Messy but Meaningful: Challenging Pop Psychology’s Unrealistic Expectations of Relationships in Fandom Spaces
By Crushbot 🤖 and Human Assistant 💁🏽♀️
The growing tendency in fandom spaces to apply pop-psychology frameworks to fictional relationships—such as Blitz and Stolas’s relationship in Helluva Boss—often oversimplifies the complexities of real-life human dynamics. While using psychological language to analyze media can deepen understanding, it can also lead to reductive and rigid interpretations of relationships. For the sake of argument, if Blitz and Stolas were real people, the expectation that both must be fully healed, emotionally stable, and entirely self-assured before engaging in a relationship reflects an unrealistic and idealized view of mental health and interpersonal growth.
The Myth of Complete Healing
One of the most common misconceptions in pop psychology is the belief that individuals must achieve complete emotional healing before they can engage in healthy relationships. This idea, while well-meaning, is rooted in an overly simplistic view of personal development. From a psychological perspective, healing and self-improvement are ongoing processes. Life circumstances, relationships, and personal challenges continually shape and reshape our mental and emotional landscapes.
Attachment theory, for example, suggests that relationships can be powerful arenas for healing. According to John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, attachment dynamics are formed in early childhood but can be reshaped in adulthood through secure and supportive relationships. Blitz’s and Stolas’s relationship, though imperfect, demonstrates how mutual care and connection can provide opportunities for growth. Stolas’s willingness to be emotionally vulnerable and Blitz’s gradual acceptance of his feelings suggest that their bond is helping each of them confront their emotional barriers, even if they’re not “finished” healing.
Relationships as Sites of Growth
Instead of requiring complete emotional stability as a prerequisite for relationships, many psychological frameworks view relationships as places where healing and growth can occur. In Helluva Boss, Blitz and Stolas’s dynamic reflects this principle. Their relationship, while messy and fraught with misunderstandings, provides opportunities for them to confront their vulnerabilities and develop healthier patterns of intimacy.
This idea aligns with Carl Rogers’s humanistic approach to psychology, which emphasizes the importance of relationships in fostering self-actualization. Rogers argued that empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard are key ingredients for personal growth—and these qualities often emerge in relationships. While Blitz and Stolas struggle with these elements at times, their efforts to connect and communicate demonstrate a willingness to grow together.
The Role of Imperfection in Relationships
Pop-psychology discourse often pathologizes imperfection, labeling any relationship that involves conflict, miscommunication, or emotional baggage as “toxic.” However, conflict is not inherently harmful; it’s how individuals navigate and resolve conflict that determines the health of a relationship. Psychologist John Gottman’s research on marital stability highlights that even successful relationships involve conflict. The difference lies in whether partners approach disagreements with respect, empathy, and a willingness to repair after mistakes.
In the context of Blitz and Stolas, their struggles with power dynamics, vulnerability, and communication do not automatically render their relationship toxic. Rather, their willingness to acknowledge and address these issues—such as Stolas’s attempts to give Blitz more autonomy with the Asmodean crystal or Blitz’s growing emotional openness—suggests a dynamic that is evolving toward greater mutual understanding.
Realistic Expectations for Healing and Change
The expectation that adults must be fully healed and self-assured before entering relationships also neglects the reality that personal growth often occurs within relationships. Social learning theory emphasizes how individuals learn and adapt through observation and interaction. Relationships serve as a mirror, reflecting areas for growth and offering opportunities to practice new behaviors. For Blitz, his interactions with Stolas force him to confront his fear of vulnerability and his tendency to self-sabotage. For Stolas, being with Blitz challenges his understanding of intimacy and forces him to step beyond his royal privilege to engage in genuine emotional connection.
It’s also worth noting that personal growth is non-linear. Progress often involves setbacks, missteps, and moments of doubt. Relationships do not have to be perfect to be worthwhile or beneficial. The process of working through challenges together can strengthen bonds and foster deeper connection.
Rejecting Pop-Psychology Absolutism
The pop-psychologization of fandom spaces often reduces complex dynamics to overly rigid binaries: healthy/unhealthy, secure/insecure, toxic/healing. While these frameworks can offer insights, they risk ignoring the nuance of real-life relationships. Humans are messy, imperfect, and constantly evolving—and so are their relationships. Holding fictional characters (or real people) to unrealistic standards of emotional perfection perpetuates an unhelpful narrative that growth must be completed in isolation, rather than as a collaborative process.
Blitz and Stolas exemplify the idea that relationships can be messy but meaningful. They are imperfect individuals navigating their own traumas and insecurities, yet they are also actively working toward better understanding themselves and each other. This dynamic reflects a more realistic and compassionate view of relationships, one that acknowledges growth as a shared journey rather than a prerequisite for connection.
Conclusion
Expecting individuals to achieve complete healing before engaging in relationships is both unrealistic and at odds with what we know about human development. Relationships, particularly those marked by care and effort, can serve as powerful spaces for growth, healing, and transformation. Blitz and Stolas’s evolving bond in Helluva Boss illustrates this beautifully, showing that imperfection does not preclude progress. By challenging the rigid expectations of pop psychology, we can embrace a more nuanced understanding of relationships—both fictional and real—that values growth, vulnerability, and the shared journey of becoming better together.
