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in love with you | bbh

“you have been in love with byun baekhyun ever since you were children, but to him you were only his best friend. you were fine with that, fine with being nothing more than friends with baekhyun, but when he starts his search for true love and doesn’t look at you to find it, you weren’t sure anymore if you were truly fine with just being friends.”

“or the four times you try to dye baekhyun’s hair.”

genre: best friends with to lovers! AU, semi college! AU, angst, fluff

pairing: baekhyun x reader

word count: 19.021 (i dont know how i did this in six days)

warnings: cursing, bad singing and dancing

playlist: ifly - bazzi, break my heart again - finneas, love story - taylor swift, claudia - finneas

a/n: okay, i wanted to finish this before baekhyun’s bday, but i only realised it was his bday like six days ago. so i basically wrote this all in six-ish days and i haven’t even edited it. but im posting it because its his birthday! this was meant to be pure fluff, but somehow turned out much more angsty than i wanted it to? anyway, happy bday to baekhyun!

masterlist

You two were sitting on your couch, watching ‘Community’ for the hundredth time when Baekhyun turned his head to you and looked at you.

“I want to dye my hair.”

Your eyes tore away from the TV screen and instead travelled to Baekhyun. You furrowed your brows at him. Baekhyun knew the moment he had said the words that he really wanted to dye his hair and that he didn’t just say it because he was bored.

“What?” you said, confused. Your attention was now completely on Baekhyun and your TV faded into the background, serving as background noise than anything else.

“I want to dye my hair,” Baekhyun repeated before smiling at you. He watched the knit between your brows deepen and he knew you weren’t completely convinced of the idea.

“Okay,” you said, voice wavering a little with worry as you eyed his healthy and luscious and beautiful and full hair, “You mean like dye it brown?”

“No,” Baekhyun said without missing a beat even though he hadn’t actually thought much about it. Instead he decided in the moment. “I want red hair.”

“Red?” you blurted out and sat up straighter, eyes growing bigger at Baekhyun’s words. His lips split into a grin and he gave you a nod, a nod that had you shaking your head.

“Bright red.”

“You sure?” you asked before you reached over to run your fingers through his hair, “Your hair won’t be the same after dyeing it.”

Baekhyun shrugged and gave you a grin that had your heart beating a little too fast. It was sad how easy it was for you to ignore it, for you to push it away because you had gotten so used to Baekhyun having such a big effect on you.

It didn’t take you long to realise that you were in love with Baekhyun. In fact, you knew it the first time he had smiled at you when you two were measly 6 years old. You felt stupid, stupid for being still in love with him after so many years, but his name was just written on your heart. It belonged to him and you had accepted that you couldn’t change anything about it, couldn’t change anything even if you tried your hardest.

Instead of attempting to erase Baekhyun’s name with another over and over again, instead of attempting to burn away Baekhyun’s name, you locked your heart into a cage. You threw away the key to it, scared that if you didn’t, certain words were going to slip off your tongue one day and ruin the friendship Baekhyun and you had built.

“Who cares?” Baekhyun continued and you scrunched up your face, “It’s just hair and you only live once, right?”

You hummed, still very much unconvinced. You kept threading your fingers through Baekhyun’s hair and he let you. For a moment, you thought he was leaning into your touch, but you quickly dismissed that thought. There was no way, no way because to Baekhyun you were nothing more than just a friend.

“You really sure?” you asked and Baekhyun laughed at how you contourted your face, the worry and uncertainty written all across your face.

“Yes, I really want bright red hair,” Baekhyun said and you tilted your head to the side, pursing your lips into a thin line.

“You sure you thought about this or are you just saying you wanna do it without even thinking about it?” you said and Baekhyun reached for your hand, fingers wrapping around your wrist to pull your hand from his hair. He put his other hand on yours and gave your hand a squeeze.

It wasn’t fair how easy your hand melted into his, wasn’t fair because it was like the universe was laughing at you, mocking you because your hands just fit perfectly, but it was the only way you two fit together. You would never hold his hand, never hold his hand because you were more than friends because, again, you weren’t, not to Baekhyun at least.

“I’m sure,” Baekhyun smiled and nodded to confirm his words. You sighed and you knew there was no convincing Baekhyung otherwise.

“I guess you’re old enough, right?” you just said and Baekhyun grin grew a little bigger at your words, causing your heart to skip a beat, rattling its cage a little. You paid it no more mind anymore. Your heart always just did that whenever Baekhyun grinned at you like that. It was normal, expected now.

“Okay, great,” Baekhyun cheered before squeezing your hand again, “Will you dye my hair for me?”

You pulled your hand out of Baekhyun’s grasp and shook your head, horror settling in your chest because deep down you knew Baekhyun was going to force you to do it and you just didn’t want to. You would never be able to sleep if Baekhyun blamed you for ruining his hair. Too much responsibility.

“Please,” Baekhyun started and both of you knew you were going to give in eventually. You could never actually say no to him, not to Baekhyun, not to your Baekhyun.

“No, Baek, I don’t know how to dye-”

“There are so many YouTube videos and tutorials,” Baekhyun started and inched closer. You kept shaking your head and shuffled away, being too close was dangerous. “It’s easy. I’m sure.”

“Then do it yourself,” you said, but Baekhyun frowned at your suggestion.

“How? Do I have eyes at the back of my head-”

“Use a mirror,” you cut in and Baekhyun frowned even more, knit deepening between his brows.

“Can’t you just help me?” Baekhyun whined and took a hold of your hands, wrapping both of them into his now, “Be a good friend?”

He looked at you with his big brown eyes and it was then that you knew you couldn’t resist any longer, knew you couldn’t keep saying no anymore. The pout Baekhyun added, did nothing but make it more difficult for you and you hated yourself for being so weak, for being so weak for Baekhyun.

The fact that your heart tightened painfully at Baekhyun calling you a friend barely registered in your mind anymore. You had gotten so used to the pain, had gotten so used to being nothing more than a friend to Baekhyun that it barely affected you anymore. At least that was what you told yourself.

“Fine.”

“Okay, so, looks like I gotta bleach my hair a bunch of times before we can actually dye it,” Baekhyun informed you and put down his phone. You looked up from your laptop and raised your brows, still very much unconvinced.

Baekhyun hadn’t mentioned something about dyeing his hair for a whole week and a part of you had hoped that he had forgotten about it, but, of course, he hadn’t. You tucked a strand behind your ear and your back cracked when you straightened up.

You had been studying for way too long now and it was taking a toll on you. The uncomfortable chairs in the library certainly didn’t make it any easier for you to stay focused.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do it,” you said, not really feeling like bleaching Baekhyun’s hair over and over again, “I mean bleaching your hair a bunch of times. Won’t it fall out, then?”

Baekhyun scrunched up his face at your words, obviously sad that you were trying to convince him again not to dye his hair. He leaned forward and rested his arms against the table, hands folding together.

“But I wanna dye my hair,” Baekhyun whined and you cringed a little, asking yourself how he could be older than you and how he could be a functioning adult if he cried like a baby every time things didn’t quite go his way.

“I’m just saying, Baek,” you shrugged and Baekhyun pushed out his lower lip as he batted his eyelashes at you.

“But I want red hair,” Baekhyun repeated and you sighed, folding your arms in front of your chest.

“Maybe just go to a professional-”

“You think I’ve got the money?” Baekhyun said and you pressed your lips together, knowing exactly that he didn’t have enough money, remembering the amount of ramen he consumed in a month just simply because it was cheaper and he had to cut corners everywhere he could.

“I don’t want you to blame me if it turns out shitty or if you lose all of your hair or something,” you explained and tightened your arms around your chest. Baekhyun rolled his eyes at you and you were about to kick him in the shin for it when he spoke up.

“It won’t. It’ll be fine, I’m sure,” Baekhyun said and you were about to voice your complaints and worries when he continued on, “And if anything I won’t blame you. It’d be my fault because I’m essentially forcing you to dye my hair.”

“How can you be so sure?” you asked, unable to understand how Baekhyun could talk with such confidence when neither of you had any experience in dyeing hair before.

“I trust you.”

Your heart rattled its cage and for a moment, you thought it was going to knock it over and free itself and you were going to scream out the three words that had been dancing on your tongue since Baekhyun and you were children, but it wasn’t enough. The rattle wasn’t enough and a part of you thanked the universe it wasn’t and another wished it had been enough because then maybe Baekhyun and you could be something.

You hated yourself, hated yourself for being so fucking pathetic, for getting your hopes worked up every time Baekhyun was being somewhat affectionate with you and you wished you could get over it, stop obsessing over his every word, but your heart didn’t allow you to stop.

When it clicked in your mind that you had been silent for maybe a little too long, you snapped out of your thoughts and focused on the present right now.

“How about Chaeyoung? She has experience in dyeing hair. She did it on herself a bunch of times,” you said, voice wavering just the slightest. A part of you was still shaken up about the possibility of the three words spilling out.

Baekhyun scrunched up his face when you said ‘Chaeyoung’. The second her name fell from your lips, he disliked the idea, no, in fact, he hated it.

“What’s wrong with Chaeyoung?” you asked, puzzled because Chaeyoung was nothing but nice and cute and sweet. Baekhyun shrugged before his head landed in his hands, his low grunt muffled by the table. Your eyes scanned the people around you and you let out a relieved breath when nobody was looking at you.

“Hello? I asked you a question, Baek. What’s wrong with Chaeyoung?” you said and took one of your pens to throw it against Baekhyun’s head when he wouldn’t respond. It bounced against his hair before falling to the side.

“Ow.”

Baekhyun looked up and rubbed his head as he sat up straight. His eyes locked with yours and for once, the pout was gone from his lips.

“What’s wrong with Chaeyoung?” you repeated your question and Baekhyun scowled at you, obviously unhappy about the fact that you had just thrown a pen at him.

“That hurt, you know?” Baekhyun said before he dropped his hand and took your pen into his hand, twirling it around as he leaned into his chair. You rolled your eyes at him and you had to bite away the smile that tugged on the corners of your lips.

“What’s wrong with Chaeyoung?” you asked for a third time and Baekhyun sighed, scowl melting away as he stared at you in complete seriousness. Your heart started to pound in your chest, but you were quick to tell it to shut up, to stop being like that, to stop because Baekhyun and you were only friends, nothing more. You were about to put another lock on it, another lock to the hundred locks you had already put on it in a vain attempt to get it under control when Baekhyun answered.

“She isn’t you.”

Fuck.

“Fine,” you said after a beat, your mind made up. Baekhuyn beamed at you and you could only smile back at him too, seeing him so happy made you happy as well.

“Love you,” Baekhyun grinned and your smile almost faltered. Words almost slipped off your tongue, words that you could never let out. You wanted to tell Baekhyun that he didn’t, that he didn’t love, that he didn’t love you the way you did, that he didn’t love you the way you wanted him to.

“Love you too, Baek.”

You hated that those three words, that sentence ‘She isn’t you’, was all it took for Baekhyun to break the hundred locks you had put on the cage. And almost, almost, your heart had spilled out, but somehow you held the cage shut, somehow held it shut long enough to put a new, better, stronger lock on it. And you followed that lock with thousand more, determined to keep your heart silent and locked away forever.

Those three words were also all it took for you to completely give in, to quench your worries and doubts about dyeing Baekhyun’s hair. From that day on, you were completely convinced, looking up various articles to ensure the health of Baekhyun’s hair and scalp.

At first, Baekhyun was excited that you were so committed to dyeing his hair now, but after the tenth text about the measures he and you had to take before dyeing his hair, he wasn’t sure if he wanted you to be this on board anymore.

“It’s gonna be fine.”

He had to say those words over and over again until they lost all their meaning to him. Baekhyun started to repeat them like a robot, saying them before you could get a word out.

“Why don’t you tell her she’s lowkey annoying you?” Sehun asked and shoved his hands into his pockets as he and Baekhyun made their way down the street to the coffee shop to grab a coffee before class. Baekhyun frowned at Sehun’s suggestion and immediately shook his head at him.

“She isn’t annoying me,” Baekhyun said with a slight edge swinging in his voice and Sehun immediately put up his hands, obviously noticing the way Baekhyun had said the words.

“Hey, I’m just saying,” Sehun said and Baekhyun’s frown slipped away, realising himself that he had maybe reacted a little too harsh, “I mean you’re complaining to me about her, aren’t you?”

Baekhyun stopped and thought to himself. Sehun was right, he had turned to him to talk about how he and you had just texted for ten minutes to figure out when to dye his hair because you didn’t want to bleach his hair more than once during a day, but you weren’t annoying. You couldn’t be.

You were just worried and Baekhyun was just sometimes a little impatient. If anything, it was his fault for being so impatient. You were just being a great friend.

“She doesn’t annoy me,” Baekhyun said and Sehun looked at him, “She could never.”

Sehun eyed Baekhyun for a moment before snorting and shaking his head at him. Baekhyun raised his brows, not quite catching up with Sehun. They turned the corner and Sehun opened the door to the coffee shop, the bell above the door ringing to announce their entrance.

Immediately the scent of coffee and pastries made their way to Baekhyun and it was considerably warmer inside the shop than outside. It wasn’t that it was very cold outside, spring starting to replace the winter, but the air outside was still somewhat fresh and biting.

“Are you in love with her, dude?” Sehun chortled and a grin pulled on his lips, both of them stopping in front of the line. Baekhyun pressed his lips into a thin line before he let a few scoffs slip, head shaking from left to right almost in an instant, almost like he had trained himself to.

“No,” Baekhyun said and he cringed because he had said it a little too loud. Maybe Sehun was being a good friend because it was obvious that Baekhyun didn’t really want to talk about it or maybe it was because Sehun didn’t notice, but he didn’t mention it, mention the slight raise in Baekhyun’s voice.

Even as Sehun started to talk about what he should order, Baekhyun wasn’t quite there, wasn’t quite listening anymore. Instead his mind was still repeating Sehun’s question over and over again.

There was no way, right?

Before Baekhyun could shake the thought out of his head and decide to ignore it, a familiar voice cut in.

“Byun Baekhyun?”

It was truly remarkable, remarkable how Baekhyun and you could just decide to ignore things, ignore the questions repeating in your minds over and over again. Maybe that was why Baekhyun and you were best friends, maybe that was why he and you got along so well.

Because the next time Baekhyun and you saw each other, he had the most excited smile plastered on his lips, ready to do this.

“Let’s go,” Baekhyun grinned and held up the plastic bag, containing everything you had told him to buy to make sure Baekhyun’s hair wouldn’t fall out the second the bleach touched his hair.

You pointed at the chair next to your biggest window, papers laying on your floor around it in a circle already to make sure that none of the bleach or dye would fall onto your floor and cost you your deposit. In front of the chair you had put up a small mirror to give Baekhyun the chance to look at himself whenever he wanted.

Baekhyun skipped to your chair and you just shook your head at him. Unlike him you weren’t excited or giddy or happy. Instead you were still worried, worried that you were going to fuck this up even though you have read every online article out there on how to dye hair and even though you have watched every hairdresser reacts to and hair dyeing video on YouTube. In fact, you had done more research on how to dye hair and how to do it well and whatnot that on any other topic.

“We really have to spread this process out into weeks?” Baekhyun asked, shrugging off his hoodie to reveal a simple white tee.

“Look, you said you didn’t want to lose your hair and that you didn’t mind being blonde for a while. We’ve gotta bleach your hair at least twice to get the red you want at the end. So, unless you want to lose all of your hair, we can do it all in one day,” you said and shut Baekhyun up.

You made your way over to him, picking up the plastic bag Baekhyun had put next to him to sift through the things he had bought. You pulled out the bleach and the mixing bowl with the brush.

“Can you take out the scale?” you asked and nodded to the plastic bag. Baekhyun picked it up and searched for the scale he had brought from home before following you to your couch and placing it on your coffee table.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun asked and you turned on the scale, putting the mixing bowl and brush on top of it.

“Making the bleach,” you said and poured the baby blue bleach powder into the bowl before pulling the top off the developer, making sure that you were keeping the mixture in a two to one ratio.

Baekhyun eyed you carefully as he watched you mix together the powder with the development, amazement sparkling in his eyes.

“You’re so good at this,” Baekhyun mumbled and you just rolled your eyes at him, but you couldn’t quite hide away the grin that pulled on his lips.

“Yeah, can you put on some music and get a towel from the bathroom?” you asked and Baekhyun nodded, sitting and watching you for another second before doing as he was told. Your eyes followed Baekhyun as he stood up and walked away and you sighed to yourself.

As Bazzi filled up your flat, you finished up mixing the bleach together. The powder and developer had turned into a baby blue paste and Baekhyun was standing with a towel wrapped around his shoulders, smiling at you.

This my baby This my Look

“Sit,” you said to Baekhyun and gestured to the chair. He wrapped the towel tighter around his shoulders and he couldn’t hide the grin adorning his lips.

“Hold.” You handed Baekhyun the mixing bowl to put on gloves, not really up to bleaching your skin before ruffling through the plastic bag again. You split Baekhyun’s hair into four same sized sections, clipping the pieces of hair together with hair barrettes.

Touchin' you slowly, love how you hold me I was a player, that was the old me I sent a prayer for something holy Got naked and show me

“Okay, you’re really ready?” you said after you had taken back the mixing bowl from Baekhyun and stood behind him. Your eyes looked with Baekhyun’s in the mirror in front of you.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun breathed out, lips splitting apart into an even bigger grin.

Girl, summer's been lonely, yeah At first, I was hesitant (Spooky) Like a skeleton You 20, but intelligent

You waited for another moment, giving him the last chance to change his mind, but when Baekhyun just nodded again, you shrugged and put on the first bit of bleach. Almost immediately Baekhyun let out a tiny gasp.

“Okay, no turning back,” Baekhyun laughed as you distributed the bleach in his hair, still unsure what you were doing because even after watching every hair dyeing tutorial out there, you didn’t feel very comfortable or skilled in doing this.

Now all them other bitches so irrelevant, ah-ah, yeah Tan lines and some memories (Woo) Guess summer got the best of me (Woo)

You started out with the length of Baekhyun’s hair, not wanting for the roots to bleach quicker than the rest of his hands. You scrunched up your nose when you got the first whiff of the bleach, the smell of it really not sitting that well with you.

Chef B with the recipe, yeah With you, it's a better me

“Who would have thought that one day I’d be dyeing my hair?” Baekhyun said and smiled at you through the mirror. You just shook your head at him and kept your eyes trained on his hair, making sure that you evenly distributed the bleach.

“I guess what I'm sayin', I guess what I'm sayin', I guess what I'm sayin' is, I-I fuckin' love you,” Baekhyun started singing and took the words out of Bazzi’s mouth. Your eyes flickered to Baekhyun’s face and you smiled, smiled as you looked at every centimetre of his face.

His eyes were fluttered shut, words slipping off his tongue with such easy and grace that it was truly admirable. His voice was angelic and you wanted to hear more, wanted for him to never stop singing.

For a moment, you just focused on Baekhyun, on how beautiful he was, on how much your heart wanted him to say those words to you. Your heart rattled in its cage, fought against the metal bars, banged on them in a vain attempt to get out, but you didn’t allow it, didn’t allow it to win.

You started bleaching Baekhyun’s hair when you realised just how quick it was lifting. Baekhyun kept singing, kept taking the words out of Bazzi’s mouth and you silently hummed along to the melody. The song soon started to play on repeat.

The barrettes landed on the floor with a little bleach on them as you worked your way through Baekhyun’s hair, starting to get the hang of it. And you were completely focused on that, on dyeing Baekhyun’s hair, but when he poked you into your waist, your eyes shot to him.

“Sing with me,” Baekhyun said and you raised your brows at him. Baekhyun kept going, kept singing, but he never looked away from you. You knew he was waiting for you to join in, for you to start singing as well, but you weren’t quite sure.

“Please.”

And it was all it took for you to join Baekhyun, for you to sing along and the grin that spread across Baekhyun’s lips had your heart beating a little too fast for your own liking.

I guess what I'm sayin', I guess what I'm sayin' I guess what I'm sayin' is, I I fuckin' love you (I do)

Your eyes locked with Baekhyun’s as he and you sung the words and you wished they hadn’t, wished that he had been looking somewhere else, wished he had his eyes closed or something because in an instant you could feel this seed of hope plant itself into your chest, watered by every word and look Baekhyun gave you. Your heart reacted immediately and you made sure to put on extra locks.

This wasn’t your first jam out session with Baekhyun, wasn’t your first time singing with Baekhyun, wasn’t your first time belting out love songs at the top of your lungs with Baekhyun - ‘Love Story’ by Taylor Swift was the song that started it.

You knew by now that it was stupid, that it meant nothing, that you were nothing more to Baekhyun than a friend, but you could never not get your hopes up. You could never tell your heart not to, not even as it hurt so bad when your hopes and expectations were quenched later on.

“I guess what I'm sayin', I guess what I'm sayin', I guess what I'm sayin' is, I-I fuckin' love-”

“Skip,” you said, almost commanding Baekhyun to and cut in before he could finish the lyric. The words died on Baekhyun’s tongue and he furrowed his brows at you. “Skip the song.”

“Why?”

You couldn’t quite take the way Baekhyun was looking at you and instead started working on the back of Baekhyun’s head, forcing him out of your view.

“We’ve listened to it long enough,” you lied and swallowed the truth, not wanting to admit that you couldn’t take it, couldn’t take Baekhyun saying that he ‘fucking loved you’ whilst he looked at you and actually didn’t.

Baekhyun hummed before shrugging and pulling out his phone to skip the song. But to your dismay, the next song was even worse.

Hey, you I'm just now leaving Can I come around later on this evening? Or do you need time? Yes, of course, that's fine

Finneas’ voice filled up the air around you and you wanted to tell Baekhyun to skip the song again, but when he started humming along to the melody - his brows pinched together and his eyes fluttered shut - you couldn’t bring yourself to. Not when he looked like that, not when he looked so incredibly beautiful.

Soon enough Baekhyun started singing along, started to make the song his own and soon enough your heart jumped to your ears and pounded so loud in them that it was deafening, so loud in them that it hurt.

So go ahead and break my heart again Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in Are you the definition of insanity? Or am I? Oh, it must be nice To love someone who lets you break them twice

Baekhyun continued on singing with the song accompanying his beautiful vocals and you slowed down your movements, too busy listening to Baekhyun’s voice to focus on bleaching his hair. Your heart fluttered every time in your chest whenever Baekhyun sang the chorus and you wanted to record him, record him so you could have him sing to you every time you needed him to, so you could imagine a world in which Baekhyun would sing for you because you were more than just friends.

You thought the song was going to repeat again like Bazzi’s ‘IFLY’ did, but instead Baekhyun peeled his eyes open and unlocked his phone, swiping across the screen and typing something into it. And a second later, Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ started playing.

Nostalgia hit you an instant and your eyes locked with Baekhyun’s in the mirror as the guitar filled the air around you.

“Oh my God,” you whispered quietly, remembering the many times you had forced Baekhyun to put on the second when it had first been released.

“Baek,” you said as the intro started to come to an end. Baekhyun had the biggest grin on his lips and it was so contagious that you could only grin yourself. Memories flooded you and before you could control yourself the first words slipped off your tongue, your voice filling up your tiny living room.

“We were both young when I first saw you, I close my eyes, and the flashback starts, I'm standing there,” you started and pointed at Baekhyun at the latter part of the first lyric, eliciting a laugh from Baekhyun.

You were pretty sure that this song would make you just as sad as Bazzi’s ‘IFLY’ and Finneas ‘Break My Heart Again’ if Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ had such a different meaning to Baekhyun and you. The lyrics didn’t mean anything to you anymore, instead they were just there to be screamed at the top of your lungs, gained their new purpose ever since he and you were young.

Baekhyun started joining you, singing dramatically the lyrics like he was truly feeling all of the emotions, telling his own story.

On a balcony in summer air See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns See you make your way through the crowd And say, "hello" Little did I know

Baekhyun and you kept looking at each other, never breaking eye contact once as the words rolled off your tongues. You forgot about bleaching Baekhyun’s hair and instead started giving your all to sing out the song that was connected with so many memories.

When the song got closer to the chorus, Baekhyun turned to you and just took the mixing bowl out of your hand and put it on the coffee table behind you. You let him and when you realised what Baekhyun was doing, it was already too late.

Baekhyun grabbed you by your hands and started to dance, leading you through your living room as both of you belted out the lyrics. Pure bliss and joy filled up both of you and it was like there was only Baekhyun and you in the world and no one else.

You were jumping around and just singing, enjoying yourselves when the bridge started and Baekhyun let go off your hands to caress your face with the back of his hand.

I got tired of waiting Wondering if you were ever coming around My faith in you was fading When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

You had to try your hardest not to laugh, Baekhyun struggling just as much as the song calmed down and the guitar almost slipped away completely. Both of you looked at each other, grins adorning your lips as you acted sad.

When the melody started to pick up again, ramp up to the last chorus, Baekhyun and you prepared for the finale, both of you stopping for a moment as you waited for your cue.

And said: "Marry me Juliet You'll never have to be alone I love you and that's all I really know I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress It's a love story baby just say 'yes'"

Baekhyun and you were practically screaming at this point and it took the end of the song for both of you to calm down, for you to snap into reality again.

“Your hair, Baek!” you yelled out and grabbed Baekhyun by his hand to practically throw him onto the chair. The bleach was starting to drop down the side of his hair and you quickly picked up the mixing bowl to make sure Baekhyun’s hair wouldn’t turn out completely patchy and ugly.

“It’s just hair, Y/N,” Baekhyun laughed, a grin still very much on his lips.

“You won’t be saying that when it turns out ugly,” you said and Baekhyun laughed again. A new song came on, but you didn’t recognise it.

“That was fun,” Baekhyun said and your eyes wandered to the mirror for a moment. Baekhyun was already looking at you and he was giving you this look, expecting you to agree with him and you couldn’t help yourself but to just do so. A smile split onto your lips and you could see the pride glinting in Baekhyun’s eyes.

“We haven’t listened to that song in such a long time,” you realised, starting to work on the sides of Baekhyun’s hair. The top was done and now it was really just bleaching the sides of his head.

“I know,” Baekhyun grinned, “Why did you think I put it on? Remember how often we used to listen to that song?”

You could only nod at that memory. Of course, you remembered, remembered so clearly because that song encapsulated all you wanted. Your heart yearned for that kind of love, yeared for Baekhyun to love you like that, but you knew just how unrealistic that was now.

“We’re so old now,” you sighed and tilted Baekhyun’s head to the side, “Can you fold your ear really quickly?”

Baekhyun looked somewhat confused before he did as you told him and you applied the bleach on his hair around his hair.

“Yeah, we’re really fucking old now, huh?” Baekhyun said and you could only nod, “But I’m not only talking about our age. In general I just feel so much older now.”

“General I just feel so much older now.”

Baekhyun and you saluted and spoke at the same time, eyes locking with each other before bursting out into laughter. It was an inside joke between him and you to mock salute whenever someone somehow mentioned a military rank.

“Oh, we haven’t done that in a long time,” Baekhyun chuckled and you nodded.

“Why not?” you mused and Baekhyun just shrugged with a grin plastered on his lips.

“I don’t know, we should do it more often,” Baekhyun said and you could only agree, nodding your head before going back to applying the bleach. “But as I was saying, I do feel like we’ve aged a lot more the past years than even before.”

“We’re definitely different now.”

“Better,” Baekhyun corrected you and you raised your brows at him, not sure if you would agree “Well, I’d definitely say that I’m a better person than I used to be.”

You frowned because you couldn’t remember a time where you thought that Baekhyun wasn’t a good person. ”How so?”

Baekhyun grinned at you and pulled the towel tighter around him before answering. “Remember how I used to date all of these girls in middle and high school? I could never say no to them even though I didn’t like any of them.”

You remembered, of course, you remembered, you remembered very clearly and you remembered even more clearly the pain pulling in your chest. Every other month Baekhyun would have a new ‘girlfriend’ or something and it hurt, it hurt because it was never you.

You knew then that he only dated those girls because they asked him out and Baekhyun was just too nice to say no to them, but that didn’t make it any less painful for you to witness it all. It hurt even more to see him share kisses with them in front of you and that it was according to him the only benefit of having a ‘girlfriend’ he actually didn’t like, the fact he got to kiss them.

“Yeah, you’re right,” you said and tapped on Baekhyun’s hand to signal to him that he didn’t need to keep folding his ear over. You moved to the back.

“No, that was truly awful of me,” Baekhyun said and you only hummed, “Why didn’t you tell me? I mean I kissed those girls and really strung them along. God, I was a dick.”

You just shrugged and tucked a strand behind your ear. “Not saying that it was their fault, but it wasn’t really a secret at one point that you would date pretty much any girl because you couldn’t say no. So, I feel like most of them knew what they were getting themselves into.”

Baekhyun scrunched up his face at your words before crossing his arms in front of his chest, obviously not very proud of his younger self.

“Yeah, but I was still the dick,” Baekhyun said and you smiled at his words, eyes meeting Baekhyun’s in the mirror.

“You still are,” you grinned, earning you a gasp from Baekhyun, “I’m not saying I disagree, but I do believe that some of the girls thought that they could change you or something when they asked you out.”

Baekhyun hummed and thought about your words for a second, music switching to another song you, again, didn’t know.

“Yeah, but I do feel like I hurt a lot of people. Unnecessarily,” Baekhyun sighed and you stopped applying the beach on him to look at him.

“No, yeah, you did,” you said and tucked a strand behind your ear, “But I don’t feel like it’s fair that you blame yourself. It’s been, what, six years now? It was literally middle and high school. We all did stupid shit.”

“Okay, true,” Baekhyun sighed and you knew that he still wanted to say something, “But I still remember the way Minji cried when I broke up with her.”

You paused and stayed silent for a few seconds. Of all the girls’ hearts Baekhyun would inevitably break, Minji stood out from all of the girls. Because, for some reason, Baekhyun decided to deliver the bad news right before class and, well, Minji didn’t take it very well. Long story short, Minji started yelling and crying in the middle of the hallway and their breakup was a much discussed topic for the rest of the year. In fact, it was named the ‘Minji Baekhyun Gate’ and everybody knew about it.

“Well, on the flip side no more girls asked you out after her,” you said and Baekhyun frowned a little at your words.

“I guess,” Baekhyun sighed and you continued applying bleach onto his hair before you paused again and looked up to him.

“I wonder what she’s doing now,” you hummed before you worked through Baekhyun’s hair again. If you had looked at him a second longer, you would have seen the blush spread across his cheeks, would have seen the way his eyes grew in size, but you didn’t.

“Actually,” Baekhyun cleared his throat and you raised your brows at him, brush still mid air as your gaze wandered to him, “I actually, uh, ran into her a few days ago.”

“Shut the fuck up,” you blurted out and you couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across your lips, “Did she slap you? Yell at you? Cry?”

“What? No!” Baekhyun shook his head and you shrugged. After all she had done two of the three things you had listed when Baekhyun and she broke up in high school. “She did none of that.”

“Where’d you run into her?” you asked and finished applying the bleach on the back of Baekhyun’s head.

“Coffee shop. I was with Sehun grabbing a cup when she came in, too,” Baekhyun recalled and you nodded.

“What does she do now?” you kept asking, genuinely curious about Minji’s life right now. Sure, it hurt to see Baekhyun with all those girls, but you never blamed them for it. If anything, you admired them for being so brave and confessing their feelings. Something you could never do.

“Oh, she’s a graphic design student or something like that,” Baekhyun said and you nodded, finding it not surprising at all that Minji became a graphic design student. It fit her well.

“That’s cool,” you said and pointed at Baekhyun’s ear with the end of the brush, “Fold.”

Baekhyun folded over his ear and you started applying the bleach. The music was still very much playing, but for the first time, it was quiet, silent between Baekhyun and you.

And it was then that you knew that he was going to say something, that he was thinking about how to word it, that he was struggling to find the right way to say it.

“Spit it out,” you said and Baekhyun looked like a deer caught in headlights when his gaze met yours in the mirror. His cheeks reddened and right away, you knew you weren’t going to like it.

“I may or may not be going on a date with Minji in a couple days.”

Your chest tightened painfully and your throat constricted into a tight knot at Baekhyun’s words. Your heart, for once, didn’t attempt to break out of its cage and instead stepped away from the locks and the door. It fell to the floor and hugged itself as the tears threatened to spill.

You pressed your lips together and swallowed the actual words that wanted to roll off your tongues. Instead you said what you knew was the right thing to say right now, the right thing to say right now as Baekhyun’s friend.

“Tell me you’re not going on a date with Minji because you can’t say no to her. We really don’t need a ‘Minji Baekhyun Gate’ in college, too,” you said and as bad and awful and heartless and selfish as it was, you wanted Baekhyun to tell you just that, tell you that he was going on a date with Minji because he couldn’t say no to her and not because he actually liked her or something.

You prayed to the universe that Baekhyun was only going on a date with Minji because he couldn’t say no because you weren’t sure what you were going to do if he was going on a date because he actually liked her. Baekhyun had never voiced any interest in actual relationships or love or whatever in his life before and it made it easier, easier for you to be fine with just being friends with Baekhyun, but you weren’t sure if this was going to be the case if he started to date, seriously date.

“Actually I asked her out.”

Your heart shattered in your chest and the knot in your throat tightened so much that it was suffocating you and for a moment, you thought you weren’t going to survive the pain tearing through you, but you never fell to the ground. Instead you kept looking at Baekhyun as he eyed you carefully.

“And before you say something about me asking her out too early because I feel guilty, I didn’t. I’ve actually been texting with her for the past week and I think I’m really starting to like Minij.”

The seed of hope that had planted itself into your chest went up in flames and you almost laughed, laughed because, of course, it did. There was no way it could ever grow, grow bigger, grow into an actual flower.

With your best effort you put on a smile, a smile that hid away all the pain and tears and frustration and sadness inside of you right now.

“I’m so happy to hear that, Baek.”

The plan Baekyhun and you had agreed upon to achieve the red he wanted was that you would bleach his hair for a second time a week after and dye it red then the week following. But Baekhyun cancelled a few days after the first time you had bleached his hair.

“Minji wants to watch this film that comes out on that day and I don’t wanna say no.”

You didn’t ask how Baekhyun’s date went, you didn’t hate yourself enough to ask. You couldn’t do that to yourself and you weren’t going to, but when you ran into Baekhyun in between classes, you could see how happy he was. His eyes were sparkling, lit up like a city and you knew why, knew it was because of Minji. It broke you, broke you to see him like that. Because not once had you elicited the same light in his eyes before and the ashes of the seed of hope crumbled further into dust.

[Baekhyun - 14:06] :

does tmr work for you? i cant walk around with a baseball cap for another day

You wanted to text Baekhyun that today would work, that you would do his hair at two in the morning, but you didn’t tell him, didn’t because it was just a little too much.

[You - 14:06] :

yeah, after class?

Baekhyun didn’t answer until the next morning.

“God, you look fucking stupid,” you said when Baekhyun took off the baseball cap. His hair was a disgusting and brassy blonde colour and you pointed at the chair.

“I know. I thought for a while that it was fine, but I just couldn’t keep lying to myself,” Baekhyun laughed and shrugged off his jacket, hanging it up before he let himself fall into your chair.

Baekhyun had left his plastic bag with everything inside at yours the last time and you had already mixed the bleach and put out a towel for Baekhyun.

“Thanks,” Baekhyun said and wrapped said towel around his shoulder. You just smiled at him and put on the gloves before stirring the bleach again as it had thickened a little over the past minutes, but it was still perfectly fine to use.

“You know the only good thing about my hair is that I at least know that Minji isn’t with me for my looks only,” Baekhyun joked and you forced yourself to smile a little bigger.

“Hold,” you said and shoved the mixing bowl into Baekhyun’s hands. The brush fell out of the bowl, but luckily you had put out the papers again and Baekhyun bent down to pick it up again.

“Smart,” Baekhyun said and gestured at the papers and you just silently took the compliment before you started to thread your fingers through Baekhyun’s hair.

“I didn’t really get to look at your finished hair,” you said, recalling how late it had been when Baekhyun and you were finally done with the first round of bleaching, “You literally bolted out before your hair had dried.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Baekhyun grinned and you looked at the small parts that were still black. As handsome and pretty as Baekhyun was, even he looked ridiculous with the black patches in between the brassy blonde.

“Can we get started?” Baekhyun said and your eyes locked with his, not really understanding the hurry, “I promised to go over to Minji’s later. She really wants to see my hair.”

“Oh.”

You nodded and held in the sigh that wanted to escape. Instead, you just grabbed the barrettes you had laid out on the coffee table behind you and started to divide Baekhyun’s hair into four parts.

“Don’t forget the roots at the front,” Baekhyun reminded you and you internally cringed at the black streaks at the front between the blonde strands, “Don’t want you forgetting those again.”

“Yeah, I won’t,” you said and clipped the last barrette into Baekhyun’s hair before turning to the mirror to look. A smile spread across your lips at the sight of it because Baekhyun truly looked adorable with those barrettes in his hair.

“Stop,” Baekhyun simply said and rolled his eyes at you. You just grinned and shrugged before taking the mixing bowl out of his hand and starting to work on his hair. Soon enough Baekhyun put on music and both of you started jamming out again, time flying past in a blink.

“Front, front, front,” Baekhyun said and poked your leg after you had just said you were done. You rolled your eyes and walked around him, scraping the last bits of bleach out of the bowl to apply it to the roots at the front of Baekhyun’s hair again.

“Yeah, I get it,” you exhaled and bent over to carefully apply the bleach.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun smiled and you watched his lips split into a grin, eyes fluttering shut to not get any bleach into his eyes, “I just want it to turn out good.”

“Again, Chaeyoung is probably willing-”

“And again, I only really trust you,” Baekhyun cut in and you pressed your lips into a thin line to hide the smiling pulling on the corners of your mouth. It was stupid, considering that Baekhyun had his eyes closed.

You hummed quietly to the music, applying the leftover bleach onto Baekhyun’s hair. The thought of pressing your lips against Baekhyun’s crossed your mind and you hated yourself for it, hated that you would even go there. But you couldn’t quite help yourself.

Your face was literally centimetres away from Baekhyun’s and you could feel every single one of his breaths fan against your skin, tickle it. Your eyes travelled across Baekhyun’s face and you remembered every mole, every freckle, every scar you would see, making a note to yourself mentally. You wanted nothing more than to press your lips against them, place soft kisses on the curve of his cheek, breathe feathery kisses against each of his eyelids, trail down with your lips to his, connect them with his like you had always dreamt of doing.

But those wishes, thoughts, wants were quickly dismissed, dismissed because Baekhyun and you were just friends and that was fine, that was enough.

And for a moment, you thought everything was peaceful.

“Do you not like Minji?”

Your hand stopped midair as your gaze travelled to Baekhyun and he peeled his eyes open. He looked into your pupils, searching in them desperately for the answer to his question, but he turned up with nothing. Instead, Baekhyun watched you slowly furrow your brows and tilt your head to the side.

A lump grew in your throat and the music faded away, silence growing between Baekhyun and you as he kept staring at you, waiting for an answer to his question. Your back started to ache and you straightened up, not wanting to be so close to Baekhyun anymore. The proximity grew dangerous again.

“Why would you ask that?”

Baekhyun sighed and almost ran his hand through his hair but you quickly stopped him, hand wrapping around his wrist to pull his hand away. He sighed again - to himself though this time - and you just kept looking at him, noting the way Baekhyun’s face etched into ambivalence as your hand slipped from his.

“I- I don’t know,” Baekhyun mused and his eyes landed on the floor, flickering back and forth as the wheels turned in his brain. There were a few seconds of silence until Baekhyun continued again and in those your heart stopped beating.

“You didn’t ask how my date with Minji was.”

You probably would have groaned, rolled your eyes and told Baekhyun he was being incredibly dramatic and stupid right now if there wasn’t some truth to Baekhyun’s words.

“And, I don’t- You just don’t seem very thrilled?” Baekhyun continued, hands tightening into fists, “And like, you don’t have to be much because I’m just dating.”

You wanted to cut in and say that Baekhyun wasn’t ‘just dating’, that it was so much more because if he was truly ‘just dating’, it wouldn’t hurt so much. You wouldn’t be spending your nights crying, wouldn’t be spending your days thinking when Baekhyun would inevitably leave you for Minji.

“But- I just thought you were gonna be more excited and interested because, I don’t know- you usually are for like things about, well, I guess, me. I mean you text me every morning before an exam and after it to ask how it went. I don’t know- you’re just always so invested and it was kinda odd when you didn’t text me when I went on my date with Minji.”

It was sad, sad and laughable and pathetic that Baekhyun was never going to connect the dots, never going to understand why you were so invested in his exams, never going to realise why you didn’t text him on the day of his date with Minji.

“And, of course, you don’t have to do any of these things, but I just asked myself if maybe you didn’t like Minji,” Baekhyun finished and glanced up to you, his eyes big and doe like.

“Baek,” you sighed and shook your head, unsure for a second what to say, “I like Minji.”

“You do?” Baekhyun asked and looked up to you. Your chest tightened and you swallowed the knot in your throat before putting more locks on your heart, scared that you would accidentally tell him how you truly felt about him.

“Yeah, of course,” you continued and let your gaze wander, swallowing before continuing, “How could I not? Minji is incredibly nice,” you busied yourself with the mixing bowl because while you weren’t lying, it hurt to admit all of this, “And talented and pretty and kind. She’s great.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun exhaled and in an instant a grin flashed across his lips, relief washing across his face. When you saw it, you wanted to tell him not to do that, not to grin at you like that because it did things to your heart, things you didn’t want for your heart to do.

“Because,” Baekhyun started and gnawed on his lip, rubbing his hands together as he struggled to finish the sentence. His cheeks reddened and you knew right away his words were only going to hurt more, rip you apart, tear you to shreds.

“Because I really, really like Minji. Like, genuinely. I like her in a way I’ve never liked somebody before.”

Baekhyun glanced up to you and you had to force yourself to keep the eye contact, force yourself not to tear away your gaze. You let a smile spread across your lips, but it didn’t reach your eyes, but Baekhyun didn’t notice, didn’t notice because he was too busy talking about Minji.

You felt like somebody was pushing a knife through your heart, every syllable, every word driving it deeper into it, carving a hole into Baekhyun’s name. It was stupid that it hurt so much, pained you so much because you already knew that, knew that Baekhyun had never liked somebody so much, knew that Baekhyun had never and will never like you so much.

“And I just want you to like her too, because she’s really great and amazing and so incredibly funny and smart at the same time too,” Baekhyun continued and you couldn’t help but note that it only took one date for Baekhyun to be head over heels for Minji. Baekhyun would never talk about you like that, not even after 16 years of friendship.

“Because I really think she and I could be something, you know? And I know it sounds stupid and ridiculous because we’ve only been on one real date. I mean the ones we had when we were teenagers definitely don’t count,” Baekhyun laughed and you could see the city light up in his eyes in a way you wanted them to when he talked about you, when he looked at you, but you knew that was ridiculous, everybody did.

“And I don’t know. I’ve never been interested in relationships and whatnot before, but I do kind of want one now. God, this is cheesy, but I really think that Minji could be it. I mean she’s known me ever since we were young and she has kind of seen me grow up, you know? And she was there for me during high school and I was just a dick then. And she doesn’t care about my looks either because, well, look at my hair right now. I looked fucking stupid on our first date, but she didn’t care. She’s literally the best girl- no person I’ve ever met.”

A part of you wanted to scream at Baekhyun, cry, yell because, fuck, you had done all of that. You had known Baekhyun ever since he was young, had seen him grow up, had been there for him during high school, hell, you had done so much more than Minji had ever done. You had pretended to like his cooking when he first started out, had carried him up ten flights of stairs after he had gotten a little too drunk, had given up your bed for him when he had been too drunk even though your back complained to you for the next week about it, had made him chicken soup when he was sick. And yet, Baekhyun didn’t feel the same way about you, didn’t like you nearly as much as he liked Minji.

It wasn’t fair.

You were the best person Baekhyun had ever met, but he would never realise that, would never because he was too busy calling you his friend.

And your heart felt taunted, laughed at, ridiculed, mocked. It cowered in its cage, begging for it to be let out, but not to tell Baekhyun just how you felt, but to escape the taunt, the laughter, the ridicule, the mockery.

“I really feel like she’s all I’ve been looking and waiting for.”

You turned your back to Baekhyun, unable to blink away the tears any longer that had been threatening to spill any second. They ran down your cheeks, leaving hot scorching trails behind them, marking where they had touched, burned your skin.

Baekhyun usually would have taken notice of your silence, taken notice of body language, but this time he didn’t. A part of you was thankful because you knew you would break, knew you would spill everything that had been weighing on your chest if he asked you what was wrong, but another wanted to scream at Baekhyun. Was this how it was going to be? Was his life just going to be consumed by Minji and no one else? Were you going to be cut out of it?

You pressed your lips together and put down the mixing bowl, ripping the gloves off your hands as you wiped across your cheeks. Baekhyun continued on, continued on talking about Minji and how great she was and you continued listening, but his words stopped registering in your mind. You just needed to protect yourself like that.

You sat down on your couch, elbowls digging into your knees as you kept nodding your head to every single one of Baekhyun’s words. He had turned around, eyes focused behind you as he rambled on, kept on telling you just how fucking amazing Minji was, how she had been the one he had been looking for, that she really showed him how great relationships could be, that she was the one that had him excited for a relationship for the first time. And whilst you listened to every word, listened to Baekhyun’s rambling about Minji, you realised one very important thing.

You could never be Minji.

You could never elicit the same feelings, same thoughts, same urges in Baekhyun Minji could after just one single date. You could never and you will never. If after 16 years of friendship, close friendship, Baekhyun couldn’t see you more than as a friend, then he wasn’t going to start soon.

[You - 01:42] :

i know we said we were gonna do your hair tomorrow, but i really just dont feel well. maybe ask chaeyoung to do it? i know your hair somehow turned out worse and youre bothered by it and i do wanna do your hair but i just dont feel fit for it. im sorry :(

You were watching ‘Community’ once again, sprawled on your couch as you looked for a specific episode. You were in need of a laugh and you knew just what episode to watch, but you were quickly interrupted by your front door unlocking.

For a second, you were just frozen, confused and a second later you sat up and turned your head around. You were about to ask who it was when they announced their entrance themselves.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s me Baek, your best friend,” Baekhyun said and you cursed yourself for giving him a key when you had first moved in. At first, it had seemed smart for him to have a spare key in case you got locked out or something, but now you wanted to turn back time and slap it out of his hands.

“Baek?” you called out and soon enough he turned the corner and you were met with a grinning Baekhyun, baseball cap hiding his truly awful hair. He held up a plastic container and you scrunched up your face, about to ask him what he was doing here when someone else stepped into your view.

“Minij?”

She smiled at you and gave you a wave, the excitement plastered on her face. You barely matched her smile, still too confused about this whole situation. Your eyes kept wandering between Minji and Baekhyun and you wanted to say something, but you couldn’t quite.

“Hey, Y/N,” Minji said and it was odd how little she had changed over the years.

“What’s happening right now?” you ended up just blurting out, still too confused to really wrap your mind around whatever was going on.

“We came over because you said you weren’t feeling well,” Baekhyun explained and walked over to you, placing the plastic container right in front of you on your coffee table, “I made you chicken soup. It’s still warm.”

“Oh,” you said and slowly started to understand the purpose of this visit. You looked at the chicken soup and you could see it still steam inside the plastic container.

“I didn’t expect that,” you cleared your throat, cheeks reddening because, god, you had to look awful, but Baekhyun and Minji thankfully didn’t comment on it. Your eyes slowly travelled back to them and you rubbed your hands together, trying to find something to say. “Uh, you guys want something to drink? I’ve got tea.”

Minji looked over to Baekhyun, obviously also a little flustered about this whole situation. He locked eyes with her, giving her the kind of smile you wished you could receive before turning to you and nodding.

Your heart was literally burying itself into the ground of its cage, attempting so desperately to just escape this, to not have to see this and you wished it was this easy. You wanted for it to be this easy, for you to unsee Minji and Baekhyun together.

“Yeah, tea sounds great,” Baekhyun said, “I’ll help you with the soup.”

It was obvious to all of you that you didn’t need help with the soup, obvious to all of you that you could very much just eat it out of the plastic container, obvious to all of you that Baekhyun only said that to get a chance to talk to you in private and all of you played along.

“Okay, I’ll just be here,” Minji smiled before turning to look at you, asking you for permission and you nodded.

“Yeah, just make yourself feel at home,” you said and put the remote on the coffee table for her, grabbing the plastic container and handing it over to Baekhyun when he walked over as you straightened up, “The bathroom is just down the hall, second door on the left. In case you need it or something.”

You pointed into the hallway, incredibly glad that even if Minji was to go to the bathroom, it would be in the opposite direction of your kitchen. Minji nodded and thanked you before Baekhyun and you headed for your kitchen, acting like you were going to do something in there except talk.

“Are you mad?” Baekhyun asked when he closed the door behind him and you poured water into your water kettle. You turned it on and waited a few seconds, listening to the water start to boil before turning around to face Baekhyun, hands folding over your stomach.

“No,” you said and you honestly weren’t sure if you were lying or not. You were still too confused to figure out. “I wouldn’t say I’m mad, but- I’m definitely not thrilled.”

Baekhyun put down the plastic container on your countertop and rubbed his hands together.

“I thought you liked Minji,” Baekhyun whispered into the silence and you groaned, shaking your head at him.

“Baek, this has nothing to do with whether or not I like Minji or not. For the record, I do,” you started, growing annoyed because, fuck, how could Baekhyun be this inconsiderate at times? “This is about the fact that you just showed up with her without asking me beforehand.”

“But I do that like, all the time. Isn’t that why you gave me a key?” Baekhyun asked and recalled the many times he had paid you a surprise visit. Your arms tightened around your stomach, the water behind you starting to boil, whistle.

“No,” you sighed and licked your lips, “I gave you a key for emergencies and just because you’ve been showing up out of nowhere doesn’t mean I’m fine with it or fine with you just bringing someone along.”

“Okay, but you never said anything before that about that,” Baekhyun argued and you threw your head back, eyes screwing shut as you felt yourself start to get too worked up about this, “And Minji isn’t just ‘someone’. You know her. Don’t act like I picked up a stranger-”

“Baek,” you cut in and turned your head to him, eyes locking with his, “how about you own up to the fact that it’s not okay to just show up at other people’s flat with other people? And, again, this isn’t about Minji. I’d be equally mad if you showed up with Sehun or Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun pressed his lips into a thin line and you could see the frustration build up in his eyes, build up inside him. A part of your heart just wanted to close the distance, pull him into your arms and tell him it was fine, but you shut off that part. This wasn’t okay and you weren’t going to act like it was.

Silence settled and you only turned around when you heard the water kettle switch off behind you. You pulled out three mugs, grabbing a bag of green tea and two bags of chamomile tea. You put both of them respectively into the mugs, pouring the hot water into them until it reached the brim of the mugs.

You could hear Baekhyun shuffle behind you and soon enough he was standing next to you, leaned against the countertop as he watched you stare at the tea bags. You knew he was waiting for you to look at him, face him, but you didn’t feel like it.

Baekhyun sighed softly next to you before reaching over to tuck a strand behind your ear, fingers lingering behind your ear and you wanted to swat away his hand. It was laughable, pathetic how that simple gesture had your heart looking up, skipping and jumping around in its cage when it should stay beaten down, on the floor, there where it belonged.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun started and his voice was a quiet whisper, barely loud enough to reach your ears, “You’re right, of course, you’re right.”

You just let out a small breath, letting Baekhyun continue without interruption.

“I didn’t plan this or something. I just let it slip that I was gonna drop by at yours and Minji had seemed so excited to see you again,” Baekhyun continued, fingers skimming the top of your ear, “And she also told me in secret that she always admired you, thought you were cool or something. So I suggested that she come with me.”

Your gaze travelled to him and any frustration had dissipated the second Baekhyun had apologised. You weren’t surprised, you could never be mad at him for long.

You turned to him, hand wrapping around his wrist to remove his hand from your ear, scared that your heart might just combust if you let his fingertips linger a little longer, scared that Minji might walk in and get the wrong impression.

“It’s fine, I get it,” you hummed softly, shuffling a little away from Baekhyun, needing distance to breathe, “Just don’t bring someone over like that again. Check with me first.”

Baekhyun nodded and a smile started pulling on the corners of his lips, eliciting a smile from you. Both of you just did that for a while, smiled at each other and it was all fine for a moment before you remembered something, remembered Minji sitting in your living room.

“You also shouldn’t touch me like that anymore,” you started, voice wavering a little and gestured around when Baekhyun knitted his brows together, “You know tuck my hair away or something like that. You wouldn’t want Minji to get the wrong impression, right?”

Baekhyun pressed his lips together before he nodded, seeming to understand what you were trying to say. You could see in his eyes that he wanted to protest, probably argue that you two were just friends and that Minji understood and whatnot and you were incredibly thankful he didn’t. You couldn’t stand listening to Baekhyun just call you a friend and nothing more any longer.

“So, you said you weren’t feeling well?” Baekhyun started and you just rolled your eyes, completely forgetting before that you had to act sick or something.

“Yeah,” you lied through your teeth and Baekhyun laughed at your simple answer before shaking his head at you.

“Lying is bad,” Baekhyun said and you just tsked him, turning your head away from him to stare at your wall like you had never seen it before.

“I didn’t feel great this morning,” you said and cringed a little because even you barely sounded convinced, but it wasn’t like you were trying very hard if at all.

“But now that I’m here, you’re all better, huh? I’m all the medicine you need, right?” Baekhyun grinned and stepped into your view. His hand brushed against your arm instinctively and goosebumps travelled down your skin.

Baekhyun had this smirk on his face and you knew he wanted to tease, challenge you a little and you wanted to play along so badly, but you couldn’t. Unlike Baekhyun you were very much aware now that he was dating and that such behaviour between a girl and a guy never sat well with the other person. You weren’t going to risk Minji and Baekhyun breaking up just because he was a little too dumb to get it.

“Anyway, I’m gonna take these with me and you can-” you stopped to grab the plastic container and shove it into Baekhyun’s hands, “do something with this.”

Baekhyun was about to get another word out, but you quickly grabbed the mug of green tea and the mug of chamomile tea. You made your way out of your kitchen and into your living room, leaving the other mug of chamomile tea for Baekhyun.

“Hey,” Minji greeted you when you turned the corner and put away her phone. For the first time, you could mirror the smile on her lips and you handed her her green tea.

“Hi, is green tea fine or do you prefer chamomile or something else?” you asked, remembering just then that you had just thrown in tea bags without asking what Minji wanted.

“Oh, green tea is just fine. Thank you,” Minji smiled and you sat down next to her, your mug landing on your coffee table. Your eyes wandered up and down her form for the first time properly.

Her hair was now cut in a stylish bob and it was insane how well it suited her. There was still something very youthful about her and you were glad to see that she didn’t lose that spark, that fire burning in her pupils. Her lips were glossy with chapstick and a perfect winged eyeliner adorned her eyes.

Minji hadn’t changed much, hadn’t changed much appearance wise, hadn’t changed much voice wise, hadn’t changed much personality wise and you were happy, happy because you had always liked her. You hadn’t been lying to Baekhyun when you had said all those nice things about her.

Minji was truly an angel, considerate, kind, nice, perfect.

“Uh, can I hug you?” Minji asked and put down her mug of green tea, next to yours, turning fully to you. Her cheeks turned rosy and you were a little taken aback by her question. Minji and you became friends when she dated Baekhyun, but the second they broke up, you two were back to being classmates.

“It’s just been such a long time, but if you don’t want to it’s completely fine and I mean you’re also sick. Not like I mind, but if you-”

Your arms wrapped around Minji’s shoulder and she immediately reciprocated your hug, hands settling on your shoulder blades like yours had.

“It’s so nice to see you again, Minji,” you said when you two pulled away. You were seated a lot closer to her now and both of you smiled at the other, obviously genuinely happy to see the other. “I’m sorry if I was a little cold just-”

“No, please don’t apologise,” Minji quickly cut in and shook her head at you, “If anything I should apologise. Baekhyun had just said that it would be fine and I mean I did want to see you again.”

Minji’s cheeks reddened even more at her confession and you could just chuckle, feeling this urge in your chest to wrap your arms around her and never let her go. She had always been so cute and sweet.

“Well, I’m very happy you’re here,” you said and Minji’s whole face turned red at your words, eliciting only a chuckle from you. It was now that you realised, realised why Baekhyun liked Minji so much. She was truly deserving of everything and you didn’t blame him for starting to like Minji.

It still hurt, there was no denying in it and there was definitely still a part of you that was bitter and angry and frustrated about the fact that Baekhyun liked Minji and not you, but it had gotten a little smaller and was securely hidden away now.

“Can I just say how amazing and great I think it is that Baek and you are still friends?” Minji said and you reached for your mug, gaze turning to her before you blew over the surface of your tea.

“I guess thanks?” you laughed, a little unsure how to respond. You had to be honest, you didn’t think it was an amazing feat, after all Baekhyun and you had been friends with each other for the past 16 years.

“No, I mean most people grow apart, but you guys have always stayed strong,” Minji explained, eyes glazing over as she started to recall high school, “I always admired you guys. I’ve always wanted such a strong bond and friendship. It was- sorry, is truly amazing.”

“I guess it’s childhood friends for a reason, right?” you mused, taking a sip from your tea.

“Yeah, but I remember girls being so freaking jealous of you,” Minji continued and your eyes grew a little bigger at her words. That was news to you.

“Were you?” you asked carefully and raised a brow at Minji. You weren’t sure what answer you were hoping for and what you were expecting, but you were curious.

Minji’s eyes jumped to yours and she smiled at you before shaking her head and you knew she meant it.

“No, at least not in the way the others were,” Minji said and you nodded, a little sad that you couldn’t elicit the same jealousy in her like she could in you.

“I was definitely jealous of your friendship, but never the way the others were.” Minji shrugged and you took another sip from your tea and this time the liquid burned on its way down, but you didn’t flinch.

“I just hate the cliche of the girlfriend hating and being jealous of their boyfriend’s female friend. It’s just so stupid,” Minji continued and you hummed, agreeing that the cliche should die in TV and films, “Jealousy is just so spiteful.”

You thought about Minji’s words for a few seconds before letting out an unsure noise. Minji leaned forward, genuinely curious about your thoughts.

“You don’t think?”

You shook your head and put down your tea, scared you would spill some of it on you if you had it in your hand any longer.

“I don’t feel like jealousy is inherently spiteful. Sure, there is definitely this ugly kind of jealousy. You know the kind we see on TV and whatnot, but I also feel like there’s a different kind. The kind that, I don’t know, shows you care. The kind you don’t really want to feel because jealousy isn’t the nicest feeling, but you can’t help yourself but to feel just that, feel just jealous.”

You sounded unsure, uncertain, confused and you were about to dismiss all of your words, tell Minji how they didn’t make any sense whatsoever when she cut in.

“I really didn’t think about it this way,” Minji started, humming lowly as she brood over your words for another second, “But I think you’re right.”

“Wow, philosophical much?”

You turned your head around to see Baekhyun standing in the doorway with a bowl of chicken soup in his one hand and mug in his other. He smiled at both of you before walking over to you, putting the bowl right in front of you. You looked into it and you were about to thank him when you watched Baekhyun walk around your coffee table to sit down next to Minji, but not without pressing a kiss against her temple.

You ignored your heart, refusing to acknowledge it in its cage and instead started to take a sip from the chicken soup Baekhyun had made for you.

“Thanks,” you smiled and Baekhyun nodded, grinning at Minji and you.

“We weren’t being philosophical,” Minji laughed and softly ran her fingers across Baekhyun’s jaw, “We were just talking a little bit.”

You hummed in agreement, but you had this feeling the noise got lost and didn't meet Baekhyun’s ears. He put down his mug and wrapped an arm around Minji’s waist. She leaned into him and you felt your heart tighten and ache, but you shut it up, refusing to pay it any attention.

“Sure, but like deep talking, right?” Baekhyun said and looked at you for confirmation, but his gaze didn’t linger long enough on you. Instead, it wandered to Minji and stayed there and you could feel your chest tighten painfully.

“We weren’t talking about anything major or worth nothing.”

Your hand twitched next to you and almost instinctively you wanted to do your mock salute, repeat Minji’s words after ‘major’, but you halted. Your gaze shot to Baekhyun, but it was either because he didn’t notice it or because he was staring too deeply into Minji’s eyes because he didn’t even react. His hand didn’t flinch and the words didn’t even start to slip out.

“I’m sure it was interesting,” Baekhyun hummed and pressed another kiss against Minji’s temple. Your grip around your spoon tightened and your jaw locked up at the sight of it all. You kept your head low, gaze downcasted as you swallowed the chicken soup, every sip edging you closer to throw up.

“It really wasn’t,” Minji giggled and placed her hand on Baekhyun’s knee. You wanted nothing more than to yell, jump up and lock yourself into your bathroom, but you feared neither would notice and you didn’t want to have your fear confirmed.

Baekhyun grinned at Minji, arms tightening around her waist and you just shuffled away, inching closer to the edge of your couch.

“Well, I still think it was. You are so smart you can only talk about deep stuff,” Baekhyun said and you wished you could shut off your brain, wished you couldn’t see their every movement even though your head was literally inside the bowl already.

“You’re literally so smart, babe.”

You thought your heart was going to pierce through your chest and throw itself out of your window when you heard the pet name. Your skin started crawling and your grip around your spoon tightened so much that your knuckles turned white, turned white so much they almost teared through your skin. A lump lodged itself into your throat and you thought you were going to choke on the chicken soup.

“Oh, Baek.”

Minji giggled in a way you could never, in a way that it sounded pleasant, soothing. Her giggle was heartfluttering and you didn’t fault Baekhyun for liking her so fucking much because there was truly nothing about her that you could ever dislike, not even if you tried your hardest to find something.

And that fact made it just so much more difficult, so much more difficult for you to smile, laugh, nod, agree, talk, act fine, act fine when you were dying inside, when your heart was digging its one grave to rest, sleep in.

It was then that you realised it, realised that you needed distance, realised that you needed distance to heal, realised that you needed distance to move on, realised that you needed distance from Baekhyun.

[Baekhyun - 20:42] :

for clarification, can i still pay you surprise visits?

You didn’t respond and Baekhyun didn’t notice.

“I can’t do your hair this weekend. I’ve gotta study.”

“I’m sorry, I promised Sooyoung I’d go shopping with her.”

“Sorry, I just saw your message. Let’s take a rain check on your hair, yeah?”

“I’ve been very busy this week and I wanted to take the weekend just for myself to relax a little.”

You thought it was going to get easier, easier to type out the messages, easier to lie to Baekhyun, easier to avoid Baekhyun, but you could feel your heart die a little inside you with every message, could feel your chest tighten painfully with every lie, could feel yourself missing Baekhyun more and more with every day you spent without hanging out with him, talking, texting or simply seeing him.

Every time you saw him on campus, you made sure to run into the opposite direction and for once, you were thankful that your campus was as big as it was. Avoiding Baekhyun was also a lot easier because you knew his routine, knew his schedule, knew his way to class.

In the 16 years of friendship he and you had never spent more than three days without contact with each other. He and you had been attached to the hip ever since you had met Baekhyun and both of you had fallen into a routine of being with each other every day ever since. He and you even talked when Baekhyun had been on the other side of the globe when his family went on holiday. The time difference didn’t stop either of you from talking, from calling the other, from texting.

So every morning you woke up wanting to grab your phone and call him up, wanting to jump out of your bed and bang on his front door, wanting to wrap your arms around him and tell him you were sorry for avoiding him, but every morning you stopped yourself, controlled yourself, but you could feel yourself slip more and more with each day without Baekhyun.

You went to sleep earlier in an attempt to forget for a little and today was no exception. Surprisingly, it was easy for you to fall asleep, easy for you to sleep through the night, but this time you couldn’t.

“What the fuck?”

You jerked up and you hit your head on the back of your bed, hands gripping around your blanket when you had felt a hand on your shoulder, ripping you out of your sleep. It took your eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkness, to realise just who had touched you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Baekhyun whispered even though you weren’t sleeping anymore. He held up his hands and had taken a step back, scared you were going to punch him or something when you had suddenly woken up.

“What the fuck, Baekhyun?” you yelled and took one of your pillows to hurl it at him. He caught it and held it in front of him, for protection.

“I’m so so sorry, Y/N-”

“What the fuck are you doing in my bedroom?” you said and turned to your clock to check the time, “It’s fucking one in the morning. What are you doing here?”

You hadn’t thought that was how your first time seeing Baekhyun in a month was going to go and for a moment, you had completely forgotten that things were awkward between him and you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Baekhyun apologised for the third time now and slowly inched forward. You let out long breaths, your heart still pounding in your chest and for the first time, it wasn’t because Baekhyun had smiled at you.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed, but nevertheless moved away to give Baekhyun some space to sit down, “I thought I told you it wasn’t cool to just show up unannounced.”

“No, yeah, I know,” Baekhyun started and sat down on the edge of your bed, your mattress dipping underneath his weight, your pillow landing in Baekhyun’s lap, “And I’ve been trying not to come, but-”

Baekhyun stopped and you could hear the quiver in his voice. He let his head drop and it clicked in your mind that something was wrong, clicked in your mind that something had happened. And you softened, softened immediately.

You could see Baekhyun swallow heavily in the darkness and you placed your hand on his, scowl melting away to allow for worry to etch into your features.

“What happened?” you asked softly and it was like your question had turned a switch in Baekhyun’s head because the tears spilled, the sobs teared through his throat. Baekhyun broke down in front of you and you were quick to wrap your arms around him, pull him close to you.

“It’s fine,” you whispered into Baekhyun’s ear as the tears continued to spill from his eyes, as the sobs continued to rip through his chest, leaving him empty and heaving for air, “I’m here. It’s fine. Just let it out, it’s okay.”

Baekhyun’s hands grabbed your T-shirt, gripping it so tightly that you knew the knit was never going to straighten out of it, but you let him, let him hold onto you like his life depended on it. You didn’t care that his tears stained your shirt, didn’t care that you spent the hour just holding Baekhyun close to you.

Baekhyun and you had moved further into your bed at one point and he was now laying in your lap, arms wrapped around your pillow, knees drawn to his chest as you continued to whisper assuring words into his ear, continued to wipe away the tears whenever they dared to spill from his eyes, continued to comb your fingers through his hair.

The silence between you two was never interrupted during the hour safe for your words and Baekhyun’s sobs and hiccups, but he never spoke a single word. You wanted to know what had happened and you knew it was Minji, but you didn’t ask, didn’t push Baekhyun to speak and tell you because you knew he wasn’t ready. And if he never was going to be, you were fine with that too.

So you were surprised when Baekhyun decided to speak up after an hour of crying.

“It’s not easy.”

The words came out broken through Baekhyun’s lips and you stopped for just a moment to comb through his hair before continuing again. You watched Baekhyun swallow heavily, struggling to find the words to capture the emotions and sadness ripping through his entire body.

“It’s not easy with Minji,” Baekhyun said and you wiped away the tears, “I talk to her and we can talk, but we don’t- we don’t really talk. We just say stuff to each other, but it never- It just doesn’t feel quite-”

Baekhyun shook his head and you just let out a low hum, wanting to show him you were listening, but not wanting to interrupt him in any way. It took Baekhyun minutes to speak up again and you didn’t mind.

“It just doesn’t feel quite right, natural,” Baekhyun sobbed and you knew these thoughts had been on his mind for a long time now, laying and weighing down on his chest, “easy.”

“You talked to her about it?”

When Baekhyun peered at you, strands sticking to his forehead and eyes red from all of the crying, you knew the answer, knew he hadn’t. It was Baekhyun after all.

“You should,” you whispered, heart breaking to see Baekhyun like that. You wanted to give him everything, wanted to fix it for him, wanted to heal him, but you knew there was nothing you could do. Baekhyun had to do it himself and he knew that.

A part of you blamed yourself for all of this, blamed yourself for Baekhyun’s state right now. You cursed yourself for not being there for him during this month, cursed yourself for not being there when things started to crumble, cursed yourself for not being there to pick up the pieces and you would turn back time if you could. You would stay by Baekhyun’s side even if that meant listening to him gush about Minji on and on, even if that meant seeing him press kisses against her lips, her temple, her nose, her forehead, even if that meant hearing him call her ‘babe’ as long as it meant that you would catch Baekhyun before the fall.

“I don’t know how,” Baekhyun cried and his face contorted into pain and sadness. You could feel your own tears brim your eyes and you squeezed your lips shut, head turning away to silently drag your hand underneath your eyes.

“Why isn’t it easy, Y/N?” Baekhyun asked you and you wanted to have the answer, but you didn’t know.

“I thought Minji was it, thought Minji and I could be something,” Baekhyun continued and you could feel new tears forming again. You could barely swipe away Baekhyun’s before new ones spilled, not to mention wipe away your own. So you let yours spill, let yours tears just fall, run down your cheek, burn your skin.

“I just want to love someone, Y/N.”

Your teeth sank into your bottom lip and you wanted to tell Baekhyun to love you, to choose you, but you swallowed the words and locked them away like you had done with your own feelings, your own heart.

“Why can’t I find someone to love, Y/N?”

Your vision continued to blur and you hugged Baekhyun tighter to you, wanting so desperately for him to feel all the love you were giving him.

“Why can’t I find someone to love me, Y/N?”

You shook your head, begging silently for Baekhyun to stop asking you because you did, you fucking did. You loved Baekhyun as much as the stars loved the moon, as much as Romeo loved Julia, as much as the Earth loved the Sun.

But it wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t enough for Baekhyun to notice and you wanted to give him more, bleed him more, but you were at your wits’ end. You didn’t have anything more inside you, anything more to offer and you wished you did.

“I’m sorry, Baek.”

“Thank you.”

Your eyes travelled to the mirror and locked with Baekhyun’s in it. You stopped applying the bleach and tilted your head to the side.

“For what?”

You stopped avoiding Baekhyun after that night and just two days later he and you were sitting in your flat again. You were bleaching his hair for a third time because the second time had somehow turned out more patchy and since it would only translate patchy if you slapped the red on, Baekhyun and you decided to bleach his hair for a third time. Hopefully the last time.

Baekhyun smiled at you and you started brushing the bleach alongside the back of Baekhyun’s head again.

“For everything.”

You just looked at Baekhyun and gave him a simple nod, both of you communicating by just looking at each other. It was enough for you both, all you needed.

Baekhyun had ended up staying the night the other day and you hadn’t minded at all. In the morning, it had been admittedly awkward and weird, but luckily both of you had classes to attend. During the day you had arranged lunch with him and it had been quietly established during it that you two would just ignore and not talk about what had happened.

“Anyway, Sooyoung just noped out of there and went home,” you finished telling your story and Baekhyun laughed along, grins adorning your lips, “But, again, don’t ask her about it. She’s gonna fucking kill me.”

“Yeah, I got it.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes at your hundredth reminder not to talk to Sooyoung about her recent date and you just shrugged. Baekhyun folded his ear over when you got to it and you carefully applied the bleach around it.

You were so busy focusing on applying the bleach that you couldn’t bring yourself to tell another story. And for the first minute, you didn’t even notice the silence lingering between you two, the music playing quietly serving as enough background noise for you.

You moved to Baekhyun’s front, leaning down to make sure you had evenly applied the bleach to his root. And it was then that he decided to speak up, when there was no escaping him because he was directly staring into your eyes and you were directly staring into his eyes.

“Why did you avoid me?”

You froze and your eyes travelled to Baekhyun’s, locking with them in an instant. Your heart started hiding in its cage and you wished you could too.

Baekhyun’s gaze was unwavering and you swallowed, not sure what to say. Your throat felt dry, scratchy and the lump lodged inside of it certainly didn’t make it easier for you.

“And please don’t say you weren’t because we both know it’s a lie,” Baekhyun said quietly and you wanted to give in, let out the truth, but you knew you couldn’t, “Please, don’t lie to me.”

You really wanted not to lie to him because it hurt you just as much as it hurt him when you lied to him. No, in fact, it hurt you even more than it hurt him when you lied to him. Every time you had to, had to think of some bullshit excuse and present it to him, you felt like dying, felt like your heart was withering, rotting away in its cage.

“It was just,” you started, shrugging and right away Baekhyun and you knew you were lying, “It was just not a good month.”

You thought Baekhyun was going to call you out on it, demand for the truth because he had just asked for it, but instead he looked at you and nodded. His lips were pressed into a thin line like he was holding back so many words and you hoped, prayed they would stay sealed shut.

“Okay.”

And that was it. You finished applying the rest of the bleach and Baekhyun thanked you with a smile, a smile that almost reached his eyes and you assured him there was no need to thank you with a smile too, a smile that also almost reached your eyes.

“Tea?” you turned to Baekhyun after he had just finished setting the timer for his hair to process. He looked up from his phone and nodded.

You moved into your kitchen, pouring the water into your water kettle and turning it on before opening the cabinet to your mugs. You almost missed Baekhyun’s steps, the water starting to boil and whistle so loud that the noise was almost drowned out.

I think you're gonna change my plans With those emerald eyes But you don't even understand How much they're on my mind

‘Claudia’ by Finneas started playing throughout your flat and you turned around. Baekhyun approached you with a smile on his lips and this time it was genuine. His hands reached for yours and before you knew it, he was twirling you in your own kitchen.

Baekhyun started singing almost in an instant and you could only smile, could only enjoy his singing. He and you started dancing, but he led, holding your hands and encouraging you to do various spins.

You spun into Baekhyun’s chest and almost lost your balance, but Baekhyun was there to hold you, steady you at your waist, fingers digging into your skin as he sung the chorus.

Oh, I'm in trouble now Come kiss me black and blue Might last another round But I'm bound to fall for you

Your eyes locked with Baekhyun’s and your lungs were left aching for air, oxygen because staring into Baekhyun’s eyes stole your breath away. The words slipped off Baekhyun’s lips with such ease and grace that your heart almost believed them, that your heart started rattling its cage, but you quickly realised it was a song and this meant nothing to Baekhyun.

You turned on your heel, spinning out of Baekhyun’s arms. For a moment, you thought Baekhyun looked sad, but then he continued singing and you joined him. Your heart, however, wasn’t in it as much as it was before, the possibility that Baekhyun maybe meant his words haunting you and taking up too much space in your mind.

We're undercover now I don't know what you do Just know I love it now I'm bound to fall for you

You were making yourself dinner when you heard your front door unlock, but unlike before you didn’t whip your head around and ask who it was. You knew who it was because it could only be him.

Baekhyun had started to come over to your place more often than not, started to abuse the power of the key you had given to him and you stopped minding, stopped minding after he had come to you that night and cried into your chest.

“What’s up?” you asked and turned around when Baekhyun entered your kitchen, turning off your stove because you had just finished your chicken. Baekhyun raised a take out plastic bag into your view and you let out a sigh.

“You already made dinner, huh?” Baekhyun hummed and you could only nod, “Fuck, I wanted to surprise you with Chinese.”

“But you know I always make dinner at 7,” you said and Baekhyun placed the bag on your counter, unpacking all of the food he had bought. You helped him.

“Yeah, I know,” Baekhyun sighed and ran a hand through his beautiful blond hair. It had reached a point where it was truly beautiful, the brassy tone was now completely gone and every strand matched with each other. You had to say, you were proud of what you had done.

“I just thought that maybe today was gonna be different,” Baekhyun sighed, shrugging before bunching up the plastic bag and throwing it to the side, “What now?”

You hummed and looked at your dinner before turning back to the take out food. “I guess I’ve already made my dinner for tomorrow.”

Baekhyun grinned at you and you just mirrored it, heart fluttering in your chest because of how happy he looked. Your chicken and rice and broccoli was quickly wrapped up in tupperware and soon enough Baekhyun and you were sitting in front of your TV, enjoying Chinese together as you watched ‘Community’.

Both of you were just eating and focusing on the TV when Baekhyun turned his head to you, similarly how he had when he told you that he wanted to dye his hair.

“I’m going to Minji’s later.”

Your eyes travelled to Baekhyun and your spring roll landed back on your plate. You stared at Baekhyun, trying to see how he was feeling, but you couldn’t quite read him. His eyes were almost void of emotion and you really didn’t know what he wanted you to say.

Baekhyun and you continued to date and if you weren’t completely wrong, they had been for a little over two months now. Two weeks had passed since Baekhyun had come over to you, crying his eyes out because things weren’t working the way he wanted them to between Minji and him.

And you knew for a fact that he hadn’t talked to her about his worries, knew for a fact that he hadn’t because Baekhyun could never. Baekhyun also stopped mentioning her in front of you, probably in fear that you would urge him to talk to her. You wouldn’t, but you were fine with him not talking to you about her.

“Okay,” you said and waited a moment, still unsure what to say, “You can do it.”

“Yeah, no, I know I can,” Baekhyun said and put down his plate, hands rubbing over the top of his legs. You paused the TV and waited quietly for Baekhyun to continue.

“I mean I’ve still been seeing her,” Baekhyun said and his gaze landed on his hands. His voice was shaky, breathy and it was like he just didn’t know what to say, like he just didn’t know what he wanted to say.

“But?” you quickly asked when Baekhyun stayed silent a little too long.

Baekhyun shuffled and folded his hands together. For a moment, it looked like he was going to say something, but then he shook his head and closed his mouth again.

“No, nothing,” Baekhyun breathed out, picking up his chopsticks again, “Just eat. It’s fine.”

You knew for a fact it wasn’t, wasn’t just fine, but you didn’t push it, knowing all too well that if Baekhyun didn’t want to talk about it ,he wasn’t going to.

You shrugged and turned on the TV again, picking up your plate like Baekhyun had.

“Okay.”

You were, once again, sleeping when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“What?”

You jerked up again and it took your eyes to get used to the darkness. Everything felt very similar and you knew it was because Baekhyun had done this just two weeks ago, woken you up in the middle of the night.

Your heart was beating out of your chest and you ran a hand through your hair, still too sleepy to properly process what was happening.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Baekhyun said and you looked at him, blinking a few times.

“Are you okay, Baek? Is everything fine?” you asked and were up on your knees in an instant. Your hands landed on Baekhyun’s shoulders, ready to pull him close to your chest if he broke down again, but this time there was a small smile spread across his lips.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Baekhyun assured you and slowly your hands slipped down his arms. You sat down again and your fingers lightly laced with Baekhyun’s.

“What’s up then?” you asked and the sleep was evident in your voice. Baekhyun’s smile grew into a grin, a grin you didn’t quite like because it was different. You squinted your eyes and Baekhyun settled on the edge of your bed, hands intertwining with yours as he squeezed your hands lightly.

“Will you dye my hair black?”

There was a beat of silence, a beat of silence because it took you that long to realise what Baekhyun had just asked you to do.

“What?” you spat out, annoyance and frustration growing in your voice. Baekhyun held onto you a little tighter like he was scared you would push him out of your bed and tell him to fuck off. His grin grew bigger and you hated it.

“I’m sorry, but can you please?” Baekhyun pleaded and you wanted to shove him out of your bed, but he held onto your hands a little too tight.

“Now?” you asked, turning to look at your clock, “It’s fucking two in the morning, Baek. You are kidding me, aren’t you?”

Baekhyun continued grinning at you and you groaned, throwing your head in your neck.

“I thought you were trying to not come to my flat unannounced,” you said, recalling how the last time Baekhyun had said he had been trying to not pay you surprise visits anymore.

“Oh, please, you love it when I come over,” Baekhyun laughed quietly, “If I don’t, you’d miss me too much.”

Baekhyun was right. You did kind of start to love it whenever he would come around and you would definitely miss him a little too much if he didn’t come over, but you wouldn’t admit that.

“I thought you were going to Minji’s or something. What’re you doing here?” you whined, craving the sweet sleep you had just been in.

Baekhyun let go off your hand and tipped your head back, fingers brushing a strand behind your ear and lingering on your ear again.

“I was at Minji’s.”

You furrowed your brows and rubbed your eyes, not quite understanding what ghost had possessed Baekhyun and prompted him to come over and ask you to dye his hair fucking black. Your brain was still half asleep and you were definitely not ready to have this conversation.

“We broke up.”

Now, you were wide awake. Your gaze shot to Baekhyun’s and you stared at him in the darkness, waiting for him to break out in tears or tell you he was joking or something, but he just continued to look at you with this smile on your face, this peaceful smile.

“Before you ask, I’m fine,” Baekhyun whispered quietly and his fingers wandered down the length of your hair, wrapping said strand around his finger as he continued to speak, “I broke it off and Minji was really understanding.”

You just stared at him, still too shocked to say something.

“And now, I really want black hair.”

You pressed your lips together and you weren’t sure if you believed him, believed Baekhyun that he was fine. It was then that it clicked in your mind that this was what Baekhyun had wanted to talk to you about when you were eating, that he had been trying to tell you he was going to break up with Minji.

“You’ve got dye?”

Baekhyun grinned at you and, of course, he nodded at you. He pulled you out of bed and when you walked into your living room, you were surprised to see that he had already set everything up. Baekhyun had somehow managed to lay out the papers, open all of the windows and prepare the dye in the mixing bowl without you hearing a single sound.

“What would you have done if I had said no?” you asked, putting on the gloves that were next to the mixing bowl. Baekhyun wrapped the towel around his shoulder and smirked at you.

“You wouldn’t have.”

And you really wouldn't have.

“How could you be so sure?” you laughed and Baekhyun’s smirk grew a little bigger when you handed him the mixing bowl to divide his hair.

“Because you love me.”

Your heart froze in its cage and panic almost flushed through your whole system, but you were quick to get it together. Your eyes wandered to Baekhyun and you knew right away that he didn’t mean it the way you first thought he did.

“Whatever,” you exhaled, voice slightly pitchy as you clipped in the barrettes. Baekhyun just chuckled, shrugging to himself before putting on music.

And both of you did that for a while. You dyed Baekhyun’s hair at two in the morning and Baekhyun just sang along to the music every now and then.

“Why black so suddenly?” you said and took up some of the black dye on your brush. Baekhyun hummed and scratched his arm. “I thought you really wanted red.”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Baekhyun hummed, “But I just realised that sometimes that you truly don’t want something, you just think you do.”

You paused for just a second before you just ignored Baekhyun’s words and continued. But this time, Baekhyun didn’t feel like ignoring things, he felt like talking, opening up, being brave.

“She was really understanding, Y/N,” Baekhyun said and you knew who he was talking about. You moved in front of Baekhyun and just let him continue as you dyed his roots at the front. “I told her how I’ve been feeling and she understood, said she could feel that something wasn’t quite right.”

“Well, I’m happy that it wasn’t another ‘Minji Baekhyun Gate’ this time,” you grinned, recalling the memory of their breakup in high school. Baekhyun, however, didn’t laugh at your words and just fixed you with a stare, a very intense gaze.

You could feel the tension thicken between you two and you stopped applying the dye, brush landing in your mixing bowl.

“You know I thought about Minji and me a lot the past weeks and I asked myself over and over again what was wrong, why we just didn’t feel quite right,” Baekhyun said and you held in your breath, eyes glued to Baekhyun’s.

“I really wanted for Minji and me to work, but it didn’t and I was really upset and sad about it,” Baehyun continued and you didn’t know what he was trying to tell you, “But then I realised that there was no reason to. Sometimes things just don’t work out.”

“And Minji agreed with me, told me that she had learned after our first breakup that it’s stupid and useless to force a connection, a bond when there wasn’t one. In fact, she joked that maybe that was why she and I got together again. So, I could learn what she had learned after our initial breakup.”

Baekhyun stopped for a few seconds like he was thinking about how to word the next things and you could only continue to stare at him and let him talk

“And, you know what? Minji is right. I’ve been looking for someone to love and when I stumbled across her again, I just thought that was the universe’s way of telling me that Minji is the one I’ve been looking for, but, well, she isn’t.”

Baekhyun stopped again, taking a longer pause this time. He drew in a very long breath, eyes glancing up into yours and you could feel your heart stop when he did.

“You are, Y/N.”

You thought your brain was playing tricks on you, that you had misheard, but Baekhyun continued and quenched all of your doubts.

“I’ve been blind this whole time, Y/N, and I’m sorry that I’ve been,” Baekhyun whispered and his hand laced with yours, “I wanted to find someone to love and someone to love me and I feel so stupid because you’ve been there all this time. You’ve been by my side, seen my worst and you are still with me, tolerate me even though-”

You pressed your lips against Baekhyun’s and it took Baekhyun a second to realise what had happened, but quickly his hands found your waist and he pressed you flush against his chest. Baekhyun straightened up, pulling you closer to him as he continued moving his lips against yours.

The mixing bowl fell out of your hand without you thinking about it as you cupped Baekhyun’s face, but when it landed at your feet and the dye splashed up your legs, you had to pull away.

“Fuck,” you laughed, bliss still filling up your chest as you looked down. The dye had landed all over your floor, but luckily it wasn’t much. However, you were still scared that the black was going to stick.

“Yeah, fuck, big time,” Baekhyun said and you looked at him. You almost bursted out into laughter again when you saw him. Black dye stained his cheeks and it was then that you remembered that you had cupped Baekhyun’s face with your gloves on.

“I’m so sorry, Baek,” you said and quickly took off your gloves, letting them fall to the floor as you started to attempt to rub away the dye. Baekhyun just laughed and took a hold of your hands, shaking his head.

“It’s fine,” Baekhyun said and you shook your head at him this time.

“No, we gotta wash it out,” you said and Baekhyun just grinned at you. You turned on your heel, wanting to lead Baekhyun into your bathroom, but he stopped you. He turned you around to him again and you stared at him, cheeks flushing red the longer the silence lingered on.

“I’m major in love with you.”

All of the locks on your heart broke away and your heart pushed the door to its cage open, spilling out of it to reveal itself.

“Major in love with you.”

Baekhyun and you both saluted and spoke at the same time, eyes wrinkling when you bursted out into laughter. You cut the laughter short though when you pressed another kiss against Baekhyun’s lips.

“But I am, Baek,” you breathed against his lips and he grinned at you, “I’m major in love with you.”

“I’m major in love with you, too, Y/N.”

Baekhyun and you saluted again.

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