SYNOPSIS - Choi Beomgyu was one of the few (read: only) people you immediately disliked first meet and he just couldn't feel any more the same. But of the many differences that you guys had, there's one of them unbeknownst to both of you - the reasons for the childish resentment.
PAIRING - choi beomgyu x f!reader
GENRES - fluff﹒slight lots of angst . enemies to lovers . oneshot .
WARNINGS - amateur writing + i wrote this in one sitting so i didnt proofread it sorry if something doesn't make sense T-T
reason #0: ...BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID 7 YEARS AGO
It's almost expected for little kids to dislike the opposite gender. Whether it'd be because of the deadly cooties disease, or the grossness of the opposite gender or even just innocent crushes masked as dislike - though the rule was apparent, you're socially not supposed to like people different from you.
Some boys, you remember, were often downright despicable. So you did have some reason to dislike them. However, you remember the time when one of your friends would come up to you at recess during fourth grade and go on and on about how some boy wouldn't stop pulling on her ponytail. Before you could tell her that he was mean and ugly (like a fourth grader would say to comfort their friend) she pulled hard on your arm and said something even your little brain thought was strange, "I think he likes me."
It was like ever since your friend confided in you that perhaps Mingyu from English class fancied her, four other people throughout the fourth grade pulled you aside and talked about their crushes to you.
You weren't informed about the new social change until that year. "I hate him means I like him Y/N, catch up!" your friends would tease.
Why wouldn't you believe your experienced friends? Of course you believed them...that is until fifth grade rolled around. A new kid had transferred, new to town. When you read back on your life, it was like a classic cliche.
The class hadn't started so it was still roaring with mischievous laughs and acts. As usual, you found yourself in the corner of the classroom, laying your head down on your table. But when you randomly open your eyes, you don't expect to see an unfamiliar boy (mainly because of the small town you lived in) and your lovely teacher, Mrs. Park talking.
Mrs. Park had her arms around him, and to you he looked shy - even reserved would be a word to describe him that moment.
When you squint, trying to listen to what your teacher was telling him, the boy makes direct eye contact with you and you could swear you saw the little bit of annoyance flash on his face. But you ignore it.
When the bell rings and everyone was seated at their respective assigned seats, as expected your teacher introduces the boy as a new transfer student.
"Beomgyu", you'd learn was his name.
You thought little of him, he was just a boy.
And when he was assigned to sit in the empty seat - the one behind you, you still thought little of it.
When you go to the back of your classroom to take out your bag from the cabinet, his facial expression made you feel uneasy. Why was he smiling like that? Eh, you dismissed those thoughts and again, thought little of it.
When your friend gasped, seemingly in pure horror, you thought little of it. She was always prone to dramatic outbursts you'd think to yourself at that moment.
That is, until she pulls you to the bathroom, turns you around slightly just enough for you to be able to look at the back of your head in the mirror, and says "Look."
Chewed pink bright bubblegum was stuck right in the middle of the back of your head. And at that moment, you knew you've never felt this way. Not when your mom took away your devices, not that one time your dad refused to buy you ice cream, not that one time your little sister pulled out your hair, not that one time you got yelled at by your parents, not that one time you received a bad grade for your class. Not one time have you felt this pure rage.
Deep inside, and it was almost like an instinct mind you, you knew who the culprit was. "Beomgyu."
Social expectations were never rules because when you decided you hated the person who caused you to get the worst haircut of the entirety of the fifth grade body, you knew you meant exactly what you said. You hated him. You hated Beomgyu.
reason #1: ...BECAUSE YOU HATE ME
The shy reserved boy you thought you made eye contact with a year ago was nowhere to be seen. How did you even come to that conclusion in the first place? Because Beomgyu, an 11 year old, couldn't be any more opposite than the word shy. He was the life of the party. Of course, in the middle school sense. He knew everyone, and everyone knew him.
At first, you thought maybe it was the appeal of him having the new kid title. But you were proven false, because if it was, the appeal would've died long ago. And you wouldn't be hearing every other day how funny he was, how cool he was, how friendly he was, how...god, you hated him.
"Oh my god! I just got invited to Beomgyu's-", your friend, Sieun, immediately put a hand over her mouth.
And you scoff at it. You know its because you were there. At this point, the whole entirety of the school knew of this narrative - Beomgyu did not like you. Which made your blood boil because you hated him first, not the reverse. At least your friends knew the truth, that was enough for you.
"I don't care if you mention him Eun."
"I just don't get why he hates you so much...no matter what you did, isn't it a bit cruel to invite the majority of the school except you?", she sighed.
"Sieun, I don’t care if he didn’t invite me. Actually, I was praying that he wouldn’t send me an invitation.”
No, that was a lie. You kind of did want to go to the birthday party, not because it was beomgyu’s but because everyone else was going. And also because it was well known at the school that Beomgyu’s parents were rich. So his house would probably be fun..
After a while of everyone getting invited except you and your friends, you had thought that at least he left your friends alone and you don’t have to feel lonely about not going. But, no. Now you’re officially the only one without a birthday invitation.
All the more reason to hate him. Especially when you did nothing to get this sort of treatment from him - you were the one wronged, not him.
reason #2: ...BECAUSE I JUST DO
When there was a month left of summer break, you start to get the weird sense of missing school. You knew once you got back in, you'd regret ever feeling school-sick. But you cherished these emotions greatly, it's a rare occurrence so why not?
It was still sunny, ice cream melting onto your hands easily. "Eighth grade will be our best year I can feel it."
You nod slowly, Sieun said this three summers in a row, none of the years being more than mediocre. But still, you appreciated your friend's insistence on a great year. Or the best year as she calls it.
The hot dirty stairs that both of your legs were making bare contact with, was annoyingly the only thing you could sit down on. The town had barely any interest in investing - even more so on one public bench.
"Hey, I'm gonna go. The sun's about to set, mom's gonna get so mad at me." she gets up removing any dirt that might be on her shorts.
You wave goodbye to her like you usually did, and she'd skip away like she usually did.
If you had known that was the last time you'd see your best friend, maybe you wouldn't have done your usual routine. And maybe you would've for a change, pulled her into a hug.
It was three o'clock in the morning and you were more than tired. The yelling and panicking of getting ready so early baffled you...you weren't informed of this prior to today. But your dad was folding clothes into a bag quick than you'd ever seen him, your mom was taking care of waking you guys up and dressing formally than you'd ever did. What was the reason?
You asked your parents tons when you were in the car, but it was complete silence. You didn't want to feel anxious though, especially when your parents eyes were sparkling with what you'd find was hope. But...still. Why?
If you would've known it was because you guys would move into the city, you would've unlocked the door and ran out when you had the chance. Preferably to Sieun's house - her mom wouldn't have minded adopting you anyway.
And even more annoying than the bland white walls of the airport, the tiredness of hurried families, was the face of a boy you dreaded to see.
You can acknowledge that its been years ever since the gum incident - even the birthday incident at that and maybe the hatred didn't even derive from those anymore. Maybe it was instinctual. Was that how it worked?
Well, it had to, because you hated his face. You hated his walk. You hated his laugh if you've ever heard it. You hated his smile if you'd ever see it. You hated everything about it.
And suddenly the grogginess from waking up in the break of dawn had disappeared, because the passion that had stirred up inside you was due to pure...pure hatred and it was enough to keep you alert.
reason #1: ...BECAUSE YOU NEVER LIKED ME
When Beomgyu learned he was finally moving away from Seoul to a secluded town, he had never been happier. His parents put him through therapy to prepare for the "big" move but his excitement was over the roof. He was tired of the loudness he'd wake up to at night, he was tired of the constant police sirens, he was tired of the yelling of his stressed parents - he blamed it all on the city.
He disliked it in every sense. The school he was attending even worse. Through that school did he learn that his family was "broken" as they called it, through it did he learn how much money his family made effected the outlook of his life.
"Whachu gonna do? Run to your rich daddy and bribe the principle to expel me?"
Yeah, third graders were painfully aware of things. And they were painfully mean. He knew what they'd say was true but he wasn't ready to hear it at eight years old. So he made sure to bite the boy's fingers till it bled.
So, yeah. He was happy he'd finally leave.
His small imaginative mind never knew what to expect - but it was definitely not whatever happened that day. People were so nice, he never thought they would be.
"Beomgyu, right? Wanna play tag with us during recess?"
He was sure his eyes probably were glowing with those sparkles, because he never got invited to play...not until now.
And throughout the whole day, kids would come up to him and ask him about city life. He'd lie about it, of course. When they asked if he missed his friends "back home", he'd lie again. White small lies don't hurt, especially at the benefit of people's high regard for him.
When last period of the day rolled around, he was tired. Especially after running around during recess. Can he have it in him to get more friends? He doesn't know if he can handle more..
He felt someone's eyes on him when he was talking to Mrs Park - trying to get out of introducing himself. When he looked at the person, they were 1. a girl, 2. annoyed?
He could swear he just saw you rolling your eyes at him - which brings him back to Seoul. Right back there. Was he dramatic? Yes. For a little kid devoid of attention? Not really.
He got the expected, people running to him after introducing himself (as per Mrs. Park's demands).
He also got a seat behind you, the girl who seemed to dislike him. Maybe I did something wrong? He was focused on trying to make it up to you somehow while the teacher was talking away.
He taps your shoulder and you turn to him, "This class is kinda boring heh-"
Your eyebrows furrow, really, really deep. And you turn away to face the board again.
God. Did he just make it 10x worse?
But I didn't do anything! Now he was left in his desk sulking, thinking of ways to make you not dislike him. He doesn't want to be disliked by one person, because one person can make everyone else dislike him...he doesn't think he can handle that again.
After the bell rang, some people waved bye to him. He had friends. It all felt surreal, like a dream.
That is, until he remembers you exist again.
It's his last chance to prove to you he's worthy of being liked.
When you randomly turn to look at him, he smiles. To show you that he's a nice person. But the expression on your face was mere disgust, he remembers, he's sure it was disgust.
He didn't want to do anything but cry that day, no matter how many friends he made, a person who never said a word to him made him forget about the euphoria for a day. For a day in that small town, he felt lonely just like Seoul. It was all your doing.
And after two years, he learns he has to move there again. With you by his side. The reasons why were complicated, but it had to do with his parents arguing again. Frankly, he didn't care anymore.
But what he cared about, was how you looked at him.
What he felt at the airport upon seeing you there, with the usual hatred he was sure you harbored, he couldn't help but requite it. He hated you too.
reason #3: ...BECAUSE YOU STOLE MY FIRST
"Mom, why did we move without telling anyone -- MOM!", she was ignoring all questions regarding your moving. She never responded, not even negatively.
Did she even care about how you felt? How it felt leaving everything behind to somewhere completely foreign? Clearly she didn't, because she acted like everything was fine.
As it was your first day at your new school, she packed your lunch, but instead of the usual bag she'd put it she packed it in brand new lunch box. It was nothing out of ordinary, the box wasn't even the issue. It's all the little things that add up to this. The new clothing, new hairstyle, different brand soap, new bag.
It's like she wanted to erase anything you guys usually did back in the town. And it made you feel extreme fury. You felt mad at the situation, but you're sure now, looking back that you were a lot more angry than normal - but most likely due to you experiencing new hormonal changes.
"Ms. Choi's kid is coming to pick you up so you guys can walk together, go get ready."
You couldn't believe her. She knew you hated Beomgyu. You even remember shedding a few tears about being the only person not invited to his birthday in sixth grade - but all of a sudden she forgets this because she's all friendly with his mom?
What you said next was definitely hormones, you would take it back if you could, but it happened. The first time you'd ever say it, "I hate you mom." You storm out of the kitchen; it wasn't the last.
You tried leaving the house before Beomgyu showed up, but it was too late. The moment you opened the door, he was there. He awkwardly waved his hand at you, you try your best to give him a smile but ultimately fail.
The thing about you and him was that you guys never really talked, maybe a few times for a class but not out of free will. You don't know what he likes, you don't know what he does, you just know the things you used to hear in both sixth and seventh grade. And he probably doesn't know you have this hidden irrational hatred for him. Which then makes you think if you should even keep up with the strong dislike of his existence..it was just giving you a headache after all.
Yeah, no - you never dismissed a thought so fast. You thought your hatred for him would never grow because it was truly large enough as it is, but when he held a smile towards your mom saying he promised he'd "take care of you" then shutting the door, purposefully going down the steps fast, avoiding walking side by side with you...he's a fucking snake. That was what he was.
To both of yours dismay, you had to be stuck to the hip. One, because of your mothers sudden bonding, two, because none of you had made any friends. It was kind of shocking to you actually, you knew Beomgyu as this extroverted class clown kinda guy - but he was awfully quiet these past few months. You never found out the reason for his sudden change of behavior that year, but you never asked. It wasn't your position to - even when you guys could manage an hour long of free-will conversation now.
After you graduated middle school, you thought they were hormones. They had to be hormones. Because there was no way.
That your reaction to the smile he had as he got his certificate, was something less than annoyance. More than familiarity. More than fondness. It was awe. You were in awe at his smile, at his smile at you when he flashed you a silly thumbs up.
There's no way you liked a guy. Let alone, Beomgyu. The bane of the entirety of your existence.
The denial stage for you was fast as a 14 year old - you knew you liked him.
You even spent the entirety of summer with him. You'd never in your life think you'd be at his house at fourteen, talking like you were the bestest friends ever, watching movies and playing video games. You didn't even want to hide liking him anymore.
Barely a week before the both of you would start high school, you were watching a movie about it. It was a typical romance but one that resembled yours way too much for your comfort.
Maybe Beomgyu noticed too because instead of the usual unwanted commentary, he was silent. When the leads kissed, it was even more uncomfortable. Usually, you wouldn't care. You both passed through a total of three sex scenes previously, it wasn't awkward then. Why was it now?
When Beomgyu got a hold of the remote and paused it, you thought maybe he had to go to the bathroom again. But he didn't get up. He was still sitting.
"Do you - like..- want to - Should we kiss?"
You thought you would've fractured your neck with the way you turned to him, your eyes wide and your mouth still filled with popcorn.
With the way you reacted, he couldn't have been more embarrassed. He's expecting a rejection, he should've known.
So he was quick to retract, "I mean, if you don't w-want to- I'm just saying for like practi-"
Looking at you expectantly, he nods quickly.
When he leaned in like the movies, and your hand was on the back of his neck, you were positive you liked him at fourteen. Positive, even when your teeth crashed, and when he awkwardly tried to slip in a tongue. And finally when his nose bumped into yours, you push him away laughing.
"That was so bad." but for a first kiss, you didn't care. You were giddy you got to kiss your crush, even if it was for practice.
He laughed along too, "Come on it was nice!!"
You roll your eyes, it wasn't and you knew he knew that too...but that made it all the more special. You wished this summer would go on forever.
That summer had to be just a fragment of some sort of dream you had - or it had to be idealized to fit your fantasies, because Beomgyu never talked to you after it.
Did you do something wrong? Was the kiss that bad? Does he not like you anymore? Did he even like you?
You were back to square one - except this time, you were at the receiving end of the stick and you didn't know why.
And when he walked at the other side of the sidewalk just like the beginning of 8th grade, you knew you weren't friends anymore.
"Hey, what happened with you and Beomgyu?" your mom had said once, and to it you shrugged nonchalantly. Tears were going to drop if you hadn't immediately distracted yourself with something else. This was more of embarrassment than your liking for him at this point.
Your pride was hurt but it's been a while now, and you've chosen to forget it ever happened just like he did. Especially when you managed to make friends during freshman year; making it all that much easier to forget your first friendship in this city.
Unfortunately to your dismay, one of your closer friends, Soobin, had to befriend Beomgyu as well - you opted out of telling him anything regarding your history with him. It didn't matter all too much anyway. You never saw him at school.
That was until a rumor had spread, and you soon found out it was about you.
"Ya heard? The cute freshman's a horrible kisser!"
"Y/N right? Damn, that sucks."
"I don't know about you guys but I'd still hit."
The laughter that erupted were so loud, they were so goddamn loud. The tears were pouring out already, you knew who did this. You knew who created this "rumor".
"Y/N, I - ..I didn't mean for it to-", Beomgyu had caught you outside the classroom's door, or rather you caught him there. When he felt someone's gaze on him, he turned around - to find your eyes bloodshot and full of so much tears. They were glossy, and he knew that meant you heard what he heard.
But that didn't matter, the objectivity of the situation did not matter. Because whatever made you think your dislike for him reached its peak, it had just gotten worse. You hate him. You hate Beomgyu? No. You hate him so much. You hate him so so much. You despised Beomgyu.
You ignored his red knuckles and his pleading worries to explain, because when you turned away from him, going back to the cafeteria, you knew that you would do whatever it took for you to make him miserable in high school.
reason #2: ...BECAUSE YOU'RE BETTER
He wanted to know his hater better - you, you're the hater by the way (if you hadn't noticed already). To try and figure out the flaws he had, he just needed to know what you excelled at and if he didn't excel at it. Because based on the article he read, "the first most likely reason for an individual to hate another for no particular reason" was a superiority complex.
He found this out the first time he'd met you in Mrs. Park's class, you were a teacher's pet. But would you really pride yourself on being one? If that was the reason for your implied superiority complex, then he'd be okay with you hating him for the rest of his life.
Okay, it was kind of fast how he got proven right, you definitely did not pride yourself on following orders (well, you did but it wasn't the biggest thing), it was your grades.
You were the smartest kid. And it wasn't the usual, "Oh, she answers the most questions in class" no, it was greater. Maybe because of the small town setting at the time but every parent knew about you.
Actually, he even fondly remembers bonding with people in his grade because you guys's parents couldn't stop comparing your grades to the top student - you. "Be more like Y/N" or "Surpass Y/N" were the phrases he gathered most students heard.
It was even more prevalent though when you guys had moved to Seoul and his mom bonded with yours. When his mom became even more fond of you, he started to get jealous. And tired.
The expectations on him from his mom were stricter than usual, granted that could be because he was going into a grade where points mattered, but he didn't care. It was still tiring, and even when for the short period of time you guys were friends, he felt jealous. Every time you'd laugh with his mom, every time you'd help her out, every time you'd be considerate towards her - because he knew that you were the daughter his mother never got to have. He knew he was less than.
And when you end up joining the band that had initially rejected him a few days ago - any hints of guilt that he still felt disappeared completely. You were taking everything away from him - that was the narrative he ended up going with.
He doesn't know if that was the reason he avoided you freshman year, but it never mattered. He was about to forgive you, he really was, he would start hanging out with you again...you should've given him a bit more time.
But of course, you end up replacing him. With someone better. Someone who was like you. And right and there, as he saw you laugh along something Soobin had said, his inferiority complex had never been more apparent.
reason #4: ...BECAUSE IT'S COMFORTING
The "plan" you had about ruining Beomgyu's high school experience, was long forgotten. Actually, it was forgotten the day you said it. You went straight home, wrote in your diary about how much you hate him and how much you want to ruin his life...you even wrote down ideas! But eh, some were illegal - you weren't risking it. Plus, you found that it was easier to go through life pretending he didn't exist.
Other than the few visits his mom would make to your house, bringing Beomgyu alongside with her, it was rare you'd see him. Now you're thanking the heavens you moved because if it was back at the old town, you would've seen this man for the rest of your life.
It's like it was almost a reminiscent of your life before Beomgyu in 5th grade, before bubblegum in your hair, the time you were truly comfortably happy.
But hey, of course, late at 3 am you strangely miss hating him. Devoting the strongest of your feelings, to him only. It was childish, you know by now. So, you snicker at the thought - how could you dislike change this much for you to miss hating someone.
Then you remembered the previous summers where you'd feel what you used to call "school-sick" (word play on home-sick). You haven't felt it since middle school, it goes away eventually. Just like this feeling you had about Beomgyu, it'll go away.
You wonder for a moment before shutting your eyelids, was the majority of the time that you spent on hating him simply for the comfort of hating him?
When junior year rolled around, it felt like time flew. You quit a lot of your hobbies to focus on college applications and working on your resume. You also end up breaking up with your boyfriend of one year, Yeonjun. It wasn't a good relationship - plus, you were kind of tired of the complains you'd hear from your friends about him literally every other day.
Then you take on a temporary job of three months - it was just a barista position but you needed more work experience so why not do it in the few months of the school year you actually had time on your hands? You knew you were overdoing it but you'd have to get used to burnout soon enough anyway. ,
During your third shift, the last thirty minutes, you don't expect to see a familiar pitch black haired boy.
Ah, your arch nemesis of seven years. A classic.
"Can I get my usual?", he held a playful smile on his face; you could tell he was holding back his signature lopsided grin. He was for sure about to laugh.
You roll your eyes, managing to bite away a smile, "No one here knows your usual sir."
"I'm referring to the usual - you know, the "i'm literally gonna fucking murder you" eyes. I'm sure you know a lot about it...", he scratches the back of his head mockingly squinting at your name tag, "Ms. Y/N?"
You didn't expect it but shit, were you laughing. And he laughed with you. So, so many things were making you reminiscent. This time, it was the summer before freshman year, when you'd laugh like old best friends with Beomgyu.
"It's been a while hasn't it? Our enemy arc", you were taking off your apron. You usually closed the place thirty minutes earlier than you were supposed to, but Beomgyu had to ruin it didn't he?
He leaned against the register, turning from you, "I've been waiting for the romance one to come for a while."
reason #3: ...BECAUSE I WANT TO KISS YOU AGAIN
Beomgyu's head was on the steering wheel of the car his mom let borrow for the night, and he was overthinking. He was outside your home, patiently waiting for you to come out. You both never confirmed whatever tonight was gonna be - because for all he knew, it could be just a friendly hang out. Which would be fun, of course.
He dressed too nicely for just a friendly hang out - it was obvious he was wearing formally "date" style clothing. What would you think if it was just a friendly date? Would you not talk to him for another three years? Can he even handle...
His thoughts trailed off when he heard your mom yelling good luck - and most importantly when he saw you.
He couldn't contain his smile when you opened the door and let an exasperated "Hi."
"Sorry, my mom was giving me a whole mini sex ed lecture. It was torture."
Normally, he could wait. He waited for a first kiss for two months. That was a long time when he was younger. If he thought about it, its like he waited for the second kiss for almost two years. If you rejected him now, it would be okay. He just knows that if he doesn't ask now, he'll never ask and that would be his biggest regret for years.
When you looked at him with your doe eyes, and that smile he was dangerously devoid of seeing for years, the light nod that gave him the consent to crash his lips onto yours, it was like all the years of you hating him were worth it. It was all worth it if it meant you'd like him like he liked you.
He only ever hated you because of his immature, boyish outdated mindset.
Bothering someone you liked.
"So what you're telling me is that you never dated Soobin?"
"No! He liked someone else for like five years, he never liked me like that."
Beomgyu gives you an exaggerated "what" look. Then he sighs as he runs his hand through his long, black locs.
"I thought he was my competition..."
And to that you laughed, "Your competition was Yeonjun. You could never compete with him."
"Oh my god, you dated that asshole?"
You giggle as you nod your head, remembering your relationship with your ex.
"No, but I have a question."
"Shoot", he takes a spoonful bite of your beloved mint chocolate ice cream. He controlled his facial expressions as he gulped the minty taste down - your taste buds were definitely not the same.
"Why did you put the gum in my hair?", when his eyebrows are raised like he literally doesn't know what you're talking about, you clarify, "In 5th grade. Remember? When we first met."
The dumbfounded look on his face made you teasingly slap his forearm. His eyes almost bulge out when he settles his ice cream cup on his lap, putting up two hands "I'm being serious! I don't know what you're talking about!!"
"Beomgyu, I'm being serious right now. Do you not remember or something?"
"I've never put gum in your hair. I cross my heart and swear-"
"Okay, stop. No fucking way."
No, there was no way. No way you spent hating an innocent man for 7 years.
"Then what about the "I'm a bad kisser" thing in 9th grade?"
Okay, maybe not so innocent.
AN: Honestly, i didn't know the direction I was going with this and just kept on writing. my initial "feel" for it was more like pg rated, cutesy one sided enemies then to lovers. but yeah, that was definitely not what happened here. or at least i dont think so. i also think i rushed it at the end but i just didn't want to write any longer than i have sorry if you feel unsatisfied T-T but if you read this and you enjoyed it, you can always send a request!! this is a completely new account and i'm focusing on only writing for txt, if you have ideas, i'd like to try to make them true idk T^T
