#bobkitten

[penandinkprincess]

i maintain that it's a fucking WASTE that baby bobcats aren't called bobkittens

[johnnyslittleanimalblog]

bobcat Faunapark 3L0A0142 by safi kok

[herinsectreflection]

⭐️

OK, I'm gonna use this as an excuse to talk about my favourite thing in the world: pretentious symbolic dream sequences. Specifically, Faith's in chapter 16 (Seeing Red).

(Spoilers up to Chapter 19 of To Live In The World)

The rock was cold underneath her bare feet. Little bits of sand and gravel scratched at them. She teetered up to the edge, peeking over to see the rush of the water, maybe forty feet down. It might have been too shallow to dive properly into. She might just go straight through to the bottom. From this height, she couldn’t tell. She liked that. Kept the mystery. She was thirteen years old. There were other kids here - older kids, and smarter kids. But none of them were as brave as her. They whooped and hollered at her, calling her to jump from light years away. She shuffled closer to the edge, feeling the eastern wind run through her dark hair. It would be peaceful in the water, she knew, and warm. The jagged rocks down there were shaped like old friends.

So this is the story Faith told in Graduation Day, with the big rock she used to jump off - something I very strongly believe is meant to indicate her suicidal tendencies. She is at a low point and tempted to fall back into old habits.

(Also, it's become less noticeable in recent chapters, but water in this story is very much a symbol of death/suicide. Any time a character is considering either, you bet your arse I've put a large body of water there.)

The only person she recognised was the girl on the picnic blanket, in the middle of the park. The sun shone down on where she sat, in a pink cardigan and long, pale blue skirt, blonde hair crimped and falling around her shoulders. ... She dragged her feet from rough stone to the soft grass, walking dazed towards the white-and-red checkered rug, where Buffy sat with a large wicker hamper. It looked just like a picnic was supposed to look. She might have seen a picture in a book once.

Buffy's outfit here is an inverse of what Faith wears in her picnic dream from This Year's Girl - blue top and pink skirt (because Buffy and Faith are the inverse of and identical to each other). Her hair is crimped like it is when she has her picnic with Riley, which Faith never saw - hinting that this is really Buffy and not solely Faith's imagination.

The picnic blanket is red-and-white checks: the same colour as the tablecloth in her 'Italy' dream from the first chapter. That image was explicitly taken from a book that Faith read, and I imagine the picnic scene in the same. Faith has a deep desire for these classic scenes of romance and happiness, but she also has 0 experience of them so it's all based on fiction. No way has anyone ever actually taken Faith on a picnic.

The blonde held up a tall, thin glass, offering it to her. “Champagne?” She sat down next to her, took the flute, and studied it, turning it around in her hand. There was no champagne inside - just the stained residue of something that had filled it, and since been drained. Something red and viscous. “It’s empty.” Buffy shook her head. “Not empty. Just dirty.”

The champagne flute is Buffy (and Faith too). Stained with blood, but not beyond redemption. Not empty, just dirty. There's still a chance to save them both.

Faith thought she understood. “Just add water.” The other girl looked at her like she didn’t understand at all. “That won’t get it clean.”

YUP WATER IS SUICIDE DO YOU GET IT NOW

There was a sudden pain in her head, and she dropped the flute in the grass. A throbbing set of images assaulted her.. A snap of a boy’s neck. A girl with wide, begging eyes. Blood running across the Magic Box floor. She pinched her eyes shut hard, wincing from the intensity. “I know.” Buffy’s voice was calm and soft as ever. “Circus came to town. You didn’t like the clowns.” She opened her eyes, the pain and images receding, the peaceful grass swimming back into view. “You did that.” “Not all of it. There’s only a reflection in the steel.”

So this is the first (extremely obtuse) clue that Tara isn't dead. Buffy didn't do "all of it", because she didn't finish the job. The "reflection" in the steel" refers to the knife Buffy stabbed Faith with and the knife she slit Tara's throat with. In both cases, Buffy was trying to kill them, but failed, and they ended up in a coma instead (because Buffy's life as a slayer and life as a vampire really aren't that different).

The brunette looked at her, desperate for answers. “Am I dying?” “I guess that’s your choice.” Faith looked around at the warm scene of summer around them. The wind was soft, and smelled like lemon as it blew through the girl’s blonde hair. The midday sun shone up from behind her, drowning out the sight of anything else. This was the way it was meant to be. Just her and B. The Chosen Two.

Faith considers dying, and of course romanticises it, being literally blind to the sight of anything but Buffy. This is a decision point in the story, where Faith can choose to live or die, and the easier, simpler choice is to die.

“I could stay here,” she whispered to the smiling girl. “Might not be so bad.” “You could. But you’d have to eat.” Buffy reached over to the side, pulling across the wicker hamper. “I don’t know if I have enough. Basket wasn’t made for two.” She lifted the lid on one side, so show her the contents. Inside, the food was piled high. Wheels of cheeses, hunks of freshly baked bread that smelled just like a bakery Faith used to walk past on her way to school. Little iced cakes that made her yearn for breakfast. Red, crispy apples, and bunches of grapes, juicy and bursting. Her stomach growled, and she reached out for it.

Classic "if you eat in the underworld/land of the fae" trope here, one of my favourite fantasy tropes. This paragraph was written by the tiny version of George RR Martin that lives inside me.

As she grabbed the apple though, she felt it give way, squelching beneath her fingers. She pulled back, the debris of rotten fruit clung to the inside of her knuckles. She blinked, and saw the food inside again. A worm crawled out of  the apple, beside a cheese wheel that was coated in a green layer of mold. The bread was grey, stale, and crumbling like sawdust. Flies buzzed around the decaying feast, and she smelled death on the wind.

Buuut of course the food is dead and rotten because Buffy herself is a dead creature who can only feed on death. Staying there in picnic-land with Buffy means death, and this is what death looks like. Suicide is tempting when it looks beautiful, but this is the ugly, gross reality.

She could feel an ache in the left side of her chest, rising into her throat as a lump. “I don’t wanna leave. Shit’s rotten out there too.” Buffy shook her head, looking incredulous. “I told you. I’ve always been here.”

On a metaphorical level this is about how Buffy is always in Faith's heart and can't ever leave wherever she is but it's also very literally about how a bit of Buffy's soul is literally inside Faith and will always there.

Faith turned, and saw a second hamper, just by the small of her back. Of course. She’d packed this earlier. How could she have forgotten? She pulled it between them, and lifted the wicker lid. Inside, was a single item, lying on a white sheet. A delicately carved knife, with cruel, jagged edges, and a sharp blade that could cut through a gut like butter. Her knife. The metal was stained a dark red. The brunette shook her head. “No. No, I tried this already.” Her voice was getting quieter. “It doesn’t mean what you think.”

So Faith asks for guidance and sees the knife. She thinks it represents what the food actually represented - death. She sees that as all she can offer her, but has also gone through chapter 14 and realised that she can't kill Buffy, so she's totally lost. She hasn't read my other post, and so doesn't get that the knife represents love.

“I’ll come back for you, B,” she promised, her voice as certain as steel. “I’m gonna find you.” Buffy’s voice was a cracked whisper. “I know.” She could see then, that there were tears on her cheeks. “I know you will.” And then, she woke.

Faith pledges to find her lady love, her voice "as certain as steel" (god I should've learned even more into the chivalric vow angle there), understanding that she can save her soul still. She hears a neutral statement of prophetic fact ("I know you will [find me]") and reads it as Buffy calling to her, because 90% of this story is just people hearing words and deciding they mean what they want or expect them to mean (which is one reason I use so many dream sequences, their meaning is all in the eye of the beholder (the other reason is I love dream sequences)).

She glosses over the fact that Buffy is crying. She doesn't know what Buffy and we know - that her soul is in heaven, and that finding her will mean taking her out of heaven - and it's horrifying for her when that penny finally drops at the end of Chapter 18 (Into Hades).

“I thought you were callin’ to me. But you weren’t, were you?” She was crying. How come I didn’t notice she was crying? “You were telling me to stay away.”

[nny11writes]

It’s late and I’m hyped up on sugar but consider: the force forming a master-padawan bond between Jedi!dooku and bb!ahsoka cbnc style

Okay, okay, okay, so I wrote waaaaay too much because apparently I had to work through the angst first (Look Dooku, already bitter and being courted by Palpatine and literally about to leave the Jedi Order because fuck you and fuck this getting saddled with a roughly 5-6 year old Ahsoka would not be A Happy Man Okay With This. Qui Gon had to kick his teeth in before Dooku stopped being a neglectful asshole, and then he still needed to get judged harshly by Anakin (who was ready to commit a minor case of major murder) and Obi-Wan before coming around to it. That is not my fault and I won’t apologize, but unless you really want the angst Imma skip it for what this made me actually think of and want to write out). There was a lot of angst lol, BUT can you picture it? For this to work out, Dooku would need to not leave the Order or Republic. And you know what that means? Time for Palpatine choked on a bagel trope, my favey fave! Enjoy Dooku manhandling his feral trash child!

Padme wasn’t sure how she managed to not laugh instantly. She had become the youngest Senator of Naboo after Palpatine’s unfortunately early passing, and had just finished another exhausting day of learning on the job when she’d run straight into Master Dooku. Who was well known as a Jedi scholar and diplomat, literally digging through the trash while hissing into it. And then, like a magician pulling something impressively large out of his hat, he had pulled a togruta Padawan from the trash by her robes.

It was quite the sight!

The Padwan smiled brightly, “Hello Master, fancy seeing you here!”

“Ah yes,” Dooku said drolly, “whatever might I be doing here considering my Padawan seemed to have vanished from her rotation assisting Senator Taa?”

Padme looked at the young girl again, she must have been older than Padme had assumed if she had a rotation with Orn Free Taa. She did not envy the Padawan, in fact, she could understand wanting to hide in a trash bin to avoid him herself.

“I wouldn’t say I vanished,” the Padawan made no effort to be released, instead hanging happily from Master Dooku’s hand like the galaxy’s least repentant massiff. “I saw that my presence was not required and decided to make better use of my time and his.”

“By hiding in the trash!? Ahsoka...” Dooku sighed heavily before finally putting his apprentice down.

And oh, wasn’t that a bit funny? Anakin had recently met with her for lunch, uncaring of his stained mechanics clothes in the high end restaurant he’d gushed about his best friend Ahsoka. Who was a togruta. She could only hope luck was on her side this time and they were one in the same.

“What?” Ahsoka bristled as she stomped a foot, “It is a better use of my time! It’s not like Free Taa-”

Dooku spoke in the same tired and broken tones that Padme usually associated with her own parents on learning what she’d done this time. “Senator Taa, you will be respectful of the Senator’s title.”

Not that Padawan Ahsoka seemed to be listening. “-and he isn’t even trying to help me understand politics because I’m too young and it’s not earning him any credits-”

“Ahsoka…” Dooku sighed heavily again. Now that she thought about it, it was rather like the way Obi-Wan often sighed Anakin’s name. He rubbed one hand against his face as if to wash his exhaustion off with it. “You are required to finish a rotation to a Senator’s satisfaction, and this is the third time you’ve run away.”

The Padawan crossed her arms and glared at the floor. “They started it.”

“I am running swiftly out of contacts for you to spend this rotation with, how many times do you wish to fail this particular course?”

Padawan Ahsoka scuffed her boot on the carpet, mumbling in embarrassment.

“Padme,” Corde half hearted grumbled through her smile, “no.”

“Padme, yes!” She whispered back before stepping forward. “Pardon me Master Dooku, Padawan Ahsoka, I am afraid I overheard just a bit of your conversation.”

Dooku actually blushed, which she was going to hold as something of a personal award for the rest of her life, and Ahsoka’s lekku wiggled and shifted colors at the attention.

“While I am rather new to the Senate myself, I have been in politics my whole life. I would love to take Ahsoka on, and it would greatly benefit us both I think.” Padme smiled before adding on, “I have heard great things about your from Jedi Skywalker after all.”

Ahsoka, somehow, managed to blush harder. Her lekku going almost more black than blue. Her voice was rather small as she more asked than said, “...Senator Amidala?”

“Yes, that would be me. A pleasure to finally meet you.” Padme walked with confidence before extending her hand for a shake.

Dooku appeared to be either counting backwards from ten or had a massive headache. Perhaps both. Ahsoka, however, happily shook her hand with a wild grin growing on her face now that she realized she wasn’t in trouble.

“Master? I think this could be a very good fit for me,” Ahsoka said, and if it wasn’t for the fact that Padme literally saw her pulled out of a trash can not five minutes ago she wouldn’t have guessed the problems she’d run into here at the Senate. Her posture and tone were spot on for any seasoned politician in the dome.

“Well, that is two against one, but I suppose it is up to you Master Dooku.” Padme kept her voice as pleasant as possible.

After all, in a different timeline Dooku could have been another planetary ruler like herself.

“You will finish this rotation Padawan, and you will behave yourself.” “Yes Master.”

“Thank the Senator.”

“Thank you for the opportunity Senator Amidala.”

Padme smiled, but was able to hold her laughter in. “You are welcome Padawan.”

“Excellent,” Dooku bowed to her, “I wash my hands of this then. I will see you at evening meal Padawan, do not be late.”

Despite the look he was giving Padawan Ahsoka, Padme had a good feeling it was mostly for show. Especially with the way Ahsoka grinned back like a bright white supergiant and bounced on her toes. “Yes Master!”

They watched as Master Dooku spun on his heel and stalked back out of the Senate before Padme finally allowed herself to giggle just a little bit, which was really more Corde’s fault for tugging on her sleeve like that. Ahsoka seemed unbothered as she walked over to join them.

“So, what are we doing next and do you have any embarrassing stories about Ani?”

Padme snickered, “Let’s get a schedule set up and then we can talk about Anakin.”

Her office smelled faintly like old jogans, but it was quite worth it.

[coshayphinelove]

Librarian AU

cosima is the librarian.  she loves people and knowledge so it was the perfect job when she was looking for something.

delphine reads like books are going to stop existing soon.  in her free time, she’s reading more often than she’s not.  so the library is her favorite place to go.

shay reads almost as much as delphine.  but also her veterans’ group therapy sessions meet there.

cosima is ass over tea kettle for delphine; the quiet, shy woman who comes in at opening saturday mornings.  she returns 7 books, hangs out in the periodicals until lunch, and then checks out 7 more books.  to cosima, she is the Dream Woman.

there’s a kid’s craft activity in the community room right before shay’s group meets.  so cosima is usually cleaning it out when shay “punctuality is a virtue” davydov shows up.  when she notices how much of a mess is usually left behind, she starts to show up even earlier to help her clean up.

one week, delphine doesn’t show up on saturday.  but shay does.  they get to talking and she mentions that her girlfriend is sick so she thought she should pick up some books for her to keep her occupied.

and cosima is sad bc shay’s happily already in a relationship with a bookish lady.

and the next week delphine is back.  and cosima is like “i missed you, saturday mornings are usually really slow.  i needed my buddy.”  and delphine is like “i was sick, so my girlfriend brought my books back.”

(idk if you’ve made the connection yet, cosima certainly hasn’t, but shay and delphine are together already.)

and cosima’s like… “really?  both of the girls i have crushes on are taken?  i need to get out more.”

one week delphine picks up “The Ethical Slut” (a book i’ve been eyeing in thriftbooks.com for a while now) not for any particular reason, just bc she was working her way through the sexuality section.  after she reads it she and shay talk about it, in a totally theoretical sense.

it comes up that, if they were polyamorous, shay would want to ask out cosima.

and delphine is like… are you serious?  me too.

and then they have to dive back into their discussion bc….  they might be actually serious about this?

a couple weeks later, shay and delphine go to the library together and cosima is like “OOOOHHHH you’re dating each other okay.”  and they ask cosima out to drinks.  which cosima is confused but into.  they meet up after her shift and talk about dating.  and cosima is very into what they are proposing.  

they exchange numbers and…. live happily ever after

send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

[johnnyslittleanimalblog]

bobcat Faunapark 3L0A0254 by safi kok

[johnnyslittleanimalblog]

bobcat Faunapark 3L0A1238 by safi kok

[herinsectreflection]

Your essays and fics are works of art and I just want to thank you for creating such thought out and beautiful (and sometimes heart wrenching) pieces of writing <3

Thanks so much <3 You don't know how wonderful that is to hear.