so quiet it’s adorbs and then i discovered today that they’re dating each other and now i’m like oh no i’m attracted to them both what do

[mcristhebest17]

Being aromantic and trying to describe the way I feel about relationships is, well, interesting to say the least. It's difficult. I like relationships, not for the feelings, not for the love, not for the affection, and not even the commitment. While those can be aspects that are nice to have and hold, they don't come naturally for me. I don't fully know how to describe what attaches me to a relationship because I don't feel the attraction other people do. Relationships are normally described as full of affection and talking, and having a certain infatuation with someone. But those are things I struggle with. Maybe it's the theoretical string that attaches me to another person in that sense, rather than the "romantic" qualities

[chlorophytum---comosum]

So I've never had a crush and never felt romantic attraction but Ive felt a lot of platonic attraction which can also be wanting to be closer friends w someone and loving or liking someone as a friend. I don't really get a lot of romantic stuff. For a while I thought that I was feeling romantic attraction but I wasn't and it seemed to be a lot less frequently than others, and my 'crushes' also seemed a lot weaker, and I wouldn't necessarily want to kiss them or be in a relationship w them and I wouldn't feel nervous or butterflies. I basically liked them and wanted to hang out w them (as friends) and chat and know them and get a closer relationship (freindship) w them. I was confused for a while, I didn't know whether I had a crush or I just wanted to be friends with them. Then I realised that 'platonic attraction' was a thing. I had known abt different forms of attraction, squisges, and aces for a while but I always dismissed it, never applied it to me or what I was feeling.

I thought for a bit, that I was grey-aroace. That I just get crushes infrequently and weakly and feel more related to aroaces experiences than allons (LGBTA Wiki helped). But then I realised that they are not crushes.

[eldritchlittleblackdragon]

I have a new coworker at work and he's very handsome and has a cute laugh and for some reason I can't seem to make my brain work when interacting with him. (Although falling back on typical 'conversations with coworkers' topics helps.)

I don't think it's a crush because I don't really think of him much outside of work but just. It's just my head gets all fuzzy and I tend to smile a lot more. It's frustrating. (Well, the head being fuzzy part. Smiling isn't a problem.) Mostly because I don't even know the guy. Am I really just reacting this way because I think he's pretty?

I mean I know I'm demisexual but not demiromantic but I still find this very perplexing.

[confused-archaeopteryx]

maybe one of the main reasons i get SO upset when someone is attracted to me is because they see me as a girl and i'm absolutely not, but im not out and coming out is too scary for me to handle rn