Minlout Headcanon #13: Minden's baby Razorwhip (lets call him "Whiplout") enjoys grabbing Snotlout's helmet so that he chases him to where Minden's at. Guess he enjoys playing cupid or something. Hehe. 😉
The child mercifully slept through the entire argument, and the frosty glares they had been shooting each other ever since. She remained nestled comfortably in Derek’s arms letting out the occasional soft snore. She finally awoke to the barking of their neighbour’s dog and let out a soft whine at the sudden state of consciousness she found herself in. “That damn dog again? Goodness sakes it’s almost nine… oh, hey look who’s awake?” Derek’s eyes shone as he gazed at the baby, who only whined for a moment before beaming up at him. Josh was perched at the window glowering at their neighbour’s backyard. “I think we can’t raise a noise complaint until after eleven… oh, is she awake? Good, the instructions said she was supposed to eat dinner around five, but it’s probably fine. I’ll go warm the bottle.”
As Josh darted from the room the baby gazed around, taking in her surroundings. The living room was a perfect blend of both men’s personalities. Derek’s prized vintage record collection lined the bottom shelves of their bookcases, with Josh’s computer manuals carefully organized on the second shelves. Glass figures were, mercifully, in a china cabinet, along with several cherished photos. Cords dangled from their various electronics, of which there were many. Expensive earbuds were carelessly lying upon Josh’s desk, something that had irked Derek for days. Soft throw pillows were carefully placed, giving the room a pop of colour to make up for the neutral paint tones. The baby took all of this in, but understood the significance of none of it. One would not expect her to after all; she was in fact… a baby.
Derek placed her gently on the floor, gathering her soft playthings around her and proceeded to scroll through his emails. He was expecting an important one, but he made sure the baby had toys. It was more than Josh would have thought to do. The child cocked her head to one side as she watched her uncle stare at the small glowing rectangle in his hands. She glanced around at her own toys, none of which appeared to be glowing and made her way toward the couch. Digging her fingernails hard into the Italian leather she roused herself to her feet and strained to see what might be so fascinating. A sharp yell caused her to fall back to the floor in shock and she began wailing.
“What is it? The baby is crying again? Why is it crying again, did you drop it?!” Josh’s screechy voice emanated from the doorway. “No I- it- she… was standing! Like, straight up!”
“Oh.” Josh waved his hand dismissively. “Yea she does that. Melinda told me she started scooting along the edge of the couch last week, it’s no big deal.”
“No big- but it- BABIES CAN’T STAND UP!!” It was Josh’s turn to be amused by a freak out.
“Honestly Derek, you act like you think babies just crawl until they’re supposed to go to school.”
“They don’t?!” Josh shook his head dubiously.
“She’s expected to start walking pretty soon actually. Bring her here, I have the bottle.”
If you’ve ever been tasked with caring for an infant you will know you have to warm their milk slowly, and test it before giving it to them. This is an important step. This was not, however, a step which Melinda had remembered to put in her instructions for childcare.
“Why is it screaming?! I gave it the bottle!”
“I don’t know! Let me try…” Derek reached for the bottle. “Geeze!” Milk droplets fell to the carpet as the bottle tumbled from Derek’s fingers. “That’s hot! How hot did you make it?!”
“The instructions say to heat it to 98, so I put it in for 98 seconds. That’s what it says.” Derek frowned thoughtfully. “Well that makes sense I guess but-“ He took the infant into his arms and rocked soothingly. “That was clearly too hot… we best let it cool. There there… shh….” The child continued to whimper for some time before relaxing into the warmth of Derek’s chest. “You go on and play honey… I’ll show your uncle how to warm a bottle.
Derek, of course, knew little better than Josh how to warm a bottle as the men would soon discover. But while they were busy attempting to boil milk their charge was enacting experiments of her own. A loud crash brought both men back to reality when it was followed by a piteous, piercing shriek. Two left feet appeared to be possessed by both as they stumbled into the living room. The disaster that overtook their eyes would make a person think the infant had been unattended for several hours, instead of minutes.
More tiny claw marks had appeared upon the couch. Three of Dereks precious records had been tossed carelessly across the room, one of them was smothered in a body fluid of unidentifiable origins. A manual had found its way from the carefully organized place it had resided in and was in the center of the room, missing various pages. A laptop was dangling precariously on the back of a desk. Various cords lay asunder of where they should have been plugged in and lastly, an expensive headset was on the floor in the baby’s lap, the baby herself was propped against the cracked glass door of the china cabinet where several glass figures shook back and forth.
As if in slow motion both men clamoured toward the wailing infant, breath coming in short gasps, panic shining in their wide eyes. Derek clutched the child to his chest while Josh immediately set about checking her head for bumps or scrapes. “Is she broken? Did we break her? Oh god, we’re so toast Derek…” Josh moaned as he ran his fingers over her scalp, her peach fuzz hair soft beneath his touch. The infant continued to cry as Derek murmured to her, but Josh let out a sigh of relief as he found no scratches upon her.
It took several minutes of rocking before the sobbing subsided to hiccups, and neither man spoke, save Derek’s comforting murmurs. They gazed at the chaos a few short minutes without supervision had resulted in and met each other’s eyes. “Derek… I know you want to adopt but-“ Derek shook his head. “I know… we have a lot to learn first.” A collective sigh of relief was had, shared by the infant whose hiccups subsided. A small smile crept across all three faces. “I’ll watch the baby… you clean up this mess. Then you watch her and I’ll warm the bottle.” Josh nodded in numb agreement.
The remainder of the evening went reasonably smoothly once they found a children’s channel on their cable package. Josh’s head pounded with the sing-song melodies for many days to follow, but the child was entertained at least. It was roughly one in the morning when a knock on their door signalled the return of the primary caregiver. Derek was half asleep as he yanked the door open and immediately began the word vomit of how their night had gone. “But it quieted down when we found a program which appealed to its core drive and the suspicious noises have stopped now so I believe it will be operational from here on out.” Melinda blinked as she gazed around their living room and her eyes fell upon the baby, sitting bolt upright on Josh’s lap eyes glued to a colourful dancing animal on the screen. “Why is she still awake?”
Derek frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I told you guys to put her down at like seven…”
“We did. On the floor. That’s when all the chaos happened.”
“No no… put her down. Like, in the bed.”
“Why would we put her in the bed?”
“So she could sleep?” Both Derek and Josh frowned in confusion. The baby started giggling and it seemed as if it were at their incompetence, but honestly it probably had a lot more to do with the animal falling over on the television. The words escaped both men in unison as they slapped their foreheads simultaneously. “You never said we could put it in sleep mode!” Thus, a lesson was learned. In many ways a computer and an infant are not alike, but both do best when their sleep mode is properly engaged at regular intervals.
