Things I miss after having lived with an autoimmune disorder for a few years:
• My skin. If I lack vitamins, my skin literally peels off. And, due to less oxygen in circulation, my skin is constantly dry and flakes fall off when I scratch an itch. (This type of “flaking” is normal in the elderly, because of the same medical issues as me so I’m basically an elderly woman at this point.)
• Being able to do simple things. I miss cleaning my bedroom by myself. I miss washing my own hair without feeling like I’m going to throw up and/or need a nap afterwards.
• Remembering to brush my teeth daily.
• Reading. I miss thick books and being able to read more than a simple paragraph at a time.
• Video games. Because my brain doesn’t work the same way it used to, I can’t play complicated video games anymore.
• Travelling. I can’t go more than 3 hours without a bathroom. Also: airplane travel increases the risk of cancer (which I really don’t want again).
• Having muscle strength. I suffer from muscle weakness and it’s so bad some days I can’t even pick up my laptop (which is why I invested in an iPad).
• My friends. I don’t have the energy to see them as often as I used to. And also: they talk about things like work, partners, children - all things I can’t relate to.
• Dating/having a partner. I’m terrified of bringing someone else into this. (Because my disorder comes with: depression, anxiety, mood swings and a whole bunch of doctor’s appointments. And there’s also all the cancer-things, but that’s not relevant to the autoimmune disorder things.)
• Not being in physical pain all the time.
• Concerts and mosh pits. I’m not able to stand or move as much anymore.
• Music in general. My brain doesn’t enjoy punk anymore - it’s hard to keep up with all the different parts.
• Wearing fun outfits. Clothes are heavy.
• Sleeping/waking up at “normal” hours. I use an insanely long time to fall asleep - not because of mental issues but because of hormones. If I go to bed early (before 1 am), I wake up at 5. If I go to sleep at 3 am I wake up at noon or 2 pm. Sleeping too little is a common issue for me, which is why I go to sleep late/early morning (sleep is also more often than not interrupted by bathroom breaks, so when I sleep six hours I’ve been interrupted for two of those hours).
I’m sure I’ve forgotten something. Keep in mind this is a list made by me, a person with an autoimmune thyroid disorder which developed after cancer. So I’d like to add: life after cancer isn’t always good.
