Robin: Ugh, how long was I asleep?
Byrd: Like, a year.
Robin: [snorts] I don’t sleep that much.
Byrd: Well, it feels like it took forever to get here.
Oscar: You just don’t know how to sit still.
Wren: I can’t believe you bitched out and hired this bitch mobile-.. camping isn’t camping if you’re inside.
Oscar: Look, I’m old and my back fucking hurts, alright? There’s plenty of room to pitch your tents back here n’ frolic in the grass if you want so quit your bitchin’.
Wren: [tuts] Sell-out.
Oscar: I’ll sell you lot next-.. lowest bidder, out the door.
Ava: Dad, you can’t do that!
Wren: Whatever, who’s coming to explore?
Levi: Not me.
Wren: Obviously-.. you’re gonna be so fun this week.
Ava: Ooh, me, me!
…
Ava: I don’t know why you like camping so much, none of our stuff is here, it’s boring.
Wren: Do you really need any of it?
Ava: What’s wrong with Levi?
Wren: I don’t know-.. his lame girlfriend dumped him, I guess.
Ava: If she’s lame, why’s he sad about it?
Wren: Beats me.
Ava: Where do you think that saying came from? Am I supposed to beat it out of you?
Wren: Try it, squirt.
Ava: That’s a stupid nickname, what about the word squirt means small anyway..?
[gremlin noises]
Ava: Owwww-.. WreNNNNN!
Robin: How much gel do you even need..?
Oscar: C’mon guys, we’d be done by now if you’d-…
Courtney: STOP PISSING AROUND!
Oscar: You heard the boss.
…
Byrd: Are we free yet?
Oscar: Not until you’re eighteen.
Wren: I’m gonna falsify my birth certificate…
[screaming]
Wren: DAAAAAAAAAD!
Oscar: Jesus-.. what?!
Wren: Byrd’s doing stuff to his thing in my room!
Byrd: Our room-.. and I wasn’t!
Wren: Whatever, you’re fucking nasty-.. do it in the shower.
Oscar: Don’t do it in the shower.
Byrd: Wait, why not?
Oscar: Oh my-…
Wren: I want my own room.
Courtney: We don’t have enough rooms, honey.
Ava: Woah, woah! Family meetings are forbidden to commence without me.
Wren: This doesn’t concern you, squirt.
Ava: You are so rude, everything concerns me.
Oscar: What about the attic?
Wren: I’m not moving up there, it’s creepy as fuck! Byrd can go up there and be disgusting on his own.
Byrd: I’m not going up there either! It’s heebie-jeebie central and full of spiders.
Robin: I don’t mind moving to the attic.
Ava: DIBS ON THE BIG ROOM!
Wren: Yeah, me n’ Ava have always wanted to swap.
Byrd: I could have Robin’s room.
Oscar: So, literally everyone wants to swap rooms?
[Oscar pinched the bridge of his nose as a chorus of “yes’s” assaulted him]
Courtney: [laughs] That’s that then.
Oscar: Fine, but every single one of you is helping me lug furniture here there n’ fucking everywhere…
Ava: Okay, I’ve lost count of how much you and Wren owe the swear jar, so I’ll just take a tenner from you both.
Wren: She still owes me a fiver for breaking-…
Ava: Shhhhh, gosh!!
Ava: OooOoOOoohh.. Robin finally brought his BOYFRIEND home from school!
Wren: [yawns] Shut up, Ava.. no one cares except you.
Ava: Do you think he’s cute?
Wren: No. One. Cares.
Byrd: Is this the mysterious Aster?
Robin: Uh-huh.
Aster: How many siblings do you have..?
Byrd: Not enough, according to dad.
…
Aster: You don’t have a console?
Robin: Nah, dad gave me his old laptop though.
Aster: An ancient one-.. why not just get your own?
[Robin rolled his eyes, snorting derisively]
Aster: What?
Robin: Some people aren’t rich, Aster.
Aster: Alright.
Robin: Well, it’s annoying that you’re so clueless about wealth disparity even existing.
Alex: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
[wheeeeeeze]
Byrd: Woah, lady-.. I know karate!
Wren: No, you don’t.
Byrd: [whispers] She doesn’t need to know that.
Wren: It’s Alex, dipshit.
Byrd: Ohhh-.. wait, really?
Wren: Sure looks like her.
Alex: Oh my god, I found you-.. and I followed your CAT! I missed you so much!! I hope you’re not mad at me-.. I’m so SO sorry for not writing! I thought I was being organised by printing some labels out to save time, y’know? But then I forgot them at home when we went to my uncles and dad said we’d only be gone for a month, so I figured it wasn’t a huge deal, but then we stayed for what felt like it’d be FOREVER and I couldn’t for the life of me remember your address which is ridiculous ‘cause I SHOULD’VE had it memorised by now and I felt so awful as the months passed. I tried to remember it a couple times but you never wrote back so I figured I obviously got it wrong-.. then I tried finding your house on a stupid online map but the internet was crappy at best and the Bay is WAY bigger than I thought it’d be and I’ve never really seen your house in full view from the street either so, like.. I barely knew what I was looking for, and what if that camera car didn’t even map your house, y’know?!
Ava: That was.. a lot.
Alex: Sorry-.. you’re not mad, are you?
[Robin shook his head and took a breath, but nothing came out]
Wren: Oop.
Byrd: Yeah, I think he broke.
Ava: Ooh, do you know sign language?
Alex: No-.. I totally should’ve learnt! I guess I didn’t know I’d be coming here though…
Byrd: I can teach you! Well, some, I’m still learning, but Robin knows a bunch.
Ava: He’s not mad, by the way. He was just worried.
[Robin shot his younger siblings a look, fruitlessly warning them not to embarrass him]
Byrd: I’m sure he’d say hi, if he could.
Wren: I bet he’d say you look pretty too.
Byrd: He’s been extra mopey without your letters-.. or maybe that’s just what puberty does.
Ava: He has to wear deodorant now, otherwise he STINKS!
Wren: You should stay for supper, dad’s baking something.. again.
Alex: Ough.. I was supposed to be home ages ago, dad’ll kill me.. wait, what school do you go to?!
Byrd: Bay C-…
Wren: Not us-.. he goes to Copperdale.
Alex: Ohh, yay! I promised dad I’d finally unpack tomorrow but the day after that is Monday, right?
Wren: Well done.
Alex: Okay-.. ahhhh! SEE YOU AT SCHOOL!!
…
[Robin deflated as soon as Alex liberated him from another bear hug and sped off, releasing a breath he’d kept tucked beneath his ribs for an uncomfortably lengthy amount of time]
Robin: Ouuuuuuuuuuuuugh.
Robin: Why-.. why am I like this?
Wren: You’ll spew something out eventually.
Oscar: Alright losers, pie’s-.. what’s up with him?
Robin: I’m fucking BROKEN.
Wren: I mean.. you’re a little fucked, but still good!
Oscar: Quit it with the swearing-.. what happened?
Wren: Alex showed up n’ he broke.
Robin: I didn’t even get to say hi or ask why she’s here, or for how long-.. and you just had to be embarrassing!
Oscar: What’d she say?
Robin: She said Alex was pretty on my behalf and I’ve never said that and she’s a DICK!
Oscar: That’s tame-.. for Wren.
Robin: I hate you all right now.
Wren: Not as much as you hate yourself.
Oscar: Hey, too much! Robin, c’mon-…
Robin: SHUT UP!
Oscar: Right, you’re on dish duty.
Wren: Seriously?!
Oscar: You reap what you sow, honey.
Frankie: I'm looking after my friend's dog-.. y'know, if you wanna come with?
Frankie: Do you know your way around a fridge-.. as in fixing them?
Frankie: Do you like classic cars?
…
Frankie: Would you-..
Pixie: [BIG GASP] Oh my god, LOOK!
Wren: I swear to god, if you show me another bug…
Pixie: No, look! My dad's kissing Frankie!!!
Wren: So?
Pixie: Sawyer, look!
Sawyer: Ew.
Pixie: Noooo, don't say ew! I knew they liked each other! Didn't I tell you?! Maybe they'll get married.
Byrd: People don't get married after one kiss, do they?
Sawyer: I dunno-.. but my mom told your mom she never wanted to get married EVER again.
…
Ivan: D'you fancy goin’ on a proper date?
Frankie: Hah, shouldn't you have asked that before you kissed me?
Ivan: Aye, maybe-.. s'too late now though.
Robin: I can’t help but notice you’re not wearing glasses…
Levi: I came straight from school!
Alex: Why don’t you wear them?
Levi: I look stupid.
Alex: Glasses are neat-.. if you wore them, maybe you’d make them cool.
Robin: Nah, he’s a dork.
[laughter]
…
Oscar: See? I told you they’d work things out eventually.
Ava: What?
Oscar: Robin and Levi.
???
Oscar: Well.. I told one of you, maybe it was Wren.
Byrd: Maybe?
Oscar: Whatever, I’m losing the plot-.. who wants cake?!
Ava: ME!
Oscar: Okay, but we’ve gotta make it first.
Ava: Ugh, don’t offer it if it’s not even made yet-.. I don’t like baking, it’s too messy.
Byrd: It takes too long too-.. waiting sucks!
Oscar: [tuts] Heathen’s-.. WREN!
Wren: WHAT?!
Oscar: Come bake a cake with your increasingly old man.
Wren: Ooh, okay.. what kind?
Oscar: Dunno, let’s see what we’ve got.
