19 and Figuring It Out (Slowly)
Being 19 feels like I'm standing in the middle of a bridge. I'm not fully on the side of being a kid anymore but I'm also not fully on the side of being an adult. It's like I'm still stuck in between, trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and where I am going. People around me either expect me to enjoy my youth or get serious about life. Honestly, it's confusing, because how am I supposed to do both at the same time?
At nineteen, everything feels big. A fight with your friend feels like the end of the world, getting praised by someone feels like validation for existing, and one bad grade can throw me into a spiral. But, I'm also learning that this is the age where mistakes happen, and they're supposed to happen. I am not supposed to have it all figured out, even though the world makes me feel like I should.
There is also the pressure of choices. College, career, relationships, friendships, all of them feel like they're shaping my future. Sometimes, I just wanna hit pause, sit with Tommy (even though he won't cooperate lol), and not worry about anything. But again, this age is teaching me that not knowing is okay. It is okay to be scared, to be excited, to be lost, and to be hopeful, all at the same time.
If I have to describe nineteen in one word, it would be "transition". I'm changing in ways I don't even notice until later. My thoughts, my priorities, my circle, even the way I see myself, everything is shifting. One day I feel grown up, making decisions and handling responsibilities. The next day I still feel like a kid who just wants to watch cartoons and complain about homework. And maybe, that is what nineteen is supposed to be, a mix of both worlds.
To conclude, nineteen isn't perfect, and it isn't meant to be. It's messy, awkward, fun and overwhelming all at the same time. Someday, I'll look back and laugh at how serious I was about things that didn't matter, and smile at how clueless but hopeful I was about the things that mattered. For now, I'm just learning to live it, one day at a time.
