fascinated by the role that memory & repression play when it comes to aventurine. because most of 2.1 etches out for us his repression wrt him not even recognising kakavasha at all, seeing K as distinct from him. but as inarticulate as he allows the <story> to be, he's surprisingly quite able to express it (think the 2.0 ratio conversation; distilled as it is from his particular Experience of it). at what point is memory not-experienced? kakavasha is a Name & personhood that he has been directed by jade to abandon & his family's memories are what he represses most of all. the eternal boy child becomes a persona entirely distinct from the semi-antagonist myth he emulates. but he himself says — never changed, always kept it.
he clings onto his past through Objects, & objects (the lucky charm) are what he finds in the maze, & Objects are what he adorns himself with. the vain outfit that can't be drenched in bloody rain. the hat [jade emulation]. the words "all in" & the phrase "seat at the table" that he borrows from his master. he's a whole new person, in this narrative progression: but in the anan interview he says "i've never forgotten a thing about my past, no matter how small." when jade looks into his mind w/ her stone in the interrogation scene, into his deepest desires — she sees his mother & sister's prayer Still There (& repeats it!)
i'm compelled by the layers here. above (1) — but the recontextualisation of past into present through Object, also referred to as "lucky charm." does "past" form as coherent memory, or is it repressed, or does he make it medium? even when he yearns for it so terribly & yet treats K as a different entity (you'll grow up better than me) altogether? the child in the dream rushing through Childhood games in the theme park (games unknown to child him, but somehow known to kakavasha, who has been taken to said park by his family.) i'm struggling to give effect to the entirety of my words here, but aventurine is intentional in action & re-articulation, empty in wanting & yet full of want. in my aventurine-jade fic i had this segment on memory, but it's narrated by sparkle (theatric).
& it's interesting bcs people talk about aventurine's current identity & the ipc's role in it as (stripping of). but penacony's dream — capitalist utopia — builds itself on marking you as its own & reflecting your desires at you. ofc jade repeats his family's prayer & ofc he Repeats everything.