You Belong With Me
Genre: Fluff | ANGST ANGST | Implied smut | Friends with Benefits Word Count: 13k Pairing: Jimin x Reader
“Oh fuck...” Jimin panted beside you, holding onto his chest, “I don’t think I can go to the next class.”
“Shut up and get dressed!” You laughed at him, smacking his arm lightly before getting up and collecting your own clothes.
“Does it get better with time?” Jimin looked at you while you glided your arms down the sleeves of your sweater and pulled it over your head. Only when you looked at him did you realise that he was genuinely curious.
“Stop asking stupid questions and get dressed, Jimin!” you gave him a look before pulling up your jeans and throwing his shirt and trousers at him.
“No! I really want to know...” he whined like a baby and you were beyond amazed at how this man was dominating you mere minutes ago while you were begging him to slow down a bit.
“Well...if you really feel that way then maybe...” you raised your shoulders along with your brows in an all-knowing manner and Jimin instantly caught on what you meant and he was quick with his reply.
“Oh please, Y/N! It’s not because you have a ‘fiery hot pussy’!” he mimicked your voice from when you had said it before he got up from the bed and started putting on his clothes.
“Yeah, Yeah, whatever!” you mocked him as you walked to your table to collect your hostel room keys while Jimin collected your bags. You took yours from him before opening the door and peering out of it to see if anyone was outside. When you were sure that the corridors were clear of any other students, you motioned him forward to warn him before he left:
“Walk straight to the class. If you stop anywhere in the way then you’ll see, Park Jimin!” you whispered to him firmly to which he let out a quiet snort before sneaking out of your hostel. You waited for a few moments before you yourself walked out and locked your door – preparing yourself for another hour filled with torture.
There was no rule that said Jimin wasn’t allowed in the hostel, but you still had to be sure – for you didn’t know what you’d say if someone ever asked you. After all, Jimin wasn’t your boyfriend.
-
You took your seat beside him seconds before the lecture began and Jimin instantly began with his antics that you despised the most. His leg brushed against yours, knees touching as a wave of nervousness crawled up your spine.
“Stop it!” you hissed quietly.
“Why?” he pouted.
“Because people can see!” you retorted.
“So what?” he smirked as his hand grazed lightly up your thigh, making your breath hitch in your throat.
“So...” you struggled to find your words for a moment, scenes from minutes ago flashing before your eyes and clouding your mind. “So they’ll know, and they can’t and they shouldn’t!” You let out in one breath before you slapped his hand away. Jimin chuckled playfully before finally settling slightly away from you. Oh what a little tease he was!
Jimin and you had been best friends for almost a year now. Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined that you could agree to something like this or that this day would come. You weren’t sure if you were doing the right thing, but you knew you couldn’t go back now. It had started two months ago, when Jimin had accidentally sent you a picture of his hardened cock which was actually meant to be sent to the girl he was sexting with.
He had apologised repeatedly, telling you that it was an honest mistake and you had accepted it for what he said it was. But you weren’t expecting what came next. A series of texts were exchanged between you and him post the incident where – Jimin being Jimin – asked you if you liked what you saw. Those words were enough to reduce you to a hot, sweaty and blushing teenage girl who later thanked all the gods that Jimin wasn’t there to witness it.
That was when Jimin came to know that you were a virgin, and that you’d never seen a real cock. ‘We have been best friends for a year and I didn’t know this about you!’ He had exclaimed in the most surprised tone ever.
Jimin never stopped teasing you in college after that, asking you if you’d like him to come and accompany you to your room after college when one day he finally suggested that he could help you. You vividly remember how you thought it was one ridiculous offer no matter how tempting it might have sounded until the hour you found yourself underneath him. You were locked in your room as Jimin breathed heavily above you as you urged him to move once you thought you’d be okay.
The two of you had obviously decided that it was going to be a one-time thing and nobody was ever going to know. But it never ends at that, does it? It happened again, for the second time, and then the third time and it wasn’t long before you lost count as you basked in your newly found bliss while Jimin finally found someone he felt comfortable with.
You both had had a very clear understanding that none of you were ready to take things further than that, for you didn’t feel that way for each other to say the least. And that left you to be one thing but anything else – friends with benefits.
This wasn’t the relationship you had thought you’d share with Jimin. You and Jimin both cherished your friendship but since you started playing around none of you could really control the desire once it started burning. The mere idea of it would have made you to cringe if you’d heard it before any of this happened...but that’s exactly where you stood.
“Hey, Y/N?” The sound of your name being called had you blinking your eyes quite a few times before you became fully awake. Sleeping through the lectures was one thing you couldn’t stop doing and that’s why Jimin hated you the most when you dragged him to sit beside you. He was too conscious to not pay attention in class and you were careless enough to snore beside him with no care in the whole damned world.
“Yeah?” You turned around to face Yuki, the transfer student who lived in the room next to yours.
“What’s going on?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
“What do you mean?” You had zero clue of what she was talking about, but that did not last very long.
“You know, you...and Jimin?” she asked with excitement in her eyes while yours widened to look like two huge saucers that one couldn’t ignore.
“Wh-what are you talking about?” You could feel the sweat drip down your back as anxiety seeped into your bones. Had she seen something? Or maybe heard you both when you carelessly let pleasure take over you?
“I saw him leaving your room before this lecture,” she filled you in and you let out the breath you had been holding.
“Oh...” you breathed out in relief, “he just came over to collect some notes.” You lied with some ease this time; thanks to all the other instances where you had to cook up a story so fast your head would spin.
“Ah...really?” she teased you further.
“Yes Yuki, obviously. You know Jimin and I are best friends.” Who also have sex now, you sighed internally. Yuki seemed to have believed you for then she just winked at you and went back to doodle on her notebook. You turned your head to Jimin who was listening with concentration, slightly envious at the fact that everybody came to you when they thought something was fishy. Nobody ever had the courage to go and question him.
—
“Oh thank god,” you mumbled when the dull class finally ended. If it had not been for you being short of attendance, there was no way you would have wasted an hour of your precious time on this tedious uneventful lecture.
“Let’s go!” Jimin chimed as he packed up all his stuff.
“Where?” you questioned.
“To your room,” he said as if it was the most stupid thing he had to answer to.
“Are you serious?” you scoffed at him before turning around to pack your own stuff.
“Why what’s the matter?” Jimin whined.
“Have you not had enough for today?” you scolded him lightly, making sure not to come off too rude or too loud.
“What – there’s a limit?”
“Well...there should be. Twice a week – only!” you declared, swinging your bag over your shoulder.
“What – Y/N no!” Jimin almost screamed as he followed you with hurried steps. “You can’t do this!” he pouted.
“I have to! We decided that it was going to be a one-time thing. I admit that I’m no goody two shoes either but we’ve got to slow down, okay? It’s already a little complicated and I don’t want this to ruin anything between us.” Your voice came out soft as you tried to make him understand. And being the person Jimin was, he was able to make out what you meant as he gave you an eye blinding smile before enveloping you in his embrace.
“Yeah I’m sorry. You’re right – this isn’t just anything. There’s actually a lot at stake.” He gave your figure one last squeeze before letting go and flashing his teeth. “See you tomorrow, then?”
You nodded as you mirrored his smile, glad that you could talk to him about anything and everything and that he understood without being a whiny baby. This was what you were scared of losing.
Jimin wasn’t just any friend to you. When you first joined college around a year ago, you were very conscious about everything you said and everything you did. Jimin had peeled off the layers you had around you one at a time instead of just trying to barge in. The comfort level you shared with him was something you had never experienced before. He could, somehow, make you talk about whatever bothered you – something that you’d always had a hard time with. He could tell when something was wrong just by looking at you, and there was nobody that could calm your nerves like he did when you felt too anxious about something. There was no way you were ready to lose this.
—
The next week went by smoothly and Jimin did not make any advances – even playfully – towards you. He totally respected what you had said the other day and you couldn’t be happier.
It was like any other day after college when Jimin had decided to stay a little longer with you since it was the weekend. The two day a week rule had put both of you through a tough time in the past few days. You had not seen Jimin this eager to fuck in the previous months as he was at the moment – while you were in no better state than him, to speak the truth.
Your clothes were on the floor with your bags in no time as the two of you kissed hungrily. You walked to the bed, never breaking the kiss before Jimin pushed on the mattress and you fell with a bounce with Jimin on top of you. There were hands roaming around each other’s bodies while your mouths explored all the curves and corners like it was the first time.
Jimin was quick to his feet to pull out a condom from his bag while you waited for him to just come back to bed and fuck you into oblivion. You had no idea how much you were craving for this until the moment his lips locked with yours. You cursed the stupid rule you had made just because you were scared people would find out. All this was too good to be sacrificed for such a futile reason. You made a mental note to tell him that you had stricken off the two times a week thing when you were done as Jimin rolled the condom down onto his length.
He wasted no time in climbing back on top of you as he started to ease himself in. You bit your lip from the feeling of him stretching you out without any preparation as Jimin hissed lightly to himself. He dipped his head down to kiss you and started with slow thrusts.
Jimin had barely picked up the pace when his phone started to ring. You looked at him but he showed no expressions that said he cared about the phone call. He continued to move inside you as the ringing finally died in the background. But it did not stop at that. It started ringing again and without a doubt both you and he could feel the energy between you starting to die out. And to make it worse – it felt awkward.
Every time before this when you and Jimin had sex, the two of you were way too engrossed in the feeling of pleasure to feel anything else. And there was never any time to spare after you were done, for it was always between classes.
But this time, as the pleasure started to die out because of the much unwelcomed interruption, you could feel how weird it was to have sex with your best friend. Blood rushed to your cheeks from where it was supposed to be as you averted your eyes from him.
Jimin pulled out of you with an apologetic look, leaving you to sigh at the emptiness and frustration that took over you. He walked wherever he had thrown his bag on the floor. You picked up your bed cover from the nearby chair, not really wanting to be naked in front of him anymore.
“Fuck!” Jimin cursed as soon as he looked at his phone, his hands flying to clutch a handful of his hair in his tight grasp.
“What happened? Is everything okay?” you asked immediately, worried about what was wrong.
“I’m sorry but I’ve got to go Y/N,” he said as he nearly ran to pick up his shirt and jeans. “How could I forget! I had a date with Sarah!”
What?
It was like everything stopped in its place for a good long minute. Your breath was stuck in your throat as you let the information seep in. To say that his words came like a blow of a full speed truck towards you would be a total understatement. Jimin had told you that he had a date with the said girl two days ago. And it had felt like a jab to your chest for a second but you had quickly brushed the feeling away. But – Oh! You had no clue that it would come to mock you in the face like this. Being left behind when you were in the middle of sex for another person was worst of the worst things that could happen to you.
“See you later?” Jimin shot a quick goodbye at you and left in a rush, just like that.
You were left there naked with nothing but your covers around you as you made efforts to breathe. Your mouth ran dry and there was nothing on your mind. You felt...betrayed? But were you supposed to? Should you?
When you and Jimin started having just sex, you knew it would be weird. But now you were cursing yourself for never giving two thoughts to what would happen to your dating lives. You knew you didn’t want to date but what about Jimin? How could you leave out such a vital thing? And most importantly – what were you supposed to do now? It was not like Jimin couldn’t date anyone, then why did it feel like he had wronged you?
You swallowed the lump in your throat and got out of bed to get dressed. ‘It’s nothing big, Y/N, it’ll go away’, you tried to calm yourself as you pulled out a fresh set of clothes. This – what you and Jimin had – was casual. It was not supposed to mean anything. So you decided that it would be best to just forget it and never talk about it again, like it never happened, like it didn’t make you feel anything. ‘You are just feeling that way in the moment’, you told yourself as you tried to believe your own words; ‘He is allowed to go out. He doesn’t belong to you.’
—
You did not hear from Jimin until the next afternoon. He texted you with an apology and went on to tell you how perfectly amazing Sarah was. It was something he always did - texting you after every date to tell you how good or bad it was. But it felt different this time.
A part of you didn’t want to know about his fucking date at all, for it was the very reason he had left you like that, like it didn’t mean anything. Yes, you two were best friends with benefits but that did not give him the right to take it for granted.
You bit you lip harshly while you talked to him like you usually did. How could he not spare two minutes to ask you how you felt? Did it matter so little to him? Or, what if, it mattered more to you than it should?
Your thoughts were complicating the situation further. You didn’t know what you were feeling or where you stood in your own two eyes let alone his. It was getting difficult to sort out your emotions for there were so many running through you presently. You wanted to be happy for him for that’s what a friend would do but you were feeling betrayed instead; you wanted to be normal with him, but you couldn’t.
What was all this?
—
You were eagerly waiting for the college to open for the weekend had seemed to stretch for way too long. You had little to do and a lot on your mind. Every time you tried to balance the two, you failed. Everything had suddenly become very incomprehensible; your thoughts; your feelings; your emotions.
When you finally saw Jimin on Monday, the incident that took place two days ago was long forgotten; or at least he certainly had no memory of it from where you saw it. He just talked about Sarah and it irritated you to no end.
“Y/N, have you ever met someone that you just click with? She is exactly like that!” he had exclaimed as he held you by the shoulders, his mind clearly over occupied with her to see anything else.
“That’s good to know.” Your voice came out quieter than you had expected. But it didn’t make a difference. And it marked the first time where Jimin couldn’t spot that you weren’t yourself.
It broke you a little from the inside as realisation dawned upon you – there was nothing wrong with Jimin; it was you who was feeling too much. Maybe mixing friendship with sex wasn’t a good idea, after all. You just wished you could undo it.
The next couple weeks that passed made you feel even more distant with him. It’s not like he didn’t spend time with you, but when he did, you couldn’t stop thinking about the time Jimin was spending with Sarah. You thought about what they did or talked about, or if Jimin ever mentioned you in front of her. Why in the world had you brought this upon yourself?
On the other hand, Jimin and you continued with your sex life as usual. But you did not need any rules now, for you did not get the chance to deny him anymore. It had started to feel like you saw less of him, and when you did it ended up with you in bed with him. To say that the thought of him only ever coming to have sex did not cross your mind even once would be a white lie.
There were times when you thought Jimin did not want you in his life anymore, or that the only thing he wanted out of you was sex. You also wondered what he thought about you – ‘does he think I’m just an easy person to get into bed with?’ you thought once with tears in your eyes; ‘what does he think of me now, that I would give myself away to anyone?’ Questions like these never stopped haunting you but you knew in your heart that this wasn’t true.
Jimin would never ever think like that especially about you. These were all but figments of your own over imagination but how were you supposed to stop? You did not know how to make yourself believe that his attention was not divided, or he did not think of you as a low life, or that he did not want you in his life for just sex for that matter.
Your mind was in frenzy and you could nearly see yourself going crazy as you sat on the floor of your room, beginning to feel the waves of anxiety crashing upon you. You tried to calmly focus and remind yourself that it was Jimin that you were talking about, but to no avail. You were far too gone to see things for what they were.
But you had successfully decoded one thing from all the mess – your worst fear had come to life:
You did not see Jimin as just a friend anymore.
—
“Hey are you okay?” Jimin asked you one day when you sat beside him doodling something on the back of your text book.
“Hm? Yeah I’m fine,” you replied, never looking up at him.
“Are you sure? You don’t even sleep through the lectures anymore,” he chuckled lightly and you could cry over the fact that Jimin knew you like the back of his hand. You cursed the hormones that had blinded you the day you decided to have sex with him. You cursed that day and that bloody hour that had ruined the one thing you held so close to your heart.
“Yes I’m sure.” You managed to say with a tiny smile, not wanting to answer any more questions.
“Okay!” He chimed.
There were a few minutes of silence before he spoke to you again.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you...”
“Hm?”
“Sarah wants to meet you.” His words had you snapping your head in his direction, taking him a little by surprise. In that moment, you wanted nothing but to rip off your arms and throw them at that bitch – who you held responsible for everything, somehow.
“I’ve been telling her about you and I didn’t even realise that you two haven’t met until she said it,” he paused to look at you and you immediately turned your eyes away. This was too much...all this was too much take. You could feel your heart in your throat as you tried to swallow it away.
“Ah, I see,” you mumbled.
“Mhm...so how about today during the break?” he wiggled an eyebrow at you and you let out a forced giggle.
“That’d be great!” you said as you licked your lips that had suddenly gone dry.
Your heart was beating frantically at the thought of seeing them together. You couldn’t be alone with them, no! That would be nothing but the end of you.
Yuki!
Yes, Yuki. She was the closest person to you after Jimin and she wouldn’t say no. You could ask her to come with you, and that way you would be able to excuse yourself, too. You were just thinking everything through when your eyes went to your watch. It was almost time to break.
As soon as the teacher left, Jimin got up, a big smile plastered across his face and it had butterflies fluttering inside you. It made you wonder when it actually started to happen; when his presence had you feeling nervous and when his gaze made your heart thump against your rib cage. Was it something new or had it always been like that?
“Let’s go?” His voice broke the chain of your thoughts.
“Yes. You go first I’ll be there in a minute...” you let him know and waited for him to be outside the room before you ran to Yuki and stopped her.
“What happened?” She was startled as she turned back to you with eyes widened in surprise.
“I need your help?” you got to the point straight away.
“My help...what is it?” she raised an eyebrow at your sudden request.
“Jimin wants me to meet her girlfriend. And honestly, I don’t want to be third wheeling...” you were quick to make up something that was believable enough.
“Oh, I see...” Yuki caught onto your point in a second. “So you want me to come with you so we can excuse ourselves and then leave,” she completed your thought and you nodded.
“Exactly...”
“Okay, no problem. When do we go?” she asked, swinging her bag over her shoulder.
“Now!” you said and before she could respond, you were already dragging her by the hand. You did not want Jimin to speculate anything, so you left as soon as Yuki agreed.
—
It was easy for you to spot Jimin just by his hair in the crowd of students that chattered away like there was no tomorrow. Oh what would you give to have your fingers glide through the soft strands of his hair.
It was when you walked a little closer that your eyes landed at Sarah, and the sight made your stomach churn and a lump to form in your throat.
“There they are...” you squeaked to Yuki who was still searching through the crowd for Jimin.
“Let’s go,” she said and this time she had to pull you by the hand to make you walk.
“What if we don’t go?” you asked Yuki, making her to stop and look back at you.
“But why?” she asked.
“Why...uhm – because look at them, they are talking and seemingly enjoying each other’s company...let them have it, d-don’t you think?” your breath was already staggering just by looking at them so engrossed in each other and you did not know what would happen if you were to sit near them and listen to them talk.
“It’s okay, Y/N. Jimin asked you to be there, didn’t he? He is your best friend. And I promise I’ll excuse us in just ten minutes,” Yuki assured you and you started walking with her half heartedly.
Best friend.
That was what you were to him, and that’s what the problem was. You knew he would put you first in every situation, but he wouldn’t think of you like you wanted him to; never.
Jimin spotted you from a distance and waved you over. You and Yuki took a seat across them before Jimin started introducing you.
You had to force yourself to smile at Sarah and Yuki who sat beside you was beginning to understand that something wasn’t right. She could tell that you were growing uncomfortable from the way you repeatedly shifted in your seat but it wasn’t because you didn’t want to intrude their space; it was something else.
You couldn’t lie to yourself and say Sarah was a bitch, for you realised she was actually a sweet woman when you talked to her. You could see why Jimin liked her but you still couldn’t bring yourself to look her in the eye and tell yourself that it was okay. She would always be the person who had the one thing that you couldn’t get – Jimin.
“Jimin tells me that you’re his best friend,” Sarah smiled at you as you took a sip of water. Those two words never failed to make you wince.
“He does...haha,” you gave a humourless laugh, causing Jimin to squint his eyes at you while Yuki looked at you with pitiful eyes. She knew exactly what was wrong.
“I really hope we get along nicely, Y/N.” Sarah spoke with honest emotions, while you on the other hand had difficulty even forming proper thoughts. So you just looked at her.
“I know you two will,” Jimin came to your rescue, clearly sensing the uneasiness in your demeanour but still clueless as to what was it for.
Sarah looked at her watch, “Oh, I have to go, my friends must be waiting. I’ll see you later?” she said before as she turned to Jimin.
She put her hand on Jimin’s that rested on his thigh and you chest tightened so hard you thought you would faint. Jimin, as if instinctively, put his other hand on hers and squeezed it a little while you wished you had gone blind before witnessing it. Your heart sank to the deepest pits and everything inside you suddenly felt hollow. Your breaths came out in short gasps while Yuki observed the whole scene, totally forgetting her promise.
You clutched the hem of your shirt so tight your knuckles turned white. You felt your face heat up when Sarah leaned in to whisper something in his ear and that’s when you knew you couldn’t take it anymore.
You got up and shot a quick ‘I gotta go’ before leaving the scene for good. Yuki followed you as Jimin looked at your back, shocked at the way you just left.
“I’ll go and see what’s wrong,” Jimin excused himself, not taking another look back at Sarah before he ran after you.
You ran to the ladies room and braced yourself with your hands on the edge of the basin while Yuki just stood there, ready to offer any help if you needed it. You were sure you were having an anxiety attack with the way your breaths came out shallow and your vision blurred. Your head was spinning as you tried to catch on your breath. Yuki rubbed your back as your feet began to stagger a little.
“You need to get out of here, Y/N!” Yuki said worriedly beside you.
“I-I can’t...” you said gathering whatever energy you were left with.
“Let me help you. You should be out in the open,” she said as she supported you while you dragged your feet to wherever she was taking you, holding onto your chest with one hand.
It took you several minutes to at least grasp your surroundings. You were out in the open in fresh air and it instantly calmed your nerves. You took a few more deep breaths before the anxiety died away entirely.
You looked at Yuki who was still worried about you. “I’m sorry I had you worried.”
“Are you okay now?” she asked you but before you could reply you heard Jimin calling your name from a distance. You turned around to look at him running towards you at full speed. When he reached you he was totally out of breath but that didn’t stop him from shooting questions at you.
“Are you okay? What happened?” he asked, taking a step closer to you.
“Yes, I’m fine—” you started saying but Jimin was quick to wrap you up in a hug tight enough to knock the air out of your lungs.
“Oh thank god! You had me worried there.” Jimin’s voice was laced with nothing but concern and care and you wanted to just cry into his shoulder and tell him everything there and then. You wrapped you arms around him when he didn’t let go and inhaled his scent, so sweet – something that felt so familiar yet different to you.
“But what happened? It’s so unlikely of you to just leave like that?” he asked once he let go of you.
“I-I needed to use the washroom really bad,” you said sheepishly, failing to convince even yourself let alone anybody else.
“Seriously Y/N?”
You just nodded in response, considering that it was too risky to change your words now.
“Alright,” Jimin mumbled, but he had some inkling that you were lying and hiding something from him. It wasn’t like you to keep secrets from him, so he waited for you to come and tell him on your own instead of putting any pressure on you.
—
That night in hostel, Yuki joined you in your room after dinner.
“What is all this about?” she got straight to the point as she stood in front of you, hands folded over her chest.
“What?” You knew well enough what she was talking about, but you gave it a try, thinking—rather wishing that it was about something else.
“You know what Y/N...I know you like Jimin!” she blurted out and you sighed in defeat. There was no point in beating around the bush now.
“What am I supposed to do Yuki?” you cried, unable to control it – finally finding someone you could talk to.
“What do you want to do?” she asked in return, “How long since you started feeling that way?” she asked with care and made you sit down on your bed.
“I don’t know...about either of the two. I just suddenly realised that I can’t imagine him being with another girl.” A tear fell down your cheek.
“I’ve been noticing the difference in you two for the past few months. What is exactly happening?” Yuki asked the question you dreaded the most. Honestly, you wanted to tell her everything but you decided against it, feeling ashamed to tell her about your exact relationship with Jimin. It wasn’t something you were proud of or wanted people to find out about.
“We just started hanging out a little more. I don’t know when I started feeling that way to be honest. I’m not sure even now, Yuki, if it’s the possessiveness towards a friend or something else,” you told her the half truth, covering it up with something believable before you started telling her everything else.
“Do you think you should tell him?” Yuki asked after attentively listening to everything you had to tell her.
“I’m scared...I’m scared that he’d run away. He will run away Yuki! He sees me as a friend and nothing more and I’m scared I will destroy it if I tell him,” you sobbed.
“You’re not just a friend to him, Y/N, and you know that very well. He cares for you like nobody else. In fact, he hardly talks to any other girl besides you,” Yuki said, stating the facts for you to look at them optimistically.
“But he talks to Sarah now,” you commented ruefully, the image of her and Jimin holding hands doing rounds in your head all over again.
“It’s probably just another short lived relationship Y/N, plus they’re just dating it’s nothing serious,” she tried further to make you understand and decide what you wanted to do.
“You think so? You still think so after watching them being all cuddly today? It was so intimate Yuki it made me sick to my very core!” Your words were turning bitter by the moment.
“What do you want then?” Yuki was starting to lose her cool, the frustration of not being able to reach to a conclusion evident in her tone.
“I just know that I can’t let him go...that’s too much a price to pay,” you muttered and Yuki immediately comforted you with a sympathetic hand over your shoulder.
“How long will you torture yourself like this?” she asked weakly.
“For as long as I can take it...”
—
It had been a couple of weeks since your first encounter with Sarah. You had been trying your best to stay your usual self around her and had made some progress. Yuki tagged along with you more now and you couldn’t be more thankful. You just wished you had enough courage to tell her everything without leaving a single incident out, but alas!
Jimin, on the other hand could tell there was something terribly wrong with the way you were behaving with him. You two had mutually decided to stop having sex for you considered it to be Jimin cheating on Sarah, and you did not want to be a part of it. But that did not stop Jimin from hanging out in your room, enjoying the level of comfort you two had built up in the past months.
Jimin would occasionally ask for cuddles, and you denied him every time except the ones where he was just too difficult to resist. He could tell there was more behind your denials than just the reason you had given him but he couldn’t bring himself to ask you directly, afraid that he would be invading your space by doing so, and there was no other way to know.
Jimin couldn’t stand to look at you all lost and void of the cheerful energy that you used to carry around you. He just wanted to know and put an end to your problems, if only he knew. He spent his days worrying and wondering, looking for any type of clues to know what was going on in that little head of yours until one day he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked you one day when it was just you and him in the canteen, no Yuki and no Sarah. But you were waiting and bracing yourself for the latter to arrive.
“Yes?” you replied without looking at him or anywhere in particular for that matter.
“Look at me,” he demanded and you heaved in a breath before doing as asked. It was visible on his very face, the fact that he knew – he always knew even without you saying a word. You saw the hardships he was going through himself because he saw you suffering for an unknown reason, and you just asked yourself if this was not enough to make someone fall in love, what was?
“What’s wrong?” he finally asked.
“Nothing’s wrong, Jimin,” you forced your words along with a smile, trying to sound as natural as possible.
“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. I did not ask until now because I thought you just needed some time before you come and tell me...but I can’t wait anymore. Tell me what happened?” he asked you so softly you could feel your heart melting behind your ribcage.
“No seriously, it’s nothing...” you tried to convince him.
“There you are, lying again, as if I can’t see it. Tell me Y/N; you don’t let me anywhere near you, always finding excuses to get away from me. Sometimes they are so ridiculous that I can’t believe you expect me to actually buy them. You said you didn’t want to have sex anymore and you had a valid reason, so I accepted it, but you push me away even when I want to just hang out. Have I done something to hurt you? Tell me if I have...” Jimin sounded so helpless you wanted to comfort him as you cursed yourself for making him feel that way. It was the last thing you wanted, for him to think that he could hurt you.
“Is something wrong back at home?” Jimin speculated further, his brain going through every possible scenario that could make you go so quiet all of a sudden. “Come on Y/N give me something...it’s eating me alive!” he pleaded.
You gave a thought to telling him the truth and putting him out of his misery, but before you could give even a second’s more consideration to it, you noticed a familiar figure walking closer to where you both sat. And your heart sank. Just when you two were finally opening up a little for the first time in weeks – ugh! You hated that woman.
Sarah walked to where Jimin sat and stepped behind him, placing her hand on his shoulder possessively before looking at you.
“Hey Y/N,” she smiled at you and you mirrored her expressions before looking away immediately. You could sense as the familiar feeling of your chest tightening and your throat constricting returning to you, leaving you breathless, gasping for air. This did not go unnoticed by Jimin. He was quick to pick up on your reactions.
“Sarah, do you mind giving us a minute? We were actually in the middle of something...” Jimin asked without much thought and Sarah was slightly taken aback by his sudden request, but she was quick to cover it up.
“Oh...sure. I’ll be right outside, okay?” she smiled before kissing Jimin on the cheek and then stood up to leave. Her gesture from seconds ago made you ball your hands into fists. Sweat beads formed on your forehead from how much struggle you were going through just to breathe.
You were about to get up and leave to avoid making the situation worse, but Jimin held you down by the hand.
“What is troubling you?” he asked sternly this time, hating to witness how you were withering away right in front his eyes.
“I-I told you it’s nothing Jimin,” you still stood firm on your reply, sure that now wasn’t the time to tell him. You would destroy a lot if you did.
“Stop that! I can’t see this anymore...just tell me what’s wrong? Is it Sarah? Has she said something to you? Does she make you uncomfortable?” Jimin shot more questions at you, desperate for an answer, for anything that could tell him what bothered you.
You took a few breaths before meeting eyes with Jimin. You could tell how infuriated he was feeling. His face glistened with sweat as his hair clung to his forehead. He was breathing with short puffs of air and you knew you’d have to calm him down before he lost him temper entirely.
“Listen to me...you’re over thinking this,” you said as you collected your own self, “it is nothing like what you think. You know I’ve always had anxiety issues, Jimin. It’s nothing new and nothing big, trust me,” you weighed your words before you calmly made him understand, seeing his face return to its normal colour from the red that had taken over it.
“I’ll believe you this time, Y/N, but promise me you’ll tell him if something’s wrong?” he said as he extended his hand to hold yours tightly, while all you could think about was Sarah’s hand in his. You hated whatever it was inside you that didn’t let you enjoy one moment with him without bringing up Sarah in your thoughts.
“I will,” You smiled. “Now go, she’s waiting for you,” you said half heartedly and Jimin got up from his chair.
“Just know that you mean more than everything to me, Y/N. You know I’ll do anything to make you feel better; you just have to name it. Don’t be so hard on yourself and talk to me, okay?” he said before he held you for a few seconds, your head resting on his stomach and oh how hard it was for you not to cry.
His words came from his heart and went straight to yours and for a second you felt like Jimin felt the same towards you, but you knew better. It wasn’t possible. He was dating another woman, it was just impossible.
You closed your eyes shut and let the tears fall when Jimin left. Yuki must have been watching from a distance for she was there beside you the very next second.
“Oh Y/N...” she sympathised. “It hurts me to just look at it. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for you,” she said as she rubbed your arm while you just sat there.
“I almost told him today, Yuki,” you confessed and her eyes widened.
“What?! Then what happened?” she asked with a mixture of shock and curiosity.
“Well, I thought maybe I should and then suddenly Sarah came...” you explained, still thinking about how she always had his hands on him authoritatively and it wrecked your nerves.
“You’re being too hard on yourself Y/N, just tell him and get it over with,” Yuki suggested.
“I still don’t know Yuki...maybe I will, very soon. It’s his birthday next week. I’ll wait till then and then I’ll see...” You were still uncertain as to what you wanted. Of course you wanted Jimin to love you like you had began to, as unexpectedly as it was, you just didn’t know how or if it was at all possible.
“I really wish I could do something for you.”
“You’re already doing enough Yuki. Thanks...” You smiled lightly before checking your watch and realising it was almost time for the next class.
“Let’s go! Professor Kim hates it when we are late,” you ushered Yuki towards your classroom, trying to push away all the thought of Jimin and Sarah and what they must be doing.
—
You couldn’t stop thinking about Jimin’s last birthday, and how happy you were – just the two of you together for the whole day. Of course, there weren’t any feelings back then but the thought filled you with warmth but you also felt sad at the same time, for you couldn’t have it this year. ‘He is obviously gonna spend his day with Sarah,’ you thought.
“What are you thinking about now?” Yuki asked as she came to you with two plates of noodles in her hands and placed one of them before you.
“Nothing...just about how happy I was with him last year,” you sighed.
“Come on Y/N don’t be so low. This year is going to be just as great,” Yuki tried to reassure you.
You nodded as you played around with your food. The two of you then ate in silence until Yuki nudged you with her elbow, directing your attention to the last person you wanted to see walking towards you.
“Hey! How are you guys?” Sarah beamed at you good naturedly.
“We’re fine,” Yuki replied with a smile on your behalf as well, secretly wishing for Sarah to just leave after the pleasantries were exchanged, but to her utter dismay she made herself comfortable on the chair right opposite you.
“Have you seen Jimin?” she asked and the sound of his name tumbling from her mouth made you sick.
“No...” you lied, knowing that he had gone to meet a professor – enjoying the silly notion of knowing something she didn’t.
“Ah good then...it’s his birthday in a few days,” Sarah said, squinting her eyes slightly as if thinking about something.
“We know,” Yuki replied with a slight sarcasm in her tone. It should have made you happy, but being mean to Sarah wasn’t what you wanted. She wasn’t a bad person, it were the circumstances that had made you to hate her so badly.
“Well, I was thinking about what I should get him...” Sarah said, evidently trying to think hard about what to do.
“Well...Y/N gave him a really heartfelt gift last year,” Yuki said purely out of spite, wanting to let Sarah know that you were way better than her in every way possible.
“Really? What did you give him, Y/N?” she asked curiously, her chin resting on her palm as she took great interest in what was to come.
“”I-I made him an album...” you said and your mind went back to that day.
You had spent months making that one thing for him, a collection of your times together. And Jimin had held it above everything else, thanking you with tears in his eyes as he flipped through the pages.
You had made him a hand-made album from scratch, collecting the worst pictures of you two that accounted for the best of the memories. You had left a note beside each one, reminding him how goofy and silly you two have been in the past and he had loved it. He had acknowledged the effort you had put into every single page.
You could still see how his eyes had widened when he had pulled it out of the wrapping papers. He had mumbled a ‘what is this’ before you urged him to open it further. He had held it to his chest for a good moment before beginning to leaf through the pages, living those moments again like you had while you glued every picture.
“You made him an album?” Sarah asked with shock laced in her voice.
“Yes...and Jimin had loved it,” Yuki further teased her as she especially emphasised the word, earning herself a smack on the thigh from you. But she did not stop there, quite adamant on making Sarah feel as little as she could. “You should have seen it, Sarah...it was the most beautiful thing I had seen someone make for a person. Oh what would I give to have someone give me something like that piece of wonder,” Yuki bragged further, not willing to stop anytime soon.
“Oh god...this makes me nervous. Ah I really need to give him something really good. Do you have any ideas?” Yuki had successfully made Sarah feel helpless and clueless as to what she was supposed to do. You could see the confusion grow on her face as she thought of ideas but nothing came close to how Yuki had defined your present to be.
“I don’t really think anything can match it Sarah, plus you don’t have time to make something for him now,” Yuki mocked her to no end and as much as you wanted to enjoy it, you knew she didn’t deserve it.
“You’ll find something, Sarah, don’t worry. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, let it come naturally,” you finally spoke, trying to lighten the burden Yuki had suddenly huddled upon her.
“Maybe I’ll make something for his next birthday, but I really hope I think of something before his day this year,” Sarah lamented. “I’ve got go now. I’ll see you later?” She flashed her signature smile before she walked away.
But her words had stuck with you...next birthday?
You had rarely asked Jimin about how things were going with Sarah, what he thought about the relationship and where he saw it going in the coming time. But the fact that Sarah thought she would be spending his next birthday with him could only mean one thing – things were going smoothly between them. The mere thought was enough to leave you heartbroken as all your hopes – if you really were left with any to begin with – to shatter to pieces.
“I gave her a good time,” Yuki said proudly, interrupting your analysis or their relationship.
“I think I should go to my room, Yuki. I really need to lie down,” You told her as you got up, leaving your lunch almost entirely uneaten before you walked to your room. You needed some space, some time and definitely to maintain some distance with Jimin. He would sit beside you no matter what and you couldn’t be close to him at the moment.
You locked your room from inside and allowed yourself to breathe. You cursed yourself for not being able to subside your desires and your expectations, for thinking that something could really happen between you and Jimin.
You closed your eyes once you were lying flat on your back on your bed, thinking about all the possibilities that could show themselves if you decided to confess your feelings. If it had not been for the fear of losing him, you would have wasted no time in doing so. But you weren’t sure how Jimin would react...he might be accepting of it but what if he wasn’t and started hating you? That was the thought that scared you the most.
—
“Where’s Y/N?” Jimin asked Yuki after ten minutes had gone since the lecture started with no sign of you showing up.
“She went back to her room,” Yuki told him.
“Why?” Jimin’s eyes widened the instant those words left her mouth.
“She wasn’t really feeling well,” Yuki told him the truth, low-key wanting him to find out everything regardless of what would happen after it.
“What happened to her? Should I go and see her?” Jimin fired questions at Yuki, unable to control himself after what he had just heard.
“I don’t know Jimin...she just said she wasn’t feeling well,” Yuki shrugged, getting back to her work but watching Jimin from the corner of her eyes. He was hardly able to concentrate on anything the professor said. He finally took out his phone and texted you, but did not get any reply. He sent you three more texts but all of them went unanswered like the first one. He desperately waited for the lecture to end so he could call you or see you or anything.
Yuki could see the way Jimin was squirming restlessly, looking at the professor but his mind wandering elsewhere, thinking of nothing but you.
“Yuki...can you tell Y/N to check her phone? I don’t want to call her in case she’s sleeping. And take care of her for me?” Jimin asked for a favour as soon as the professor left and Yuki smiled to herself.
“Don’t worry I will.” Yuki said before walking away.
—
You talked to Jimin later that evening and saw him the next day. He looked at you with worried eyes, noticing how you were quieter than usual.
He had asked you if you were okay after every lecture, successfully making you laugh lightly at how he was so serious about something so trivial. You had just taken half of the day off.
“Will you stop worrying Jimin...I’m fine. I was just tired so I left,” you turned to him when he did not stop pestering you.
“Well then next time tell me before you leave. I don’t feel like sitting here without you,” he pouted as he chided you.
“Fine...” you gave in, not really wanting to argue anymore.
“What have you prepared this time?” Jimin suddenly asked as he leaned forward to look at you.
“For what?” You were clueless as to what he was talking about.
“Really Y/N...you are asking this?” he feigned shock, looking at you like you had committed a crime.
“Yes I am. Care to tell me now?” and as soon as these words left your mouth it clicked.
“It’s my birthday in two days you dumb head!” he complained before moving and turning away from you. But you could not pay attention to him, for all you could think about was Sarah all over again. She’s going to be the one preparing a party; she’s going to be the one standing beside him while he blew the candles, not you. Hers will be the most important wish and not yours. Oh there was so much that wasn’t going to be yours – including Jimin.
Jimin noticed how you had zoned out again, thinking about something but always denying it whenever he asked.
“Okay Y/N, I caught you red handed this time. What were you thinking, tell me!” He demanded as his voice changed – suddenly stern and no longer playful.
“My answer’s the same,” you said without much thought and Jimin sighed in frustration. He was getting tired of you running away from things, not telling him any of it and avoiding him on top of everything.
“You know what Y/N...I’m not going to talk to you until you tell me. The choice is yours now!” Jimin was helpless. He could see no other way of making you speak and as much as it hurt him to say that, it was his last resort.
“Whatever you want, Park Jimin!” You hated how he had put that condition in front of you, but a part of you was thankful that you wouldn’t have to face his questions. It was entirely up to you now.
Jimin huffed at your response, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before you’d come to him. After all, it wasn’t easy for either of you to stay away from the other for long...but little did Jimin know that you’d been doing things far more difficult than being apart for more than just days.
—
You considered staying in to be a safer option for the two days that were left for Jimin’s birthday. You were growing restless and impatient with your feelings, and now was the worst time of all. And since Jimin had already said that he wouldn’t talk to you until you tell him, you wouldn’t have to answer to anything for he always kept his word.
Jimin, on the other hand, grew restless too but from different reasons. There were things that troubled him – emotions and feelings to be more specific – but he was unaware of what they were, where they came from or how to deal with them. He just felt uneasy. And to top all that off, you were behaving like never before. He wanted to do something for you, if only you would let him.
Jimin respected your wish of not wanting to tell him, but deep inside he was not ready to be left out of anything that concerned you, that disturbed you or caused you any stress. He was so used to knowing everything about you that being uniformed haunted him. Jimin knew it was just the habit he had developed over the months that tormented him...or was it something else?
When Jimin did not see you at college the next day, he knew you were trying to avoid him. It was agonising to sit through the day without you, and he regretted making such a rash decision. As Jimin took out his phone from his pocket, his hand hovered over your name, but the stubbornness to keep his word and make you speak got the better of him. ‘It’s now or never’ he thought as he got up to go and meet Sarah.
—
The fact that you had nothing to do in that one room was an absolute bane in the given situation. Your mind was clouded with thoughts of your best friend and his girlfriend even more than before. All you could see was them chattering away happily, holding hands and even kissing each other. Your brain brewed the worst possible scenarios for you to lament over.
Sometimes you would imagine Jimin being so happy with Sarah that your existence seemed to be wiped out of his life; other times you would imagine Sarah being the wicked person you viewed her as and making Jimin turn against you.
For the two days that passed, you had done nothing but tortured yourself with similar thoughts and made up scenarios. Yuki had come to check up on you and you secretly wished that she would tell you something about Jimin, but there was never anything. She just tried to talk you out of confining yourself to that room and you denied her request every time. That was what you needed at the moment, or so you thought.
When Jimin did not text you or call you even once, something died a little inside you. Maybe you did not matter that much to him anymore. ‘He must be talking to Sarah,’ you always concluded. Those two days did more damage than any other times, making you believe that you had lost Jimin forever...for two days was the longest time you had gone without talking to him, and the fact that he hadn’t tried even once made your body go limp as your hopes shattered completely.
—
The sound of your phone chiming at the new message made you jump out of your bed. You desperately wished for it to be from Jimin.
23:24, Jimin: It’s my birthday tomorrow Y/N. I know we are not talking but at least wish me and be there. It’s incomplete without you.
Your eyes welled up after reading his message, not sure what to make of it. Was he angry with you...or sad? Did he really miss you?
23:27, Y/N: of course I’ll be there...
You typed and sent and held your phone to your chest. You blamed yourself for everything, for turning things bitter between you and Jimin when they were going just fine. You blamed yourself for pushing him away and making him as miserable as you were...and he had not even done anything wrong.
You wished Jimin over a text at midnight before you cried yourself to sleep. You dreaded the day that was to come; for both yourself and for Jimin.
How did you end up like this?
—
There was an evident layer of awkwardness between you and Jimin when you saw him the next day. Yuki saw it too, and that’s why she decided to puncture it a little.
“Happy birthday, Jimin!” She extended her hand towards him as she wished him from her heart.
“Thank you, Yuki...” It was visible how much effort he had to make just to smile.
“Happy birthday...” you took some inspiration from Yuki and extended you hand too.
Jimin scoffed internally at you and stepped closer to envelop you in his embrace.
“Thank you, Y/N,” he mumbled in your hair with a hint of sadness and your heart beat skyrocketed. You had not seen it coming but Jimin couldn’t hold himself anymore. He needed to feel that you were there, at least physically if not mentally.
You couldn’t meet eyes with him when he let go, and thankfully the professor arrived just in time to save you from the struggle of speaking anymore.
You could not focus as usual so you rested your head on the table, eyes diligently watching Jimin as he listened to the old man speak. Oh how long it had been since you actually looked at his face without being interrupted or being too shy.
Jimin could tell you were looking at him but he did not want to disturb your silent observation. He kept his eyes straight while his heart and mind wandered elsewhere.
Three classes passed without you and Jimin saying even a word to each other before it was finally the break time.
“Let’s go,” Jimin said when he realised you had no plans to go anywhere.
“Where?”
“To the canteen, where else?” he chuckled lightly and your heart fluttered.
You looked to the desk next to yours only to find it empty. “Where’s Yuki?” You questioned.
“She left already...while you were thinking about god knows what.” Jimin had a helpless expression over his face. And you hated that you were the reason.
You got up from your seat and walked with Jimin, waiting for Sarah to pop out from some corner and remind you that you were expecting the wrong things from the wrong person.
When you reached the usual spot where you and Jimin always sat amidst the crowd there was already a small cake on the table for him. You swallowed, knowing full well that it was from Sarah if not you.
Yuki appeared behind you shortly while you just started at the piece of bread in front of you. Jimin looked at the cake and then at you and Yuki mirrored his actions. All the thoughts that you had brewed up and fed yourself over the past days were regurgitating so quickly it made your body tremble. Sarah was all that was on your mind.
She had already sent him the cake, and it wouldn’t be long before both of them were standing together right in front of you, smiling at each other. All these thoughts were making it difficult to have a control upon how you were reacting.
“Y/N, what is wrong?” Jimin was quick to come to your aid as he held your quivering hands in his, trying to calm you down while you just started in the distance.
“I ca-can’t,” you mumbled under your breath so quietly none of your two friends could understand.
“What?” Jimin asked as he moved his ear closer to your mouth.
“I can’t...I can’t do this,” you exhaled.
“What are you talking about Y/N, tell me?” Jimin softly cooed near you.
“No-no...” you shook your head a couple of times before freeing yourself from Jimin’s hold and taking a step backwards. Jimin looked at you with a puzzled expression painted over his face.
He took a careful step towards you but you had just had enough. So you turned around and ran away from him, from that, place, from Sarah. You ran straight to your room and locked it, deciding that you wouldn’t open it no matter who came.
You walked lifelessly to your bed and let yourself fall down, listening to the sound of the rain that had started to pour outside before your own control gave in and you broke down into bitter sobs. Your whole body shook from the impact of the emotions you had been pretending not to have. You cried helplessly into your pillow, cursing yourself for getting too close, for getting too attached to only end up like this.
Why Jimin? You asked yourself and the images of you two spending time together without a care in the world flashed like a movie before you. You remembered how you used to be two happy people instead of a fucked up set of friends who could not sort and control their emotions.
It had been a while since you had left the dreaded scene and a part of you wondered what Jimin must be doing; was he celebrating with Sarah? Did he not miss you? Did he even care anymore? Fresh tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of how drastically things had changed. Earlier, Jimin couldn’t even stand you not being around and today, on his special day, it did not even bother him in the slightest.
You were staring blankly at your ceiling when the sound of someone knocking your door startled you. You knew it was Yuki and she had come to comfort you, but you did not want to talk to anybody.
“Let’s talk later, Yuki,” you shouted from your position on your bed, loud enough for her to hear. But either she did not hear it, or she deliberately ignored you as she knocked again.
This time you did not respond, thinking that she would leave if you did not answer but she did not. She kept on knocking and it drove you mad. You got up with a frustrated sigh and walked to the door in a total mood of giving her a hell. You opened the door ready to spew fire but stopped when you noticed it wasn’t Yuki.
“Jimin...” you breathed out. He was all drenched from the rain outside. Water dripped from his hair while some of the strands clung to his forehead. “Oh my god! why did you step out when it was raining?” You ran to fetch a towel from your wooden cupboard to dry him off.
“What can’t you do Y/N?” Jimin asked you, stopping you right in your tracks before you could even reach the cupboard.
“Wh-what do you mean?” You turned around to face him, taken aback by his sudden question.
“What you said earlier...what is it that you can’t do?” He took a step forward and you instinctively did the opposite, somehow wanting to have some distance between you two.
“Jimin...” your breath faltered.
“Tell me Y/N,” He took another step, closing the door with his foot.
“It’s nothing...” you looked at your feet as you said those words, finding it extremely difficult to hold his gaze.
“Are you sure it’s nothing?” he asked you in a low voice and your head snapped up. What did he mean? You just nodded in response, searching his face to tell you something as he moved even closer.
Jimin held you in your place and moved his face so close to yours his breath tickled you. You could feel the wetness from his jacket sleeves seep into the fabric of your top and form patches on both your shoulders.
“Are you sure?” he asked again and your breath hitched. You swallowed, unable to take your eyes away as his stared into you. A warm current ran down your spine but you managed the courage to nod your head again. That was when Jimin dived in and planted a chaste kiss on your lips, making every functional thing inside you to fail at once. His forehead touched yours; making you feel the cool sensation of water droplets that now beaded your forehead while the kiss contrastingly left you hot and sweaty.
“Still nothing?” Your eyes widened as those airy words left his mouth and your face heated up even more if that could happen. Jimin noticed the evident shock on your face and the corner of his lips slightly twitched upwards.
He took the opportunity to hold one side of your face with his hand as he kissed the apple of your other cheek. You stared at him, looking for answers to the million new questioned that surfaced from Jimin’s unforeseen actions.
“Yuki told me...”
“What?” You scared your own self from how abrupt and loud your voice was. “When...what did she say?” ‘Oh what has she done,’ you thought internally. The thought was so disturbing that you did not even realise that Jimin had come to see you and he had kissed you after he got to know everything.
“Everything that you should have already...” his tone was complaining.
“Oh my god what are you doing here Jimin? What about Sarah? We can’t do this...I already told you we can’t! I’ll understand if you can’t talk to me I deserve this...this is all my fault...” you rambled on and on without a pause. You shook your head unbelievably at what Yuki had done. You were sure that was it for you and there was nothing you could do about it.
“Will you listen for once?” Jimin said impatiently when you walked away and turned your back to him. When you did not speak anything, he took his queue to utter his next words:
“I broke up with Sarah.”
You turned around to look at him, to find a trace of sadness or guilt but there was nothing.
“Why, when?” you enquired as you walked closer to him to offer your comfort if need be.
“Two days ago...” he filled you in.
“Why didn’t you tell me Jimin?”
“You are one to ask that question, Y/N,” he taunted you without the intention to hurt. “You didn’t tell me about anything for weeks...I asked you everyday but you never said a word. Did you only have this much of faith in me, in us?” Jimin was hurt; you could hear it in his voice. You stared at your feet as your heart filled with guilt. Did you really give up on Jimin? The realisation was finally hitting you.
“I was—”
“What if Yuki hadn’t told me?” Jimin asked as he cut you mid sentence. “Where did this come from, Y/N...this distance between us, the thought that I wouldn’t understand? You really think so little of me?” his words broke your heart more than when you thought couldn’t have him.
“I was scared...” you heaved in a breath.
“Of what...me?”
“Of ruining our friendship,” you finally looked at him and your stomach twisted upon seeing his face. His eyes had started to redden.
“You think this wasn’t ruining it?” he fired at you; he was angry, and you couldn’t complain.
“What happened with Sarah?” you asked him, suddenly reminded of her and prayed that you weren’t the reason behind it.
Jimin stayed quiet for a second too long before he spoke, “she was uncomfortable with us. It left me with nothing but a choice.” He shrugged as if it was the most common thing and walked to get himself a towel.
“You broke up with her because of me?” you asked to confirm and your love struck heart fluttered as if it had grown wings of his own.
Jimin took off his jacket before he dried his hair and walked to you.
“I already told you, Y/N, you mean more than anything to me. I wasn’t joking when I said that...” he looked straight at you while he said those words and you felt yourself fall deeper if that was possible.
“Then...the cake?” You thought about the one thing that had triggered you.
“It was from Yuki. She bought it for you to give me,” Jimin told you and you felt more stupid than ever. And that is when it hit you. ‘Yuki told him, and he’s here...’ Your eyes widened to their full capacity as you looked at him.
“Why are you here, Jimin?” you asked him, dreading the worst case scenario. Your thoughts were everywhere, unable to focus at anything in particular.
“Why do you think?” he asked teasingly, but his face changed immediately when he saw you tearing up. “You know what, Y/N, in the past two days, I was more upset because I couldn’t talk to you than because of my breakup. I have been feeling things I didn’t even understand for weeks now...and when I tried to see through them I only ever saw your face fading away. I watched you grow distant and I hated myself for letting it happen, for not stopping you and trying more...”
“It wasn’t your fault...” you choked out, trying your best not to cry.
“It was! I knew there was something wrong with you and I did nothing. But I have thought about nothing but you, Y/N. I thought about you whether you were with me or not, I thought about you when I was with Sarah and I feel stupid I even started dating her. When Yuki told me everything today, it answered everything I wanted to know. It pained me not to see you, to not know what went through your mind when you looked at me. It hurt me to my very core to see you suffer and wear away with every passing day and not know the reason; and the fact that I couldn’t do anything about it...I can’t even explain it...but if this isn’t love Y/N, then I don’t know what is,” Jimin heaved in a breath as he finally said what you had only imagined in your dreams.
“Jimin...” you let the tears fall freely as you soaked every word that he had said like a dry sponge.
“I’m sorry I did not realise this earlier...but why didn’t you say anything, Y/N? Do you not trust me?” Jimin’s voice sounded betrayed. He had not expected you to keep something so big from him for so long a time.
“I was afraid Jimin...I was afraid that it would scare you away. You were already with Sarah and I didn’t want to be the cause of...” you trailed off, sniffling as you thought about everything you had seen and done in the past weeks.
Jimin took a step closer, closing all the distance between you and cradled your face in his hands. “Since when did you start thinking so much around me?” It pained him to see this change in you.
“Since I fell in love with you,” you blurted in a breath and Jimin’s features softened. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to yours, offering the intimacy you had been craving for more than just days.
“Promise me you won’t do anything like this again...” he asked of you.
“I promise,” you said lightly.
“I love you,” he kissed your nose.
“I love you too, Jimin,” you finally said the words that had been on the tip of your tongue for ever but never left.
Jimin titled his face and his lips brushed with yours, sending tingles through your body before he enveloped them completely. Your breaths mingled as your lips danced together, leaving both of you breathless from all the emotions and feeling that you were swirling in.
“Oh...” you interrupted when he slightly pulled away, “I didn’t make you anything this year,” you said with regret in your voice and Jimin chuckled in response.
“This...this thing we have here,” he said as he entwined his fingers with yours, “this is better than any present I can ever have.” His words made your cheeks turn crimson and Jimin adored the way you looked.
He made you look at him and this time you snaked your hands around his neck and pulled him in for a euphoric kiss filled with love and longing that had piled up inside you for so long. Jimin’s hands caressed your sides and then travelled to your ass and settled there for a second before he scooped you up, making you squeal in shock into his mouth.
He lowered you on your bed, finally pulling away only to suck on the sweet spot beneath your earlobe that he was well aware of. He nibbled before kissing his way down to your throat, this time taking special care to leave marks on you, for now you belonged to him.
It did not take long before your naked bodies moved together in the rhythm you had already formed, reaching your ecstatic highs but it was not followed by the rush of finding your clothes and leaving this time. Instead, Jimin stayed on top of you after you were finished, liking how your sweaty bodies heaved in unison.
Sure he had seen you naked a hundred times before, caressed you and felt your skin under his finger tips. But this time, he took his time to admire the way your eyes dilated, the way you looked when he entered you. He noticed the roundness of your breasts and natural aroma of your skin. He noticed how your body shivered when you reached your peak. This time, he felt every inch of your skin while his own burned under your touch.
This time, it wasn’t just sex; it was two people making love to each other with no regrets and no boundaries. This time, there was no being afraid and running away as he finally lay beside you and enveloped your frame entirely into his, for this time...he was there to stay.
This time, you belonged to each other.
