#booksforreflection

[hornak-reflections]

The Last Lecture

By: Randy Pausch

“The Last Lecture” is typically a speech given by professors when asked what they would share if their final day was arriving. For Professor Randy Pausch though, there was no hypothetical situation. He was dying of pancreatic cancer when he decided to make a speech as well as write this book. Even though Randy was up against death, the words in his speech and book resonated with palpable happiness. While Pausch imparted many valuable life lessons within his book, I think that his performance during the time he was aware of his terminal illness makes it worth focusing this reflection on the point that it is imperative to stay positive and make the best of our time.

When Pausch gave his “Last Lecture” speech, he showed a slide that contained CT scans revealing his cancer. He then said, “All right. That is what it is. We can’t change it. We just have to decide how we’ll respond. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Life throws all kinds of twists and turns at us. Some can be excruciatingly painful and difficult. Randy made it apparent though, that in responding to make the best of any difficult situation, you can relieve yourself of anxiety that might otherwise be caused by dwelling on the crisis at hand. What Randy said about dwelling on life’s difficulties is unforgettable: “Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won’t make us happier.”

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Start Where You Are

By: Chris Gardner

Anyone can achieve happiness no matter where they are starting from. Chris Gardner is a testimony to that. While the book Pursuit of Happyness describes his journey from being a homeless, unemployed father to becoming a successful stockbroker and entrepreneur, Start Where You Are describes the methods and principles Chris used to get to the top and achieve happyness.

I think that perhaps my favorite lesson from this book was the value of taking risk. When Chris set out to become a stockbroker, he had no college education, and absolutely no knowledge of the subject. He fervently wanted to be a stockbroker though. Taking a pay cut from his already low paying job, he took an opportunity to study with Dean Witter to have a SLIM CHANCE at becoming a stockbroker. The outcome seemed dire in the eyes of many, but Chris succeeded and the reward was immense. Chris could have taken a safer route in life. He could have continued his job in sales or stayed in the medical field where he had already established his worth, but instead he chose to wager his security and shoot for the stars because he knew what would make him happyest. The fundamentals of risk in a typical situation are that if you take a greater risk, there is a greater possible reward; if less risk is taken, there is a smaller possible reward. It seems to me that all too often, many of us choose the less-risky route in life. People want security. My dad constantly tells me that I should have and still should apply for a job on the railroads. Rail car jobs pay well and are, from what I hear, don’t have the most rigorous of requirements to get in. It’d be simple to conform and get a job to pay for living rather than to strive for my dream job and live to work. Like Chris says, “If we disregard out true motivation we may miss finding what gives us our own definition of happyness.” Now, in most cases, taking greater risk means that failing will also have worse consequences, but that leads me into the next topic of failure.

Sometimes it can be hard to get back up and try again after failing at something. Failure makes it easy to build up self-doubt that can erode confidence and create a fear factor. Chris said so perfectly, “fear of failure prevents us from taking risks - necessary in all meaning Pursuits. What we need to be learning is that it's okay to fail but it's not okay to quit.” The fear that we encounter is a natural conditioned response by our mind in order to try to protect us. We need to break the instinctive habit of wimping out and not trying again. Drummer and educator, Mike Johnston, would say that we need to practice self-awareness rather than self-doubt. This includes figuring out what has been going wrong and then taking that and figuring out how to make it better and do that.

The last of my favorite lessons from the book was, “It takes as much energy to bag an elephant as it does a mouse.” If you are truly focused, the level of things you can achieve will far surpass those than if you were not. That’s just common sense, but it’s easy to lose focus. Now that I’ve read this book and deeply internalized this point, I’ve realized I have so many distractions in my life and that I try to handle multiple things during the same time when I need to direct my energy into one thing. I’ve realized though, that my greatest distraction has been my phone. It’s easy to jump on that baby and get lost surfing the web when I’m supposed to be working on important tasks. From now on, when there is an important task at hand, I’m going to simply remove my phone from my work space. I want to be efficient. It’s the worst feeling to know that you’ve had the time to get something done, but squandered it on distractions. Anxiety ensues and shit rolls downhill. So, I think it’s time to focus on being focused. “It takes as much energy to bag an elephant as it does a mouse” is something that will now be ringing throughout my head.

[hornak-reflections]

How to Win Friends and Influence People Written by: Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie began as a lecturer of numerous speech classes that covered the conventional speech course curriculum. He realized though, that there wasn’t a course that focused on handling human relationships. A typical speech course where one learns about how to relieve nerves, prevent dry mouth, stop fidgeting, and refrain from nervous filler words such as “um” hardly scratches the surface of developing meaningful relationships with other people. Dale Carnegie filled the void with this book.

When developing relationships we have to remember that humans are complex. Dale wrote, “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.” Read that again.

That quote leads into the rule that encompasses the rest of the principles within the book. That rule is, “People want to feel important.”

The book is structured very well. It is divided into four main sections, and each section is divided up so into a set of principles. Because it is divided up so nicely I can easily summarize the book in a wieldy length, so that’s how the rest of this “reflection” will be written. One comment that I do have to make before I continue, however, is that I have experimented with these principles during my work days as a sales associate at Menards. I must say that the results have been remarkable. My favorite section in the book is, “You Can’t Win an Argument.” I’ve encountered a fair share of unhappy customers at Menards. Some have been unhappy because we don’t carry a product, the service they received wasn’t great, or they had a bad day and are expecting more out of us associates than usual, whatever it is, I’ve found out that if you simply sympathize with that customer, so much tension is released. The results truly boggle my mind. Anyways, without further ado, here is the summary of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

1. Fundamental techniques in handling people

#1 rule: people want to feel important

People just search for justification of actions and get upset or discouraged in response to being rebuked. Abraham Lincoln said, “Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

Principle 1: “don't criticize, condemn, or complain” “instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

Principle 2: “Give honest and sincere appreciation”

All humans have a desire to be important

Principle 3: “Arouse in the other person an eager want” don't focus on yourself. If you want something from someone they will want to receive some sort of benefit.

Henry Ford said, “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own.”

Good way to arouse eager want is to show the person how other people have benefited

 2.  Six ways to make people like you

Principle 1: become genuinely interested in someone

You must genuinely want to befriend and show interest in someone for them to want to be your friend and show an interest in you. Help them with their problems.

“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”

Principle 2: Smile.

“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”

Principle 3: remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Principle 4: “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk to themselves.”

People who are not good listeners are intoxicated with their own egos.

Principle 5: “talk in terms of the other person’s interests”

Principle 6: “Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.”

 3. You can't win an argument

Principle 1: “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”

“You can't win an argument. You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. You'll reason you're trying. And a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

Principle 2: “show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You're wrong.”

Use diplomacy

When at a disagreement listen, control temper, be honest, distrust first instinct, look for areas of agreement, thank for interest and info, and postpone taking action in order to think.

If you wish to prove something, do it subtly

“You will never get in trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.”

Use diplomacy

Principle 3: “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.”

What can the other person say to you if you do so?

Self-condemnation “not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.”

Principle 4: “Begin in a friendly way.”

“A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” -Abe Lincoln

Principle 5: “Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.”

“Asks questions in which the other person would have to agree.”

Principle 6: “let the other person do a great deal of the talking.”

Try to get them to talk about things you know they are proud of

Principle 7: “let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.”

Allow a level of flexibility or customization to the other person.

Let people sell themselves on your product

Principle 8: “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.”

Prepare by thinking what the other person may say

Principle 9: “Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.”

It's very possible that we would think the same way if we were in their situation. Look from their perspective

Principle 10: “appeal to the nobler motives

Make the person feel honest, upright, and fair, and then there is a greater chance they will be.

Principle 11: “dramatize your ideas.”

Create showmanship, visuals are very helpful

Principle 12: “Throw down a challenge.”

“That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes foot races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.”

Remember how Charles Schwab wrote the number of product produced on the floor for the first shift and how the subsequent shifts reacted by trying to outdo the previous shift.

 4. Be a leader: how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

Principle 1: “Begin with praise and honest appreciation.”

It always mitigates the tougher part of what you have to say

Principle 2: “call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.”

Don't praise and then use the word “but” for criticism. Use the word “and.” something like “good job with the painting, and if you keep up the same efforts you will be as good as the older painters soon.

Principle 3: “Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.”

Principle 4: “Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.”

“Do you think this would work?” “You might consider this.” or “Maybe it would work better this way.”

“A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person's pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.”

“Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time- even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.”

Principle 5: “Let the other person save face.”

People make mistakes, but “Even if we are right and the other person is wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.”

Principle 6: “Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in approbation and lavish in your praise.”

“Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.”

Principle 7: “Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.”

Principle 8: “Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.”

All it takes is a little practice to see a little result, and when one embodies this, the results will begin to compound at a great rate. The learner will begin to have fun with improvement.

Principle 9: “Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.”

Dale Carnegie said, “The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you.”

[hornak-reflections]

The Happiness Hypothesis

Written By: Jonathon Haidt

“I am dragged along by a strange new force. Desire and reason are pulling in different directions. I see the right way and approve it, but follow the wrong.” -Publius Ovidius Naso

Haidt’s writing is based upon the feeling depicted within Ovid’s poem above. Haidt believes that there is a separation of mind and body, and if they do not work together the incoherence will create adversity. Haidt creates an effective metaphor to help understand the relationship of mind and body throughout his book.

The comparison is that the mind and body are like a rider on the back of an elephant.  The rider has the reins in his hand, and he can pull the reins in one way or the other and tell him to turn, stop, or go. He can direct things, but only when the elephant doesn't have desires of his own. When the elephant really wants to do something, the rider is no match for him.

The rider is an advisor or servant- conscious controlled thought. The elephant is everything else- gut feelings, visceral reactions, emotions, intuitions that comprise much of the autonomic system.

So how do we overcome the problem of desire and reason pulling in different directions?

Haidt believes that it is possible to redirect the body’s desires. He believes that it is possible by meditation, Prozac, or cognitive therapy.

My favorite method of the group was cognitive therapy. “The mind reacts to bad things more quickly, strongly, and persistently than to equivalent good things.” So in other words, we often distort the bad thoughts.  We have to minimize the negativity. A good exercise to do this is to write down uncensored thoughts every day and then develop alternative or more accurate ways of thinking. Cognitive therapy users will learn to challenge autonomic thoughts and behaviors. Bit by bit, small changes in thought and behavior will grow into a lasting change in outlook and mood; the elephant will be trained.

Haidt talked about many different desires of the elephant, but the one that really stuck out to me was conspicuous consumption. Conspicuous consumption is when people seek out luxuries or delights rather than things that would make them lastingly happier. According to research by Robert Frank, the problem with conspicuous consumption is that material possessions easily lose their value. This happens because many other individuals have the power to outdo our material possessions. Robert Frank worded it, “Each person's move up devalues the possessions of others. We are wired to impress because of natural selection.”

On the other hand, there is inconspicuous consumption. Frank says, “Inconspicuous consumption refers to goods in activities that are valued for themselves, that are usually consumed more privately, and that are not bought for the purpose of achieving status.” If we focus on things that do not gain us any prestige, then we will be able to find peace among others and ourselves. Spending good time with a friend or family, learning about something, going on a road trip; experiences and knowledge are things that can always be cherished no matter what.

[hornak-reflections]

On The Shortness of Life Life Is Long If You Know How To Use It

Written by: Seneca

Translated by: C.D.N. Costa

Take some time right now to audit your days. How much time is actually spent on improving your well-being? How much time is squandered?

For many of you, you will realize that there is much more time squandered than you can be proud of.

Seneca talks a lot about how we are not focused on our own lives enough. It’s not an egocentric thought. I think it’s a theory that’s more prevalent than ever right now actually, given the great advancement in technology, especially the internet. There are so many others out there that want our attention, and with the available platforms, they can be pretty good at grabbing it.

In a world that is now so predominantly saturated with social media and marketing, we deviate from our self-development.

I recently heard a relevant self-guiding principle from someone that I found to be very effective. It’s really a spin-off of Newton’s Third Law put into a convenient language, but it is called “The More, the More Rule.” It goes like this: The more I ( work out ) the more ( body fat I will burn.) In that example, I focused on a positive action and positive outcome. The rule becomes more effective though when speaking of a negative action and negative outcome. For example: The more I ( scroll through Facebook feed ) the more ( time I am losing to workout, read a book, practice my instrument, and the more weight I am gaining, more negativity is being imposed on me, and the more nonsensical trolling I am witnessing. ) Okay, I added some personal taste to that, and it made me feel like I really shouldn’t have wasted that time on Facebook last night or this morning and I should have been doing some more productive things. Don’t be afraid to kick yourself in the butt a bit.

Coupled with distractions comes the yearning of the future, wasting even more time.

“Everyone hustles his life along, and is troubled by a longing for the future and weariness of the present. But the man who spends all his time on his own needs, who organizes everyday as though it were his last, neither longs for nor fears the next day.”

“Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future.”

Many times we get distracted or engage in trivial activities even though we understand that we should be and could be doing other things that have greater importance in our lives.

Here’s an example of this:

Susy really enjoys working out, but she is caught up in watching a Netflix series. She has the time to work out, she knows that it will bring happiness and would be good for her, but she does not budge from her couch because she feels content enough with the show.

Time will pass for Susy, and she will realize that she missed her opportunity to work out. Susy will feel a desire for the future to work out and may experience anxiety.

Many procrastinate and long for the future as if there is an invisible wall that they cannot break through.

If an individual can overcome distractions and take on meaningful and feasible goals, they will be making good use of their time.

We have to remember that time is irreplaceable.

I was recently watching an interview with Warren Buffet, and he explained the dialogue he shared with a man adult about the man’s work life. The man said that he had worked at all of these places that he believed had helped him build a good resume and that he had to work at one more place in order to have the “perfect resume” to work for the employer that he actually wanted to work for. Warren told the man, “Well that sounds a lot to me like saving sex for an old age.”

We have to dive into our desires. Hold regular audits of your days. Be aware that we are mortal.

This book reminded me of the quote at the top of my blog.

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”

–Steve Jobs

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Benjamin Graham on Value Investing

Written By: Janet Lowe

Those who have interest in making their money grow at great rates and in a safe manner must read about Benjamin Graham. In this biography of Benjamin Graham, Janet Lowe gives great insight of how Ben conquers the volatility of the stock market using strict principles of validity.

In the early 1900s Ben and his family moved from England to New York in hopes of maintaining a robust family business. Soon after, Ben’s dad passed away and his mother tried her best to keep the family business running but to no avail. She subsequently started a boarding house that faltered as well and made a large investment into steel which declined 49%. While the family struggled, it made a lasting impression on young Ben and spurred him to investigate ways to become financially sound and help others to do so.

Ben studied hard and became a large success in the stock market. He developed principles that greatly influenced Warren Buffett, who is arguably the world’s greatest investor. Ben was an investor who was imperatively focused on the downsides of investments and unjust market prices. He did not believe in speculation. He sought out companies with a great balance sheet that included low debt and substantial tangible assets, he looked for low price to earnings ratios, and he looked for reliable and fat dividends. The core of his success though, was his emotional discipline. He was patient with his investments, he thought for himself, and he used the silliness of the market to his advantage.

Emotion is the harbinger of failure in investing. Money is something we all work hard for and we do not wish to see it disappear. For this reason, when we begin to lose money we naturally want to jettison our investments to minimize our losses. Money is also something that we always want more of. For this reason when we see others making a lot of money or see an opportunity that could potentially make a lot, we naturally want to get involved in that investment. We become weak and abandon our rationale for investing.

A good investor is one who makes investing rules for himself and lets the rules do the investing.

A good investor is one who scrutinizes the downside of an investment.

Take it from Benjamin Graham- the man who had years of continued success and inspired many of the greatest investors of all time.

[hornak-reflections]

The Pin Drop Principle

Written By: David Lewis & G. Riley Mills

The “Pin Drop Principle” is a book filled with the tools for good communication. The goal of the book is to teach readers how to communicate and engage their audience, so deeply to the point that if a pin were to drop in the presenter’s audience it could be heard. The authors take a unique approach to the book focusing on what actors learn to captivate their audiences. Both authors have been involved in acting and the corporate world and joined together to found a company that gives workshops on how to communicate well. The company has grown respectably and has been awarded many times for its innovation in learning and training.

Some main themes that are pushed throughout the book are: great orators achieve great success only with lots of practice, it is entirely the presenter’s fault if the audience loses interest, and a presenter needs to speak with intention and objective.

You might be thinking what I thought at first, that intention and objective are pretty much the same thing. The way that Lewis and Mills depict these words though is that “objective” means your end goal, or what you want to be the result of your presentation to be, and the “intention” is how you intend on reaching that objective, or eliciting certain feelings from the audience. So a simple objective might be a sales associate with a desire to sell a box of LED light bulbs, and his intention might be to excite, build trust, and reassure his audience in order to reach his objective. If the associate were to only focus on selling the box of LED bulbs, he will most likely come off as that stereotype of a pushy and dishonest salesman who is not that concerned with the wellbeing of the customer.

So how do we convey elicit emotions from our audience? Well, the book goes into great detail of effective methods to do so, but what I have grasped in the big picture is that the audience wants to feel cared for to the point where a relationship is developed with the presenter and to know that the presenter is credible. This must be accomplished with both verbal and nonverbal cues. Nonverbal factors include posture, direction of the torso, eye contact, facial expressions, and gestures. Verbal factors include physical aspects of speech such as pitch, volume, intonation, and then there is the substance that includes ethos, pathos, and logos. Ethos would include speaking with honesty, proving to be reasonable, genuine, and reliable. Pathos embodies an appeal to the audience's emotion such as igniting feelings or being empathetic with the audience. Logos is appeal to logic. This is how the presenter shows support with facts, evidence, and claims that are reasonable and accurate. Now, like I said, the book goes into great detail with all of these factors, but with a focus and troubleshooting of these things, one should be able to develop effective communication.

One really cool practice that was presented within the book is what the authors called a “murder board.” A murder board is a mock presentation in which the audience provides feedback and asks questions that could potentially be presented in a real situation.  The audience helps the presenter to refine answers and to become comfortable with their presentation.  An important point that was stated within this book that Peter Drucker also focuses on in his book “Managing Oneself” is that feedback analysis should be unbiased. Friends are not your friends with feedback analysis. A friend does not want to hurt your feelings. Practice is essential to becoming an effective and confident communicator, and I don’t believe there is a better way to do so than with a murder board.

This book was very well organized and achieved the author’s objective of supplying me with the tools to practice in order to become an effective communicator. The book contains exercises to practice the lessons and is organized in a way that got me engaged more than a majority of the books I have read. Lewis and Mills were great teachers. I learned a lot from this book and would highly recommend it to absolutely anyone.

[hornak-reflections]

Devil At My Heels

By: Louis Zamperini

For those of you have not heard Louis Zamperini’s story, it sure is a great one.

Louis became a very troublesome boy at an early age. He started smoking when he was five, drinking in the third grade, got in a handful of fights, and was a thief around town, just to name some of the mischief he got into. In an effort to avail his little brother, Pete Zamperini persuaded Louis to take up running. Pete imbued the reluctant Louis with the value of hard work. Working hard was a difficult transition to make, but Louis’s early successes created a burning fire of ambition within. Louis won race after race, and eventually qualified for the Olympic Games in Germany at 19 years old.

A few quotes stuck out to me in the book that exemplified Louis’s drive:

“I researched how other runners trained, and I doubled their efforts. When I started to beat them, I knew the simple secret: hard work.”

“Pete gave me some advice that’s stuck with me to this day: ‘Isn’t one minute of pain worth a lifetime of glory?’

Living by these principles, Louis overcame a great deal of vicissitudes. He faced his most difficult challenges during World War II.

On a rescue mission flying over the vast Pacific Ocean, the plane Louis and his colleagues were flying in experienced an engine failure and took a dive in the water. Louis, Phil, and Mac found their ways to the rafts. Immediately Mac burst out with hopelessness, “We’re going to die.” He cried out with negativity over and over. Louis wound up and punched him in the face to put a stop to it. Louis located the chocolate within the rafts and told the men they should receive a piece a day for the next six days. During the first night, Mac, the weak minded team member, ate all of the chocolate.

The men faced dastardly conditions; the sun baked them, they were harassed by circling sharks, there was little rain to quench their thirst, food was difficult to obtain with their single fishing hook, a Japanese Zero fighter plane crossed their path and shot at their raft, and the empty sea was a temptation to lose a man’s mind, and Mac did unfortunately.

Louis and Phil focused, exercised the mind, remained positive, and urged Mac to do the same, but Mac surrendered and passed away on the 33rd day at sea. Louis and Phil survived 47 days at sea before getting scooped up by a Japanese war ship and taken as POWs for two years. They both survived the treacherous conditions with the same mindset and principles.

The last thing that really stuck out to me in Louis’s story that might appear shocking and irrational to many of you is that years down the road, Louis met with all of the guards that had overlooked and treated Louis so terribly as a POW, and he forgave all of them. One might call it a visceral desire. Louis attributes his forgiveness to what he believed was their ignorance though. I’m sure many might think, “How could he do that? Those bastards should rot in hell for treating him so horribly as a POW.” I have played this scenario through my head time and time again though, and I do find it hard to deny that those guards could be called ignorant. So often there’s more than meets the eye and I think that’s something to be cognizant about.

If you do not read the book, at least watch the movie “Unbroken.” It’s a very well-made recreation of Louis’s story.