Queenage Dirtbag

Hi! I'm Anne. 32. Norway. Proud bunny owner of one lionhead! This is my blog and I blog whatever. url's meaning is: Me, Myself and Anne (it's only written in Norwegian).

[jegmegoganne]

My mom felt so sorry for me that she went and bought a Switch 2 for me

She says it’s “an early birthday present” but I know she’s trying to distract me from the emptiness and sadness of Bella’s passing

(She’s always done this. When I was 8, I got hit in the head by accident and had to stay home from school for two weeks, so she hooked up a Nintendo in the living room and put a bed in front of it so I could stay there while I healed. The year after, I was home sick right before Christmas (with the flu) so my parents gave me a GameCube meant as a Christmas present. And when my (favourite) ex dumped me, my mom brought me to all of these fancy places - she wanted to take me to London but because I couldn’t find anyone to watch my bunnies, she decided to show me our city in a new way I’d never seen before. (Yes, I grew up rich. We’re not rich anymore but habits are hard to break))

[jegmegoganne]

I also got a blind box from Lucky Emma and Sanrio’s new bag charm line… and they’re so cute I genuinely want them all :’)

(I didn’t stop enjoying “childish” things just because I’m an adult. Sanrio is timeless/ageless to me heh)

[jegmegoganne]

One thing I’m extremely grateful for rn is…

iOS’s Reduce White Point and how easy it is to find

(With my autoimmune disorder, bright lights physically hurts, and when I’m sad it is 10000x worse so the white point has been reduced by 40%. It helps immensely!!)

[jegmegoganne]

My mom felt so sorry for me that she went and bought a Switch 2 for me

She says it’s “an early birthday present” but I know she’s trying to distract me from the emptiness and sadness of Bella’s passing

(She’s always done this. When I was 8, I got hit in the head by accident and had to stay home from school for two weeks, so she hooked up a Nintendo in the living room and put a bed in front of it so I could stay there while I healed. The year after, I was home sick right before Christmas (with the flu) so my parents gave me a GameCube meant as a Christmas present. And when my (favourite) ex dumped me, my mom brought me to all of these fancy places - she wanted to take me to London but because I couldn’t find anyone to watch my bunnies, she decided to show me our city in a new way I’d never seen before. (Yes, I grew up rich. We’re not rich anymore but habits are hard to break))

[jegmegoganne]

Bringing this out of the vault

Bella had been with me for ~3 months when this picture was taken

The first thing I did when I brought her and Elvis home, was putting them on my bed so they would get used to my scent

It worked so well that Bella HATED being away from me, even if I came back the same day

(This photo was taken with an iPhone 7 Plus, remember those? Heh)

Anyway, she liked me so much she used to sleep with my dirty laundry - my pyjamas were what she used in this photo

This was also before I started trimming her fur, so she really did look like a little lion

[jegmegoganne]

Fride (my bun) eats a lot more if I lay on the floor near her

So I’ve spent several hours the past few days on the floor (because she’s not eating enough, neither am I, but we’re sad - dead bunny pass (our take on the “dead dad pass”))

Tonight, she came running at me, screaming (like a pig, if you’ve ever heard that) and when she bumped her nose into my face she started licking me

Like???

She screams like a pig when she wants something but she showed me she wants me??

How cute 😭

[jegmegoganne]

We match. At least halfway 🥰

[jegmegoganne]

I’ve been thinking about Bella all day

Specifically how she needed a double dose of drugs to knock her out (before being put to sleep)

She heard my voice in the room and fought to stay with me

I always had a theory that she became as old as she did… because she wanted to be with me

Having seen what she did in the last moments of her existence, makes me believe she actually was here for that long just because of me

Bella was my baby. And I can’t explain to you how empty the world feels now (but I have to say: it feels weird. Losing Elvis left a gaping hole in my soul, so deep I doubt it’ll ever heal and Bella left me feeling the world is empty)

(And yes, I got my hair done today because I’m sad. I once got my ears pierced and a couple of other times I got tattoos. Sadness = change in my mind. Always has)

(Oh, the reason she was put to sleep? One of her eyes had a pressure of 100, when normal pressure for a bun’s eye is 10-15. It was excruciatingly painful and surgery was not an option because she was 13 years old and wouldn’t have made it through..)

[jegmegoganne]

Okay, so

On my way from the hairdresser to a makeup store (figured I’d get some concealer while my mom was available to babysit my bun), people stared SO BAD

People literally stumbled over their own feet and walked into stuff because they hadn’t seen anyone with hair like mine

And closer to my neighbourhood I saw a man with his jaw on this shoulder while he turned his head to stare at me - he almost walked into a fence

It’s very fun

(I honestly feel the world is TOO CONSERVATIVE now and I want no part of it)

(And also: the name of the concealer I bought? Too Faced Milkshake. I’m extremely pale but like? Milkshake?? It feels like they’re mocking me for being too white…)

[gaytanic-panic]

[jegmegoganne]

Here’s a little peek at my new hair ✨

I went with red because why not? I’m already a redhead to begin with so I just amped it up a little

(Inspired by fox tail hair and Qu from Mathilda (disbanded Vkei band))

[jegmegoganne]

I’m getting my hair done today!!

It’s awful timing but it’s the only available time the hairdresser had

I’ve been crying so much the skin around my eyes have peeled off

My mom is going to babysit Fride for me while I’m out - Fride heard me saying I was leaving the house and looked at me like “NO GOD DAMN YOU DON’T NO NO NO” so I’ve had to promise her she won’t be alone

(My 93 year old neighbor came over with branches from his apple tree yesterday, and I didn’t have it in me to tell him there’s only one bunny left..)

[doubleca5t]

The other day my wife told me about this influencer who said she needed to go on ozempic so she could go from 130 lbs down to 115 and I really cannot stress the degree to which we have so COMPLETELY lost the plot with this glp1 shit. Like not only are people are going on this shit for purely cosmetic purposes, the cosmetic purposes are delusional. This is the kind of mindset that gives people eating disorders but now because you can get a prescription instead of having to starve yourself or enduce vomiting a big swath of the general public seems eager to go along with it. Body Positivity did not go fucking far enough because I am being so real when I say that fatphobia is more of a public health crisis than obesity has ever been

[doubleca5t]

People making a choice feminism argument for Ariana Grande looking skeletal have me feeling like this

[jegmegoganne]

Okay, I have something to say about this:

I had cancer, right? We all know this by now, yes? And we all know I’m a tiny human?

Before cancer, I weighed 105 lbs

When I had cancer, my weight dropped to a little under 93 lbs - I looked like a bunch of sticks

After cancer, I developed autoimmune thyroid disease (I still don’t know which one because the hospitals in Norway suck and can’t tell the difference!)

Gaining weight is impossible for me but with the cancer gone, my weight went back up to 100 lbs so the last 5? They’re permanently gone. None of my clothes fit so I’ve spent a few years building a new wardrobe, but jeans don’t fit anyone at all - because they’re all too big and too small at the same time (that’s life with hips and skinny legs for you) and I hate seeing my collarbones poking out

It’s something I still find upsetting because I used to feel good in my body, which I don’t anymore

And seeing all the celebrities PAYING to look like me??? It breaks my heart. No one should WANT to look like me. No one should be this thin, unless they have something medical preventing them from being a tiny bit bigger. For me, the thinness comes from my illness - the illness gives me permanent vitamin deficiencies and digestive issues

Please normalise people being bigger than stick thin again (my heart can’t take looking at this anymore, I have enough with myself)

[jegmegoganne]

I have washed the whole room with vinegar (well, I had my mom’s help) and put out clean blankets and rugs (I always buy two of everything and it always comes in handy)

And Fride, that sweet little angel oh my god

She expects Bella to join her when food’s being served and she looks for her in the little hideout by the wall

And my heart hurts so much. It feels so empty

But Fride’s face lit up when I came back from the bathroom just now and I feel like scream crying but I don’t want her to see me that sad again

She even made that little purring sound she makes when she wants something and all I could think was “there’s supposed to be a grey one following this black one, where is she?”

I genuinely don’t know how to exist anymore

(For now it doesn’t seem like Fride will need a new friend to survive, which is super cool. She’s such a strong little lady. If she needed a new friend I would’ve given her to an animal rescue because I don’t have it in me right now)

[jegmegoganne]

I have asked around for any single bunnies above the age of 8

Fride is doing okay, it just… pains me to see her all alone, knowing I’m not enough

So far, I’ve been offered a mini lop who’s 6 years old, which is too young and too small so that is a BIG NO

Fride is a big and old lady, so any possible friend needs to match

I’m not optimistic we’ll find anyone for her, which is fine (she’s doing so much better than I expected) but she LOVES grooming other bunnies :(

[jegmegoganne]

I have washed the whole room with vinegar (well, I had my mom’s help) and put out clean blankets and rugs (I always buy two of everything and it always comes in handy)

And Fride, that sweet little angel oh my god

She expects Bella to join her when food’s being served and she looks for her in the little hideout by the wall

And my heart hurts so much. It feels so empty

But Fride’s face lit up when I came back from the bathroom just now and I feel like scream crying but I don’t want her to see me that sad again

She even made that little purring sound she makes when she wants something and all I could think was “there’s supposed to be a grey one following this black one, where is she?”

I genuinely don’t know how to exist anymore

(For now it doesn’t seem like Fride will need a new friend to survive, which is super cool. She’s such a strong little lady. If she needed a new friend I would’ve given her to an animal rescue because I don’t have it in me right now)

[opiates]

[jegmegoganne]

If this blog is silent for a while, just know that I said goodbye to my bunny, Bella, today and I don’t know how to exist anymore

I got to be her human for 11.5 years and she got to be 13 years old. It’s impressive. It’s been the greatest honour. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.

[gorgeousgreymatter-x]

I feel bad that future teens won't have the cw everyone needs to get unnaturally obsessed with an Objectively Bad teen soap with mid level production and the worst dialogue you've ever heard (you write 100k worth of fanfic for this and argue about the show on tumblr dot com)