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i want to be loved. why is that so much to ask? being loved by friends and family is one thing; imagine someone wanting to know you, accept your flaws, and spend the rest of their lives with you. when they look at you, they are mesmerized on how beautiful you are. why can't anyone think of me in that way?
I didn't ask to be born, I've never found anyone to love me, I've always made the wrong decisions- now I'm letting life decide for me.
Maria, Eleven Minutes (Paulo Coelho)
A rant of sorts
One of my biggest fears is that no one will ever love me or could ever love me. I'm sure this crosses most everyone's mind every now and then. I'm fully aware that it's ridiculous because I'm only 20 and I have all the time in the world to find someone, but I can't shake the phobia. I make a lot of attempts to convince myself that "this is stupid" and "I don't need to be worrying about this", so I shove every doubtful thought and worry into a little box in my head. Unfortunately, the fear of never being love seeps out of the box and manages to find its way into my everyday life. I automatically assume that any guy I'm around would never want to be with me, that no guy will ever think I'm attractive, that no one will ever see anything special in me. So what's the point in trying? I'm just going to let it go, I'm tired of feeling like this.
doesn't matter how much you hurt me, you know i will never move on. i love you too fucking much. why? i dont even know. i just wish i had the strength to say this to you. rather than to everyone who can be bothered to read this. i wish you knew what you did to me. i wish you knew how much you hurt me. i wish we were still together. i wish you loved me back.
I don't know how to take this. I don't know why he moves me. He's a man- he's just a man. And I've had so many men before in very many ways, he's just one more.
whats your worst nightmare?
Trust me when I say you will not be receiving that information.
