Pairing: Blackhill x kid!Reader (no pronouns used)
Summary: You make a mistake in training, causing you to question yourself. Maria and Natasha reassure you that everything is okay.
Word Count: ~550
Warnings: self-doubt, training injury, vaguely implied past child abuse, hurt/comfort
A/N: reader’s age isn’t specified, but it’s implied that they are too young to be an Avenger
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“Watch your left flank! Other left!” Maria yelped in alarm.
You doubled over as pain blossomed in your back and stomach. Natasha’s roundhouse kick hadn’t been particularly hard (her full strength probably would’ve killed you), but it still hurt.
Natasha winced and lightly ran a hand over your shoulders.“You okay, kid?”
“I’ll be fine.” You wanted to prove to them that you were strong enough without your powers, “I just need to pay closer attention next time.”
Maria and Nat shared a look as your eyes stayed downcast even as you straightened back up. Rubbing your shoulder affectionately, Natasha bumped her hip against yours, ignoring your squeak of surprise.
“Hey, you were lot better today. Nobody expects you to be perfect at this, you know.”
They weren’t trying to be patronizing. But it was hard not to see it that way. Wanda, who was helping you control your astral projection and dream walking, often said similar things. It was because you were so young, you hypothesized. Nobody expected much from you, but at the same time it felt like they were expecting too much. It was equal parts infuriating and terrifying. What if you didn’t get better? What if you didn’t even want to be an Avenger when you got older?
You mumbled something unintelligible and swallowed thickly, “I should be better than this.”
“Beating yourself up about it isn’t going to help,” Maria said, “all that does is make you overthink and send you spiraling. Think about how far you’ve come just in the past month.”
“Everyone else is so much more capable than me. I should be doing more than this,” you exclaimed, frustrated with them. And yourself. That too.
Tears started to form in your eyes and you rapidly blinked to keep them at bay. Maria swept you into a hug and you buried your face into her.
“There is no “should” when it comes to this. You’re doing what you can in the moment. Nobody can ask for more than that.”
“But—“
“Shh,” Natasha stroked your hair, “everyone here sees how much effort you put in. We just want to make sure you’re okay, physically and mentally.”
Natasha and Maria almost didn’t hear when you spoke. “Really?”
Maria kissed the top of your head. “Yes, really. I promise.”
“I’m sorry for being such a mess.” Your words were muffled by Maria’s shirt.
Maria gripped you tighter. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” She looked at Nat and smiled, “This is nothing compared to what Nat was like when we first met, and I love her more than almost anything.”
“Awww, I love you too, Masha.”
“Please don’t kiss while I’m standing in between you,” you grumbled. “That would be gross.”
They laughed, simultaneously kissing your temples.
“We love you, you know,” Maria said. “Everyone here does, but us especially.”
“I know.” It had surprised you the first time they said it. You weren’t used to adults saying things like that to you so freely. You didn't say it back often, but they didn’t mind. It would be hypocritical of them to judge you for not saying it.
Maria ruffled your hair. “Good. Do you want to go again?”
i have no idea if you take request for Natasha and daughter reader, but if you do, would you be willing to write about nat finding out the drugs addiction of reader and like the angst of a mother and then like happy ending where nat obviously helps reader to be clean again?
Leave a Light On
Warning: mention of death, past of abuse in the Red Room, substance abuse (drugs, alcohol), laced, drug buying, hallucinations, fighting, physical injuries,
Relationships: Natasha x reader (platonic), Natasha x Maria
Word Count: 4.1K
“Parker,” the boy jumped almost 10 feet in the air at Natasha’s voice. The Black Widow felt terrible for scaring the teen, but your absence worried her more. “Where’s my kid?” He looked at Ned and MJ, a confused expression on his face. As the seconds ticked by, her heart started to beat rapidly. The sound echoed in her ears.
“She’s not with us, Miss. Romanoff,” Peter said. “She said she couldn’t hang out because she was working on a school project.” MJ nodded.
“We haven’t hung out with her outside of school lately,” she said. The Black nodded, thanked the kids, and left them. There wasn’t much she could get out of them regarding your whereabouts. She needed to find you. The lies were stacking up.
I’ll be with Peter. I’m not hungry; I ate before. I’m sorry I’m late; I had to stay after school. Nat, I’m tired. I’m going to turn in early.
Natasha knew it was going to be difficult. She adopted you when she and her sister brought down the Red Room. You were so young when Natasha found you in a room. You looked so small. At that moment, Natasha wasn’t going to let you go.
The Black Widow found Tony in his lap. She grabbed the table from him and threw it onto the couch. “You know normal people say hello when they enter a room.”
“I need you to find my daughter,” he sat up in his chair. “Trace her phone, hack street cameras, anything. Just find her,” she pleaded. Tony nodded without a second thought. Natasha hated showing any weakness and hated asking for help of any kind, but she would do anything to find you.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
The bass of the music was rattling your bones. The apartment was loud, sweaty, and overcrowded, but you never felt more alive. It reeked of alcohol, weed, and sex. As you stumbled through the party. People’s hands touched your body. Somehow, you got to the small kitchen and found your friend who brought you to this party. She was a sophomore in college, and right now, she had her tongue down some guy’s throat. You laughed and took the spoon out of the juice to fill your cup. Before you could sip the juice, a small shot glass was pushed into your free hand. “Take the shot, Tiny,” Heather yelled in your ear. You smiled at your friend and took the shot. It went down smoothly, and you chased it with your mixed drink. Everyone called you Tiny, from the Avengers, your friends at school, and the people you got high with. It was due to your small stature that kept you alive in the Red Room.
That place haunted your mind and body. There was no peace from the horrors you faced. The only time you felt at peace was when a strong drink was in your hand or a pill that would dissolve on your tongue.
“Here,” the guy Heather was kissing handed you a pill. It was light blue. “Take it,” he encouraged. There was no need for peer pressure. You took it. It tasted like blueberry as it dissolved on your tongue. You were ready for a fun night.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
You were alone. Somehow, you managed to leave the packed apartment and walk down the stairs. You sat there with your head on the wall while others came and went. No one stopped to see if you were okay. You weren’t. Your head was spinning, and there were a few missing memories. You had a shot, the pill you were given, and your first drink. You weren’t sure what you had after that. You were playing with a ring that rested on your right ring finger. It was a gift from Yelena. A ring that acted as a fidget toy. You could still hear the music from the apartment, but you sang your song.
“Poust vzegda boudyit solnse…” your voice slurred. It was the only light in the Red Room. You remembered your biological mother singing it to you as she held you close. Her soft voice covered the sound of gunshots and screams. Fuck the Red Room. Fuck that miserable place that broke you. Fuck Dreykov. Fuck it. Fuck all of it.
“Dorogoy,” you slowly raised your head. Eyes squinting at the person in front of you. Something was wrong. The stairwell you sat on felt too small - the walls were moving closer and closer to you. You tried to focus on the pattern on the wallpaper - a floral print but the flowers were moving, too. No, they weren’t just moving but blooming, stretching, and twisting, and the petals drifted towards you.
“Tiny,” that voice again called out. You knew that vice. That voice called so much pain and suffering. The voice robbed you and so many girls of their childhood. A hand touched your shoulder.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” you slapped the hand away and rushed to your feet. It took a moment for your feet to figure out what you wanted them to do. You stumbled your way down the last few steps and outside. The clear air helped clear your mind. You put your hood up and walked down the sidewalk. Glancing behind your shoulder, there was a car following you. They were going to bring you back. You could hear footsteps behind you.
It was a bad idea to quicken your pace. The mix of drugs and alcohol messed with your coordination. You stumbled, catching yourself on your palms. The pain moved through your arms. Again, you felt hands on you. “Net, net, otoydi (no, no, get off),” you yelled and tried to fight the hands off you. You couldn’t go back there. It would kill you.
“Hey,” the voice was quiet, and the hands left you. “Stop, you are going to hurt yourself.” The world around you started to spin. You couldn’t figure out which way was up or down. Bile began to form in your throat, and you rolled over to your side, throwing up the alcohol in your stomach. Your limbs felt heavy, and you were too weak to stop the hands carefully picking you up. “Poust vzegda boudyit solnse…” the voice whispered. Your head fell heavily against the person’s shoulder, and you drifted asleep.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
When you came to, there was a pounding in your head. Your mouth was dry, and it tasted like the drinks you had the night before. You groaned, and your stomach flipped. “Sweetheart,” Natasha’s voice echoed. Can you open your eyes for me?”
“No,” you moaned, squeezing your eyes shut.
“Why is that?” Her voice was soft and loving.
“I’m going to throw up,” Saliva pooled in your mouth. You heard movement and felt something placed on your lap.
“If you are going to be sick, it’s okay,” she ran her through your hair. You shook your head, which was a mistake as your stomach worsened. Being sick was a weakness. You weren’t weak. You were strong. “Come on, Tiny, if it will make you feel better, it’s okay.” You opened your eyes, grabbed the metal bowl, and threw up the contents of your stomach. Natasha robbed soothing circles on your back as you were sick. You slumped back once you were done, all your energy drained from your body.
“That’s probably not the last time you’ll be sick,” you weren’t sure when Helen opened the door and entered. “Your body is trying to expel the laced drugs in your system,” Laced? No, that was impossible. Heather won’t let you take something that was laced. “Do you want me to go over the damage you caused from what you took?” You’ve never seen her this angry at you. When you were first brought to the Tower, she had to give you a health exam. Her touch was so gentle, something you weren’t used to. “You’ll have to go to a rehab program.” It was like ice was injected into your veins. Going to a rehab program meant you had a problem. You were fine. You could stop if you wanted.
“I don’t need rehab,” you told the doctor. “It was a one-off. I’m fine.”
“Helen,” Natasha cut off the doctor before she could say more. “Can you give us a second?” Helen looked between you and the Black Widow. She nodded and closed the door behind her.
“I’m fine, Nat,” you said, playing with the blanket threads. You used it for movie nights and random hangouts around the Tower, a checked pattern of greens and blues. “It won’t happen again.” You saw her nod out of the corner of your eye.
“I believe you,” you slowly looked at her. She was smiling, a kind and bright smile that reminded you of when she saved you from the Red Room. The sirens were blaring, explosions rocked around you, and you smelt of death, but her smile as she held you close made you feel safe. “But if you lose your way, I’ll leave the light on.” You forced a smile.
When you first arrived at the Tower, you were terrified of everyone and everything. The only source of comfort was a small lighthouse nightlight that Natasha had. She gave it to you, and she learned that when you had it on, you needed her—you needed her to keep you safe. As you got used to living out of the Red Room control, you gave it back to her. She kept the light on, a reminder that she was always there.
“Okay,” you said. But you were okay. You had it under control.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
You lasted five days, clean of everything, even coffee, but the withdrawal was killing you. You were exhausted, snapped at everyone, and your body hurt. So, you gave in to the things that you knew would help. You bought a pack of cigarettes from Heather. Those helped to get you to 7 days. Until the nicotine couldn’t stop the shakes, you brought a gram of weed from Tyler, your dealer. That got you to 10 days. On the 11th day, you were desperate for it all to stop. Even when you managed to sleep, your mind created nightmares after nightmares. They made you relive your biological mother’s murder over and over again.
You bought something more substantial from Tyler and took it while you walked around the park. When the high hit and you walked back into the Tower, you saw Yelena going through the fridge. Dammit. You wanted to grab a snack and hide in your room until you were sober enough to be around people. “Tiny,” the blonde said. “I am going to make mac and cheese. Do you want some?” You were starving, but it was a bad idea to stay here. However, if you went to your room, it would look more suspicious. Without a word, you sat down at the kitchen island. “How was your day?” Her back was to you when she asked.
“Good,” you said. “We went for a walk,” Yelena placed a bowl before you. It took everything in you not to start giggling, even when you picked up the fork and mixed the hot sauce in the noodles. As you slowly ate, you felt Yelena’s eyes on you.
“Are you high?” She asked. You shook your head.
“Just high on life,” you laughed at your dumb joke. Yelena narrowed her eyes at you. “Damn tough, crowd,” you mumbled and slid off the chair to bring the rest of your food to your room.
“Tiny, get back here and tell me the truth.”
“You aren’t my mom,” you said.
“Then I’ll tell Natasha.”
“She isn’t my fucking mother either,” you regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth. Yelena grabbed your shoulder to stop you. It happened on instinct, you dropped your bowl and spun around. You grabbed onto Yelena’s wrist. You only let her go when she yelped in pain. The sound broke through the drug-induced haze in your mind. You dropped her hand.
With wide eyes and your heart beating, you stared at Yelena, who held onto her wrist. You were a monster, just like Dreykov said, just like your mother called you. “It’s okay, Tiny,” Yelena said. “I should not have grabbed you,” you saw the grimace of pain on her face. So you ran. You ran to your room and ignored the call of your name. The drugs in your system made your head feel fuzzy, and you stumbled a few times, but you made it. Slamming the door closed, you locked it and moved your dresser to block yourself in.
You stumbled onto your bed and heard knocking on the door. “Dorogoy,” it was Natasha. “Can you let me in?” You stayed frozen. “I’m not upset, no one is, but I need to know you are safe.”
“I am,” you managed to call out, wanting to give her some peace of mind. “I can’t open the door, Nat. I need a minute.” You heard her sigh.
“Okay, Yelena is fine, and I’m here for you. The light is always on.”
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
You stayed in your room until you knew everyone was asleep. Your stomach ached with hunger, and you were thirsty. The last time you ate was yesterday. You put your dresser back and carefully unlocked the door. You walked into the kitchen on quiet feet but froze when you heard voices. Someone was softly crying, and the other was trying to soothe them. You peeked around the corner and saw it was Maria and Natasha. The Black Widow was the one crying. You pressed your back against the wall and strained your ears.
“Baby, you have to breathe,” you heard Maria say. The relationship between the two was relatively new. It’s so new that Natasha hadn’t told you about it. You only knew that you caught them one night when you snuck back into the Tower after a party. “I know it hurts, but you will make yourself sick.”
“I don’t know how to help her,” Natasha’s voice shook at each word. “I feel the trouble coursing through her veins, but it’s got a hold on her,” you leaned against the wall and closed your eyes. “I can’t lose her. I don’t know what to do,” Maria sighed, and you waited with batted breath and wondered what she would say.
“You can’t help her if she isn’t willing to accept the help,” Maria softly spoke.
“It’s gonna kill her, Ria,” it felt like a snake wrapped around your lungs and squeezed tight. It was impossible to breathe. Even though you were in such a massive space as the Avenger Tower, you felt small. Once again, you ran back to your room to grab your wallet and took the stairs to the back exit of the Tower.
You weren’t sure where you were going. Each step felt heavy with guilt. “Hey, kid,” you looked at a man standing in an alley’s opening. “Want any?” He had a small baggie of pills. Without much thought, you handed him money and took the pills from him.
“Thanks,” you mumbled, walking with your hands in your pockets. If your mind wasn’t on a downward spiral, you knew buying from a random city corner was a bad idea. The pills looked sketchy, and a nagging feeling formed in the back of your skull. You walked down the sidewalk with the pills in your pocket, not able to take them, and stopped at a pay phone.
Fishing some quarters out of your wallet, you dialed Natasha’s phone number by memory and listened to it ring. “Hello?” She answered on the third ring. You were silent. “Who is this?” Even over the phone, you could tell she was still crying.
“Nat,” you answered.
“Hey Tiny, where are you?” You looked at the street corner and rattled off the closest intersection. “Are you on anything?” You closed your eyes and shook your head.
“Just the stuff from this afternoon,” you admitted. “I uh bought stuff, but I haven’t taken it.”
“What do you need?” It felt like the first person to ask you. Everyone thought they knew what you needed; no one asked what you wanted.
“You,” you answered. “Can you pick me up?” You heard her sigh in relief.
“Of course. I’ll be right there.”
“Thank you,” you whispered and hung up. You put your hood up as you felt the first drop of rain. It felt therapeutic as the rain began to pick up, and you waited at the corner for Natasha. Your mind was your worst enemy. Part of you wondered if she could come from you. Maybe you were more trouble than you were worth. You heavily considered taking the pills in your pocket.
But the rain silenced everything. The rain was steady, creating a soothing white noise that confronted you. The drum-like patter of the droplets hitting the roof calmed your racing mind. The water that hit the windows made a rhythmic beat. You loved the sound of cars splashing through the puddles. Your clothes stuck to your skin, and your hair was a mess. Still, you felt at peace. “Sweetheart,” you opened your eyes and saw Natasha standing before you with an umbrella. “Hi.”
She came when you called, and you pulled her into a hug. The hug was bone-crushing, and Natasha hugged you just as tight.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
When Natasha’s clothes were drenched like yours, you got into the passenger side, and the Black Widow ran to the driver’s side. She let out a sigh. “I didn’t expect the rain,” she said. “Or I’d bring towels.” You smiled and watched the rain run down the glass. “Do you want to go back to the tower?” She asked.
“I like the rain,” you answered instead. “For once, my mind was quiet,” Natasha said, starting the car and driving. “Where are we going?”
“Trust me,” you nodded. She drove in silence; the only sounds were the rain and the music on the radio. You leaned your head on the window and watched the rain. You picked some droplets, and they raced down the glass.
Finally, Natasha parked in front of an apartment building. “Why are we here?”
“Maria owns an apartment here,” Natasha unbuckled her seat belt. “She likes to have a place away from the craziness.” She turned off the car. “Follow me,” you exited the car and entered the complex. Natasha waved at the doorman and went straight to the elevator. You entered, and the Black Widow pressed the button on the roof. You began to hum the lullaby that your biological mother used to sing. It helped fill the silence. When the doors opened, Natasha grabbed your hand and pulled you to a small covering.
The metal roof over your head protected you from the rain, but it amplified the sound. It echoed slightly, which made it more intense and filled the space with a rich, immersive sound. You closed your eyes and allowed the sound to engulf you. Without opening your eyes, you put your hand in your pocket and handed the colorful pills to Natasha. You felt her take them. “Is Yelena okay?” you finally asked.
“Yeah, she is. Her wrist is just bruised. She’ll be fine tomorrow,” you nodded and opened your eyes, looking down at your feet. A pool of water started to form. “Tell me what’s happening, what’s been on your mind? Lately, you’ve been searching for a darker place to hide and that’s alright,” you looked at Natasha. “But if you carry on abusing, you’ll be robbed from us,” you licked your lips.
“I’m scared,” you admitted. “I’m so scared, Nat because the drugs silence his voice.” You knew she knew who you were talking to without saying his name.
“I know, baby girl, it’s so hard,” she took a few steps to get close to you. “You’ve been so strong, and you can move forward without that stuff.” You weren’t sure if you could. You relied so heavily on it.
“I need help. I can’t do this alone.”
“You aren’t alone. I’m here. I’m right here,” she said as she pulled you into her arms. Your body shook against hers as tears ran down your cheeks.
“I’m scared, mama. I’m so scared,” you whimpered. You were terrified, but you felt somewhat safe in her arms.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
3 Months
Your entire body hurt. There was a pounding in your head; the metallic taste of your blood filled your mouth, and you rested your head on the cool metal of the elevator. Groaning when the elevator stopped and you had to face the music. Your hood was up, and you stepped onto the floor. Glancing up slightly, you saw Maria in the kitchen. At least it wasn’t Natasha. Quietly, you walked to your room. “Hi, Tiny,” you groaned and stopped.
“Hi, Maria. I’m going to go to my room. I have a ton of homework,” you kept your head down.
“Why don’t you have something to eat before you start?”
“Not hungry” was the wrong answer. “I had a late lunch.” It was a half-life. You ate late because you were working on an assignment and hungry. But you needed to clean your face and put on makeup to cover the bruises.
“You know the rules, kid, you need to eat as soon as you get home from school,” God, you hated that rule right now. Bruce and Helen were worried about your weight while going through rehab. So after school, you had to eat a little snack. “Let me make you something,” you knew you weren’t winning this fight. You sat at the kitchen island with your head down and your bag by your feet. “How was school?”
“Good. I have an essay due at the end of the week,” your lip was aching from the repeated hits to the face. Maria placed a plate in front of you. It was a peanut butter sandwich.
“Kid, can you look at me?” You shook your head. “Come on, Tiny.” Sighing, you put your hood down and looked at her. You knew what she was seeing. Your lip was split. There was swelling around your nose, and the cuts on your cheeks were from the rings on Tyler’s hand.
“Don’t tell, Nat,” you broke the silence.
“FRIDAY inform Natasha she is needed in the med bay,” you groaned as Maria grabbed your hand and dragged you down to see Bruce. It was a blur as you sat on a medical bed, and Bruce cleaned and patched up your face. He determined your nose wasn’t broken, and you refused any pain medication. You were afraid to take any drugs as you were three months clean.
By the time Bruce was done, Natasha ran over to you. “Who did this to you?” she asked, gently cupping your face in her hands.
“You should see the other guy,” it was a poor attempt to joke because you couldn’t fight back. Tyler had some of his guys hold your arms. Maria gave you a pointed look over Natasha’s shoulder. “My old dealer,” you told them. “He’s been upset that I haven’t bought from him.” Natasha’s eyes turned stormy, and the look scared you. Maria took a quiet step closer as she saw the look of fear pass through your eyes.
“Names,” she said. Her voice was cold, and a shiver ran down your spine. It reminded you of orders given in the Red Room. You rattled off Tyler’s name and a few others. “I’ll be back.” Her hands left your face, and you felt cold.
“Mama,” you whimpered, and she stopped at the door. Can you stay? I need you to stay.” Everything hurt, and you were so scared you would use to stop it. Natasha’s face softened, and she walked back over to you. She sat down, and you slumped against her.
“I’ll handle it,” Maria said. She kissed Natasha’s cheek, then the top of your head. “Make sure you eat,” she teased. You nodded with a smile. Bruce came back in to give you ice, which Natasha held against your nose. She moved your hair and ran her fingers through it.
“I’m proud of you, dorogoy,” you hummed in question. “You needed something, and you asked for it.”
“You told me that you’ll leave the light on if I lose my way.”
about: dinner where our two lovely boss ladies cannot take their hands off you. you're all dressed up and so perfect for them.
warnings: smut, exhibitionism, public sex, very brief reference to politics, pet names, praise, degradation, fingering (r receiving, nat giving), dom blackhill, sub r, r has a uterus, r is referred to as she.
"A-and did you see his reaction!" Bucky exclaimed, taking a sip of his drink. "I KNOW!! It was so funny!" Tony chuckled. Their voices drowned out, as you suddenly became aware of Maria's hand sitting on your thigh. It was firm. Your eyes met her hungry gaze. Nat was also eyeing you, you found her staring at your chest.
The team went out to dinner at an expensive restaurant so you had to dress up. You decided to wear a dress that was very revealing, obviously your girlfriends could not take their eyes off of you when you were getting ready.
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They tried to touch you, but you swatted their hands away because you were trying to do your makeup. Also you guys literally had no time to mess around because the reservation was for 8pm and you had to leave in 10 minutes.
Natasha groaned when she realized you were serious. "Please detka, a quickie? I can make it fast." Nat pleated. You shook your head no. As appealing as that sounded, you needed to finish your eyeshadow.
Maria smirked when when entered the room, overhearing Nat's pleads to touch you. "Don't be so desperate dear. Our little slut will practically be begging us to fuck her by the end of the night" Maria spoke calmly.
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And that brought you to this exact moment, you were starting to think that you should've taken Nat up on her offer. You were sandwiched between the two. Nat's fingers started to make it's way onto your thigh as well. Her hand patted your thigh to spread.
You looked at her, turning red. "Cmon detka, no one is paying attention. They're engrossed in the drunken conversation of politics." Nat whispered closely to your ear, her breath tickled you.
You obliged and Maria raised an eyebrow at you, not seeing the actions of the spy. Natasha looked at her with a smirk. Maria rolled her eyes.
Nat' hand snaked between your thighs, trailing up until she met your underwear. Oh, you were soaked. She smirked and traced painfully slow circles over your underwear.
You huffed and looked at Nat with puppy dog eyes. "Y/N! What do you think?" Maria smirked, inviting you to join the conversation. You jumped, obviously not expecting that. Your legs tried to close but Maria held them open. God you looked so flustered.
"Y/N, you're turning red. Are you feeling well?" Carol asked, an ounce of concern sounded in her voice. Valkyrie pinched Carol lightly, she realized what was happening and Valkyrie noticed Carol turning a little pink herself.
"M' fine" you mumbled. They went back to their own conversation, not nothing that you, Natasha and Maria have been fairly quiet. Your head started to feel a little fuzzy.
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You looked at Maria and whined softly. "What is it bunny? Use your words." Maria said firmly. "Please, please, please" you mumbled into her ear. Her demeanor soften, "Please what honey? Can you tell me and daddy what you need?" Maria cooed. "Touch' please" you mumbled, hardly able to form sentences. "Good job at using your words, baby." Maria praised you. She wouldn't be too hard on you, knowing you're in a fuzzy headspace.
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Fuck you looked so perfect, your glassy eyes was her final straw. She caved in and began to fuck you harder. Her fingers curled in you, picking up speed. You had to bite your lip to hide your moans. "You close, bunny?" Natasha whispered into your ear.
You nodded desperately. "Then come for me, be a good girl for me, angel." Natahsa gave you permission. You felt your high approaching. Maria's fingers found your clit and rub fast circles around it. Fuck, this is it. Your legs began to shake as you came down from your high.
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"You okay bunny?" Maria whispered, as both their fingers left you. You whined softly, feeling empty. "Hey guys, Y/N's forehead feels hot so we're gonna go home. You guys enjoy the dinner." Natasha spoke, helping you to feet. You clung onto both of the women. They smiled softly at your clingness. "Hope you feel better y/n" a bunch of mumbles as you guys left.
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a/n: THANK YOU ALL FOR 100 FOLLOWERS!! HOPE YOU ENOYED :)
Summary: After spending time with Maria and Natasha in Norway, they've decided to bring you to the Avengers Compound. Unfortunately, your life remains complicated and wild as you try to navigate living with the rest of the Avengers and the possibility of meeting your father.
Relationship: blackhill x daughter!reader, Winter Solider x daughter!reader, Avenger x reader (platonic)
Warning: mention of death, mention of Red Rauma/HYDRA abuse, anxiety, kidnapping, injuries, gun shot, gambling, angst with fluff,
Word: 9.3k
Sneaking back into the States was something out of an action movie and a bucket list item you didn’t know you had. Your face had to be hidden to avoid facial recognition from nearby cameras and if you had to speak with anyone you mimicked an English accent. It was high stakes but it was so much fun. Finally, you landed on the helipad of the Avengers compound. Your body was shaking with excitement and nervousness as Natasha and Maria completed their post-landing routine. “How are you doing kid?” Natasha asked. You knew you couldn’t lie to her right now. Your poker face wouldn’t be convincing.
“I think I’m going to throw up,” you admitted. Your leg was shaking, bouncing up and down. Natasha stood up from the copilot seat and walked over to you. She knelt in front of you, holding out her hands with her palms facing up. It was a new addition to your relationship with the Black Widow. You would place your hands on top of hers and you would keep them there until your emotions were under control. It helped you more than the breathing techniques. It grounded you. Your hands were clammy when you placed them on top of Natasha’s.
“Tell me what’s going on,” you liked the feeling of her hands. They were warm, calloused, and rough against yours.
“I-” you stopped and gave yourself a moment to collect your thoughts. “What if they don’t like me?” You whispered. She smiled, rubbing her thumb across the back of your hand. “And I want them to like me but I know I can be difficult,” you made yourself giggle.
“They are going to love you and if they don’t I’ll punch them,” you smiled, and your leg stopped bouncing.
“She may have a better punch than you, darling,” you looked at Maria. She was walking over to you. “They’ve been very excited to meet you.”
“My sister and best friend will be the first people you meet and you’ll meet everyone else when you are ready, okay?” You nodded, taking your hands off of hers.
“Okay,” you sighed. “Sorry about that. That was-”
“You better not say stupid,” she pinched your sides playfully. You giggled and stood up, walking with the couple to the ramp. The New York sun shined on the ramp and at the bottom was a blonde and a brunette You let out a shaky breath, put your best poker face on, and followed them. You stayed behind the couple, letting Natasha hug the blonde and Maria greeted the man.
“So,” the blonde said, you were surprised by the thicker Russian accent. “You’re my niece.” “I am,” you said, keeping your eye contact with her. Her eyes were a similar green to Natasha’s. “So you’re my aunt.” She smiled, and a fondness grew in her eyes at the title.
“I am,” she repeated. “My sister says you are kind of a badass,” your body heated up at the compliment. You looked at your mom.
“Are you talking about me behind my back?” She rolled her eyes, throwing her arm around my shoulders.
“I like bragging about my kid, sue me,” you smiled, finding yourself leaning in her embrace. “So my sister is Yelena and that handsome devil is Clint.” Clint rolled his eyes.
“You’re an idiot,” he deadpanned but his face softened when he looked at you. “It’s very nice to meet you. Why don’t we show you around?” The compound was amazing! You found the place massive compared to the RV you were living in. You were a little upset it took Natasha this long to show you this place. There was so much room for activity, you loved the gun range. The whole training facility was your favorite.
“Where is everyone?” Maria asked when you reached the end of the tour. You sat at the kitchen counter while Natasha made you a peanut butter sandwich. Clint sighed, pouring a cup of coffee.
“We wanted to create a divergent to ensure you guys got back into the States safely,” Natasha glanced at her friend. “They took the bait and the team is hoping they get lucky. They’ve been gone for 5 days.” Your mom placed the sandwich in front of you. You were hungry but the idea of people you didn’t know fighting to keep you safe made your stomach twist.
“They’re gonna be okay, right?” You questioned.
“Yeah,” Natasha nodded. “They’ll be okay.” She wasn’t lying. You sighed, taking a bite of your sandwich.
“Nemnogo krasnyy (little red),” Yelena said. You titled your head when no one acknowledged her. You pointed to yourself. She nodded.
“What did you call me?” You questioned.
“Little Red. You like?” It wasn’t the worst nickname you’ve heard so you nodded. “Do you want to play in the shooting range?” Your eyes grew wide.
“Yes!” You jumped off the chair. “Let’s go.” You followed your aunt to the training area.
“She better be in one piece, Belova” Natasha’s voice called after you as you both broke out in a run.”
*
After dinner with Clint and Yelena, Natasha found you lying on the couch with Maria. You were resting your head on Maria’s lap, watching a movie. The Black Widow slipped next to her girlfriend. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight. It wasn’t under the most ideal circumstances that her family was together, there was still a real threat to her and your life. But she was happy to have this time together. You shifted on the couch and pulled the blanket over you. “Do you want to go to bed, dorogoy (sweetheart)?” Yelena put you through an intense workout, you almost fell asleep at dinner. It was nice to see you smile and joke around with Clint and Yelena. She was excited to see you interact with the rest of the team. You groaned, leaning into Maria more.
“Wanna watch the movie,” you whispered. Maria chuckled.
“We can pause it and watch it tomorrow,” she ran her fingers through your hair. “Yelena put you through the wringer, didn’t see.” You sighed, flipping on your back to look up at the couple.
“It was fun,” you said. “But my body hurts.” Natasha laughed, pausing the movie.
“Come on, buttercup,” the Black Widow stood up and pulled you off her girlfriend. “It’s time to go to bed,” you nodded, rubbing your eyes.
“Night Maria. See you in the morning,” she said goodnight to you and you followed the Black Widow to the room they deemed as yours. You crawled into bed and Natasha pulled the blanket over you.
“Are you still nervous to meet the rest of the team?” Natasha watched you think it over. You sat up and put your hands out with palms facing up. Without hesitation, Natasha placed her hands on top of yours.
“What happens if the Avengers can’t catch him?” You asked instead. “Will I be hiding for the rest of my life?”
“That is a big ‘What if’ because we will stop him,” it was a hefty promise to make but Natasha wasn’t going to stop until you were safe. “You won’t be hiding forever. Once he is dealt with, you can do whatever you want. Your life will go back to normal,” you nodded but Natasha knew there was more on your mind. She squeezed your hands. “Come on, what else is on your mind?” You sighed.
“What is going to happen to him?” You asked.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Fury will probably want to speak with him to try to get information on HYDRA but after that, I’m not sure.” Natasha was conflicted. There were moments during training or missions when Natasha saw the man behind the monster HYDRA created. You nodded, removing your hands from hers. You laid back down and Natasha fixed the blanket around you. “Remember what I said, okay? I’ll be your shelter and armor. There is no distance I won’t cover to get you.” She pushed a piece of hair behind your ear.
“Okay,” you whispered. “Night Mom,” Natasha smiled. She was never going to get tired of you calling her that.
“Goodnight sweetheart,” the Black Widow kissed the top of your head. She stayed until your breathing slowed and you were fast asleep. She hoped you didn’t notice how scared and worried she was. Her small family was finally whole again. If she were to lose you when she just got you, she worried who she would become to get you back. But she couldn’t let those thoughts consume her. Right now you are asleep and safe. She only focused on that.
*
The smell of cinnamon woke Natasha up. She felt around in the bed and found the spot next to her empty and cold. Figuring it was her girlfriend in the kitchen, she got out of bed, put on when of Maria’s long sleeves, and made her way to the kitchen. Maria was engrossed in making French toast she didn’t hear Natasha walk up behind her. The Black Widow put her arms around her waist. “I could have cooked, baby,” she kissed her girlfriend’s shoulder. Maria leaned back in her girlfriend’s embrace.
“Fury woke me up,” she flipped the French Toast that was in the pan. “The team got back late last night. He wants to have a meeting.” Natasha stood next to her, pouring herself a cup of coffee.
“Are they okay?” Maria nodded.
“The usual cuts and bruises but they are good,” but the sigh Maria let out worried Natasha. “According to Fury, there is some tension between Stark and Rogers.” That wasn’t new. The due always seemed to be getting underneath each other’s skin. Natasha frowned.
“Did he elaborate?” Maria shook her head. “Cool,” she deadpanned, sipping on her coffee. “When’s the meeting?”
“20 minutes,” she glanced towards your room. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted her to be there.” Natasha sighed.
“I’ll go wake her up and ask her,” she kissed Maria’s cheek and sat the coffee mug on the counter. When she opened your door, the sight made her smile. You were still asleep, on your stomach with your arms hugging the pillow you were using. Natasha knelt next to you, a gentle hand on your back. “Sweetheart, wake up,” you didn’t. “Wake up.” You groaned, opening your eyes. You blinked a few times, your mind and eyes still laced with sleep.
“Morning,” you mumbled, stretching.
“Morning,” she smiled. “So I know it’s early but the team went back last night and there is a meeting in about 20 minutes. Do you want to be there?” You blinked at her, giving your brain a chance to process the information.
“Do you want me to be there?” You questioned and sat up. Natasha sat down in front of you.
“I want whatever you want. You can come or go back to bed,” you bite your lip and pick at the edge of the blanket.
“Can I stay here?” You whispered. The Black Widow nodded.
“Of course,” she smiled. “Maria is making breakfast so eat when you are ready.” You nodded with a smile but Natasha could see that you were hiding something. She wasn’t going to force you to talk and hoped you would come to her when you were ready. So, she stood up, kissed you on top of your head, and walked to the door. Before she left, she glanced at you one more time. You were lying back down, pulling the covers back over you. Natasha heard you let out a small sigh.
Gently, she closed the door behind her and rejoined Maria in the kitchen. A stack of French Toast was made. “She’s not coming,” Maria looked up from the report she was reading as Natasha took her coffee and a piece of French Toast from the top stack.
“Is she okay?” Natasha shrugged.
“I don’t know. I’m worried this is happening all too fast,” Maria nodded and closed the report. She rounded the kitchen island to stand in front of her.
“It’s gonna be a tough adjustment, we live with a cast of characters,” the redhead smiled. “But she is resilient and strong, just like her mama.”
*
When she walked into the conference room, it was thick with tension. Steve and Tony were on opposite ends of the table. “Romanoff, Hill, it’s good to see you both states side. Fury said. She looked at the team. No visible injuries. They looked tired, hell even Vision looked exhausted.
“Glad to be back,” she sat down next to Wanda. “What do we know?” Maria sat down next to her, placing a hand on her thigh.
“Yesterday the team had the opportunity to capture the Winter Solider,” Fury said.
“That dude can punch,” Pietro said, rubbing his jaw. Oh, Natasha knew the strength behind the Winter Solider.
“But it was not a complete failure,” Fury pulled up a picture of the Winter Solider. Natasha saw Steve fidget out of the corner of her name. “We have a name. His real name is James Buchanan Barnes,” Natasha’s head snapped to look at Steve but he refused to look at her. “Which until last night, we thought was killed in action in World War II.” Her head was spinning. She couldn’t believe it.
“Steve-”
“Did you know?” The question stumped her. Of course, she didn’t know. “I mean you could have known and not told us,” Steve finally looked at her and she hated the look in his eyes, like she was the enemy. “You have a daughter that we knew nothing about.” Her jaw clenched.
“Watch your tone, Rogers,” Yelena threatened.
“Oh cut the shit, Capsicle,” Tony said. “Romanoff lying is no surprise. She and Belova were trained for that but what what is your excuse?” The conversation shifted away from the Black Widow to the billionaire and soldier.
“This is different,” Steve tried to defend himself.
“Bullshit!” Tony slammed his hand on the desk. Maria squeezed Natasha’s leg when she flinched from the noise. “We find out your long-lost buddy is alive and the whole team is ecstatic for you. Turns out I overhear you and birdie,” he pointed to Sam. “That your buddy killed my parents and you weren’t going to tell me.” Oh. OH. The tension between the two now was explained. Natasha saw Steve clench his jaw. “FRIDAY, play it.” Fury stepped out of the way as the screen behind him began to play a video. It was raining and a car slammed into a pool soon a motorcycle pulled up. The Winter Solider rounded the driver’s side where Howard Stark was on the ground. He beat the man and placed him back into the car. The same fate was met for Maria. The video ended and the room was silent. “So,” Tony broke it. “What do we do now?” Natasha found it odd that after all these years the video of the ‘car accident’ surfaced but she needed to keep the team together, it was their only shot of stopping him.
“I didn’t know, Steve,” she kept her voice steady even though she was sure he could hear her heart pounding. Her green eyes were trained on the table. God, she wanted to avoid this conversation. “In there and when I was assigned to missions, he was Winter. Sometimes I could see the man he was before HYDRA got to him but then they would reset him and it would be gone.”
“Reset him?” Rhodey questioned.
“Reset him how?” Sam added. That godforsaken chair. Natasha could still see it, hear his screams in her ears. Maria gave her leg another squeeze, it was the only thing keeping her in this room.
“Sestra,” she looked at Yelena. Her green eyes showed her concern. Natasha sighed.
“It’s how they keep him under their control,” she looked at Steve. “Let me guess, he didn’t recolonize you,” the soldier nodded.
“He didn’t even recognize his name.” Her eyes went back to the table.
“Because he’s Soldat to them,” the name tasted vile on her tongue. “HYDRA has this chair. They would strap him to it and electrify him,” she barely heard Tony let out a quiet, ‘Jesus’. “If we went on a mission on Saturday, he would get reset on Sunday and in training on Monday he would have no idea who I was,” Natasha tore her eyes away from the table to look at Tony. “I am deeply sorry for what happened to your parents but it wasn’t him. Someone made him do that, he had no choice.”
“None of us did,” Yelena added on. Natasha saw Clint whisper something in her ear. The blonde nodded.
“So what do we do?” Wanda questioned. “They can’t stay in hiding forever and the longer he is out there more people are going to get hurt.” She was right. You were his mission and that meant he would stop at nothing to complete it.
“The most logical option is to set up a trap,” Vision said, leaning back and folding his hands. “So we can have control over all variables.” The Black Widow placed her hand on top of Maria’s.
“He won’t come out again unless it’s believable,” Rhodey added on. “It has to involve his target.” You. You offered to be bait but that was out of misplaced trust and anger.
“Sedlala by ona eto (Would she do it)?” Yelena asked.
“Ty khochesh’, chtoby ona eto sdelala (Do you want her to do it)?” Clint clarified. Natasha’s gut instinct was to say, hell no, and they could find another way. But she that every option would be covered.
“English would be preferred,” Tony rolled his eyes.
“I’d like to come up with another option before we use her,” she said, cringing at the way she said ‘use’. It made her think about her time at the Red Room. The Windows were seen as objected to being used. She sighed. “I understand you are putting your life on the line for a child you haven’t met yet.”
“Yet?” Same questioned, smiling. “So we can meet her.” Natasha nodded.
“Yes soon,” she said. “But thank you I should have said that sooner.”
“We are family, Nat,” Wanda looked at her then to Tony and Steve. “Sometimes we keep things from each other because we think it’s for the best but at the end of the day, we will always be there for each other.” Tony huffed.
“Yeah, yeah, put the witchy powers down, kid.” Tony stood up and made his way over to Steve, holding out his hand. “Let’s go save him, okay?” Steve looked at the extended hand to him then Tony’s face.
“I’m sorry,” he took it. “I should have told you as soon as I found out.” The billionaire shrugged.
“It’s in the past, let’s work towards a brighter future.” The previous tension seemed to evaporate and Fury informed them that they’ll have a meeting soon to come up with a plan. But the team deserved to rest. One by one they began to trickle out but Natasha stayed sitting, she heard the unspoken words Fury wanted to say.
Soon it was Natasha, Maria, and Fury left. The director smiled the closest thing to a smile. “I’d like to meet her,” he said. “If she’s comfortable with that.”
“FRIDAY, where is she?” Natasha asked the AI.
“She has gotten out of bed and is watching cartoons,” FRIDAY advised. “Should I inform her that you would like to see her?”
“We’ll come to her,” Maria said. “Let her know we’ll have a guest.”
*
A guest. That was all the AI said to you which gave you a heart attack, not expecting another voice. The door of the small apartment opened and you paused the show you were watching. Your mom and Maria walked in with a man wearing an eye patch followed behind him. “How was the meeting?” You asked. “Did they get him?” Natasha shook her head.
“But we did find something out,” she said. “I’d like you to meet Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD.” You stood up, whipping your hand on your pants before you shook the man’s hand.
“It’s good to finally meet you in person, kid.” you smiled.
“Nice to meet you, sir,” you let go of his hand and followed the group into the kitchen. You sat on a bar stool while Nick poured himself some coffee and the couple plated the leftover breakfast. “So what happened?” You asked.
“We found out his real identity,” Fury said, taking a sip of coffee. “His name is James Barnes, a-”
“Steve Roger’s best friend,” you cut the man off, eyes slightly wide. “I thought he was killed in World War II,” your mom raised her eyebrow at you. You shrugged. “I paid attention in history class.” It was your second favorite subject in school.
“That is what everyone thought,” Maria said. “Until the team confirmed his identity this week.” She sat down next to you. “Which has caused some tension,” you looked between the couple, asking an unasked question. Natasha sighed.
“Steve believes I knew his true identity and kept it from him but I didn’t know,” you frowned, seeing the truth in her eyes. But you saw the hurt too that his teammate lost trust in her.
“That’s not all,” Fury said. “Turns out the Winter Solider is responsible for the death of Howard and Maria Stark.” Oh. That complicated things.
“Well,” you said slowly. “I guess we have something in common.” The Black Widow snorted at your poor attempt at a joke. You smirked. “So to recap, the Winter Solider is James Barnes, Steve Roger’s long lost best friend who killed the Starks and is after me. This man happens to be my biological father, which I’m guessing the team knows?” You questioned.
“Yes.”
“Cool,” you mumbled, running your hands through your hair. “So what do we do?”
“We are working on that,” Fury said, pushing off the counter he was leaning on to walk over to you. You spun around in the chair to face him, keeping eye contact with his good eye. You kept your face neutral. He was reading you. The ends of his lip curled up in a smile. “You got a good poker face, kid.”
“So I’ve been told,” you said. “Now what do you want?” He shook his head.
“Nothing,” he said. Well, that was a bald-faced lie. “Not right now at least. We’ll be seeing each other soon.” He quickly left the apartment. You raised an eyebrow, looking back at the couple.
“What a weird dude,” you mumbled. The couple laughed. “This plan that is being worked on, does it involve me?”
“They want to set up a trap,” Maria told you. “So we can control every outcome.”
“But I told them that using you was the last resort,” your mom said. “And you can back out if you don’t want to do it.” You nodded.
“I know,” you were nervous. “If I can help I want to.” You wanted to help that was the truth. Each day he walked freely but you and others were in danger. That reality didn’t stop you from being scared. Scared for yourself. Scared for the team. Scared for Natasha on the possibility she would have to face him again. But were you ready? All your life you wondered and dreamed about your biological. Now all the answers were laid out in front of you and you weren’t sure if you liked it.
*
When the couple was done with breakfast, you helped clean up and you changed out of the clothes you slept in. “You don’t have to meet them right now,” Natasha said, opening the door for you.
“Well, I can’t stay locked away in my room forever like Rapunzel. Oh! That reminds me, we should watch Tangled. It’s my favorite Disney movie,” Natasha chuckled, rustling your hair with her hand.
“Sure, we can watch it tonight,” you fixed your hair before entering the common area. The Avengers were there. You found Clint and Yelena right away, the blonde offered you a small smile. You returned it. “Guys, I like you to meet someone,” Natasha got the attention of everyone in the room. Oh, there were a lot of eyes on you. Your mom introduced you. Wanda and Vision were in the kitchen while Tony and Rhodey were at the dining room table discussing something on a tablet. That left Sam and Steve on the couch. The blonde super soldier kept looking at you and then back to Natasha. His blue eyes would linger on yours. Tony whistled.
“You really said copy and paste with this one.” Before you could respond, a strong gust of wind spun you around and pulled you away from Maria and Natasha. A man with white hair had his arm swung over your shoulders.
“So this is the fresh meat,” he pinched your cheek.
“And this pain in the ass is Pietro,” Maria deadpanned. Pietro chuckled and sped off behind Maria.
“You love me, Hill.”
“Pietro,” Wanda warned. “Be nice.” He quickly moved over to Wanda.
“You do know I’m older than you.” You smiled, shaking your head. There was a set of twins in your class back in California. You wondered how your classmates were doing. What were they told when news of your parents’ death hit and you disappeared? How was Sarah or Agent Cruise? You made a mental note to ask Natasha about them. The conversation flowed naturally with the Avengers. They asked about your likes and dislikes and your life before all this. The anxiety you were feeling was melting away. Suddenly, Steve stood up and left. The room grew quiet as everyone watched him leave.
“What’s got his panties in a twist?” Tony asked. You looked at your mom and her eyes showed how conflicted you were. You sighed and followed the man, ignoring the call of your name. The soldier was by a pond that rested on the compound’s property. He was sitting on the deck, getting lost in the water. But you knew he heard you by the way his shoulders moved.
“Tony is wrong,” he said. “All I see is Bucky when I look at you,” he shook his head. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” You took it as an invitation to join him on the bench. Out of the corner of your eye, he looked at you and began to laugh. “Sorry, I know this isn’t funny.” You smiled softly.
“It’s fine,” you told him. “Sometimes all you can do is laugh about everything.” You sat back, folding your hands on your lab. “I was lucky that I was given to a loving family but it didn’t stop me from questioning who gave me up. Can you imagine my surprise when I find out the Black Widow and Winter Solider are my biological parents?” He chuckled. You finally looked at the man. “She’s telling the truth, she didn’t know,” Steve looked back at the water. “But I get it. It’s easier to blame someone else in this messy world.” He sighed.
“I blame myself not Nat.” You hummed.
“Can you tell me about him?” You asked. The super soldier was silent. You feared you overstepped but you allowed the man to gather his thoughts. There had to be a lot of emotions running around inside him. He discovered his best friend was alive but at what cost?
“Bucky was loyal,” he began. “He protected me and everyone around him that couldn’t stand up for themselves. He was funny, kind, and my brother,” Steve looked at you. “I guess that makes me your uncle.” You laughed, pumping your shoulder against his.
“Can I be honest with you about something?” He nodded. You saw a stone resting on the dock and you stood up to pick it up. It was flat, a perfect stone to skip. Summers were spent by the water. You would spend hours looking for the perfect rocks to skip.
“I’m scared,” you said, running your thumb over the smooth surface before skipping it across the pond.
“Why are you scared?” You turned around to face the blonde and leaned against the wooden post.
“That you and the team are going to get hurt protecting me,” you admitted. “I don’t want that to happen.” He smiled.
“It’s our job,” Steve said. “We signed up for this life.” You frowned, walked over to him, and held out your hand. He placed his on top of yours. His was different, it was warm and rough.
“You may have signed up for it,” you said. “Doesn’t mean I want it to happen.” He closed his hand and squeezed yours.
“We’ll be okay, I promise.”
“Okay,” you were sure if you liked promises. Once upon a time, your adoptive parents promised they would always be around but now they were gone. Would they keep their promises to you?
*
“That’s it!” Natasha heard Tony yell as she walked into the common area. She changed out of the clothes she wore on her date with Maria into something more comfortable. It was nice spending time with just her girlfriend and Yelena said she would keep an eye on you. She wasn’t expecting to walk in to see you, Tony, Clint, Rhodey, and Sam sitting around a round table playing poker. You threw your cards down and pulled the ‘pot of winnings’ closer to you. The pot was candy and Natasha saw you had the biggest pile. “Your daughter is a cheater.” You looked at the Black Widow, a twinkle in your eye and you unwrapped a jolly rancher.
“You’re a sore loser,” you said, popping the blue candy in your mouth. “Come on let’s play again.” The table groaned as you divided up your pile. Natasha chuckled and joined her sister at the kitchen counter. The blonde had a few files and a bottle of vodka.
“How long has that been going on?” Yelena glanced at the table with a smile.
“About an hour,” Natasha poured herself a shot. “She’s already beat Steve, Vision, and Pietro. Those idioty (idiots) think they can win.” Clint gasped.
“I heard that Belova.”
“You boys know she can count cards, right?” Natasha questioned. It was your turn to gasp.
“I knew it!” You ducked as a smarties got thrown at your head and grabbed the chocolate bar in the middle. Your laughter was music to Natasha’s ears as you jogged over to them and jumped in the empty chair.
“Mom,” you whined. “I was winning. You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am, dorogoy. But we have to protect their egos.” You giggled and opened the candy bar. The Black Widow watched you glance at the folders Yelena was reading. Your eyes did a double take. “What is that?”
“I know that man,” you pointed at the picture. “He was at a few poker games.” Yelena closed the folder.
“These poker games,” Yelena said. “Where did they take place?”
“All over the city,” you told her. “Mostly at bars in the back room or warehouses.” The blonde looked at her sister.
“If we send agents to these locations we may find some HYDRA informants that could lead us to the Winter Solider,” she explained. “Do you think you can tell us where they happened?” You shrugged.
“I can try,” you said, taking another bite of the chocolate. “I was young when I went to some of them.” Natasha nodded.
“Run it by Fury,” Yelena cleaned up the folders and left to call the director.
“How was your date with Maria?” You asked once it was just you and her. The Black Widow smiled.
“It was good,” she enjoyed the one-on-one time with her but it was weird having dinner without out, even Maria said something about it. You smiled, breaking off a square, and handed it to her. Natasha took it. “Do you still want to watch Tangled or do you want to beat the boys again?”
“I will choose Tangled over anything.” Natasha chuckled, throwing her arm over your shoulders. You leaned into her embrace.
“It’s nice to see that,” you hummed in question. “Your smile, sweetheart, your smile.”
*
“Again,” Yelena ordered. You let out a shaky breath as Steve threw the metal shield. It bounced off the practice dummies and came towards you. You caught it the way Steve showed you, feet slipping slightly but you used the force to propel yourself forward and through the shield back. It took the same path as it traveled back to Steve. The super soldier caught it with ease.
“It’s fascinating,” you heard Tony say with a tablet in his hands. “She’s a mini Romanoff.” Yelena nodded and Steve threw it again. This time it was in a rapid session. Every time you caught it, you threw it right back and Steve did the same.
“Do you think Barnes and Nat could have passed down a version of the serum?” Sam asked. That was the theory they wanted to test after you outran Sam and could keep up with Steve.
“We won’t know until her blood work comes back,” the billionaire said. “But it does seem that way.” You let out a breathless laugh. It was another thing to add to your list.
“What the hell are you doing to my kid?” Natasha asked, entering the training room as you caught the shield for what felt like the hundredth time.
“Romanoff, come look at this,” she glared at Tony as she walked over to him. The billionaire showed her the tablet, her facial expression was unreadable.
“Stop using her as some science experiment,” she marched over to you, ripped the shield out of your hands, and threw it at Steve. “My pogovorim ob etom pozzhe (We will talk about this later). She glared at Yelena.
“Mom,” you said as she pulled you away from the other Avengers. “Mom,” you repeated. “I’m fine.”
“Sit,” she pointed to the chair. You did as you were told as she disappeared. When she returned, she was holding a first aid kit. “Does this look fine,” she held up your arm to show you the bruising. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that those bruises were the second round. The others already healed. She knelt in front of you, adding some cream to your arm.
“They are saying that you or Bucky passed down a version of the serum to me,” you watched the Avengers set up another training session this time with Vision and the Maximoff twins. Natasha sighed.
“Maria and I had a similar conversation in Norway,” you looked back at the Black Widow. Her green eyes were already looking up at you.
“How does that change things if that test comes back positive?” You whispered.
“It changes nothing, honey,” your mom said. “You are still my daughter nothing else matters.”
“But will that make me an Avenger?” Natasha shook her head.
“Just because you are different or special doesn’t mean you need to be an Avenger. It will always be your choice. I won’t or Fury or the rest of the team will not force or guilt you to join,” she gently ran her fingers over the bruises that were already beginning to heal. “When you get older and you decide you want to join the team, I will support you tenfold.” You connected your hands with hers and looked at the woman in front of you. In Norway, while the couple was asleep, you opened Maria’s laptop and searched for Natasha Romanoff. Quickly, you learned the things she was subjected to, and the horrors she faced to become the hero the world knew her as. Everything was not her choice. She was forced to become the Black Widow, forced to lie and kill, forced to have you, and forced to give you away. Her life choices were made for her, she wasn’t going to let it happen to you.
“Okay,” you smiled. “Thank you.” Natasha smiled and cleaned up the used medical supplies.
“Try to take it easy in training,” she kissed your forehead. “You’re gonna give your mom a heart attack.” You giggled.
“Yes ma’am. Be nice to Yelena. She made sure I was okay.”
“No promises,” she winked at you and walked over to her sister. You sighed, leaning back in the chair. What a weird life you were living.
*
Tony called you, Maria, and Natasha into his lab the following morning. He said that the test results were inconclusive due to him only finding fragments of the serum in your DNA when he compared it to Steve and Natasha. But the Black Widow told him that Widows were given different versions of the serum than the one they gave Steve. With this new information, a training schedule was made to prepare you. It was still uncertain if the Avengers were going to use you but you enjoyed training with people other than Natasha and Maria. Hand-to-hand combat with Steve, conditioning with Pietro (which you thought was unfair), and weapon training with Clint and Yelena. But your days weren’t fully spent dripped in sweat and your body aching, your mom made sure of it. You spent time with Wanda in the kitchen, played video games with Sam and Rhodey, and annoyed Tony in this lab. It was fun but you felt like you weren’t doing enough to help. The team met almost every day to brainstorm ideas, but they came up empty.
You were sitting with Yelena looking at the map of the city you grew up in to try to rack your brain where these poker games took place. You remembered a few spots; Ray’s Bar because the owner gave you sour candy and the warehouse by the pier because it smelt bad. You hated going to those games, the smell seemed to stay with you days after the game was over.
You sighed, taking a grape from the fruit bowl Wanda made for you. “What’s wrong Nemnogo krasnyy (little red)?” Yelena asked, continuing to type her mission request to Fury.
“It’s stupid,” a piece of cheese was thrown at your forehead. “What was the for?”
“Because if something is bothering you it’s not stupid. So talk,” You ate the cheese she threw at you.
“I feel like I’m not doing enough to help. I want to do more,” you slumped down into your chair. “I hate feeling worthless.” Yelena closed the laptop and stood up. You heard her approaching footsteps but you didn’t look at her until she was right in front of you.
“You are not worthless,” she said, kneeling to your level. “Your job is to stay safe. That is what the team wants, especially your mama.” You shrugged. Yelena tapped your leg. “What can I do to help?” Well since she asked…
“I want to read possible case files the Winter Solider has been connected to.”
“Absolutely not,” she said, standing up suddenly and going back to her laptop.
“Aunt Lena,” you called after her and was quick to follow her. “I know nothing about him. Wouldn’t it be smart for me to know everything I can?” She opened the laptop slowly. “Think about it. If you guys were to use me as bait it needs to be believable so for it to be believable I need to know everything about my target.” The blonde sighed.
“Your mother will kill me.”
“She won’t know I got them from you. I’ll blame Clint or tell her FRIDAY gave them to me.” She rubbed her forehead.
“Fine, I’ll get the files, okay? Just be careful.” You squealed, wrapping her arms around her neck.
“You are the best! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She shook her head, chuckling.
“I know I am. Now get back to work,” you stood at attention, gave her a mock salute, and ran back over to the map. It was a start and you were excited! The possibility of reading case files made you feel like a spy, like your mom!
*
You called it an early night, claiming you were tired from training. Both Natasha and Maria seemed to believe it so you had time to read the files Yelena gave you. She was right when they said they didn’t have a lot and many of them were speculated that the Winter Solider was responsible. He was that good, that deadly, that feared that if there were witnesses no one would talk. Sighing, you bit down on the pen you were using. This was your father. Steve told you that he was loyal and protective but in these files, you saw none of that. How much did HYDRA get rid of? “Hey, sweetheart,” you jumped as the door opened and had little time to put the files away before your mom walked in. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” you squeaked out. She glared at you as she walked into your room. Natasha picked up one of the files and read it over. Then another and another until all of them were in your hands.
“Where did you get these?”
“I found them,” you lied. You hated lying to her but you wanted to protect your aunt. “I wanted to learn more about him so I went searching,” she sighed, rubbing her forehead. “I’m sorry.” Natasha sat down in front of you, the files on the floor but you refused to look at her.
“Can you look at me?” It took you a moment but you looked up at her. “I’m not angry, okay? I just wish you had come and talked to me about this instead of reading those. Those files,” she pointed to them. “Only tell one side of the story.”
“Steve told me about Bucky but I want to know about-”
“The Winter Solider.” She cut you off. You nodded. “Why didn’t you ask me?”
“I didn’t want to upset you. I know it’s a sensitive topic,” she gave you a sad smile.
“You could never upset me, okay?” She placed her hand on your cheek and kissed your forehead. She quickly moved next to you and pulled you into her arms. “So what do you want to know?”
“Anything you want to share,” in a similar fashion to Steve, she took her time before she spoke. You took her hand and began to trace the lines on the palm of her hand.
“He was Winter to me and some of the other Widows,” she began. “He was a strict trainer, very serious on missions, and quiet. Some days he terrified me but other days he was kind,” you heard the slight shake in her voice but you didn’t dare attention to it. “No matter what though he was extremely protective of me and the other Widows. If a mission were to go wrong, he would take the blame and accept the punishment.”
“Did you love him?” You found yourself asking. Natasha let out a shaky breath, you felt it on the top of your head.
“Not in the way I love Maria but in some way I did. In there, it was rare to see any kindness so when he should it to me I accepted it.” You spun around so you were lying on your stomach and looking up at her. You noticed her green eyes were glossy with tears.
“I’m sorry.” You said.
“Why are you apologizing?” You were sure but it felt like you needed to say it. Maybe you were apologizing for everything she went through. Did anyone tell her they were sorry? Sorry for taking you away. Sorry for forcing her to have you. Sorry for robbing her of her childhood.
“Just thought you needed someone to tell you that.” You whipped away that fell down her cheek. “Do you think I can sleep with you and Maria tonight? Those files were not child-appropriate.” A deep laugh was pulled out of your mom and you counted that as a win.
“Come on buttercup. Let’s go to bed.”
*
You were lost, unable to follow the conversation as you sat through another meeting to come up with a plan. Somehow Steve and Tony started arguing and your mom tried to stop them. Damn, your head was going to split open. “Enough!” Your sudden outburst got the attention of the room. You stood up from your spot in the corner and walked to the table. “You know damn well it won’t work.” Maria gasped.
“Steve doesn’t like that kind of talk,” you rolled your eyes at her. You looked around the table, Steve and Tony settled down in their chairs, and your eyes locked on Natasha. “Use me. I’m ready. I’ve trained, I’ve studied, and we know he won’t come out unless I’m there.”
“Sweetheart,” your mom pleaded but you held up your hand to stop her.
“I’ve thought about it, every possible outcome, and I know how dangerous he is. I mean I saw him murder my parents.” Tony mumbled, ‘Twins,’ under his breath. “But we have to stop him. The longer HYDRA has him the more people will get hurt. We have to save him,” the team was quiet, as they had a silent conversation with one another. But Natasha’s eyes stayed on you, afraid if she looked away you would disappear right before her eyes. “Come on guys,” you whined. “We got this! You are the Avengers, Earth’s mightiest heroes. You’ll protect me.” They were waiting for Natasha’s approval, no one was going to speak before her. You kept your heart steady and your poker face down so she could see everything. Finally, she sighed.
“I don’t like it,” she admitted. Then again who would? She was going to have to watch her daughter be live bait. “But she’s right, it’s our only option.” You smiled, nodding your head.
“How we do proceed?” Vision asked. “We must ensure the capture of Sargent Barnes and the safety of Miss. Romanoff.” You liked Vision. He was the only Avenger to call you, ‘Miss. Romanoff’, it made you feel more connected to her.
“Actually,” you raised your hand slowly. “I have an idea.”
*
“Little red,” you looked up from your phone. Steve was walking towards you with two men. The nickname seemed to spread once Yelena said it in front of the team. You heard it more than your actual name, it made you feel like a superhero. “I want you to meet some people.” You stood up and met the trio halfway. “This is Agent Brock Rumlow and Secretary Alexander Pierce.” You shook the men’s hands. You’ve seen them around the compound, a handful of times but you’ve never been introduced. “Agent Rumlow will be in charge of the SHIELD agents assigned to this mission.”
“I must say it’s a good plan. I was told you came up with it,” Pierce said. You nodded.
“Yes sir,” you said. “I knew the only way to ensure his capture was if it was believable and I was present.” Pierce smiled, you didn’t like it. A chill went down your spine.
“You’re a brave kid,” he said and the four of you began the walk to the conference room. It was the final meeting, to make sure all the Ts were crossed and Is were dotted. Rumlow trailed behind you, Pierce, and Steve.
“Are you not scared?” He asked. “The Winter Solider isn’t someone to be messed with.” You hated his tone but you brushed it off, there were other things to worry about.
“Terrified,” you admitted. “But I know all of you have my back,” Steve opened the door. “Right, Agent Rumlow?” You asked him, refusing to enter the room. He smirked.
“Right, Little Red.” Oh, you hated the way he said your name. You walked into the room and sat between Natasha and Maria. Immediately, your mom grabbed onto your hand and squeezed it. You squeezed it back.
*
With the plan in motion, you were starting to feel sick to your stomach. The busy New York streets were doing nothing to calm your nerves, even though you could pinpoint the SHIELD agents stationed around you. This was your plan after all. For the past few days, you were sending text messages to your ‘friends’ back home and claimed you hated living with the Avengers. You double-downed and said they were holding you against your will. Tony made sure your messages could be seen. Finally, a number you didn’t recognize messaged you and proclaimed they could get you away from them. A plan was made for you to sneak your way to New York City and meet at a cafe. Unbeknownst to your mysterious contact, the Avengers were in the loop. You would entertain the man until the Winter Solider made his appearance. As soon as he was there, you were to get to a predetermined location and a SHIELD agent would get you away from the fight.
You were given no coms. The only thing you were given was a bracelet with a tracker on it that your mom gave you. You sipped on your hot chocolate and played with the piece of jewelry. You wished you could hear your mom’s voice but you knew she was watching. So was Maria, Yelena, and Clint. “Hello,” you jumped at the sudden voice, hitting your knee against the table.
“Sorry,” you whipped the hot chocolate you split. “You startled me.” The man laughed and offered his hand. You shook it as he sat down. He wasn’t what you were expecting, glasses, long black hair, and tattoos. He chuckled.
“It’s fine. I can imagine you are on edge with everything going on,” you nodded as the man put a briefcase on the table.
“It’s been a crazy few months,” you admitted.
“Parents murdered by the Winter Solider and kidnapped by the Avengers,” you took a sip of your drink, it was still hot. “What made you want to get away from them now?” He asked.
“I just miss my friends,” your voice shaking was a good choice. You deserved an Oscar for this performance. “I miss my life before all this,” he opened the briefcase. “I want to go home.”
“I’ll get you home, sweetheart, trust me,” it happened rather quickly. The man reached for your hand and with his free one he had a small syringe. You had to admit it was ballsy, attacking in such a public location. But you were quick to pull your hand away and splash your hot chocolate on the man’s face. In his panic, you jumped over the metal fence and heard the man speak frantically in Russian, no doubt to the com he was wearing.
You got flashbacks as three black vans came rushing down the street, and innocent civilians dove out of the way. But you stayed, you needed confirmation. The man overcame his shock and jumped over the fence. He swung at you. You grabbed his fist and used his momentum to throw him over your body. With his back on the ground, you delivered a quick punch and he was out cold.
The vans stopped and there he was. An assault rifle was in his hands and his metal arm was shining in the sun. His eyes were glued to you as HYDRA agents poured down the street. You thought it was overkill but their attention was diverted when Tony flew overhead, blowing up one of the vans. That was your cue, you turned around and ran.
You thanked every conditioning session Pietro put you through because you made it to the alley in no time. “Little Red,” you sighed as you saw the SHIELD agent.
“Agent-” his name died on your lips as a gunshot went off and his body slumped to the ground. A hand went around your mouth before you could scream and a sharp prick on your neck made your eyes water. You tried to fight the assailant as he dragged you to a van, over the bodies of the other agents that were assigned to protect you. Whatever they injected you became too much, your eyes began to close as they threw you in the back of the van. The last thing you felt was them ripping the bracelet off your wrist before the world went dark.
*
You woke with a start. You dreamt that you were falling, screaming for someone to help you but no one was there. In the dim light, your eyes adjusted to the room, no cell, you were in. There was a toilet, a door with a caged window, a mattress you were lying on, and stood in the corner was him. The Winter Solider. You jumped to your feet and faced him. The sudden movement caused your head to spin but you remained standing. His eyes were cold, void of any emotion. If he knew who you were, he gave no indication. He looked at you like he was staring right through you. “Hi,” you squeaked out. God, your heart was beating so fast. Rattling against your rib cage. There was no way he couldn’t hear it then again you could hear his. You focused on it, the slow pace of his heart. You let out a shaky breath then another. Soon your heartbeat matched his and you looked at his face, half of it covered by that mask. There was a small spark in his blue eyes that quickly disappeared. He was impressed. “Where am I?” This time your voice was steady. Instead of answering, he closed the distance between you and him. You fought every nerve in your body that called out for you to run. But you stayed. Even when he towered over you and tried to force your back against the wall.
You were terrified, fear crept deep within your bones, as his eyes looked over every detail of your face. Was he trying to memorize it or find a memory? You weren’t sure. With his metal hand, he gripped your chin. You were surprised at how gently his touch was. “Who?” He grunted out, you almost missed it. Did he ask you who? What the hell was that? He could have added so many more words to make a thought. Instead, he asked you who? Before you could question him, the door opened and he was back in his corner. Four heavily armed men entered the room.
“Well, well, well,” you knew that voice. “Look whose finally up.”
“Rumlow,” you said as the SHIELD agent walked in followed by Pierce. “And Pierce.” What was going on? They worked for SHIELD, they were the good guys. Your stomach dropped at the realization. They beat you, you met someone with a better poker face than your own. You hated cheaters.
“The whore’s daughter is smart.” Rumlow chuckled. Your blood boiled but you had to be smart. You were given a losing hand and you weren’t ready to fold. Pierce held up his hand to silence him and stepped closer to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the Winter Solider move. The rest of the room missed it.
“What do you want from me?” The man grabbed a hold of your chin, forcing your head side to side. Winter grunted in the corner, this time the room heard it.
“Looks like she has a guard dog already,” Rumlow teased. Pierce dropped the hold he had on you, your jaw sore.
“Welcome to the new world order,” he said. “Hail HYDRA.”
-
Sorry! I know another part is annoying but this was getting really long. Good news is a lot of it is written soo I'm hoping to post it on Monday, maybe Sunday. Enjoy!
summary: when you are taken, your mothers do anything in their power to get you back, even if it means hurting you in the process.
pairing: Natasha x daughter reader, Maria x daughter reader
warnings: death and injury
genre: angst
words: 1455
a/n: this is trash and I apologize. I had no idea where I was going with this but I just really wanted to post a blackhill x daughter story
You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work
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It has been three days since you’ve seen your mothers. Three days since you’ve slept in your own, warm, comfortable bed. The room you were locked in really was nothing in comparison to the comfort your mother’s had offered you over the years.
Three days ago, you woke up like any other morning. Your mom, Maria, had already gone off to work, having mission reports and other important SHIELD business due by the end of the week. Your mama, Natasha, however, was at home, waiting to welcome you with a nice breakfast when you woke up. When you did wake up, your mama was kissing your cheek, saying she was just called into work.
You stretched a little before sitting up, giving your mama a hug before she left. Slowly, you got out of bed, putting on some sweatpants and your mom’s oversized t-shirt before making your way to the kitchen. Once you opened the fridge, there was a plate filled with your favorite breakfast you knew Natasha had prepared. Grabbing the plate and settling on the couch, you watched some tv before your show was interrupted.
The tv had gone out, same with the lights and the digital clock. At first you were alarmed, but soon you settled on the idea that it was just a power failure. Someone must be messing with their electricity, you thought. It was unusual for the entire apartment block to lose their electricity, especially since your mothers had made sure everything would be up and running if something fails. They said it was for maximum security, which made you think. If the electricity had gone out, would the extra security on the door have gone out too?
You got up from the couch, walking to the door to check it. However, when you got to the front door, it was opened slightly. There was no possibility that Natasha had left the door open, so there must be someone in the apartment. Almost immediately you reached for your phone, wanting to call one of your mothers.
Before you could even unlock the phone however, you felt a pinch in your neck, and you lost consciousness. That’s how you found yourself in your current situation. Locked in a tiny, unsanitary room. There was a chain attached to the wall that was attached to a cuff on your ankle, ensuring you wouldn’t be running away anytime soon.
You wondered how many days it had been already, not having much sense of time in the dark room as there were no windows. You wondered how long it had taken for your mothers to notice you were gone, whether they finished their work day and were expecting to come home to you being asleep on the couch. You wondered if they were worried.
There was a man that would occasionally come into the room. He would check your temperature, take some blood and sometimes inject you with something. The injections left your arm a little sore, but in general they weren’t hurting you.
After the first time he came in, you fought against him, not wanting him to come any closer with his needle than he already was. After a guard was brought in however, you realized your mistake after the few hits he had delivered to you. Your upper lip was cut, and you had a cut on your temple. The blood that had trickled down had already dried, but the cut was still sensitive.
You heard some commotion outside the room, and wondered if it was the man that came back to take more of your blood. It wasn’t, and instead the cell door was opened by another man. He looked way taller and stronger, and looked nothing like the doctor that came in these past few days.
Before you got to question him though, you were pulled from your sitting position, the man standing behind you and looping his arm around your neck, pulling you against his chest.
You struggled to breath a little, and wondered what was going on when you saw a familiar redhead stand in the door opening, a gun being brought up to your temple.
“If you try anything, she dies,” the man said, loading the gun to prove he meant his statement. Your mama’s grip on her gun didn’t waver. Instead she kept it pointed right at him, knowing she could kill him if she had too.
“You don’t want to play this game,” she told him, loading her gun as well. The man pressed the gun against your temple a little harder. “Leave this building and she lives.” “I can’t do that,” your mama told him, taking a step closer. You could hear the bullet next to your head fall into the chamber, knowing he was going to shoot. Before you could feel his bullet pierce your head however, you heard another gunshot.
You opened your eyes when you heard a body drop, turning around in shock to see the man on the ground. You turned to your mama, who rushed to your side with a worried look on the face. It’s then you released the pain you felt in your shoulder.
Your mama had shot the man fatally, through you. He had stood behind you in a way that ensured she couldn’t shoot him, so she shot him through your shoulder.
You grasped your shoulder, grimacing as you felt the blood soak your hand. “Nice shot,” you told your mama, who had reached her hand out to cover yours, helping you keep pressure on the wound. She smiled at you and pulled you into a hug, sighing deeply.
After a few seconds she pulled back, cupping your face in her hands. “We have to go,” she told you, grabbing her gun and standing in front of you. “Mom,” you warned, signaling towards your ankle. Your mama grabbed the keys from the man’s corpse, and made quick work releasing your ankle.
She held her gun up high and exited the room, making sure you were following close behind. Soon enough you were standing outside, the Quinjet just a few feet in front of you. You followed your mother as she guided you to it, your mom already on board. The moment she saw you she jumped up from her seat and engulfed you in a hug. “You’re hurt,” Maria said as she inspected your wounds. “I’m okay,” you reassured her.
Maria helped you sit down as Natasha went to grab some supplies for your arm. When you sat down Maria sat on your right, pulling you into her and holding you close. You closed your eyes and just enjoyed your mothers warm hug. Her smell and her comfort you missed so much.
Natasha sat down on your left, carefully pulling the shirt down to get access to your wound. You were still wearing Maria’s oversized shirt, making it easy for Natasha to pull it down and give attention to your wound. Not a word was said, but you knew you were safe in your mothers arms.
You arrived back at your apartment about two days ago, and even though your mother had Tony up the security on your home, Maria nor Natasha would leave your side.
While you were enjoying the attention and nurturing they gave you you also felt kind of suffocated. You understood their behavior though, not expecting it to go away anytime soon either. You were currently laying on the couch, your head resting on Maria’s lap and your legs resting on Natasha’s.
“We love you, you know that,” Natasha suddenly said, breaking the silence. You looked at her a little confused. “Of course I know that. I love you too,” you told her. She looked at you with regret in her face. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” she said, suddenly getting tearful.
You turned to her completely, feeling Maria’s hand on your back as she helped you sit up. She scooted closer to your mama, crawling up her side and laying your head on her shoulder. “You didn’t hurt me mama, you saved me. Please don’t feel guilty,” you told her as you closed your eyes and held her tight.
You felt Maria rub your leg in a comfortable motion. She didn’t want to interfere in the moment you were having with your mama, but she did want to let you know she was there for you.
“I’m so sorry,” Natasha said, wrapping her arms around you tightly. “Please don’t be sorry mama. You saved my life. You have nothing to be sorry for. My shoulder will heal,” you told her, and you felt Natasha nod her head. “I love you,” she told you. “I love you too,” you replied.
Summary: Maria wasn't sure what to expect when she turned after being gone for 5 years. But she wasn't ready to learn that her wife is gone and her daughter is now 10 years old. But life goes on.
Warning: death of a major character (it's Natasha), grief, angst with a happy ending, Maria needs a hug, drinking, guilt, fluff
Word count: 4.0k
“Maria!” She heard her name called out and her body was moving before she realized what was happening. She was standing on the sidewalk, chest heaving and the sound of horns blaring.
“What the hell happened?” She asked Fury. There was a crowd forming around them. She hated the amount of eyes on her and the whispers. There were so many whispers.
‘Oh my god!’ ‘Are they back?’ ‘Can I borrow someone’s phone?’ ‘I can’t believe it!’ Before she could run up to a random citizen and demand what they were talking about, a portal opened and she shielded her eyes from the light.
“Maria Hill,” she didn’t know the man in front of her. “We need your help. The fat of the world depends on it.” Maria was not one to hesitate when the answer was to follow him, she never disobeyed a direct order. But she hesitated to join him. She needed to find her family.
“Hill,” she looked at Fury. “Go. I’ll find them.” Maria trusted that he would, she stood by his side enough times to believe him. With a nod, she stepped through the portal.
More portals opened around her as the rest of the Avengers appeared around her. She stood where the compound once stood facing an army. She took her gun from her belt. There were so many questions that raced through Maria’s head but two rang louder than the others - where was Natasha? Where were you?
*
Every time you tried to step forward your feet remained as if you were glued to the spot. It was over. You won. But at what cost? You stared at the scene in front of you as the ashes of the compound settled. Pepper knelt in front of Tony with Peter and Rhodey around her. You wanted to grab him by his chest, shake him, and scream, ‘Get up! Get up! I can’t lose you.’ But you remained standing where you stood until you heard someone call out your mama’s name. “Natasha! Natasha!” You spun around to see who was calling out of her. Of course, those who were blipped away wouldn’t know. Natasha was gone, sacrificed herself for a stupid orange rock to bring everyone back. To bring the woman who was standing in front of you back. You heard stories about her, scrolled through pictures on Natasha’s phone, and fought tooth and nail to preserve every memory you had of her. It was hard. She said your name so softly but it felt so loud to you.
“Mom,” you whispered back.
*
Everyone was surprised when they found out Natasha and Maria were looking to expand their family and adopt. It wasn’t that they thought they’d be bad parents but one was an active Avenger and the other was the Deputy Director. It was dangerous and hard to start a family in their line of work but that didn’t deter them. However, adoptive agencies were a little reluctant to accept them. After months and months of declined applications, they were starting to lose hope. Until they found you.
In true Avengers-style, the couple found you while on a mission to raid a HYDRA base. It was an easy mission as those that were guarding the base didn’t put up much of a fight. They were clearing out the building when one of the agents called over the coms for assistance from any available female. Natasha and Maria were the closest. When they arrived, the male agent was standing guard by the door. Natasha entered the room while Maria was debriefed. The room was set up as a bedroom and the Black Widow was a little confused about what was wrong until she heard a sound, metal against metal. The sound came from underneath the bed. Natasha hesitated to pull her gun when she saw you, a child no more than 4. “Hi sweetheart,” Natasha smiled and knelt. She heard Maria walk behind her but she kept her eyes on you. Her hands were up to show you she had no weapons. “You're safe,” Natasha whispered. “We won’t hurt you.” You hugged your knees closer to your chest.
“We can take that off of you,” Maria said, pointing to the metal chain around your ankle. Your eyes were wide and scared as they flickered from Maria and Natasha. Soon you crawled out from underneath the bed. The dress you wore came to your knees and it was caked in dirt. Carefully, Natasha moved closer to you and used a bobby pin to undo the metal chain. Once it was off, your legs couldn’t hold up your weight anymore and you fell into the Black Widow’s arms. She lifted you with ease, not liking how light you felt in your arms.
“You're safe,” Natasha whispered, looking at Maria who moved to stand next to her. The agent ran her hand over your hair and down your back. “You're safe.”
*
Maria held open the front door of the apartment you used to call home. It hadn’t been touched since Natasha brought you here before turning to the Avengers’ compound. There was a vague memory of the Black Widow resting you on the counter as she ran around the apartment to pack a bag. The pictures you drew were still on the fridge. Maria gently closed the door behind her. “We’ll have to go shopping for a new bed and clothes for you,” Maria said. “But we can do that tomorrow.” You nodded, picking up a framed photo that was left on the counter. It was of you, Maria, and Natasha when you were younger. The three of you were eating ice cream, with big smiles, and ice cream all over your face. Life seemed so simple back then. “Tonight you can sleep in our,” you looked at her. “My bed,” she corrected herself. “You can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch.”
“No,” you said, placing the photo face down on the counter. “I mean I can take the couch. I don’t mind.” Maria shook her head, walking over to you.
“It’s okay,” she forced a smile. “It’s only for one night.” She placed a hand on your shoulder and then on your cheek. Her touch felt foreign. “I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten.”
“5 years,” you whispered. “It’s been a while.” Maria nodded. You didn’t miss the way her eyes turned glossy with tears but quickly went away.
“Yeah it has but we’ll be okay,” you weren’t sure if you were okay. There was an ache growing in your chest. Each time you took a breath in it hurt. You wanted your mama back. “Why don’t you go get changed into something more comfortable and I’ll figure out dinner?” You nodded. “You still like cheese pizza.” A smile crept to your face.
“Yeah, I love it.” Natasha was surprised by how much pizza you could keep down. You turned around to walk toward the direction of your room but you stopped. Maria had a point all the clothes in there you outgrew and the clothes you had were destroyed when Thanos attacked the compound. You sighed and opened the door to Maria’s room.
The room, like the rest of the apartment, lay untouched for the past 5 years. You ran your hand over the made bed as you walked to the closet. It was like you were standing in a time capsule. In the closet, you picked out a shirt and a pair of sorts that you had to roll up to fit you. Instead of returning to the kitchen, you sat on the ground, back against the bed. With your knees bent, you rested your arms on them. You tried to keep the memory of her arms around you before she stepped onto the platform, or the last time she kissed your forehead, or the last time she told you she loved you.
“Why did you do it?” You asked about the empty room. “Why did you have to leave me?”
*
Maria grabbed a beer from the fridge, ignoring the artwork that decorated it. She ignored the photo you flipped over and every other photo that decorated the space as she sat on the couch. 5 years. She and so many others were gone for 5 years. The last time she saw you you were 5. You were 5 and Maria left you with her mother to go help Fury when Thanos snapped his fingers and half of Earth’s population was Blipped away. Maria leaned back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling.
After Tony’s funeral, Maria found Clint at the property’s edge and made him tell her everything that she missed. His entire family got taken and he became the Ronin to deal with the loss. Then the time heist and the sacrifice needed for the stone. For 5 years, Natasha led the remaining Avengers to keep the world in order and raised you. When the time came, Natasha gave her life for her family to come back.
Maria should have been there to fight in Wakanda, to help raise you, and to remind Natasha every day that she loved her. Taking a sip of the beer, she looked around the apartment. It was her idea to get a place away from the Avengers so they could be a family and give you a normal childhood. Natasha fell in love with the place because of the open floor plan and the balcony that overlooked the city. The way her face lit up when Maria handed her the keys will live on in her memory forever. They danced in the kitchen with no music just the two of them. Maria closed her eyes, draping her arm over her face. Everywhere she looked she saw her. Her best friend. Her lover. Her wife. Natasha was gone. Life was so unfair but it must go on.
*
They said time would heal all wounds. That even the deepest feelings of sadness, disappointment, and anger would gradually go away as time passed. But you believed they couldn’t be more wrong. With each passing day, the ache grew and grew. All you wanted was to be wrapped in your mama’s arms to be safe and happy. If only you could press rewind and stop her from going with the others.
You knew that meant Maria and everyone else wouldn’t be back or worse Uncle Clint wouldn’t be with his family. That made you feel guilty. It wasn’t like you weren’t happy that Maria was back. You were but you wanted to keep her at arm's length away. Your heart couldn’t handle more loss. There were times Maria wasn’t sure how to act around you. She would forget that you weren’t 5 years old but you were a preteen that could do things for yourself. It was a delicate dance you were performing and you were just so tired.
*
“She hates me, Clint,” Maria said, glancing in the direction of your room. You went to bed early, claiming you weren’t hungry. So Maria made a plate for you and put it in the fridge if you changed your mind. The archer chuckled. “I’m being serious. It’s like we are walking on eggshells around each other.” She took a bite of her dinner but it tasted bitter in her mouth. She forced herself to shallow and through the rest of the food away. She poured herself a shot instead. Clint sighed.
“She doesn’t hate you,” he said. “It’s gonna take time for you both to find a routine.” Maria sat down on the bar stool taking another shot. It was probably a bad idea but a few shots might help ease this pain. It had been 4 months since she turned and in those 4 months, the pain never got easier. “You have to remember that Nat was all she had for 5 years.”
“Yeah,” Maria took another shot. “I missed 5 years.”
“You're a good mom, Hill,” Clint said. “Nat wouldn’t shut up about it.” She could hear the smirk in his voice and it made her laugh. When was the last time she laughed? “I’m so sorry, Maria. If I stopped her or convinced her, your family would be whole.” She closed her eyes, feeling her throat burn as she tried to keep her tears away. One managed to escape and she allowed it to all down her cheek.
“Then your family would have a hole too,” it was almost comically at the situation she found herself in. The Bartons were her family. Laura and Clint saved her life countless times while on missions for SHIELD. “You know how stubborn Natasha...,” she paused. “Was.” She heard the hitch in Clint’s breathing. “She had a reason for everything.”
“That she did,” he sighed. “If you need anything you call me, okay? Day or night. You aren’t alone.”
“Same to you,” Another short was poured. “Give my love to Laura and the kids. We’ll come out to visit soon.” They said their goodbyes and hung up. The apartment was once again quiet as she downed the shot and walked over to her bedroom. Flickering on the light, the bed lay untouched. She couldn’t bring herself to sleep in it. There were too many memories locked away in these walls. She would come in here, change quickly, and leave just as fast. Tonight would be no different. She changed into one of Natasha’s sleeping shirts and a pair of shorts. Instead of leaving, her eyes glanced at a photo on her nightstand. It was of her and Natasha at one of Tony’s parties, the lights from the fireworks glowing on their face. She was pretty sure Pepper took the photo. “It’s been a while, my dear,” Maria whispered, tracing Natasha’s face with her fingers. “I’m still holding back these tears dealing with the cards life dealt,” she looked away from the picture and towards the bedroom door. “Delusion is here again and I think you’ll come home soon. I can’t help but miss you.” She placed the photo back in its spot and walked back into the living room.
She grabbed the bottle of vodka and sat back on the couch, taking a sip instead of pouring a shot. She felt so alone even though Clint said she wasn’t. She didn’t know how to be a mother to you or live her life without the woman she loved by her side. Finally, the dam broke and Maria allowed herself to cry.
*
You woke up, gasping for air. The blanket you used was drenched with sweat. It was the same nightmare that plagued your mind for months - Clint returned without Natasha, the compound exploded, and Thanos killed Tony, Maria, and everyone that you loved. It was torture. After a few deep breaths, your heart calmed down. You expected to be welcomed by the quiet apartment but you heard crying. On quiet feet, you slipped out of bed, out of your room, and passed the open door of Maria’s room. That was another surprise. For the past 4 months, the door was closed. In the living room, you saw Maria on the couch. Her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound of her tears. But you saw how much her body was shaking as each heart-wrenching sob tore through her. You’ve never seen her cry, not at the funeral or on nights when you got up to use the bathroom and she was still awake. Was she holding it in for your sake?
The floor creaked underneath you and Maria spun around to face you. She seemed startled by your sudden appearance. “Hi,” her voice shook as she forced a smile. “I’m sorry if I woke you.” She whipped away her tears. “Are you okay? Do you need something?” Wordlessly, you walked over to her and without hesitation, you hugged her. You felt her tense up but soon she wrapped her arms tightly around you.
“I miss her so much,” you cried against her, letting your tears fall. Almost every night you cried and muffled the sound with your pillow.
“So do I, sweet girl,” Maria whispered. She shifted you so you were sitting down next to her but her arms never left you. You felt her tears as she burrowed her face in your hair. You just didn’t lose your mom. Maria lost her best friend, her life partner. You were so selfish, lost in your pain and grief you never bothered to reach out to her.
“I’m sorry,” you said. “I’m - I’m so -so sorry,” Maria forced you to look at her but kept you within arms reach. “I’ve been a horrible daughter to you. I wasn’t the only one to lose her and you kept trying to connect with me and I kept pushing you away. I’m so sorry mom,” You fell into her arms again, and each sob you let out shook your body.
“Sweetheart,” Maria whispered, cradling your head and gently rocking you from side to side. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We’re okay, I promise.” She whispered gentle reassuring into your ear until your violent sobs turned into quiet hiccups but you refused to let go of her. Maria sensed your hesitation to let her go so she lifted you with ease and carried you to her room. She gently sat you on the bed. You let go of her. “I’ll be right back,” she said.
“Promise?” You questioned. She smiled and this time it wasn’t forced.
“I promise, carina (sweetheart), she kissed the top of your head and you watched her leave the room. For the past 4 months, you wanted to be alone. You pushed and pushed Maria away and enjoyed the silence of your room. Now you hated being alone. You picked at the skin around your thumb as you waited and only stopped when she returned, holding two water bottles and a cloth. She placed the water on the nightstand and sat in front of you. You crossed your legs to give her more space. With gentle hands, she used the cloth to wipe the tears off your face. The silence was comfortable unlike before when it was tense and awkward. Once she was done, she handed you the water. “You have nothing to apologize for, mjia,” she said when you were done drinking. “I get it. For 5 years, Natasha was,” You cringed at the past tense usage for your mama. “All you had. She was the one there.” You heard the guilt that laced each one of her words. It wasn’t her fault. It was Thanos. You took your hand in hers. “The last time I saw you you were a spunky pain in my ass 5 year old,” you giggled. “I’m surprised you remembered me.”
“Of course I remember you,” you said. “Mama would tell me stories about you and her during your SHIELD days. But I started to remember the moments that we shared. We colored and watched Scooby-Doo and ate cheese pizza until I got sick.” Maria laughed, whipping away a tear that fell. “I was just scared.” You admitted.
“Why?” You sighed, looking at things around the room. You looked at everything except the woman in front of you.
“I don’t want to lose you too,” you said. “I watched Uncle Clint return without Mama, Uncle Tony died from his injuries, and Uncle Steve went back in time to be with Peggy. Everything is changing, nothing is the same except the truth is everyone is gone.”
“And life goes on.” Finally, you looked at her. She was staring at your connected hands.
“Yeah, life goes on.” You whispered. “But you are here and I’m here, right? And you won’t leave.” It was an impossible request as you knew she was still an active agent and Avenger.
“I will always come back home to you,” she compromised. You nodded, rubbing your eyes with your free hand. Maria smiled. “Come on let’s get some sleep.” Without thinking, you pulled back the covers and got comfortable. You didn’t miss the way Maria rolled her eyes. When she turned off the overhead light, you turned on the night light. “Move over,” she said. “I forgot how much of a bed hog you are.” You laughed, moving over to make space, and turned off the light. For the first time in a long time, the darkness didn’t scare you.
“Goodnight Mom,” you said. “I love you.”
“I love you too sweetheart,” you smiled, turned your back to Maria, and closed your eyes. But you waited to fall asleep. Maria tossed and turned, sighing a few times soon she fell asleep. She had to be exhausted. Quietly, you sat up and stared at her. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust to the low light but you looked at your mom’s features. It was the most peaceful you’ve seen her. With a sigh, you fished a picture out of your pant pocket. The picture went everywhere with you, even in the dark you knew every detail of it. One night at the compound, you found a Polaroid camera and you figured it was Wanda’s. As Natasha was making dinner, you ran over to her and threw your arm over her shoulders to take the picture. It was blurry, and a little out of focus, and your mama had flour all over her from making pizza but it was perfect.
“Watch over us, okay?” You whispered to the picture. “And keep mom safe. Please. I love and miss you, Mama.” You kissed the photo and slipped it back into your pocket. You stayed awake, hands behind your head, and stared up at the dark ceiling. Everything reminded you of her and you felt a lump form in your throat. Over the past 5 years, the best memories you had with Natasha were late-night talks on the roof. She told you stories of the stars, about her past, and her hope for the future.
‘I think I want to move out of New York,’ she said one night. She was staring up at the stars like always while you sipped on hot chocolate.
‘Really?’ You questioned, setting the mug down and wrapping the blanket tighter around you. ‘And go where?’
‘Anywhere,’ she whispered. ‘When your mom and your aunt come back. I’m going to take all of us away from this. I’m done,’ she leaned back on her hands. ‘A nice house with a lot of land so we could get a dog or a cat.’ You always wanted a dog. ‘Kind of like what Clint did with his family. So we can be together, safe, and happy.’
‘Promise?’ You found yourself asking. Finally, she looked at you. Green eyes locked onto yours.
‘Yeah,’ she smiled. ‘I promise.’
You turned back on your side, tears running down your cheek. “Why did you break your promise?” You whispered, closing your eyes. You squeezed them so tight color danced behind your eyelids. Every tear you shed you tried to keep it down, not wanting to wake your mom. But you heard her shift in her sleep and pull you into her arms. Now your head rested on her chest while her hand drew circles on your back.
“I got you,” she mumbled, voice laced with sleep. “I promise. I got you.” Promise. A promise was a declaration or assurance that one would do a particular act or that a particular thing would happen. But what was a promise if you feared it would be broken?
first time writing blackhill, i hope it doesn't suck
32. "That was the night i nearly lost you"
warnings: nightmare, mentions of near death experiences
You awoke in a cold sweat, chest heaving up and down in fast breaths as Maria and Natasha tried to comfort you from the nightmare you were having.
"Shh, detka, you're safe," Natasha said, taking your hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"You're okay, baby," Maria said, rubbing her hand up and down your back. Her soft lips touched the back of your shoulder as she pulled you into her. One of your hands held onto Maria's arm slung over your middle and Natasha's hand.
"You're safe," You mumbled, turning onto your back to pull them both closer to you. "You're safe."
Tears rushed down your cheeks, the feeling from that night suddenly rushing back to you. Your body shook with silent sobs, clenching you eyes shut trying to forget the feeling.
"It's okay, baby," Natasha's soothing voice broke through your panic, she knew exactly where you were. "We're right here, we're all safe, it was just a dream."
"No it wasn't," You cried harder, trying to open your eyes and look at the women on either side of you. "That was the night I nearly lost you."
Maria cuddled in a little closer, cupping your face and bringing her lips to your tear covered cheek.
"You didn't lose us," She said, making you look at her in the dim light of your bedroom. "You're never gonna lose us."
