A very short guide to alcohol (for civilised gentlefolk).
Red wine is heavy, and therefore goes with heavier meals, including meats.
White wine is lighter than red wine, and goes well with fish meals.
When eating cheese, port should be an accompaniment. This also goes well with tobacco.
Gin is best mixed with tonic. It works well as a refreshing cleanser of the palate.
When drinking whisky, the taste will often reflect the area in which it is produced (for example, Welsh whisky tastes like sheep shit, Irish whisky tastes of soil, and Scottish whisky tastes of peat. English whisky isn't worth trying).
Never pour more than an inch of whisky, rum, port, pimms, or other spirits into a glass.
When holding a wine glass or champagne flute, make sure to hold the round base of the glass' stem. This ensures that your drink will not become warm throughout the evening.
One should not drink alcohol before luncheon.
Being completely drunk is detestable, but being completely sober whilst drinking is also detestable. Make sure to drink slowly, never on an empty stomach, and always stop when a headache or other pain ensues. Aim for warm tipsiness rather than flat-out-drunk.
Never serve warm alcohol unless its Glühwein.