Jun 17, 2018
Post workout cuddles with the homie. I should probably shower but....
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Post workout cuddles with the homie. I should probably shower but....
I was gonna post an update of all the yummy food and desserts I’ve been eating and making but there’s just to much to know what to post or even take a picture of, so here’s me smiling while increasing my intake instead (ft my photobomb into fam) :) - CD
Fie Laursen
My body image this morning does not determine what I can eat today.
Let’s be real about quasi-recovery.
I bought these jeans four years ago right before going into treatment the first time. I don’t know why I kept them but I always figured that they would be too tight now. Especially because up until this year I was living a life in recovery.
This year. I went back into treatment in July. I did a few months and decided I was ok enough to drop down to iop and then I just quit going. I thought bc I was “eating” I was ok now.
and I am eating. Eating SO much more than I did when I was in my eating disorder. But I play it super safe…perhaps too safe. I eat lots of fruits, veggies, and proteins. Some starches occasionally and cartons of vanilla almond milk! *i also over indulge on coffee and tea-which I recognize as part of my ed*
The thing is everyone around me keeps coming to me for advice on how to eat as “healthy” as I do. Because they see me eating bowls of fruit and quest bars and cans of tuna and roasted veggies.
It wasn’t until I put on these jeans today that I realized, I’m still not there. These jeans were from when I was ill years ago. Now I’m really toned in my appendages, but tinier. I didn’t believe my doctors when they told me my weight was dropping because I’m “eating”. I’ve been “bulldozing” fruits and veggies and protein. I can’t be losing! Im ready to run a marathon!!
But in all honesty. I’m ready to stop denying the fact that I’m not living in true recovery. I am ready to get real. I’m so over not being ready to eat with people and obsessing over how food it’s prepared. I’m ready.