#birthday vent

[wanderingmind867]

Well, today's my dad's 50th birthday. I don't think either of us feel too great about that though. Honestly, I'm just scared of ending up alone one day (since i'm 20, my dad's 50 and I still have no friends outside of him). I think my dad worries about that for me too. In the same way turning 20 deeply upset me, turning 50 probably bothers my dad to some extent. It bothers me, at least. I feel kind of weird speaking for my dad, but I don't think he'd be mad. Because what I said here is really only the most surface level observation here.

But yeah. Since my mom died, my birthday and my dad's birthday both just seem like signs of incremental depression to me. I'll be fine, and my dad will be too. He took the whole weekend off from work, so I get lots of time with him (which i'm glad about). But yeah, august is getting off to an interesting start. I still probably need new glasses and a new recliner (although those changes terrify me), me and my dad need to prepare for college (something i'm dreading), I want to try and finish watching The Batman (2004) on DVD with my dad before next weekend, I need to manage my stomach pains, etc. So yeah. It's a lot, but I'm trying to deal with it.

[marcellussss]

its my birthday i guess

[hanasimp]

uh .. well .. well .. it's Teruteru's birthday!

at least in Moscow already on September 2 (and I don’t know your time, sorry)

in general, Russian congratulations! С днем рождения! ( s dnom rozhdeniya )

I am very glad that this wonderful chef has such a holiday and .. um .. in short .. I decided to congratulate him in the form of a regular text blog, as I understand it.

and spoiler! do you know bandori? I compared the characters from hhw with the characters from danganronpa. and uh i'll draw it someday i swear to fucking god

Happy birthday again, Hanamura-kun!

I'M DYING INSIDE--

Æ. Milk~

[bibliostopheles]

I haven't been into a bookstore in ages. Better part of two years really. To have the misfortune of breaking this dry spell with people who rush me fucking sucks. At least I didn't have to buy my own books.

[robbie-ipromise-iluxmcr]

my birthday fucking sucked. fml.

[catgovroomvroom]

Non-F1 related vent post:

I just wanna be princess treated once in my life. Just once. Or like, not even princess treated, just acknowledged.

My birthday is next month, i'm gonna turn 18 (most of my accounts already say 18 because it's close, but i'm actually still 17 for a bit - okay offtopic). I'm the youngest one of our friendgroup, all of my friends are already 18 or 19. And since one of them recently turned 18 in june, we decided to host a joint birthday for us. We already did this for the rest of them last year when they turned 18, except I hosted it in my house, baked a split cake, decorated the house and gave them F1 tickets. (Gave them = we all agreed when we started this that we're not gonna give individual presents, just one big present equally split between all of us. But I was the one who orchastrated everything, found and booked the tickets, the rest of them only had to pay their part and that's it.)

And we've been talking about our joint birthday for a while now. And they wanted me to host it. My own birthday party. They literally wanted my mom to do everything. And I said no, obviously. So we went to a bar and had cocktails, no decoration, no cake, nothing but like, fine by me, I'm not a materialistic person.

I arranged the other person's gift, I paid for it (and i'm still waiting for the paybacks...) I got it, wrapped it, everything. And I got nothing. I got literally nothing. They said it's fragile and that i'm gonna be happy and that was it. They didn't even say smth like "we're gonna give it to you on sunday when we next meet". And it really fucks with my autism, because I hate surprises, I can't react to surprises normally and they know it. I hate when I ask about something and the answer is "well we're gonna give you something sometimes"

And like, i know it sounds terrible, I know it sounds materialistic, but. Even since I was young I was always the organizer, I always made sure everything went fine, everyone got included and everyone felt special. And noone ever did that for me. I never got a surprise party (i never even got a proper birthday party that someone else arranged) I never got anything back from what I did to others. And it fucking hurts

[catastrophe-of-strategy]

I'm panicking.

I don't know why I'm panicking.

There's no reason to panic.

I feel like I'm going to die.

And I don't know why.

I'm dreading tomorrow. It's my birthday.

My 21st birthday.

I shouldn't be scared.

I should be happy right.

Right?

But every time I think about what's going to happen tomorrow it's not me. My mother wants me to be a different person again.

And I want to play the part.

So bad.

So bad...

But I just can't.

I fucking can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

Even if I do I'm still going to be completely surrounded yet all alone. Because no one fucking cares to pay attention to who I actually am.

We're having a party tomorrow.

My family will be there.

I don't want them to be.

They barely come around me. Barely talk to me. They're like strangers.

And we had a conversation, me and my parents about having a party. And I told them I didn't want one and we could just go out.

And all day my mother has been threatening to cancel the party because she's just being emotional.

I don't know.

I told her it would be fine. I didn't really want one.

She told me no I didn't.

I reminded her we had the conversation about going out and she seemed fine with it at the time.

Then she told me oh yeah we did say that.

So I asked her if she was admitting that I told what I wanted and they just didn't listen. She couldn't say anything in response.

So happy birthday to me!

I get a shitty party surrounded by people who don't care about me and I can't even act like myself or I'll be an embarrassment, or wrong.

Yippie!

Fuck me.

I hate myself.

I want to bash my head into a wall so I can feel better. At least then I'll have a reason to want to cry.

Sorry if this is depressing....

[azzybun]

Celebrating my 21st birthday by being stuck in my house without power during the worst ice storm since 1994. Lot of fun.