So... While I've not been the most active on a good day, more prone to dropping in and out and mainly become a blog to comment on the going ons with General Hospital and all that jazz... I've been caught up with the show, and do have things to say in my usual way... I felt it appropriate before any of that to talk about Billy Miller.
I found out through a notification on my phone, a tweet / xeet from William DeVry noting the passing of Billy and as soon as I saw his name, an "oh no..." came out of me and I tapped that thing as quick as possible, hoping it was another Billy... but no.
It's so odd, shortly before that I was binging Justified and was so delighted when Billy popped up for an episode ( albeit, for a very not good guy ) and I was so happy to see him, which made me think about him and hoping we get to see him in some new series.
I was a Jasam fan, back in the day, though with the whole Franco business I was more a fan of Sam. Jason was.... He was a character that I was souring on, though I appreciated the grief portrayed when he had "died". When it all unfolded that Jason was alive and coming back, I was excited, though more for Sam and what the story would bring. And then that first scene, when Danny wandered into the hospital room of "Jake Doe", that's when I first saw Billy.
I was skeptical about another actor portraying Jason, I think we all were, but when we went through the stages of Jake Doe, a man with amnesia, a new face ( I loved the explanation of that rather than just accepting he always looked like this ) and having some mysterious bond with those of Jason's past -- Sam, I'm talking about Sam, the fury I had for Elizabeth knowing who he was and keeping it a secret because "It's my turn" yeah I remember that shit, and then the revelation, the story was done so well. Not having "Jason" fall immediately to who he was but struggle with it. Gentle with Sam, them both taking it slow. We watched them fall in love again and I... I fell for his Jason. I fell for Billy. Because it was definitely not Steve Burton's Jason, definitely a 2.0 version, and I loved him. He was funny, he was warm, he was fierce and protective but not anywhere near "stone cold" but one open with his feelings. And that was all Billy to me. That's just how he was and I loved him and what he brought to the character.
He played a Jason that hated his past, his mistakes, and for all the Sam fans, he did what we wanted Jason to do so many times -- leave Sonny and the mob, for the woman he loved, went a different path, a safer one, and I was so happy for them.
And then Steve Burton came back, and they ruined that story, jasam 2.0's story, and it turns out Billy's Jason wasn't Jason, but Drew. All the things we loved about his Jason turned out not to be Jason, not to be the character development that I was so happy to see, and god, it was such shit, but Billy acted the fuck out of it and gave us Drew's turmoil of his whole life that he took so long to remember not even his.
So, I fell in love with Drew. Loved his character. Because I truly enjoyed watching Billy. And when Drew was written off, I mourned not only the character but not having to see Billy on my screen again. At least not on General Hospital.
When the show kept hinting at Drew being alive, I was so desperate for it to be Billy, though that was dashed but I did love the character, giving a chance.... Just not the same, though. Never would be, without him.
Suits was a blessing when I got into it and didn't know he was in it a few episodes, and that was a real treat. I wish we were blessed to see him more and more. He really was a bright spot in the acting community, in the soap community. I mourn that I never made it to any conventions to meet him and tell him how much I loved what he did on the show. I remember the video and I believe letter he put out when he left GH. A class act. So unbelievably kind. Such a bright smile.
I keep tearing up at the thought. The realization. He's gone.
God, do you all remember "killy with kindness"? I don't even know this man, I can't imagine what those that knew him, loved him are feeling. Hudson put out a post about working with him and it broke my heart. So many lovely posts from his co-stars. His friends.
Breaks my heart now knowing he was in such a dark place, suffering from himself, that he saw no other way out...
I mourn the guy he was, the talent he had, the love he had to give and for others to give to him, I mourn what could have been, the what ifs, I mourn him.
I'll miss you, Billy Miller. You were wonderful.
