#bat shit posts

[captainlordauditor]

Dick Grayson, on the Batcave phone: Hey, this is Nightwing. 'Hood and I are having an argument. Would snorting cocaine count as eating it for the purposes of halacha?

The rabbi who is regretting giving Batman his phone number more every day: I age greatly every time you speak

[captainlordauditor]

Okay okay so I thought this panel was really funny in a good way at first but then I remembered:

And now it’s hilarious so who has theories about what Dick’s CCA shirt actually says? I’ll start:

Dick bought a shirt as Ric that says fuck and still wears it because it’s a perfectly good shirt

Dick bought a shirt that says fuck to keep paparazzi away

Jason got him a shirt that says fuck because That’s What Brothers Do

Roy got him a shirt that says fuck because That’s What Best Friends Do

Dick stole the shirt from Tim and it’s actually softcore anime porn under there

It’s a panel of Batman from the 50s that makes him look gay and therefore must be censored by the CCA

It says something else cool and censorable, like “all cops are bastards” spelled out

[captainlordauditor]

Guess who heard Impera

(it was me)

[captainlordauditor]

One of those videos where someone interviews people on the street but it’s Nightwing and Robin asking different Justice League members about their opinions on Justice League secret identities

[captainlordauditor]

Wayne Manor is a multicultural household, they celebrate Sukkot and Ederlezi and the Lunar New Year, sometimes they even buy clearance Easter candy

[captainlordauditor]

Red Hood, standing by the door of the lair, holding a bag of Covid masks: Alrighty everyone, let’s put on our other masks and head out!

Scarlet: [puts on a mask]

Joker’s Daughter: [puts on a mask over her other mask]

Reiser: [puts on a mask]

Cloud 9: [puts on a mask]

Devour: [puts on a mask]

DNA: [puts on a mask]

Vessel: [puts on a mask]

Mother: [puts on a mask]

Babe in Arms: [puts on a mask]

Scarlet: hey, what about you?

Red Hood: [sighs deeply, pulls off his muzzle, puts on a Covid mask, puts the muzzle back on]

[captainlordauditor]

I have a dream, and that is that secretly, Dick Grayson is the least extra member of his family. Like, sure he wears a skintight unitard with a Dracula collar and cleavage down to his stomach, but that’s Nightwing. If there’s one thing he knows how to do, it’s separate performance from his personal life. Dick Grayson, former police officer and current annoyed sibling is just some guy. Nightwing’s hair flows elegantly in the breeze. Dick Grayson has a manbun. He doesn’t have a jacket in his closet that’s not a hoodie. All of his furniture is from Ikea.

Meanwhile Jason is wearing at least two layers of mask at all times for the drama of it all, Cassandra knows by heart and will perform at the drop of a hat five different Shakespeare plays, and Damian sets up an elaborate entrance every time he comes home. Tim looks normal but can’t do anything without a 10 step scheme behind it first. Stephanie dyes all of her clothes eggplant purple. Bruce is the fucking Batman.

[captainlordauditor]

I am once again thinking about the batfamily getting deaged, but they’re deaged to a bunch of different ages

Bruce is now 14. Peak goth phase. You thought he was goth as an adult? you ain’t seen nothing yet. Pure goth chaos.

Dick is now 16. He’s back in the green scalies and nothing Jason says will stop him

Jason is ELEVEN, and he doesn’t trust a DAMN word anybody else says

Tim is like 9. He keeps following Jason and Dick around insisting that yes Jay that’s REALLY Robin. Jason does not believe him.

Steph is like 13, 14. She’s just started going out as Spoiler and immediately joins in creating utter chaos for Bruce. She, Bruce, and Damian break into Blackgate to stab Arthur Brown because she mentioned she wanted to punch him and Damian has a sword.

Cass deages by like 2 years so now she’s 18, 19, and she’s the most adult here now and she hates it.

And then Damian deages by like 3 months.