[ROTG] Shielded In My Armor
Written for @rotgsecretsanta for Prompt #18... “Jack/older Jamie - Jamie is getting bullied or is having a hard time making friends and Jack comes to visit him at college.“
Sorta-kinda songfic, wrapped around Simon & Garfunkel’s “I Am A Rock”. Angst alert.
In a deep and dark December
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
It was nice to be the one being hugged for once, instead of always having to initiate the hugging. Jamie let himself relax for the first time in months, leaning his head against Jack’s shoulder, feeling the rapidly-dissipating chill of Jack’s hoodie against his cheek. This had been a longer-than-usual semester for him since he’d transferred to a four-year university after a year at community college. Moving away from home, leaving friends and family, finding out that even among the weird kids he was just too weird to hang out with… Jamie needed Jack now.
And apparently Jack needed him.
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A fortress deep and mighty
I have no need of friendship
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain
Jamie noticed the differences in the Burgess Believers between the first summer after high school graduation, when everyone was still at home and happy to hang out with each other, and the second summer, when those who were in college or on their way there had things to talk about that the ones who were joining the work world did not, and long awkward silences replaced never-ending conversations.
He’d convinced himself that after all their years of living on the same street, he and Pippa were meant to be together as soulmates, ignoring all her wise words about the strength of platonic love.
He’d convinced himself that the bond of their experiences fighting the Boogeyman would override the personality differences between him and Cupcake, and that theirs would be an eternal friendship, ignoring the signs of her envy of his stable family life.
He’d convinced himself that he and the twins would always share the same interests since they’d known each other since kindergarten, ignoring that Caleb was a completely separate person from Claude and not an interchangeable cog.
He’d convinced himself that Monty would always be shy and awkward, ignoring the facts right in front of him that confidence can be gained and make a person stronger without any visible clues.
He'd convinced himself that Sophie would always need him to lean on, more than he'd ever need to lean on her.
Having his convictions shattered had an equally shattering effect on him.
The differences didn’t seem to affect anyone's status as Believers; they all still had fervent faith in the existence of the Guardians, and that faith still bound the seven of them to having something in common. But the dynamics of their group kept changing, slowly and inexorably; too often Jamie heard of Jack visiting the others one at a time, rather than Jack visiting when two or four of them were together in the same place.
[It was rare that they were ALL together in the same place, that second summer.]
He hated that he was relieved to go off to the school he despised, but which would give him a good degree, rather than being upset at behind.
Jamie hated change, and wanted to stop Time.
So when Jack flew in his window at uni just before Finals week, Jamie was very happy for the constancy of an immortal frost spirit.
They lay together on Jamie’s bed, arms wrapped around one another. Jamie had never been more thankful about landing a single in his dorm; transfer students usually didn’t get so lucky.
“I… am a… O-bli-GATE CAR-nivore.” Jack kissed Jamie on the nose and used a hint of teeth, just because he could. “And you… you are…”
“Crazy for putting up with you.”
“I am wounded! I die! Oh, farewell, cruel world!” At that, Jamie kissed Jack back.
The vinyl record kept spinning on the turntable, spilling out glittering guitar-strummed melody and bitter dual harmony.
Oh I’ve heard the word before
It’s sleeping in my memory
I won’t disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I’d never loved I never would have cried
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
I touch no one and no one touches me
They were each lost in their own thoughts as the album side ended and the turntable clicked itself off. After a long moment, Jamie blurted out, “How did you ever manage to stop yourself from becoming this guy? Three hundred years alone, humans not able to see you, other spirits either ignoring you or actively hostile to you… seriously, why aren’t you, like, totally an emotionally detached sociopath?”
Jack took far too long to answer, and Jamie’s heart thumped, and his brain shouted at him, he’s going to leave you too!
Finally Jack replied, “Every kid I ever saw, even if they never saw me... they had fun when I was around. I made a difference in their lives, even if they never knew who did it. I had all of you kids to show off for, year after year, until your generation opened its eyes and believed in me.” His voice thickened. “And hopefully generations after you will keep believing in me.”
Jamie hugged Jack tighter as the frost spirit shuddered, cold tears and warm trickling from two sets of eyes.
And a rock feels no pain.
And an island never cries.
