(little snippet of the new chapter for Curse of the Unwilling)
Thoughts of Suguru followed him like a string loose from the ends of his pants. Dragging after him, ones that he could rip off but wouldn't. They weren't all necessarily horrible. With great will he commended himself for beginning to detangle his feelings, however slow that was.
When cooking he would be taken back to when they would do that together, the presence of the figure lingering about his kitchen now, even though Suguru had never been here. He would be reminded of all the restaurants they had visited to try out, most of which revisiting again and again. When cleaning he would hear steps in the other room, circling around as though searching. On some days he would even be hearing a soft breathing, a low murmur of words too distant to him.
Yet past all that haze of steam there was bitterness poking through the air. He never found the source of those steps, he never felt quite clean, the place never tidy enough. The food had horrid aftertaste lingering in his mouth that no sugar could force out.
He regrets so much.
He regrets not listening, he regrets not trying harder, not seeing. He regrets thinking it was enough.
