Big damn personal rant after very little sleep and two large coffees; scroll on by as you like.
I forgive far too quickly and am so hasty to land in a neutral-to-positive mindset, when I need to let myself rage around and actually, be rightfully and righteously furious for a while. Oh, there are many many reasons, all linked with a life history of ADHD-masking and anxiety about taking up space, being seen as uncooperative, uncontained, and god forbid, needing to ask for anyone’s help. Knowing that is still at some distance from actively working at it - and why, indeed, would I want to start dismantling the coping mechanisms that have served me so well and gotten me through seriously awful shit, in the midst of a rising pile of stressors? I don’t have much of a gene for anger, but I do need to up-regulate it instead of letting it fester into bitterness.
This is sparked by the family-viction notice, BTW. I would not want to be the daughter in the situation, who must know that her father has evicted a 12-year tenant with two and a half months notice, so that she can move in. “I don’t feel good about it either,” was the landlord’s protest. I would bloody hope not. I am not remotely interested in arguments that “well, that’s the law.” It is a bad law, unjustly applied and subject to broad overreach from its original intention. There is not a single moral, ethical or reasonable argument to support the way it is applied. I did not ask him to contemplate how he would feel someone doing the same to his daughter, because a) I am too nice and b) I need landlord references, and must grit my teeth on that.
This eviction is the result of the student housing crisis in my city - never mind that I am also a student. Which means I am also dealing with my end of term Grad papers and presentations, getting my 120 undergrad students through their final papers, trying to sort out an unwanted job search/change, AND NOW having to completely dig out and uproot my life, all at the same time. That’s the mental and practical mountain. At the heart of my emotional reaction is the combined sense of being invaded in my home and utter powerlessness about it. Nightmare level stuff. Just after a parkade/car smash break-in, too. (/rant)
I am so easily set off by injustice. I’ll go full Mama Bear on behalf of others, and find resources and supports and case law, dammit. When I am the one affected by an unjust situation, though, my outward reaction is to squirm away from wrathful feelings (silver linings! neutral mind! you should actually thank the person for giving you the chance to grow...real classic victim-brain stuff), and immediately assure people that I’m fine, it’ll all work out, even better than before! and here are the possible solutions I have already found. Heaven forbid I should open the door to my parents’ tendency to grill me very hard for information or try to get me to perform an emotional reaction, just because they need to feel like they’re doing something and are needed. Let alone put any more goop on the shoulders of friends who are also dealing with their own goop.
Before I sign off on this rant I need to point out the incredible depth and long history of a handful of very dear friendships, which have let me stumble through learning to admit when I’m overwhelmed and pissed off and terrified and feeling bruised. The above is not about you. As you know, you’re not people that I need to be “on” for. You’re my people. Huge difference. Difference beyond words. You know who you are, and if it’s possible for me to fling any more armloads of appreciation and adoration at you, well, just tell me where and when.
And yeah, it’ll all work out, even better than before. Already have a pile of possible solutions. Many of them due to the abovementioned friends.
The one who speaks like a gentleman and just the tamer, default.. you?
I HATE HER! I HATE HER WITH ALL MY HEART!! SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER WHAT BEING SO NICE DOES TO HER AND I TRY TO REMIND HER OF THAT EVERY DAY! (WHO WAS IT? I FORGOT...) I UNDERSTAND THAT SHE JUST WANTS MORE FRIENDS, BUT I JUST THINK THAT SHE'S TOO NICE FOR HER OWN GOOD.
Being Too Nice could put you in danger. Listen to your inner voice. Don't worry about looking rude. Don't worry about making a scene. It's your safety and maybe even your life we're talking about here!
🔷🔷🔷
Self Defense | Defensive Mindset | Just Say NO |
In a world full of darkness and cynicism, there’s nothing wrong with being nice. However, there comes a point where we are too nice to others and neglect our own needs, which can be problematic.
I was one of those people once upon a time. I was a people-pleaser who treated others better than I treated myself. I would go to any length to make everyone else happy while neglecting my own needs and…
Ro! Choosing one fic is an impossible task oh my god. Your writing is immaculate! I love your MHA content (I’m very soft for Kiribaku 🥺) and your SPN content is just *chef’s kiss*
Pajama Sam and Comfy Cas is such a comfort fic for me though like!! You write them so effortlessly? I absolutely adore it. //@tickle-bugs
I’m throwing so many uno reverse cards at you, you ding dang sweetheart! 🥰 I absolutely love your writing, and you are just so so so nice 💕
Pajama Sam and Comfy Cas! I do love writing just delirious-from-sleepiness characters in fics 😆 so goofy and soft. I appreciate that you say it read effortlessly, because I know I say there for so long over-thinking how I imagined Cas would be over-thinking, which is probably my favorite part of that fic after the fact 😋
Sometimes Being Too Kind Is What Gets You Hurt! Special guest host Juan joins the guys as they discuss why being too nice does more harm than good. The Last of the Nice Guys podcast NOW PLAYING on your favorite podcasting app! Join the conversation! Listen here - https://episodes.castos.com/viberevstudios/Last-of-the-Nice-Guys-36.mp3
