hold it against me - ben barnes smut
The one where Ben's your best friend and his girlfriend has every right to feel jealous
Warnings: cheating (you and Ben on his OC girlfriend), smut
Your P.O.V.
“It’s so good to have the both of you here!” Graham greeted us, and I forced myself to smile. We were nearing the end of this press tour, only a few more interviews and I could retreat to my house, my sanctuary away from people with cameras and microphones, trying to pretend they cared about me.
“We’re very happy to be here.” Ben reached over and squeezed my thigh, making me turn to the side to look at him. He was another thing I was trying to escape too, even if I had to try my hardest not to let it show.
“Yeah.” It was all that I could add, oh so brilliantly. Thankfully, it came across as shyness more than anything else, so the audience and Graham just laughed. But Ben knew better. Ben knew me better than anyone else, so I wasn’t surprised when he whipped to his right in search of my eyes, trying to silently communicate with me.
I didn’t meet his gaze. I didn’t want to comfort him, reassure him that I was okay because in all honesty, I wasn’t. And I was tired of pretending that I felt fine when every second I spent by his side, my heart was breaking on the inside.
“You two have been the talk of the internet ever since the series came out! Everyone’s shipping! Everybody wants to know if your relationship has translated from the screens into the real life.” Yeah, I knew this was coming. Every interview had been the same, it partially was why I was so tired.
Next to me, Ben just laughed, not at all affected by the question. “Well, we were good friends before it and it was a dream to be able to work together! I feel like we ended up becoming even closer. I consider Y/N one of my best friends.”
I tried not to cringe at the actually very adorable words he dedicated to me. They were sweet and they were the truth. We’d been friends for so long now, it was what made this entire predicament even harder to deal with.
“Oh, so no romance between the two of you?” Graham wiggled his eyebrows and winked, making Ben laugh. I forced myself to join, knowing it’d only hurt my case if I didn’t. I couldn’t think of anything worse than to have to sit through countless memes of my sad face on the internet.
“No, just on the screen. Unfortunately, I don’t think my girlfriend would appreciate me entertaining any romance with Y/N outside of it.” He winked at me and the audience cheered once more, the sound of frantic clapping deafening me for a second.
Is this what heartbreak sounds like?
The rest of the interview went by without a hitch, thankfully. I was able to play my role of the enthusiastic best friend, and I don’t think even Ben was able to see through my mask. But the second it was over and I was alone in my place, I allowed myself to break down into tears, thinking about how his arms felt around my body, squeezing me tightly to say goodnight before getting into his own car and driving back to his apartment.
Where she would be waiting. Images of what they might be doing while I sat alone in my couch and cried only made me feel worse - they made me feel sick, but I couldn’t stop them from coming. So I allowed myself this grief, at least for now. I needed to get this out of my system if I was supposed to survive it, and I didn’t want to lose Ben’s friendship over my unreciprocated feelings.
The first few days were horrible. I stayed home by myself eating ice cream and pretending to watch Disney movies when really all I could do was remember all of the moments that had led me to fall for Ben and cry.
This was the first week we had been allowed some break after the press tour started. I had so much I wanted to do, a lot of friends to visit, but I just couldn’t will myself to leave my place.
The fourth day came and with it, a sudden and unexpected anger directed to the man that was the reason for my sorrows. This entire thing would be so much easier - no, it never even would have happened, if it wasn’t for him, after all.
Why did he have to be so sweet towards me? He made it impossible not to fall for him when we were filming together. We had to see each other every day and even worse, kiss each other quite a lot because of our characters.
He’d constantly bring me my favorite drink “so I could start the day right”, then invite me back to his trailer so we could share a pizza and rehearse our lines. He always had his arms around my back and he’d demand cuddles often, becoming angry when I didn’t immediately comply.
I didn’t even know he was actually dating until the girl came to visit us one day. And in my defense, he looked as surprised as I was upon seeing her there, so it really didn’t seem like he was planning on telling me about his new relationship any time soon.
I was lost in my own mind, playing with the memories of our moments together when my doorbell rang, startling me. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I didn’t even stop to consider changing out of my sweatpants before opening the door. The second that I found Ben’s face waiting for me on the other side, I came to regret that decision.
“What are you doing here?” I asked somewhat harshly, only due to shock. What the hell was he doing at my place? Thankfully, Ben didn’t seem to mind, probably not noticing the colder tone my voice had assumed.
“I thought we could watch the new season of that TV show you like. I saw that it’s on Netflix now.” My heart skipped a beat at his words as he made his way to my living room, overwhelming me with his presence that had always been nothing short of comforting up until then.
The realization that this would be my life from now on - resenting and fearing Ben’s presence instead of relishing in it felt like a punch to the stomach.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” He spun on his heels, grabbing something on his pocket to raise it right before my eyes. It was a locket, heart-shaped and clearly made of actual gold.
“What’s that?” I asked, even though I clearly knew what it was. I knew it because I remembered confessing to him all those months ago that I’d always wished to have one, but I wanted it to be gifted by a person that meant a lot to me, not simply bought at a store.
I told him I wanted a locket that was gifted by the person I’d like to keep a picture inside of it.
And sure enough, once he let the necklace fall on my palm, I opened it to find a picture of the both of us, back when we were filming together, laughing and teasing one another.
Back when I didn’t know he had a girlfriend, and allowed myself to fall in love with a man I believed to be available.
“Oh, I saw it and it made me think of you.” He shrugged like it was no big deal, even though his ears were red and I was staring at him with wide eyes.
This felt like some twisted joke. My stomach was burning, for a minute I thought I was actually sick from all the ice cream I’d been inhaling over the last few days.
“Don’t you like it?” He asked, scratching the back of his head. I knew him well enough by now to know that he was nervous, but I was too frustrated with everything that was going on within me to worry about how he felt at that moment.
“Ben, what would Elizabeth think if she knew you’ve given this to me?” He seemed shocked by my words, like he wasn’t expecting them at all. And for the first time since we met, I found myself hating his confusion, almost hating him - probably because I wanted to be able not to love him at all.
“I-I don’t know...” He eventually said, eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t think she’d mind, she knows we’re just friends.” There it was again. ‘Just friends’. Just. Friends. As if friends behaved in the way we did, touched each other so eagerly and needed to be around one another all the time, just like we did.
Rolling my eyes, I moved to get away from him but before I could, he captured my wrist, stopping me. “What’s going on? You seem mad.” Was I? I wasn’t happy, that much I was sure. But mad didn’t seem to be the appropriate word for what I was feeling, either. “Did I do something wrong?”
The concern in his tone shocked me into dropping my defenses. I was hurting him, I realized. The fact that I’d been brunt and cold and distant all of a sudden - I’d forced him to feel the way I’d been feeling, even if that wasn’t my intention.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Try as I might, I couldn’t keep the defeated tone out of my voice, so I opted to just ignore it, praying that he’d do the same as I turned my back on him, taking advantage of his shock to tug my arm free and escape towards the kitchen.
“What is this about, then?” Sighing, I abandoned the glass I’d procured in the hopes of drinking something to ease my nerves, facing Ben once more. He still looked confused, but there was something else in his eyes - something I couldn’t quite place.
It almost looked like anxiety. Like he was scared to lose me, but also a bit irritated over not understanding why this was happening.
It wasn’t a look I was used to see in my best friend’s eyes. And I loved him way too much to be able to just witness him in any pain, without doing anything to help. Now that I was the one causing it? Hell, there were a thousand things I’d rather do than to live through that.
So I swallowed my pride and I straightened myself up, trying to find the courage to say what he deserved to hear, even if it would kill me and possibly destroy our friendship forever. “Ben, I think we need some space. From each other.”
The look he sent me was so devastating, it almost had me backtracking, but I gritted my teeth and looked down, focusing on the marble counter that I gripped as I struggled to get the words out.
“You have a girlfriend. And I know for a fact our... connection has led people to believe we were together before. I think we need some time away from one another to be able to be together as friends without... without acting so much like lovers.”
I was proud of myself for getting it out. So proud, in fact, that I managed to stand tall and look him in the eyes again while I waited for his answer.
I just wasn’t expecting it to bring me so much fury.
Ben’s P.O.V.
“But... we’re just friends.” It was all I could think to say, being caught by surprise as my heartbeat sped up at the prospect of losing her in any way. Unfortunately for me, it seemed it was already happening - the look she sent me spoke of her disappointment and hurt, and it made me all the more confused.
“Yes, I know that!” Frustration dripped out of every word from her lips, and try as I might, I just couldn’t understand it. And I wanted to. If our friendship was on the line, I’d do whatever it took to make it right - but I needed her to explain what was going on to me.
“Why are you so mad about it?” Sighing, she took a few minutes to gather herself before being able to look me in the eyes.
“Because we don’t act like just friends,” she shouted, “and I don’t feel like just your friend anymore.” Suddenly, my heart was speeding up for a completely different reason, as clarity finally began to ease my mind.
“You don’t?” I asked, needing to be sure of what was happening. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship over a silly misunderstanding, even if it was everything I had wanted for so long.
She shook her head, arms crossed as she looked at me almost like a child, pouting beautifully. I couldn’t help the grin that opened up in my face. “You want me?” I confirmed, taking another step in her direction.
“Of course, I do!” She yelled in response, “How could I not?” There was no waiting any longer. I took her in my arms and connected her lips with mine, wanting to fuse this moment into the very fabric of my brain so that I could remember it forever.
Her lips were so cold. I wanted to warm them up, so I ran my tongue over them before I realized what was happening. She sighed against my mouth, opening it up easily and I had to swallow the smile that threatened to break apart our kiss to press her against the refrigerator, my thigh settling between her legs so I could be as close to her as possible.
She hissed when my lips abandoned hers to trail kisses up her neck, stopping to swirl my tongue against the skin behind her ear. “Let me make you feel good,” I whispered, catching her as her knees buckled when I suckled on her earlobe, my body fully supporting hers now, pressing her further up the refrigerator.
“Ben...” She moaned and my cock hardened in my pants. I had never expected to actually hear her like this, much less whispering my name. It was something I didn’t even allow myself to dream about.
“Ben, seriously.” I felt her hands press against my chest, pushing me away right as I began to nibble on her jaw. Startled, I immediately dropped her, a million different thoughts running through my head.
Did she not want this anymore? Did she regret it already?
“Ben, I’m not going to be able to let this go, okay?” She asked, clearly scared to connect her eyes to mine but holding her stare anyway, and in that moment, I had never loved her more.
Smiling, I pulled her close to me once more, connecting our foreheads as I stared into her eyes. “Don’t let me go, then,” I begged, cupping her face. “I’m begging you,” I clarified, needing her to know this to be true. “Never let me go.”
There was a silence after my confession, a pause in the moment. I couldn’t figure out what was coming, so I just did what I felt like doing: I wrapped my arms around her and tried to rest my head on her chest, only to be sharply pushed away.
“Ben!” She admonished me, and I couldn’t understand what was going on inside her mind, so I just waited. She sighed, turning around and shaking her head, hugging herself the way that I wished I was doing. “You shouldn’t have come here.”
Huffing, I approached her again, taking advantage of the fact that she had her back to me, and hoisted her up onto the counter, not minding her outraged scream. “Let me touch you,” I begged, staring at her intently while she tried to avoid eye contact, hands closing into fists as she ignored me as hard as she could.
It didn’t last long.
“I can’t!” She yelled, and I could see the frustration in her teary eyes. I knew I was breaking her heart, doing this - pursuing her while I was still dating someone else, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“I need to touch you,” I confessed, laying my hands on her thighs and rubbing them up, carrying the skirt of her dress with me. “Y/N, I need you desperately.” Maybe it was the way I said her name, but she grew weaker under my hands, more pliant. I took advantage of it, perhaps selfishly, and took off her underwear as I spread her legs and caressed her pussy.
“I’ve been trying to pretend that all I need from you is our friendship because I never believed that I could ask for more of you, but I want it, Y/N! I want it all!” I kissed her once more, moaning against her lips as I pressed my fingers inside of her.
“Your body, your soul... your love,” I continued as I lowered myself down to my knees, licking my lips at the sight before me. She was wet and puffy and ready for my tongue when I pressed it against her, and I moaned at the taste of her wetness.
If this was a dream, I didn’t want to wake up.
“Oh, god,” I moaned again, licking her up and down and pressing my tongue inside of her, groaning, when I felt her fingers grabbing at my locks to keep me there. “The way you taste...”
“Good?” She panted, and I eagerly nodded.
“Perfect.” I pulled away abruptly and got up, panting as I helped her take off her dress and stared at the beauty before me. “Teach me how to touch you,” I asked, biting down on my lower lip as she pulled on my hand and guided it back to her pussy, showing me exactly how she liked to be touched.
I moaned with her when I felt her pussy clench and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the spectacle even if a meteor should fall on top of us. “I’ve always wanted you to be mine,” I admitted, pulling out my fingers just as I felt her orgasm start. “Don’t cum yet.” I rushed to lower my pants just enough to free my cock, and wrapped my wet fingers around it, fucking myself quickly. I nodded at her to continue where I left off, explaining, “I want you to cum with me.”
She nodded, getting to work while I watched the scene unfold captivated by her little moans, the way she fucked herself on her fingers while she stared at me. Nothing could ever be better than this - except maybe being inside of her, but that would have to wait. Until we could get to bed and I was not a man tied to another woman. She deserved that.
She deserved the world.
We came together, like I hoped we would. And as we panted, staring at each other, I knew one thing for sure: I was never going to let her go.
