The count down is on! We are well and truly on the down hill of the 40 day challenge. As such I think it is time that we discuss one of the most important aspects of boot camp - that it’s outside.
We are fortunate enough to live a a country where being outside is mostly pleasant. Even when it’s really cold - standing in the sunshine will warm your bones. We get to go outside every day and spend time in beautiful areas around this crazy, weird, vibrant country of ours. There is of course the odd day when it’s pouring with rain (It which case Capetonians do an extra jump or two with excitement!) But even then it is usually the beautiful African rain which is somehow totally different from the grey, melodramatic drizzle of England. (Even the word drizzle lacks any energy or excitement!) Being outside and exercising never fails to remind me about my other favourite place - the gym. (Please note the level of sarcasm involved!)
Now don’t get me wrong - I understand that the gym works for some people. (You can go at any time - well kinda!), you can do all sorts of things (if the equipment is available) and you meet all kinds of people. (I mean ALL kinds.) I used to go to the gym (on and off for 15 years.) So I do understand it serves an important functions. I just don’t love it. But maybe I’m just picky?!
I mean who doesn’t love the huffing and puffing and grunting and groaning of overly steroid-ed, extra shaved, super sweaty ‘oaks’? Honestly. And who doesn’t love ALL THAT NOISE. Can someone please explain why there is so much noise? Not only from the people but from the music blaring out the loud speakers (ooo yes! Electronic Dance Music - totally want I want to listen to after a long day at work!), weights being dropped on the floor, the circuit buzzer going off. every. 30. seconds. Not to mention the “OMG! You are looking amaaaaaaaazing!”, the private telephone conversations which inevitably include “Sorry bru, I can’t really hear you. I’m at the gym. No, no don’t worry I’ll talk louder.” and the “Could Patricia please report to reception. Patricia to reception.” over the intercom. Yes very relaxing.
Another problem is all the people. Everywhere. I always want to wait in a queue to walk on the spot going round and round while people sweat and clomp on the treadmill next to me or impatiently tap their foot behind me waiting for me to finish. (I can even hear their thoughts - She’s not even running. I mean really.) Um no thanks. Also why are there never enough weights? and why are they never where they are supposed to be? Because every Eddie and his girlfriend (yes! I love watching couples at the gym too! *insert eyeroll*) are so busy flirting with each other and complimenting each other on their “sexy bodies” that they are hogging all the equipment.
Which brings me to another point. All. that. equipment. It’s crazy intimidating! I just walk in there and it brings on a mini panic attack. What am I supposed to start with? What’s the correct way to sit on this thing? Why is it so easy? Oh, wait why is it so hard? What’s the lady doing? Um which single muscle do I want to work next? Oh wait, no that machine has a queue. I’ll use this one. Or not. It’s got someone else’s sweat on in. And this one? Wait there’s a water bottle next to it - clearly it’s in use. Aaaaaaaahhhh!
Don’t even get me started on the change rooms. I love seeing naked people everywhere. Why yes lady, please feel free to lather yourself right in front of my locker. Don’t worry about undies. No please go ahead. Answer your phone too. Yes inspect your butt in the mirror. Great. Also I love when people see me naked. Best.
And the mirrors. EVERYWHERE! Why?! Why does anyone want to watch themselves contort in all strange ways? I see enough of my flab when I attempt to look at my toes. I don’t need to be reminded of it when doing crunches or lifting weights. I know. People want to ensure they are looking their best - I mean they’ve gone to all the trouble to put makeup on and wear the tightest, smallest shorts (which are basically one step up from nickers.) Lets just say they are “ensuring they have the correct form” when lifting.
Ok so basically I’m not a huge fan of the gym. Look if it works for you - that is awesome.And as long as your are doing some form of exercise tha’ts all that really matters. But I choose to be outside, with my bootcamp buddies, keeping it simple yet effective. Adventure boot camp works for me, it’s not intimidating, its not confusing, it’s not more stressful than filling out a tax form. It’s a beautiful place I get to go, relax and better myself. (Without having to look at myself in super flattering mirrors/ catch every single stomach bug around being recirculated through the an aircon. Ok I’m seriously done now!)
A 30 something chubby girl