#behavior is communication

[saturdaynightlivedork]

When you think about it, Blue and Magenta can use their ears to cover their eyes and carry objects and express their feelings (up in the air when happy, hiding the face when sad, you get the idea).

Green Puppy can’t cover her eyes or carry objects with her ears. They are too small. She’s not only Autistic, she’s physically Disabled.

But she’s still found a way to express her feelings: with block tower knocking!

Edit: I read I’m Sorry! and I noticed that Green Puppy’s little ears did droop when she felt sad.

[butterflyinthewell]

Monroe legit asked me to get her some of her treats.

She walked up to me and meowed, and she rarely meows.

She turned around and led me to the desk where the treats are kept.

The point?

Behavior is communication. My cat communicated to me that she wanted something, and I investigated it instead of dismissing it as annoying or meaningless.

So why can’t more people do that for nonspeaking autistic people whose communications aren’t easily understandable?

Yes, the behavior looks weird. Maybe it’s loud and disruptive. Maybe you find it embarrassing. So what? It’s not about you.

Investigate more.

[realsocialskills]

A problem with “behavior is communication”

In certain contexts, just about everything a disabled person does will result in someone following them around with a clipboard, taking notes on their behavior, and designing a behavior plan for them.

This is often called ‘listening to what the behavior is communicating’ or ‘keeping in mind that behavior is communication.’

I know that nothing I’ve ever done was intended to communicate ‘please put me on a behavior plan’. If anyone asked me, they would know with certainty that I don’t want them to do anything of the sort.

I’m not alone in this. Very few people would willingly consent to intense data collection of the kind involved in behavior analysis. Far fewer people would willingly consent to the ways in which that data is used to control their behavior. 

A lot of people never get asked. People do these things to them that very few people would willingly consent to — without asking, and without considering consent to be a relevant consideration.

Somehow, an approach that involves ignoring what someone might be thinking gets called ‘listening to what is being communicated’.

That is neither ethical nor logical. Behaviors don’t communicate; people do. If you want to understand what someone is thinking, you have to listen to them in a way that goes beyond what any behavior plan can do.

Collecting data is not the same as listening, modifying behavior is not the same as understanding what someone is thinking, and disabled people are fully human. 

[ausomelyautistic]

“Behavior is Communication”

“Behavior is Communication”

This is something I see a lot from the Autistic community, I echolale it to myself now and then. It resonates because in my experience it’s true. And I find it’s applicable to both Autistic people and Allistic people, at least, as far as an allistic toddler is concerned. 

They are known as The Tiniest Person (in our house), I tend to refer to children as “tiny people”, being literal it’s a great way to divorce myself from the social concept that children are possessions, rather than their own persons. 

The Tiniest Person is a toddler, and they have recently been absolutely refusing to get dressed. It didn’t matter if getting dressed meant going to do something fun, they simply didn’t want to do it. They’d shriek and run around the house, at first giggling (for what toddler doesn’t like a good chase), and then almost crying (because they remembered that the chase ends in getting dressed). 

It goes without saying that when you’re in a hurry, this is stressful for both parties. Seems to me that The Tiniest Person exhibited the most distress. So to help solve the problem, I echolaled: “Behavior is Communication”. 

“Why is The Tiniest Person so upset about getting dressed?”

I have sensory processing disorder. So **my** first thought was to remove the tags in the outfit and try that. 

That wasn’t it. 

Next I wondered if maybe they just wanted to pick out the outfit. I lined out several options and sure enough, The Tiniest Person came over and chose something, they willingly got dressed, and off we went. 

Turns out, The Tiniest Person is a budding artist with an eye for color coordination. They didn’t approve of the outfits I had been choosing, and wanted autonomy over their body. I gave them autonomy, which respects them as a person, and they felt validated. Everyone won. 

As for my older child, DD (fake name), grocery store trips would be very difficult for the both of us, when they were a toddler. I have a hard enough time with grocery stores, and this was back before it occurred to me that I could wear sunglasses and ear defense! So DD had huge meltdowns at the grocery store. I thought it was “acting out” when I was younger, but I’ve sinse realized that it’s not unlike how I get when I’m overstimulated.

We don’t take DD grocery shopping anymore. Maybe once in a while, but it’s honestly not worth making a kid become that distressed, especially when they can be spared that by only one parent going to the grocery store. We know what they like to eat, and also there are some grocery stores where you can order your food online and pay for it, and come pick it up when it’s ready. That’s so rad and very autism friendly, I must say. 

TL;DR: If someone is having a hard time, try to find out what’s causing them distress, so you can fix the problem rather than punish them for having feelings. We parents need to teach our kids that it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to be upset, because we have their backs.  

[saturdaynightlivedork]

Belle from Peanuts is nonverbally Autistic. Think about it. She’s the only one of Baxter and Missy’s litter who hasn’t been seen with thought bubbles. Also, when she and Snoopy say goodbye to each other, they put their heads together and sniff.

BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION!

[butterflyinthewell]

Dear caregivers...

If you’re caring for a nonverbal autistic person who needs lots of daily help and can’t make their communications understood, please don’t assume malice out of them when they get aggressive.

They may use aggression to communicate if that’s the only behavior you respond to. They could be saying something hurts. They could be trying to attain some level of autonomy. They could be alerting you to a sensory issue.

But if you only focus on the behavior and not what is driving it, it will continue. It may even escalate. 

Think of it like this: If you speak quietly to someone who doesn’t acknowledge you, you start to talk louder. If that doesn’t work you take it up a notch to shouting. Finally, you scream at them.

Aggression is the behavioral scream. It may come from an autistic person who feels unheard. They don’t want to hurt you. It’s possible they may not realize other people feel pain in a different way than they do. 

If they’re scratching you because a tag in a shirt makes their whole body hurt, they could think the scratchy sensation makes your whole body hurt too. They’re trying to tell you “help me”.

It’s so hard to not see malice if this behavior keeps happening. Please pay attention to the autistic person’s behavior when they’re calmer. They may have a pattern of escalation, even if it’s only two seconds before the aggression happens.

Look for it. Watch. Learn. Listen.

[butterflyinthewell]

My cat, Monroe, will rub against my legs, go to my door, look at me, come back and rub against me again. If I get up she walks towards the kitchen with her tail up in the air like a kitten, look back to make sure I’m paying attention to her and continues into the little side-room next to the kitchen. There’s a desk in there for mom’s odds and ends. Monroe will go up to the desk, stand on her hind paws and stretch her front paws up to touch the top of the desk because that’s where the cat treats are stored.

If I don’t walk towards the desk or if I turn away, Monroe runs out and rubs on my legs again before again doing her stretch thing against the desk. She’ll keep this up until I give her a treat or she gets distracted by something else.

My cat figured out how to communicate with me in a way I understand.

Sadly, when it’s a nonverbal autistic person nudging a caregiver because they want a cracker, it gets called a behavior. When it’s a nonverbal autistic person pinching or pulling on a caregiver’s clothes after the nudge didn’t work, it gets called a behavior. Then the caregiver wonders why the autistic person is so angry and frustrated all the time. Wouldn’t you be pissed off if your only means of communicating was ignored as meaningless?

If you consider a pet’s adapted communicative behaviors towards you as communication, yet disregard a nonverbal autistic person’s attempts to communicate because their behavior looks ‘bizarre’ to you, then the problem is not the autistic person.