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Sometimes I remember a blog I read that was just a man in his late 20s (I think) reading the twilight series for the first time and his main complaint with eclipse was that it took the volturi too long to get to forks so he came up with silly ways they must have been traveling such as a) hot air balloons b) pogo sticks c) skipping
remember when that dude who basically liveblogged the entire twilight book series invented the raising of the sarcasm hand. we have emojis now and we didn’t back then so i would like to propose that the inclusion of ✋️ now indicates the statement is sarcastic how do we feel about this
If you haven't read Dan Bergstein's Blogging Twilight, you are a loser and I hate you. Just Kidding. But Seriously.
You are my life now,
CamaLlama
HE IS TALKING ABOUT A BABY. A BABY.
As in:
JACOB: My girlfriend clutches your finger if you rub it on her palm. (18 Revisited)
JACOB: My girlfriend just discovered her toes. (19)
JACOB: My girlfriend is entertained by keys. (20)
JACOB: My girlfriend has never experienced a Thursday. (21)
OPTIMUS [the baby]: Shut up, lady. I'm going to spend the night in Jacob's room, where he will kiss me on the mouth…in a protective, friendly sort of way. (23)
—Dan Bergstein, Blogging Twilight
Are you seeing the problem here??
This poster is completely creeptastic.
This is how I learned everything I know about Twilight
And it's fantastic because it makes fun of the series at every turn It's absolutely hilarious
Also I learned more ways to dislike Twilight and that's a good thing
Jake apologizes for the Kiss-pocalypse. (Perhaps my talk with him did some good.) He admits that he misread Bella's feelings, and is deeply sorry he force-kissed her. (By the way, my erotic Star Wars novella entitled "Force Kissing" is still looking for a publisher. Let me know if you're interested.)
Dan Bergstein, Blogging Twilight
The two lovers kiss and talk, and kiss and talk. Out of no where, Edward says he wishes Bella was pregnant. Bella's exact response in the book is: "Gah," I gasped. Later in the book maybe Bella will stub her toe, and respond with: "Argh," I arghed.
Dan Bergstein, Blogging Twilight
It's not going to work, Ms. Meyer. Hurting me this way only makes me want to blog the books harder. I'm like a sleeping polar bear that you tried to kill with a BB gun. You just woke up Dan Bear! (Hmm. That sounds more cute and cuddly than angry and strong. Let me change that.) You just woke up Polar Dan! (No. That sounds like I have mental health issues. Let's start over.) I'm like a sleeping pterodactyl that you tried to wake up with a BB gun. You just woke up…'Dactyl Dan! (That works.)
Dan Bergstein, Blogging Twilight
this guy's amazingly funny!
